CHAPTER 18

Wilder

 

I’d been doing a relatively decent job of keeping my anger locked up, but it had been a month since Frankie had left me, and I felt like I was losing my mind.

It wasn’t like I expected her to come running back to me because I understood she was angry. She felt as if I betrayed her, and then I was a dick as a defense mechanism. But a part of me held a candle for her that she’d surprise me and return, that she’d actually allow me to explain… that she’d believe in me. Because as much as she was disappointed that I wasn’t the man she wished I was, she wasn’t even close to the woman I hoped she’d be.

I got that she was hurt and felt I’d lied to her, but if she had set her pride aside and listened, she would have understood. Just like I understood that she never reached out to me for her own reasons, even though I made it clear I wanted her to with the card I left with her flowers. But I didn’t bring that up to her. I wasn’t about to throw something that did or didn’t happen years ago in her face. She had no problem doing it to me, though.

Aside from her leaving me, there wasn’t much she could say that would make me give up on her because I wasn’t lying when I told her I was all in. Our relationship might not make sense to another person on the planet, but nobody else knew what we felt when we were together. I thought she was worth it. I really, truly thought she was my damn soul mate, but I guessed I learned the hard way that I was wrong.

Better it happened before I got so deep that I couldn’t claw my way out once she threw her dirt over me and buried what was left. I hated that she had that power, but I’d be lying if I tried to deny it.

She knew how I felt about her. I showed her the only way I knew how when I made love to her. She got a part of me that no one else ever had, and that counted. It meant something, it meant everything to me, but at the first sign of trouble, she gave up.

That killed me the most—that I was so wrong. That I risked my brother finding out that I stabbed him in the back for her career. That I’d spent so many years of my life pining for the possibility of a woman who I barely knew but held to this unrealistic standard. But at the same time, that standard felt so fucking real when I was with her… it was like something didn’t add up. There was a piece to the puzzle that didn’t fit. I just didn’t know who had it, or who was supposed to make the move to put it back in its place.

“So, did Hunter tell you we saw a sketch of the cake Frankie is designing?” Summer asked coyly, pulling my thoughts back to present company.

We were at my dad’s for our monthly Sunday supper and were all just sitting around in the den after we’d eaten my auntie D’s famous bacon-wrapped pork roast. I was so upset about Frankie that after she took off last month hours before Sunday supper, I missed it, lying to my family and saying I was sick to avoid their questions. I wasn’t sure if they believed me or not, but either way, they didn’t press it.

I turned my head and stared at Summer, and the hopeful expression she was wearing fell. “Yeah,” I grunted, meaning I didn’t want to fucking talk about it with her. Or with anyone.

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“Enough, Summer, Christ. I don’t—”

“Wild,” Hunter warned with a growl, sitting up on the couch, ready to go to battle with me. “Watch yourself.”

I tilted my head and squinted at my brother, thinking I’d love to punch him in the face just to get some aggression out.

“Son, come help me out back.” I actually jerked in the chair when my dad touched my shoulder, but he patted my back briskly, leaving no room for discussion.

I knew it wasn’t Summer’s fault, but I wanted to be mad at someone aside from Frankie or myself. Maybe I was wrong, I should have told her, should have given that journal to her when I found it, but I had my reasons, and she didn’t even hear me out.

She gave up and walked away. She showed me the kind of woman she really was, and aside from being upset about it, I was also disappointed as hell.

Following my dad outside, I took some deep breaths to calm myself on the way. “What do you need help with?” I asked as we walked around the back of the house.

He propped his foot up on a stump. “I’ve given you time, but the older I get, the less patient I become, and since you ain’t tellin’ me shit, I’m just gonna ask about the girl.”

Damn, I sometimes forgot he had a way of knowing everything that happened around the ranch. “Ran into Frankie, we caught up, I passed her name along to Summer for the wedding cake. Frankie ended up stopping by about a month ago when she was here for Summer, and Summer decided to play matchmaker.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.”

“She comin’ back?”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the house. “You know the answer to that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be out here askin’ me.”

“This the one who broke her arm?”

I inclined my head.

“I remember the first time I saw that girl, had to have been near on fifteen years ago.”

“You’re really getting old if you think she broke her arm that long ago.”

He shook his head. “Nah, first time I saw her wasn’t at the ranch that day. It was at the Pig well before that. I was there with your mom, and I remember because you were there too.”

My spine straightened, and my knees locked. “What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

“Three of us were there gettin’ pie, think it was after you cut your leg messin’ around on the barbed wire. You had to get a few stitches, and your mom made me stop to get you a treat to cheer you up.”

I vaguely remembered getting stitches, but I did remember getting hurt. Mav, Hunt, and I were being rambunctious boys like always, messin’ around with each other. I did something stupid like hit Mav and then ran when he chased after me. I didn’t end up fighting him, though. It was the fence that beat me up.

“She walked in with her family, kind of hard to miss that father of hers, and she ran right up to the pie case. You couldn’t keep your eyes off her. Your mama teased you about lookin’ at a cute girl, and you said you were only lookin’ at the pie.”

I knew Frankie and her family went to the Pig every year, so it didn’t surprise me that she was there. I was kind of shocked that my dad remembered this story. “Your point to all this is…?”

“The way you’ve been the past couple of weeks was the same way you were a solid year and a half after she broke her arm. And how you were now and then, you’ve got that same look on your face you did after she walked outta the Pig when you were just a kid.”

“What look is that?”

“Like you’re searchin’ for somethin’ that’s not there.”

My fingers formed a fist, and I flexed them so hard my knuckles cracked. “She’s not here, so that would be accurate, except I’m not searchin’ for her.”

“Think maybe you should be?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Dad.” I leveled him with a stare. “You know why.”

My father was a calm man, but he also had a bad temper. It took a lot to rile him up, but when it happened, you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his wrath. And I watched him fight losing his shit. “If I could go back and do it all over again, I’d have dragged your mother back here, not for me, but to look you boys in the eye to tell y’all she’s the one not worthy of love.” He shook his head and huffed. “Kills me my kids all think they can’t fall in love because of her.”

I grunted, knowing he meant well. “Well, she’s not here to tell us that now, is she?”

“No, Wild, she’s not.”

“Yeah, and neither is Frankie.” And I doubted she ever would be here again, but deep down, I wished she would.