Chapter Eleven

Waves

 

 

 

Who knew joeys could swim? Or, at least, swim so well. Opossum fur was different from otter fur, though, so chances to let the pups swim out in the lake with them and Sammy would dwindle as the weather cooled further. Until then, they would all swim every chance they got.

Melia’s and Livy’s little noses and ear twitches helped settle Haru’s confused emotions as they watched the joeys paddle in the shallow end of the lake near their den. Jackson, however, seemed to be ready to create trouble. He ran from the edge of the rocks and splashed into the water, a small spray of droplets covering his sisters. The girls sneezed at their brother before scrambling to the banks.

Deep satisfaction weaved through them as Amelia jumped off the outcropping of rocks and bobbed right back up, chirping at Haru. Her tiny paws kicked furiously underneath the water.

Haru glided over to their girl. Nose. Nose. Good job, little girl. They twisted and turned through the water, though Melia never went under. None of the joeys wanted to. They liked jumps and paddles. Mainly jumps off Haru, though. Good thing they had core strength.

Another chirp came from their left. Olivia and Jackson cut a line straight toward their way, little heads lifted out of the water. Sammy was right behind them, nosing Livy when she turned the wrong way. Haru turned over, chirping at their pups. They pulled a couple of claws through their fur, cleaning. They should be fine for a ride.

Up the joeys came, all three of them tussling each other for the best spot—which was apparently right in Haru’s face. Not surprisingly, Amelia won out. She tucked her nose right under Haru’s chin. Sammy floated nearby, watching, humming at the pups as they floated across the lake. It was a good day for floats. Livy dove off Haru and climbed up on Sammy’s back, giving one of those sneeze-chirps the joeys did. It sounded triumphant.

Jackson sneezed, repositioning on Haru. Suspecting their son would dive off after his sister, Haru wrapped a paw around Amelia. Their brother could send Haru or Sammy spinning off in various directions with his jumps. Physics was his friend and their enemy, especially when the odds were three to two.

The jump sent Haru spiraling toward the shore. Rocks and some cottontails slowed their progress. Haru let out a bark of surprise, but quickly grabbed one of the stiff stalks to steady themself and Melia. She sneezed and slid off them into the water. Her little nose worked a mile a minute as she sniffed the new surroundings with a curiosity only a pup could have. Amelia bit several stalks, sneezing and spitting little chunks each time.

By the shore, the cottontails thickened so Haru herded Melia away, toward deeper water and less dense vegetation. Except she had to be contrary, like most pups, and paddled off to something arching in and out of the water instead. She bit into it, but instead of spitting it right back out, she kept chewing. Why must they bite everything? It sounded squishy.

What is in her mouth? It didn’t look…natural. Didn’t sound natural either.

Haru shot over to her and pulled the black squishy out of her mouth. They pawed at her. She sneezed then moved away, giving Haru a better look. The coil of black connected to something shiny. Amelia climbed up onto their back, little claws pulling their fur, then started hacking. The distressed coughing struck fear into Haru, their heart hammering away. Thoughts whirled into pictures of horrific imagery. They called for Sammy.

“Hah! Hah!”

Several barks echoed over the lake, followed up by a series of sneeze-chirps.

The shiny was a metal can, about the same size as Haru. One with dead bugs on it.

Dead bugs? As in exterminated bugs? What would that type of canister be doing in the lake? In fact, the smell around its silver tube was off.

Poison.

The more human thought jarred Haru so hard he almost humaned. Instead he whipped around and paddled away from the cottontails—into the open water. Haru barked at Sammy and the pups, and she turned, pulling the joeys with her. Melia’s distressed coughs began to get wheezy.

Sammy nosed their side. Pat. Pat. Haru took her assurance then shot toward the south side of the lake. Water split in front of them as they swam toward the house. Determined, Haru barely broke stride as they surfaced by the patio. They pulled Amelia off and humaned, then cradled their little girl as they sprinted into the house.

The mudroom and kitchen flashed in and out of existence as Haru plowed their way to where Tally’s scent was the strongest.

“Tally! Tally! Argaze!” Haru bellowed as they cradled their daughter. “A Tabib! Now!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Poison!” they hissed out. “The lake! We need a Tabib! Now!”

“What?” Two hands grabbed their shoulders. “What poisssson?”

“Yes, Mr. Bastille. What poison?”

The strange voice made Haru startle and their daughter go limp. “No!”

“Is your husband all right, Tally?” Sheriff Amick stood in their front room with the deputy cat Kincaid flanking him.

“Perfectly, Sssheriff.” Tally tried pulling Haru close. “Haru, sssshe’s just playing opossum.”

“Then why is he running around naked with a rat?”

“She is not a rat!” Haru snapped, turning on the sheriff. They winced as the implications of the sheriff being there sank in. So Haru did what they did best, an offensive defense. They stood, perfectly posed and displayed for viewing. “Why are you in my house? How I dress in the privacy of my own home is none of your business.”

“Mom! Robe! Towels!” Tally yelled out the front room doorway. “Lahi, call the Blue Hollys. Ask them to send Ted if they can!”

“Mr. Bastille. I think we have more important matters at hand than a drowned rat,” the sheriff continued.

“She is not a rat!” Haru snapped again.

“Sir, I think if we let the Bastilles take care of the opossum first, we might be able to get better answers once they’re done,” Deputy Kincaid said. Her lips were turned down, looking on with squint.

“Fine.”

“Tally? Haru?” Bastille-okaasan said as she swept into the room. “What is the—oh! Oh! The poor girl!” She tossed the robe at Haru and plucked Amelia out of his arms. “Lahi! Call the Blue Hollys!”

“There is some kind of extermination canister in the lake,” Haru explained after her. “She mouthed the hose!”

“You take care of that, Sheriff!” Bastille-okaasan shot back. “I got her.”

“You are certainly passionate about your animals, Mr. Bastille,” the sheriff said from behind Haru.

“Of course, all living beings are to be respected,” they answered as they tugged on the robe and tied it up.

“May I ask why you were swimming naked in the lake with an opossum? Get your rocks off that way?”

The conceit in the sheriff’s voice was too much. The man was an eyesore and causing complications every which way. Too bad he was human. Haru turned on Sheriff Amick, ready to eviscerate him. Slowly. Painfully. Tally and Deputy Kincaid stiffened, the deputy edging closer to her boss.

“Cold swims are good for the health. We— I enjoy the refreshing feeling of a brisk swim. Have you not a Polar Bear Club here in Wadiswan?”

“We do,” the sheriff answered. His caterpillar-like eyebrows quivered for a few seconds.

Haru straightened their shoulders and pushed them back. “I found the opossum while swimming. Well, then, why are you here, Sheriff Amick?”

“We would like to bring Tally in for some more questioning.”

“Why?”

The sheriff looked confused, eyebrows vibrating. Maybe they would fly off? Insta-metamorphose into moths?

“Why are you bringing my husband in for questioning?”

“The evidence—”

“Is circumstantial.”

“We have a witness—”

“Someone was in our bedroom during our engagement party?” Haru pushed on, stalking closer to the Sheriff.

“Mr. Bastille, would you please restrain your husband?” Sheriff Amick asked as he recoiled.

“My husband needs no restraints.”

“I meant you.”

Haru smiled, crossed their arms, and leaned in. “I think the more important matter here is that someone is trying to poison my family, Sheriff Amick.”

Deputy Kincaid pulled on her boss’s arm. “You said something about a canister, Mr. Bastille?”

“One of those large silver extermination canisters is sunk in our lake, leaking its poison everywhere. Do you know how harmful that is to people and wildlife?”

“Was there any kind of markings on the canister?” Kincaid-san asked, her voice rumbly and rough. “Like a red termite on its back?”

“I…do not know. I was rather flustered.”

Tally hugged Haru close, burying them against his side. He kissed Haru’s temple. “You think it’s one of Ed’s?”

The deputy shrugged, but the comment made Haru glance over at their husband.

“His truck was here the night of the flash. Parked over on the west side with the crew who set up our fireworks.” Tally frowned. “Those pesticides have all kinds of nasty chemicals.”

Deputy Kincaid nodded. “Why don’t you show us where this was?”

“But—” Their girl. Haru needed to check on her in the worst way.

“I’m sure Tally can show us, Mr. Bastille. Check on your opossum,” Deputy Kincaid said as she passed him, her chest rumbling in warning. Someone was being a hissy cat. “Sir, should we get a crew out here to collect the canister?”

“It’s possible evidence,” Sheriff Amick answered, but he went for his phone. “That’s been compromised by rats and—”

“Finish that ssssentence, Sssheriff,” Tally hissed out. One hand went into his suit pocket and came out with a stone. It weaved through his fingers with a practiced ease. It was one of the ones Haru had presented him. “Please, so I can file a complaint with the county.”

The stocky sheriff growled out, “Show us the way, Mr. Bastille.”

Tally gathered up Haru in his arms and pressed their foreheads together. “Little girl is fine. Mom’s got her. I’ll call you when they need to retrieve the canister if we can’t see it.”

“Okay.”

There was a quick press of lips against Haru’s, heat and comfort, before Tally stepped away. “Sounds like a car’s coming up the drive. Best let the Blue Hollys in, though it’s probably just Ted.”

“Sure.”

“This way, Sheriff, Deputy.”

Haru stood in the front room, momentarily at a loss, the havoc of the afternoon catching up with them. A solid knock on the front door snapped them out of their stupor, though, and they threw the door open.

“Uruma Bastille?”

The second eldest Blue Holly child was staring at them with a disturbing intensity, so Haru looked down. The robe clung indecently, their chest exposed, completely soaked. Not the best way to present themself to the Blue Hollys. These were extenuating circumstances, however.

“Excuse me.” They pulled on the robe’s lapels. “This way, please.” Haru swung around and headed to the back of the house, scenting for Lahi and Bastille-okaasan. They found the family huddled over a towel in Tally’s office. “It is Amelia.”

“She playing opossum?”

Haru did not laugh, but their mouth went rigid.

“Right, so what happened?” Ted knelt down next to her and opened his bag. He pulled out a stethoscope and several bottles, listening with one ear to Haru’s explanation while assessing Amelia with his hands. “You know opossums are immune to most venoms and poisons, right?”

“No.”

“Well, they are. It’s why Ed was in the extermination business. They aren’t completely invulnerable. Our human side. Enough poison could kill them too, it’d just take a lot more. Most likely our little Amelia here has a bit of the tubing stuck. Luckily it’s not blocking anything too bad.”

“Should she human?”

“No, don’t know what’ll happen during the Sahnkes.”

“Ah.”

Ted picked Melia up with one of his huge paws, rumbling a soft tune as he did so. “Let’s get you on the desk so I can get a better look at you.”

With extreme care, Ted put her on the desk, then pulled out a pen light. Amelia was alert now and holding as still as she could. Her coughs made it hard, because her tiny body shook violently with each one. Ted pet over her head and scratched behind her ears. She sneezed then coughed again. Haru’s heart squeezed hard as they stood next to her, one hand over her rump in comfort.

“Poor little opossum,” Ted crooned as he petted her. “Doesn’t feel good, does it?”

Amelia’s head wobbled.

“Can you open up?”

Soon her tiny, pointed teeth were on full display.

“Good, now you’re going to feel some pressure when I place the tongue depressor down. I need you to try and hold still.”

Amelia’s little back rose and fell rapidly, but she held her head still.

“There. I think I can tweezer it.” Ted held his hand open and tweezers plopped down into it.

Bastille-okaasan nodded. “Won’t be the first or last time a young lijun nibbled on something they shouldn’t.”

“Got it!” Ted crowed as Amelia coughed hard enough her bottom slammed back into Haru’s hand. “Oh, yes, go to Uma.”

Amelia clawed at the cuff of their robe, and Haru immediately cuddled her close. “You scared me.”

Opossum kisses showered their face as she nosed them.

“Never going to leave you, little girl. Never.”

Several chirps followed their declaration and she pressed up against their face.

“Love you, little girl.”

Ted coughed, interrupting Haru’s finicking over Melia. He held up a glass bottle. Golden liquid sloshed about as he shook it.

“I’ve got a honey mix that should feel good on her throat. Fred does a good job with growing our supplies and helping with the tonics. Should I leave it here or the kitchen?”

“Why don’t you— Oh, now what?” Bastille-okaasan said as the phone rang. “Bastille residence. Oh, yes, Sheriff. Of course.” She hit the mute. “Sheriff wants you, Haru, dear. Now, don’t you frown at me. Lahi and I will warm your girl up and shower her with cuddles. Sammy already has the others down in the entertainment room. They’re probably wanting to know how their sister is. Poor pups. But you might want some pants if you’re going back outside.”

“Or swimming trunks,” Lahi added with a smile. “What? The sheriff can’t swim if his life depends on it.”

“You too, Ted. Let’s make sure everyone is okay.”

Not only did Lahi and Bastille-okaasan vacate the room in under five seconds flat, Ted wasn’t far behind them, even with having to clean up his supplies. Haru stared after Bastille-okaasan. Woman just stole their pup. No qualms about it or anything. The phone rang again, jolting Haru into action and getting dressed. They did consider going back out in their robe, but that would make Tally look bad. Last thing they wanted was to give the hateful sheriff more ammunition to use against the clan. By the time they got down by the shore, there was a crew of people swarming the property—gloves and all.

“There you are!” Tally pulled Haru into him again. “Everyone okay?”

“Yes, please, do tell us if the rat’s all right.”

Tally’s arms tightened around Haru. “Don’t.”

“But—”

“He’s the sheriff.”

“She is not a rat.”

Tally petted Haru’s back and placed a kiss against their temple. “I know.”

“The opossum is fine. Your mother and Lahi are with her.”

“Good.” Tally turned toward the lake. “Think you can pick out the spot you found the canister?”

“Yes.” From the lake it’d be easier. Not like they could otter out in front of present company, unfortunately. “This way.”

Haru led the sheriff and his department up the shore, doing their best to sniff discreetly. Now that they knew the smell, they could try to scent it. Tally caught it first, though, cringing and hissing as he shook his head.

“Problems, Mr. Bastille?” one of the other deputies asked.

“No. No. Just…wish Ed was still here.”

“Yes,” Haru agreed but had to fight against the urge to say ‘no’. If Ed were here, the pups would still have their dad and Haru wouldn’t have their responsibility to the kids. Now the Cohens were theirs. What kind of asshole did that make them?

Deputy Kincaid’s head went back a fraction and her nostrils flared. “It is a loss to everyone.”

“Here.” Haru pointed out over the lake.

Everyone lined up on the shore, overlooking the still blue waters. Sheriff Amick shouldered his way up next to Haru and Tally, those caterpillar eyebrows of his working hard to lift off. The urge to pull on one of those huge strands had to be squashed down as Haru pointed out the canister.

Some young kid who had to be older than he looked got sent out to fight the cottontails to retrieve the canister. Low man on the pay scale. He swore, tripped and face-planted in the mud a couple times, before pulling on a pair of latex gloves and finally wrangling the canister out of the water. Two of the other deputies exchanged a look and some money.

Poor kid.

A bright red logo was emblazoned on the silver canister—a dead termite.

Deputy Kincaid growled. “That’s Ed’s all right. We should get some soil and water samples. Just in case.”

“What does that mean?” Haru asked.

When she looked at Haru, her eyes had slitted. “It means your husband isn’t getting pulled in just yet.”

Suddenly everything went wobbly, Haru’s chest no longer heavy, an impossible weight no longer crushing them.

“But don’t go anywhere, okay, Tally?”

“For Gods’ sakes, Melissa, you guys need to stop saying that.” Tally huffed in ill-contained frustration. “My family, my life, my responsibilities are here. Where the hell would I go?”

“Simmer down, Mr. Bastille,” Sheriff Amick cut in. “We need to process this and I’d like you to come down for a full set of prints, just in case.”

“Of course. I’ll be in this afternoon.”

And just like that, the boulder was bearing down on Haru again. Weird how they didn’t want Tally to be the murderer. They never had, really, but the desire for Tally to be innocent meant a lot more to Haru than they wanted to admit, even to themself.

 

* * * *

 

The family was snuggled together, in human form, on the couch. All of them. The joeys, Haru and Tally. Movie on the television, fire in the fireplace, lights off. The kids had wanted both of them for cuddles as they watched their latest obsession—Totoro. Haru wasn’t about to deny them. It had been a trying couple days. Strange too. A familiar movie should’ve settled their nerves. But the close proximity to Tally, in human form yet again, also made Haru acutely aware of him.

Unlike Haru who radiated heat like a furnace, Tally was cool to the touch. Not cold, like when someone suffered hypothermia, but cool like the hands of someone lacking good circulation. They wondered if Tally understood whose hands were holding whose. Haru glanced over Jackson’s head and saw Tally watching them, not the movie.

So he was aware.

There was a squeeze before Tally let go, moving to ruffle Jackson’s hair. Their boy glanced at Tally long enough to smile before focusing back on Totoro and roaring as Mei roared. They might have watched the movie a lot recently. Good thing Haru had a soft spot for it. They could understand why the joeys identified with the girls from Totoro so much.

Amelia leaned into Haru’s side, nuzzling.

“How is your throat feeling, little girl?”

“M’kay.”

“Any soreness?”

“No, Uma.” She paused then tilted her head back to lock eyes with them. “You my Uma now, yes?”

The words and question thrown at Haru in her soft, quiet whisper made their voice disappear.

Amelia pressed hard against them, trembling ever so slightly.

Tally spoke for him. “Yes, Haru’s your Uma. He loves all of you very much.”

“Do you love us, Usar?” Jackson asked, tearing his gaze away from the screen. His little fingers dug into Tally’s thigh, betraying how much the answer mattered to him. “Do you want us?”

Tally hugged Jackson close, tucking his head just under his chin. “I love you, to Pluto and back. I hope we stay a family for a long, long time.”

“Me too.” Jackson rubbed noses with Tally then slid back down to his spot between them on the couch. Life problems solved in two seconds flat, their boy content to watch the movie again.

When was life ever so easy? Problems didn’t just disappear because one said so. Was it really as simple as saying ‘Don’t worry, you will be loved’? To the children it seemed to be enough. The pups accepted Tally at his word. Could they? If Haru trusted Tally’s promises, would their heart be held ever so gently too?

The pups made it look so easy. But they were young. Complications had been thrown at them. First their mother, then their father, but those years with their parents had shaped them. They’d had years filled with love.

Sammy had told Haru the Bastille household was a good one. They knew it was offered as reassurance, because of the chaos in the household. She had known how they felt in a holt with snakes. The right words had come out of her mouth, though Haru had questioned them. That all the kids were loved and would give love in return.

Had Tally been like Jackson as a child? Boundless with energy. Inquisitive. Loving unconditionally. Accepting of life.

Then why did his Argaze carry a worry stone? In some ways, being the Sardu had to have its own kind of complications, restrictions just as a Satislit did.

Haru cast their gaze across the children to Tally, who was watching the screen along with the pups. A large, warm smile curved his lips and turned his fierce but handsome features soft and welcoming. Haru could almost see the little boy buried beneath the humongous body. Their heart jumped, catching Haru’s breath and stealing it. Such an unfair thought to have, wedging sympathy into their heart. It infuriated Haru in a way. Softening against the man who’d bought them.

A motion caught Haru’s attention, pulling them away from their morose wallowing. Tally was turning something in his hand—the one stretched away from them, settled on the arm of the couch. It took a moment for Haru to place the movements. The motions were Tally’s fingers weaving the worry stone between them.

Here the two of them were, sitting in front of a Tally-size flat-screen, snuggled with the pups, and he was worried? What did he have to worry about right now? Even Tally couldn’t let the troubles and the problems Ed’s death had started bother him all the time, could he?

“Something wrong?”

“Hmm?” Haru answered, caught off guard when Tally looked over. “Ah, thinking maybe the mudroom should have a space for robes. In case of any future unexpected guests.”

“Yes, that was…different.”

“Quite. Glad that nasty business is over and done with.” For now. They’d know more when the fingerprints came back. Haru had a moment of panic when they considered the prints might be Tally’s, then pushed it away. The idea of the murderer being Tally no longer made sense to them. Not after the way Tally had been with the pups and them. Unfortunately that meant someone else was going around killing people.

That scared Haru more. How would they protect the joeys properly? The lake was already out of bounds until it got treated properly, leaving Haru without a refuge. How much did that suck? Not being able to otter probably.

Haru sighed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tally’s fingertips slid over Haru’s hand in the barest of touches. “Tired?”

“Only a little.”

“The pups certainly seemed tuckered out.”

“Mmm. Yes.” Amelia and Olivia had cuddled up, holding each other. Jackson snored away against Tally, little fingers clinging to his shirt. The great debate was if they should move the pups upstairs or not.

“Let them sleep a little longer. We’ll see if they wake up when the movie ends.”

Nodding, Haru yawned then agreed. “Sounds like a plan.”

Resettling next to the joeys, Haru found the warmth and snuggles relaxing, and made them more than a little sleepy themself. In fact, it was hard to keep from yawning or keep their eyes open. Haru stopped trying to fight the motions and let them happen, their eyes watering. The screen blurred as they listened to the breathing of their pups and Tally.

But then those sweet noises were gone.

Haru blinked, then rubbed their eyes. The title menu for the movie was on the screen. Music played softly in the background. There was a slight chill in the air, the pups and Tally gone. It took a confused minute for Haru’s brain to catch up and realize that their Argaze had probably taken the children up to bed.

It was too warm to move. The fire crackled, the wood’s red coals glowing brightly in the darkened room. Though they supposed they should get up to bed. Who knew when the joeys would wake up?

After a nice long stretch, Haru pushed the blanket—when had that gotten there?—off. They folded it carefully before settling it over the arm of the couch. It looked to be handmade. Something Nan had knitted, perhaps? She always had a bag with yarn, and needles or a hook, with her.

Haru shut off the entertainment system, temporarily throwing themself into darkness. As soon as their eyes adjusted enough, Haru followed the wall around to the stairs. When their hand touched one of the door jambs, though, they stopped. Haru hadn’t exactly spent a lot of time exploring the house. Probably because they spent most of their time avoiding it. But they had snuck peeks when Tally and the kids were down here…because.

Whenever they disappeared into this room, Haru couldn’t hear what their pups were doing.

Time to find out what the secret hideout was.

As soon as the door swung open, Haru reached for the lights.

“No way.” Talk about ridiculousness. A recording studio? “Is there anything this house doesn’t have?”

“Elevators.”

Haru jumped, hitting one of the drums and nearly knocking it over.

“But I’m seriously considering having that remedied.”

“Tally!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, I—I was not scared. Just surprised.” There had been lots of surprises since moving in—the way Tally was with the pups, the space he’d given Haru. The Harvest Festival had certainly put their Argaze in a new light for them too. Haru just didn’t know what to do with the feelings. That was the trouble.

After a few hesitant steps, Tally joined Haru in the studio. “I was on my way back for you.”

“Going to carry me up to bed like a prince?”

“Heh. Something like that.”

“I didn’t think you played,” Haru replied, motioning to the room instead of the flirting. Was it flirting?

“I don’t.” Tally shrugged. “But Lahi can learn to play any instrument she gets her hand on.”

“That is a lucky talent to have.”

Tally nodded, fiddling with the tuners on one of her guitars. There were a lot of guitars. Not to mention drums, basses, horns, a piano. Haru should’ve been playing his biwa down here instead of their room. Dear Gods. Haru knew the Bastilles were rich, but every once in a while it struck them dumb. The family was always so down to earth that they’d forget.

“You realize this kind of money is obscene, yes?” Haru asked as they glanced around Lahi’s studio again.

“A little, yeah.”

“What some people would give to live in this kind of opulence.”

“Also true. Greed has darkened many spirits. Wilted them,” Tally said as he picked up one of the guitars then put it back down. Fidgeting. “Our holdings have created conflict, but they’ve also brought opportunities to the clan. Helped create jobs. Helped keep lijun safe. The clan safe. Not that everyone’s good with people like us Bastilles having that much influence.”

“Because you are uktena?”

“That too, but here in the US it’s also because of the color of my skin. Who I am.”

“Ah.”

Tally sat on a stool, dwarfing it. “It is what it is. We do the best we can. Help where we can. Make connections to strengthen the integrity of the system.”

“Is that why you were in Nippon?” Haru asked. They pressed their face against the glass and checked out the engineering station. The recording equipment looked professional grade, not that they would know, but it was certainly better than what their school had provided for the music club. “To expand?”

“Yes,” Tally said with a bit of a smile. “The resorts here in Wadiswan are home base. We have more—Central America, Brazil, a few places in Europe, Australia. Different family members and staff help with the operation. I’ve been wanting to expand into Africa and Asia for a while, but the timing has never been quite right until the last year or so.”

“Is Antarctica next?”

“No, too cold for snakes.”

Haru laugh-snorted at the seriousness at which Tally answered, but their Argaze’s gaze was shining with amusement, the laugh lines around his eyes deep and crinkled. “Not too cold for otters, I think.”

“Hmm. Maybe I should look into it. Why let the scientists have all the fun?”

“Very true.”

Silence lulled between them. The awkwardness from before gone. Something different in between them now. Haru wasn’t sure what it was, wasn’t sure they wanted to name it. The feeling felt akin to friendship. But the idea of liking their jailer scared Haru. How could they take such a leap of faith? Hope had only crushed and bloodied their spirit before.

To keep from nervously sharing more information than they felt comfortable with, Haru began studying the instruments littering the studio. Lahi had really made herself an extravagant setup down here. For all this work to have been done…she had to be recorded? In fact, were those records on the wall hers? Haru moved around the different guitars and drums to get a closer look.

“Haru, how about we— Shit.”

A biwa sat on display, it’s pear-shaped body quite out in the open and hard to ignore. Haru had been too focused on the rest of the room to notice before. The deep red color was a sharp contrast to the inlay across the widest part of the body. And the inlay. That must’ve cost Tally a fortune.

Not to mention the chû. What those frets cost—Haru was unable to control themself. They picked up the biwa, cradling it, staring at this beautiful piece of art. Why had no one told them it was here? He turned to Tally, questioning, needing answers. Confused.

“Is…is this for me?”

Tally stood, his cheeks darkened with rosy undertones, his shoulders hunching. “It is.”

“Then why haven’t you given it to me?”

“I—uh, it was supposed to be your wedding present from me, but…things happened.”

Many things.

“Then I thought maybe you might not like to play…so it just stayed down here until I had the time to figure out what to do with it.” Tally backed against the glass. He looked away and shrugged. “They made you, right? Play, I mean.”

“Yes.”

“So, I figured it was better not to give it to you.”

Haru dropped down to the floor, holding the biwa, frowning at it. The familiar weight helped calm the storm of emotions crashing through their chest.

“You were forced,” Tally said quietly. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you hate.”

“Hate?” Haru asked.

“You do hate playing, don’t you? I mean…you play for the joeys, but your clan forced you to learn.” Tally’s gaze was steadfast on the wall and not Haru, his body had coiled in on itself. It felt like there were two conversations going on, but Haru didn’t know what the other half of it was.

“I do not hate the biwa,” they answered, still trying to figure out why Tally was so upset all of a sudden.

“How can you not?”

“It is a part of me. The music speaks to me.”

“Even though you were forced?”

Haru frowned, unsure of what Tally was asking. “I cannot separate it from me. Just as I cannot separate being Satislit, or how I was raised. Playing the biwa soothes me. Gives me peace. I do not know… I do not know how to hate the biwa. It has always been a part of me. It would be hating myself?”

“Even though you were never given a choice?” Tally’s chest jerked as he hiccupped.

“I…” The answer felt important. Haru held the biwa close to them and looked at it, trying to see the instrument through Tally’s eyes. An instrument forced upon them. “I—I do not think I will ever know if I love playing the biwa because I chose it to play over the other instruments or if it was because I had no choice. I have always played. We will never know if it is because of how I was raised, or because I fell in love with it despite being forced. It is a conundrum with no answer. We will never know because I was not raised with a choice.”

“Oh.”

The barely audible gasp sounded painful. Haru frowned again. Apparently the answer had been wrong.

“I apologize, Argaze.” Should they bow?

“No, please don’t. Don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I have upset you, after such a nice evening too.” Haru did not like the guilt weighing against their heart. “We are talking about the biwa, yes?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Tally slumped, sliding down the wall.

“Kinda? What does this mean?”

“It’s nothing, Haru. Don’t worry about it.”

The dismal hurt stung their heart in a way Haru feared. “You said we would discuss what happens. That I would have say. You are asking me something I do not understand. I would like to know what you are asking me.”

A broken, shuddering breath escaped Tally and he closed his eyes. He let his head fall back against the wall, wincing.

“Argaze?”

“You’re not going to leave, are you? Not with the joeys here. You’re stuck. Trapped. Again.”

The words were a splash of cold water in the face. Harsh and unforgiving. Haru held the biwa just a little bit tighter.

“I do not know. Maybe. I could leave.”

“Haru, please. We both know what otters are like. Be honest.”

“No. I won’t leave the pups.” An ache, deep and wide, cracked their chest open as they admitted the truth.

“Because you’re you. You don’t know how to be anything but you,” Tally said with a sigh. “I’ve trapped you just as much as your clan did.”

“No—”

But the cutting expression Tally gave them silenced Haru’s denial. The stern way his face closed up and sharpened—the snake coiling.

“You did not cause Cohen-san’s death.” Haru wasn’t sure what else to say.

“You believe that?”

“Mostly.”

Tally nodded, his gaze unfocused. “Thank you, for admitting the truth.”

“You are welcome.” Though it felt weird to say so.

The next question tilted Haru’s world sideways. “Where does that leave us?”

Haru shook their head, their chest tight. Those words they dreaded. Us.

“I think Gun and Marnie got it wrong. Maybe I was a little wrong too.”

“What wrong?”

Another one of those big, heavy sighs escaped Tally. “It doesn’t matter that we’re adults. Or that I thought you had a choice.”

“I am not following.”

“Our wedding night.” Lines grooved into Tally’s face around his mouth. “What happened between us, that was never consensual.”

“I—” The pain in Haru’s chest got hotter, burned harder.

“Listen, please.” Tally fiddled with his worry stone. The one Haru’s otter had been eager to give him. “You had to prove we mated, right?”

Haru gave a sharp nod. The memory of submitting to the Awi and Akaike-san was still too bright in their mind. They loathed the memory. Wished it would disappear altogether.

“Then there was never a choice. Even if I didn’t know, the ssssituation was not one of consent. What happened was never consssentual. I think… I think we’re both going to have to come to termssss with what happened that night. Of how that night was not what either of us wanted it to be.”

“I…” Haru gulped. Their emotions raged together in a storm, making them unsure, unable to respond. It took a few moments to gather themself. “You are not a rapist. Those men we see on all the news. Those are terrible men. You are…nice.”

“No… I’m not like them…but men like that are easy to vilify. It’s easy to see what they’ve done wrong and bring them to justice. It’s these gray areas, like us, that are harder to understand. To work through.” Tally took a shaky breath in. “Those muddy areas of whether people are really listening, of whether they really understand how the other person feels, how we are making them feel. Whether we notice we’re putting them in a bad situation. I should’ve waited, the night we got married, really seen the timing wasn’t right. The culture we live in can make those gray areas hard to navigate. To understand when you’ve crossed a line because we haven’t been talking about them.”

Haru stared at the biwa because it was easier than acknowledging the rock weighing down their chest.

“You don’t think I’ve noticed how much you don’t human? How much you’ve ottered since that night? How much you play in the clean, cold water away from me? The house?” Tally’s voice wobbled and pressed his lips together. “How upset you got when the water was dirtied by the poissssson?”

“Please, I…do not want to hear this.” Drops fell onto the biwa. Wet, large drops. Was it possible for it to rain inside?

“I am sorry, Haru.” Tally’s voice shook harder. “I really am.”

The rock in their chest cracked, pain slicing Haru’s heart in two. How were they supposed to feel? The apology… Tally had said it before, but this time felt different from the others.

“So if you’re going to stay, be Uruma, where does that leave us? Because if you don’t know how to separate it, like you don’t know how to separate how you were raised from playing the biwa, how will I ever be able to know how you feel? Will we ever be able to move past our beginning?”

“I do not know.”

“Yeah. That’s what…” But Tally didn’t continue.

Haru glanced up to find their Argaze wasn’t in much better shape than them—eyes red-rimmed and heavy. Those black eyelashes lush and wet.

“It’s okay,” Tally said, nodding, mouth tight, one hand over his heart. “It’s okay.”

What was okay?

“Thissss, this isn’t something we have to figure out tonight.”

“Yes, Argaze.”

Tally’s brows came together, then he directed a forced smile toward Haru. “Come on, it’s late and I think we both could use some shut-eye.”

“You go ahead.”

“Sure thing, Haru.” Tally used the wall as leverage to get up. “Take as much time as you need. I’ll stay with the kids. If you want to spend time playing down here, anytime, just let Lahi know so she can give you some space.”

The cryptic comments hung in the air, the comfortable space between them gone. Haru watched as Tally walked out of the room with his too-stiff shoulders and rigid back, confused and unsure exactly what just happened. All they knew was they didn’t like how defeated Tally looked as he left. And didn’t that leave a knot of jitters whirling in their chest.

Haru glanced at the door then over to the stand where the biwa had been waiting. They picked up the bachi, positioned themself with the biwa, and began plucking the strings. The melodic, familiar sound curled around Haru—protecting them, buffering Haru from the noise in their heart, letting them breathe, even if only for a song.