The engines roared as the plane zoomed down the runway. Micah’s chair rattled. He gripped the armrests, his knuckles whitening around the cheap plastic. Flying didn’t bother him but the images did. The sound. The memory of his greatest failure—of helicopter engines hovering over turbulent waves, the blades whirring as he clutched his buddy, Harrison, in his arms, yelling at him to hang on. Harrison’s eyes had glazed over before staring up at nothing. Yet above Micah, the sky roared.
“Didn’t know you were such a chicken, Soldier Boy,” Casey chided from the seat next to him.
Micah clamped down on a retort. He could taste the salt, hear the slap of the water as the waves white-capped under the slice of airborne blades hovering overhead. He could still see faces. Four. Gone. Micah sucked in a deep breath.
“Soldier Boy is technically incorrect,” he ground out, his teeth clenched, heart racing.
“Micah, seriously, are you okay?”
“Fine,” he managed to whisper before memories choked him again.
And for two hours he squirmed under their relentless tide. If only he’d been faster. If only he hadn’t tripped over that boulder when firing over his shoulder. If only.
If onlys couldn’t bring back his team. If onlys couldn’t ease the guilt. Nothing assuaged the pain. The memories hit at the worst times, all reminding him of the man he used to be, the man he no longer was—surrounded by a team, living for something bigger than himself.
Now? Now, he just wanted to make it through a day. Figure out who he was apart from his team. Micah Richards, no longer a SEAL. Micah Richards, uncertain. Lost.
Most of all, he wanted to stop hurting the people around him, which now included Casey. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—do that to her.
“God, please,” he whispered. He longed for the peace he had once known intimately to drown out the memories. He’d once known his place, his people. But lately, it felt like even God was distant. Now he felt utterly alone.
Casey stiffened next to him and shifted away. He glanced over, his mind clearing for the first time in a couple hours as the flight attendant announced their descent into Dallas. “You okay?”
She nodded. “Looks like you finally snapped out of it.” Her tone stiff, more distant. Her fingers no longer soothing the back of his hand.
He didn’t feel like explaining. He released a breath. “That praying thing helps.”
Her lips pursed but she didn’t respond. Micah didn’t have any energy left to follow through. Battling his demons sapped every bit of stamina.
“What’s the plan?” He focused on logistics. Details. It’s what he did in war. It seemed appropriate here.
“I called Mama Rosie last night.” She fumbled the phone in her lap. Micah reached to still her fingers, but she jerked from his touch. He was too exhausted to figure out what he’d done to offend her.
“She has a room open, as always. Shawn is staying with her right now while he tries to find a place closer to the school, so you’ll have a buddy.” Micah glanced across the aisle at the guy bobbing with his Beats on. He’d spent a little time with Shawn in Colorado, skiing and rooming with him. They’d shared a couple meals and several conversations about sports. Easy guy to befriend.
“Awesome. Thanks for calling her.”
“She also said she might have a lead on a car for you.”
“You didn’t have to mention that.”
“Well, I’ve never called and mentioned any other guy besides Shawn before, so she demanded details. And you don’t tell Mama Rosie no if you know what’s good for you.” She smirked, a bit of playfulness returning to her tone.
The plane smacked the runway, the engine roar grounding him firmly in the present this time. He had nothing left in his mental tank. He went through the motions of deplaning. After catching the shuttle to the long-term parking, they hopped into Casey’s Toyota and pulled into Dallas traffic. He sank into his seat in the back as Shawn and Teagan carried on a running dialog.
“Next year, we need to stay a full week,” Teagan said.
“You know we go during the week to get cheaper tickets. Plus, I only get one weekend off during football season, Teag, and even that is pushing it. And this year, playoffs, baby! I can’t believe they made it. With a little more discipline and training, we might go all the way. This coaching gig is a big responsibility.”
Teagan rolled her eyes and tossed her red hair. “Responsibility is so overrated, don’t you think, Micah?”
He only grimaced in response. He liked the responsibility that used to be his, the freedom of a nation, of his loved ones, propelling him forward. Now, he was responsible for nothing. And he hated it.
“You should swing by and see the kids practice, Micah. Didn’t you say you used to play in high school?” Shawn asked.
Micah nodded. “I was quarterback in high school and was second string for the Trojans in college.”
Shawn whistled. “That’s big time.”
“Not too much.” Those memories carried a bad taste, too. “I pulled a tendon in my ankle my senior year of high school after I’d already committed. I did a lot of conditioning and fully recovered but could never quite earn that number one spot.” He released a breath, finally feeling his muscles unwind.
“Did you ever want to go pro?” Shawn asked.
The car came to a stop in front of a white brick house; a white picket fenced rimmed the outside with two trees shedding the last of their red and golden leaves in Texas style faux fall.
“That was always my brother’s dream. Mine became the SEALs.” The old dream weighed heavy.
“Alright boys, you can chat inside. Mama Rosie is waiting. Micah, take care, and good luck with everything.”
Micah halted his shuffle and tried to catch Casey’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Her gaze stayed fixed on the road, her fingers twisting around the steering wheel. She was saying goodbye. Permanently. Gone was the comradery of the ski slopes and plane.
Weary, he mumbled, “See ya,” and scrambled from the car. Shawn tossed him his duffle and led the way to the front door, waving at the girls pulling away.
“Dude, what did you do to Casey?”
“I have no idea. Things were going really well last night. I thought when she invited me back here . . .”
Shawn stopped him at the door. “First of all, that shocked all of us. Casey isn’t exactly friendly toward guys, except me. So you did something right.” Shawn narrowed his gaze, his broad shoulders squaring. “But you better figure out what you did wrong. I would hate to get a call and have to ruin our budding friendship and all that.”
Micah smirked. Shawn was alright. “Duly noted. I would hate to kill the possibility of a bromance.”
Shawn unlocked the door and held the screen open for Micah. “Well, then, after you, handsome. But don’t you dare get too cute. I don’t do this bromance business.”
Micah sighed. “Missing out, man. It’s a whole new world.”
“There is something wrong with . . .”
“My boy is back. ¡Hola! Welcome home, mi amigo.” One of the shortest women Micah had ever seen bustled into the small entryway and yanked Shawn into a hug. Her once-black hair now held streaks of gray, and her brown skin creased with a million wrinkles as her smile and eyes danced.
“You must be my new one.” She tugged Micah down into a hug and kissed both cheeks. Shawn grinned over her shoulder as Micah doubled over to return the hug.
“Nice to meet you, Ms. Rosie. Thanks for letting me stay for a bit.”
“It’s Mama Rosie to you.” She wagged a finger in his face. “And you can stay as long as you like. Once you stay at Mama Rosie’s, you never get rid of me, huh?” Her grin was contagious, soothing his frazzled nerves.
Shawn wandered down a short hall decked in photos to his room as Mama Rosie walked Micah to the room next door. She waved him in. “Get settled and then I have food ready in the kitchen. You better be hungry.” She patted his stomach. “Oh, all muscle, no meat. Mama Rosie will fix that.” She bustled off, leaving Micah staring after her.
Shawn appeared and lounged in his doorway. “She really will try to fix that, too. You better take out a gym membership while you are here, or she will have you rolling home in no time. Better yet, you can come work out at the high school gym.”
“That sounds like a good plan.” He dropped his bag and surveyed the room. A double bed, nightstand, and short dresser were the only furniture. More photos hung from every wall. Simple, but all he needed. It was better than a hotel. Better than his car. And home cooking sounded like a dream come true. He plopped on the bed. “I don’t think I’ve been inside a school gym since college.”
Shawn crossed his arms. “Well, this one isn’t much to look at. The school is pretty rough and there isn’t much funding. The kids are pretty rough around the edges, too.”
“I’ll take teenagers over terrorists any day of the week.”
“You might change your mind,” Shawn chuckled. “By the way, got any weight training experience?”
“I’ve never trained anyone personally, but between high school, college, and the SEALs, I have some experience.” Micah sat up and studied Shawn. “Why?”
“The coach who normally does all the training lost his dad and asked for time away the rest of the year to take care of things. Apparently, his dad has a large estate and some business dealings that will just take time. I could use a temp in the gym and on the field if you are interested. As in, I’m kinda desperate, and you kinda owe me for sharing my room in Colorado.” He grinned.
Micah hesitated. He didn’t want to set down roots. He wanted to pay his respects to his buddy’s widow and then leave again. Scratch that. He didn’t even want to go pay his respects. This one would be the most difficult. She’d just given birth to their first child a few months earlier. A little girl. Caroline. A name seared in his memory. And after this final visit, he was finished. And his buddies would really, truly feel gone. And then he would need to figure out his next move. A job. A state. His life. It all seemed too much. He’d had his dream. What did he do now?
Shawn offered a hand and pulled Micah to his feet. “Think about it and let me know. The offer stands. The boys could use a little SEAL training, a little discipline. This might be right up your alley. You told me in Colorado that you were trying to figure out what to do next. Maybe this is a good step.” He shoved Micah out the door and led him to the kitchen where spicy and sweet scents mingled in the air. “But if we don’t get to the kitchen pronto, Mama Rosie will come give us an earful, and trust me,” he gave Micah a knowing look, “you don’t want that.”
“Duly noted.”
Micah and Shawn stepped into a kitchen painted in a sunny yellow with rose accents. It was the farthest thing from updated but the closest to home Micah had tasted in months. He didn’t know what he was doing in Texas. He’d hopped on a plane to follow a girl who now wanted nothing to do with him to stay with a woman he’d never met and potentially coach and train teenage guys. He was the farthest thing from a role model for these guys. He didn’t know what he’d gotten himself into, but maybe this could be a fresh start. At least right now. It would at least keep him busy. The barrage of memories was becoming more than he could handle.
“Girl, you better get it together, or I’m going to get it together for you.” Teagan tugged on Casey’s braid. Casey didn’t need to look at her best friend to know her green eyes fired as much heat as her red hair.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Casey jerked to a stop as the light shifted to red. She tapped a quick rhythm on the steering wheel, praying for a green.
“Well, then let me spell it out for you, Casey Denae Stewart,” Teagan drawled, sass dripping from every syllable. “Hot soldier boy shows up. Gives you attention. He’s a total gentleman. And good grief, that grin could stop traffic. By the way, the light is green.”
Casey threw her foot on the gas. The car leapt forward. Micah’s grin could do more than stop traffic. It had the ability to punch holes in her walls. But she didn’t want Teagan to know Micah had that potential.
Teagan whistled. “Girl, you got it bad. At least as much as you are capable of crushing on someone, which isn’t much. The worst part is you don’t want to admit it. You never would in a million years.”
“There’s nothing to admit.” She pulled to a stop in front of Teagan’s apartment building. “Micah will be gone soon. He’s just passing through.”
“Then why invite him home with you?”
“I suggested he fly on the same plane with us to Dallas, Teag. That’s it. Very different from inviting him to come home with us.”
Silence greeted her. Casey finally faced her friend to see the very look she’d avoided, the one that said, “I’ve known you since we were seven. I live behind your walls. Quit lying to me.”
“It’s more than that and you know it.” Teagan grabbed her backpack and motioned for Casey to pop the trunk. “Make nice with that boy, or I will do it for you.”
“Don’t you dare.”
This time Teagan paused. Casey rarely put her foot down with her friends. She would literally do anything for them, including jump in front of a herd of stampeding elephants. Or teenagers. But this she wouldn’t let Teagan touch. This was an area she didn’t let her two best friends see or examine.
“One good reason, Case.” Her voice gentled and she leaned through the open window. “Give me one reason why you can’t at least try. He’s one of the good ones. And they don’t just slip in front of your car in a land far, far away every day of the week.”
Casey wilted. “He prayed, Teag.”
“What?” Her friend leaned through the window to hear.
This time Casey snapped. “He prayed, Teagan. To God. He trusts the guy.”
Teagan pulled back. Her teeth worried her lip, and Casey knew she was chewing on her words before she released them. But this time, only one sentence emerged. “You can’t hate God forever, Case.”
Without another word, Teagan grabbed her suitcase and turned her back, her red hair stark against her navy sweater. Casey stared after her friend long after she’d lugged her suitcase up the stairs. Asking Casey to trust Micah already bordered on impossible. Asking her to trust God? Wouldn’t, couldn’t happen. Micah would want her to know his God. And she had. Once upon a time. Before he broke her heart and left her alone, too. She’d built her wall after that. If God wouldn’t protect her, she’d have to do it on her own. And she’d looked out for herself ever since.