part0008

The first thing I’d like to say is congratulations. In fact, this is our very first action item of the book. Put the book down and give yourself a hug. Even if you’re in a public place. Tell yourself, “Nice job.” Now say it again. Nice job. This book is a celebration of your decision to quit drinking, and please remember this throughout the entire process of reading this book. Fantastic job, because you’ve listened to your body and you’re investing time into yourself to embark upon perhaps the most important journey you’ll ever take in life. Sure, this can be challenging, but you’ve made it further than most by simply showing up and reading this book. Now allow me to personally tell you, nice job! In addition, you’re not alone. This path can feel lonely at times, but don’t forget I’m with you. You’re going to be just fine. Trust me.

First off, I’d like to thank my parents, Molly and Perry, my brother Mark and countless others for helping me get here. It took a lot of hands on deck to get me to a point where I could write this book. I’d also like to thank my Standard Poodle, Ben, who kept me around long enough to quit drinking. There were several moments I didn’t think I’d make it, and I even once acted on that thought, but my supportive family, friends and Ben got me through it. Looking back, it all served a purpose and I’m incredibly thankful for the journey. I made it. And so will you.

I knew I had to write this book the moment I said I could never write a book. In June of 2018, I went to a blogging conference in Boise, Idaho where I attended a book writing workshop. Me, write a book? No way. I’m not exactly a wordsmith, which is why I went the podcast route. In fact, in 2011, I misspelled the word “grammar” in a shared calendar at work and I never heard the end of it. It read, “Paul out of office to attend a grammer workshop.” No joke.

Fear—we all experience it at some time. Some much more often than others. Part of my motivation in writing this book is to overcome fear, proving to myself I can do this. However, the main point is to talk about the most pressing issue of our time: addiction. This must be talked about. Too many people struggle with alcohol, and due to the stigma surrounding addiction, most people reach their most acute moments of pain before reaching out for help, and sometimes, it’s too late. I am not okay with this. In this book I will challenge conventional treatment methods, share what worked for me, and provide ideas on how to treat alcoholism and addiction moving forward. Not everyone will agree with these concepts. In fact, some will feel compelled to let me know how they feel, and that’s fine. Moving into an alcohol free (AF) life is not black and white, and I intend to cover several different approaches. In this book, I plan to answer the hundreds of questions that listeners have submitted to me over the years. Especially the most critical question, “Do I have a drinking problem or am I an alcoholic…?”

This book will be one-third informational, one-third personal experience and one-third how-to. I’ve included some of my story for real-life examples of where these concepts unfolded in my journey. Of course, I’d like to think my story is special, or unique, but it’s not. Everyone’s story has different details, dates and locations, but after interviewing over 250 people on the Recovery Elevator podcast, most stories are strikingly similar. Having said that, from this moment on, I want you to focus on the similarities and not the differences. The mind will do its best to convince you that you don’t have anything in common with a guy who has a Standard Poodle named Ben and whose favorite band is Third Eye Blind. Be aware of this trap that the mind can set.

Let’s cover some basics on how to read this book. First piece of advice: relax. Nothing is under control and that’s a good thing. Take your control throttle from level ten and gently ease it down a few gears. If you let it, the body will do most of the healing and work during this journey. It will tell you exactly what to do. It already has—you’re reading this book. This may sound strange, but you can’t think yourself out of this predicament, because you’re relying on the same brain that thought yourself into this dilemma. I know, it’s a mind fuck, but stick with me. I should, fingers crossed, be able to tie this all together in the coming pages.

Do not, at any moment while reading this book, take yourself too seriously. Smiles and laughter are powerful tools in this journey, which is why I will be starting off each chapter with a “you might need to ditch the booze if…” line. It’s imperative that you make room for smiles and create lightheartedness.

It’s also crucial that you be willing to step outside your comfort zone during the reading of this book. You’ve already flexed those muscles by picking it up. Nice job. I can assure you, the amazing life that awaits is located outside of your comfort zone. I stepped outside my comfort zone when I quit drinking on September 7th, 2014, and then catapulted myself even further outside the comfort zone when I launched the Recovery Elevator podcast on February 25th, 2015. It was not easy. I had trouble sleeping for three months after I launched the podcast. I would lay awake at night and say, “Oh fuck, what have I done? I just came out to the world about my struggles with alcohol.” I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the best decision I could have made.

For some, this may be a challenge. For others, not as much and it can even be enjoyable. For some, the word “challenge” may be the understatement of a lifetime, but as I mentioned earlier, this is most important journey you’ll ever embark upon so no matter how hard it gets, I want you to promise me you won’t quit. And most likely, the hardest part, the emotional muck that alcohol dragged you through is already behind you.

This book may stir up unpleasant feelings. The most powerful pharmacy on the planet is found in your brain and at times, it may kick up uncomfortable emotions trying to convince you that an AF life isn’t what the doctor ordered. I’ll show you how to use this pharmacy in your favor. While reading this book, do me a favor and don’t attach yourself to an emotion, label, identity or outcome. I’m not lying when I say an incredible life awaits you, but at this moment, I want you to be present here and now .

You’re going to read some unnerving stats about alcohol and addiction. The point is to inform, and not motivate you to make changes based on fear. Fear-based changes, which are always made on willpower, don’t last long.

In this book, you’ll slowly start to get memos past the analytical part of the brain to the subconscious part that runs 95% of the show.

I encourage you to reread this book when you’re at a different spot in your journey. You may be reading this during the “Dr. Google” information collecting phase, or you may be approaching Zen master level 10 status with ample time beyond your last drink. Wherever you are is right where you need to be, which is right here in this moment.

By simply reading this book, you will become more knowledgeable about alcohol, addiction, and how to quit drinking, but I strongly recommend you “saddle up” and explore the action items at the end of the chapters and segments. Read this book with a friend and work through the “saddle up” discussions and actions items together. I encourage you to read this book with a notebook, pen and highlighter. Perhaps even with a box of tissues nearby. You may purge emotions while reading this book and you should begin to feel lighter the further you read. What you get out of this book will mirror the level of attention and effort you put into it.

While reading, you’ll encounter the phrase “normal drinker”—someone who doesn’t struggle with alcohol. Now keep in mind, the distinction between a normal drinker and someone addicted to alcohol is foggy. In fact, I’m not fully convinced there is such thing as a normal drinker. It just depends where you currently are on the risk scale, which I’ll describe later.

Don’t worry about the word alcoholic. I’ve officially broken up with the word several times. I’ve done it officially on the podcast twice: Episodes 75 and 159. I feel the word alcoholic fuels the stigma surrounding alcoholism, and a focal point of writing this book is to help eradicate the stereotypes this label carries. Of course, when attending a 12 Step meeting I say, “Hi, my name is Paul, I’m an alcoholic,” out of respect for the program, and I may refer to myself or someone else in this book as an alcoholic, but I think it’s time we start using a new set of words to describe addiction and recovery. I’ll be using the word alcoholism to reference the disease of addiction (I’ll address the disease model later). You’ll also encounter the acronym AUD, which stands for alcohol use disorder. I also reference someone who struggles with alcohol as someone with enhanced dopamine receptors or EDR.

Who am I? Let me be clear. I’m not a doctor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, clinician, dietician, respiratory therapist, biomedical scientist, oncologist, or paranormal investigator. I’m just a guy with a giant red poodle who listened to his body and quit drinking the most dangerous drug on the planet: alcohol. I became curious about what addiction is and how to move forward in life without alcohol. I started doing research and interviewing people who had also quit drinking. My goal in this book is to share everything I’ve learned with the reader and to empower you on this journey. I’ve yet to meet someone who is too far gone. Not even close. Everyone has the capacity to ditch the booze and heal parts of the personality that resorts to alcohol when life gets cumbersome.

I want this book to be lighthearted and fun, but I also want it to be real. Addiction is a bitch… and can be a matter of life and death. We aren’t truly living while under the influence and we certainly aren’t living life to the fullest when numbed by alcohol. This book isn’t about staying away from alcohol but returning to a joyful life where alcohol is no longer needed. Where we can authentically be present and enjoy social situations without a cocktail in our hands.

This book, like all, has a beginning and an end, but they aren’t located in the customary locations.

☐ Give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the back, and tell yourself nice job for reading this book. Remind yourself you have the courage to continue reading and to explore a life without alcohol. This isn’t punishment, but a celebration of a new chapter in life.