CHAPTER 19

Frankie

 

“Here are your glasses.” I took the black frames from the hairdresser and slid them on, making sure they were pushed up my nose. “And here’s a mirror so you can see the back.” My fingers wrapped around the handle, and I sucked in a breath of nervous anticipation before I held it up to see my reflection.

And when I did, tears sprang to my eyes. “Wow.” I turned my head back and forth, sure to get every angle. “I love it.”

“It looks amazing. Not everyone can pull off that straight of a bob, but it fits your bone structure perfectly. And I love your natural color.”

“You did such a good job.”

“I’m happy you like it.”

I handed the mirror back to her and stood, grabbing my purse off the counter. “I love it. Thank you.” After I paid her and left a hefty tip, I smiled all the way back home and couldn’t stop glancing at myself in the rear-view mirror. I was in love with the style, and felt more comfortable and confident than I had in a long while. I was cutting it close on time, so after I arrived home, I went straight into my shop in search of something I needed to bring with me.

“What did you do to your hair?” I startled when Piper’s voice came from behind me. I was lost in my own head, so I didn’t even hear her when she walked into the room, which was something that had happened a lot the past couple of months… me being stuck in my head with thoughts of Wilder on my mind. “And why are you wearing your glasses?”

“I wanted a change. And my eyes have been bothering me for a while, so I decided to wear my glasses again.”

She swept her hands up and down. “This doesn’t have anything to do with the possibility of seeing Wilder tonight, does it?”

“No.” I semi lied. It had been two months since I’d last seen him, and I’d been counting down the days until the reception tonight. “I prefer my hair shorter anyway. It has nothing to do with him.” Even though he was all I could think about lately, and how in my heart I knew I messed up. I didn’t know how or if I could ever fix it, or if he’d even want me to try.

“What are you looking for in here?”

“One of those mini aprons I give out for birthday parties. I wanted to bring one for Dixie.”

My sister had a job of her own, but she did help me out on occasion. “I saw them in the laundry room and put them in the same box as yours.”

“Perfect. Thanks.”

She followed me from the storage closet into the small cubby that held a vertical washer and dryer along with a few containers of linens. “I have no problem delivering this cake for you, Frankie.”

“I have never, not once, not delivered a wedding cake I made, and I’m not going to start now.” I did have an assistant who helped me and set up cakes and cupcake displays that weren’t for weddings.

“This is a bit of a different situation, though.”

I located the box and tugged out a pink apron. It was lined with wildflowers and had my logo in the center in a swirly white lettering with a hint of silver and gold sparkles. “It is, but it’s not.”

“Well, I’m going with you.”

“No, you’re not. I already told you that.” I put the lid back on the container and shook my head. “I don’t need backup. It’s not like I’m afraid of him. Besides, there’s a good chance I won’t even see him.”

“But what if—”

When I slammed the door, she stopped talking. “I said no, Piper.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms. “When something happens and he hurts you worse than he already has, and you come back crying, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I was shocked by her response, but I shouldn’t have been. This was typical Piper. When she didn’t get her way, she acted like a bitch. Or maybe she just plain was a bitch. I would have thought she’d have grown out of it, but nothing with her bratty attitude seemed to change over the years. “I won’t come back crying, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Good.”

“Good.” I walked past her and didn’t say anything else because what I really wanted to say wasn’t nice at all and would lead to a fight that I didn’t want to get into again.

She slammed the door that led to the stairs to our apartment, and I rolled my eyes at her attitude. I knew that she was just being protective of me, but she’d made her position about Wilder well-known, and I was kind of sick of the way she was acting about it. I was the one who was crushed. I was questioning my decision, and it was me who felt heartbroken. What I needed was my sister to support me, but what I got was her being a total bitch about the situation.

Between her issues with our dad and what happened with her getting pregnant young and having to raise a baby alone, she definitely had a chip on her shoulder when it came to men. So much that I actually felt like I couldn’t talk to her about what I was feeling with Wilder.

Which meant I just internalized everything. So I sat on all my doubts. I questioned myself, and I was angry with him, with me… I felt all of it, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I wanted to apologize to him and ask him to forgive me, but then I worried I’d seem desperate.

I thought about just sending him a text and seeing what he replied, but the fear of rejection held me back from doing something as simple as that.

So much like when I was a kid, I did nothing about everything that I was feeling.

And I took those feelings and those emotions and found myself drawing more in the past couple of months than I had the year before. But at that moment, I didn’t have time to worry about anything else because I had a cake to deliver.

I was already dressed and ready to go, so after loading up everything I needed into my van, I started driving. And an hour and a half later, I pulled up to the barn and met up with Summer, who looked absolutely stunning.

She showed me where she wanted the cake, and as I was walking back out to my van, I glanced around at how cute the decorations were. They were simple and rustic yet beautiful. And since she used accents of different shades of pink, the cake matched perfectly. I just hoped she loved the design as much as I did.

I always had a little flutter in my chest when the bride got the first look at her wedding cake, and with Summer, it was no different. A small part of me was nervous because she had originally wanted a sheet cake with the colors to look like a sunset. But after her concern with the flavor and then switching to a tiered cake, I was afraid the ombre wouldn’t be what she had envisioned.

But when her eyes welled with tears, that nervousness dwindled away.

“It’s absolutely perfect. I can’t believe how beautiful it is… It looks exactly like a sunset, it’s… it’s amazing. Thank you so much.” She hugged me tight, and I knew I made the right decision to deliver the cake myself. Her reaction was worth the underlying anxiousness I felt about running into Wilder.

“I’m glad you like it.”

She pulled away, but grabbed my arms and gave me a little shake. “Like it? I love it. Hunter, look!” She called for her husband, and when he separated from the group of guys at the makeshift bar, I saw Wilder.

He saw me, too.

His hot gaze clung to me, and if it weren’t for the fact that Hunter walked directly in my line of vision, I didn’t know that I’d have been able to look away. Because what I saw at that moment wasn’t a man who had given up. It wasn’t a guy who was a liar. It was Wilder. Flawed and confused, just like me.

A low, slow whistle made me bring my attention back to the people in front of me, and Hunter’s nearly shocked expression made me grin. “Damn. That’s absolutely amazing. Just like a picture.”

“Thank you.”

“Y’all gotta see this.” He raised his voice, and I heard some heavy footsteps coming my way. And then a round of accolades and praise, and the professional in me forced myself to acknowledge them.

I glanced around and said thank you, and when I stopped on Wilder, I rolled my lips. “Hello, Wilder.” I bent my head forward slightly and then smiled at Summer. “I’m going to take off now. Enjoy your night, and congratulations.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay? We’d love to have you celebrate with us.”

My soul cracked because I wanted to. And not just because of Wilder, but because I liked Summer. I liked everyone I’d met, and I knew it would have been a fun time. Their family reminded me of the family I always wanted, and it was almost embarrassing how desperately I wished I was a part of it. “Thank you, but I can’t. Enjoy your night.” I started to walk away, but then I remembered something.

I hoped that when I turned around, Wilder would be gone, but of course, he was still standing there, arms crossed, gaze pinned to me. I reached into my bag and pulled out the apron and handed it to Maverick. He took the material with a raised brow. “It’s for Dixie.” I smiled. “I pinkie promised her I’d bring one for her, and we both know you never break a promise to a kid.”

He opened it up, and when he saw what it was, his eyes flashed to Wilder and then back to me. “Thank you, she’ll love it. I’ll give it to her as soon as her mother drops her off tonight.”

The sudden shift in the mood around me caused my lips to fall. “Well, um, okay. Good night, everyone.”

I turned around and walked away as fast as I could without making it seem like I was running. I faintly heard some chatter, and then a male voice grated out Wilder’s name. I made it to my van and even had my seat belt on but didn’t get to start the engine.

This was because my door was yanked open, and Wilder was hauling me out. I gasped at the surprising roughness. I knew he was strong, but when we were together, he was always gentle. However, as he literally threw me over his shoulder with zero effort, I realized just how powerful he was. “What are you doing?” I hissed, not wanting to yell and cause a scene. “Put me down.”

He didn’t answer, and when I tried to wiggle away, he only held on tighter. Once we were around the corner of the barn, he finally set me on my feet, but before I had a chance to move, I was caged against the wall.

He looked at my hair, my eyes, or maybe my glasses, then back to my hair. Wilder’s strong body was pinning me, but his intense, angry gaze is what had me frozen in place. At least temporarily. I wasn’t sure which one of us moved first, but before I even knew how it happened, my hands were in his hair, his tongue was in my mouth, and his fingers were pulling up my jean skirt.

I gasped when he ripped my underwear, and then again when he pressed on my clit, but for a different, way better reason. He played between my legs while I felt his other hand working between us, undoing his belt, unzipping his jeans.

And then I was up, back to the wood planks, legs around his waist, and he was inside me. “Oh my God.” I was going to scream from how damn good it felt, but when he covered my mouth with his hand, I moaned into his palm.

My legs tightened as his hips pistoned, and my head would have hit the wall if he didn’t have my short hair in his fist. He dropped his forehead to mine, and I dug my nails into his shoulders while he fucked me against the barn.

His hand slid down from my mouth to around my throat. The tips of his fingers held my jaw, and his grip tightened everywhere. My scalp burned while he held my face immobile, and the force of his thrusts didn’t allow me to fall.

I panted, my eyes burning as he set my entire body on fire, and he pressed me into the wall, circling his hips and making my thighs spasm. This was what he was warning me about; this was what he was afraid to show me. He was gentle with me before, but not now. Now he was feral. He bared his teeth and used every ounce of his strength to dominate me. But damn, I loved it.

He pulled out and thrust back in three times before using the weight of his body to hold me up and grind into me again. It was as if I was an instrument and he was a musician. He knew every button and how to press it perfectly to make me sing. “You need to be quiet when you come,” he warned just before I even knew I was going to climax.

Then it hit me.

And I shattered into a million pieces, falling apart and having no control of my body. I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder, his mouth pulled at my skin so I knew he’d marked me, and he groaned deep and rough before I felt him spill inside me.

I barely could hold my head up, let alone stand on my own two feet, but I needed to get down. I loved what we just did, loved what he made me feel, but panic consumed me, and I pushed at him. “Let me down.” I scrambled and wiggled, frantic to get away, ashamed I let myself act like a whore… I didn’t want him to think of me that way. “Let me go.”

“Frankie, shit, I—”

“Please just let me go.”

He released me, and I wobbled, but that didn’t stop me from tugging my skirt down. I froze at the mixture of my wetness and his semen rolling down my inner thigh, and when he used my torn panties to wipe it up, I allowed and even appreciated that even in the throes of whatever the hell that was, he still took care of me. He tossed the trashed material behind a pile of logs and muttered that he’d take care of it later. Then he buttoned his jeans, and while his hands were busy, I started to run back to my van, but he grabbed my arm. “Stop.”

“Let me go.”

“Fuck no. You’re not leaving like this.”

“Why not? You got what you wanted.”

“If I had what I wanted, then I’d have you, Frankie. I would have had you at least the past two months, let alone since I was sixteen, which is what I’ve always wanted.”

I ripped my arm out of his hand but held his eyes, and instead of being calm and having a rational conversation, I got defensive. I didn’t know why I felt the need to protect myself, but that was what I did. “If you wouldn’t have lied to me, then you could have had me.”

“When did I lie to you?” he pushed.

“You had my journal.”

“I didn’t when you asked me.” His counter-argument was swift. “Now tell me again, when did I lie to you?”

My arms got goose bumps, and I crossed them. “But you still had it, and you knew I wanted it back.”

“You’re right. Absolutely. I did. I found it a couple of weeks after I brought you the flowers.”

“You knew I wanted my journal.”

“Yes.”

“How do you not see how wrong that is?”

“It was all I could have of you.” He raised his voice, and when he inhaled, his entire chest shook from the force. “It might have been wrong to you, but to me, not only was it the right decision, it was the only decision.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

He took a step closer to me and dipped his chin to his chest. “You wanted to travel, see the world, eat all the food from all the places, and meet different people. You had dreams that I couldn’t fulfill, and I cared about you enough that I wanted you to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.”

“Why do you think you couldn’t make me happy?”

“You wanted things I couldn’t give you, honey, and I cared about you enough that I refused to hold you back. And since I couldn’t have you the way I wanted, I had to settle for a worn-out notebook.”

“Why do you think you would have held me back?”

“Because you were in love with me, Frankie, as young as you were, as irrational as it was, you felt something deep for me. Maybe it wasn’t love back then, but whatever it was, I felt it, too. And if I told you that I felt the same, then you’d have given it all up to be with me, and I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t live with knowing I was keeping you from what you really wanted. I didn’t want to worry that one day you’d wake up and regret being with me, and then I’d lose you to the life you always dreamed of.”

The entirety of my emotional catalog spilled out, filling my body and drowning me, and I started to go down. Wilder reached for me and helped lower me without falling on my ass. He squatted in front of me and tilted my chin up. I stared at the most handsome face I ever saw, the only face I dreamed about even when I wasn’t sleeping. “You were in love with me.”

“Yeah, and even though I worried about all of that stuff, I still took a risk when I told you I was on the card, Frankie.”

My eyes narrowed. “What card?”

“The card I left in your flowers.”

I tried to make sense of his words, of the confusion muddling my memories, but I would have remembered. “I never got a card from you.”

“It was in there when I left your room, honey.”

“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “I would have remembered.”

“I told you how I felt, and I left you my number. When I never heard from you, I assumed I either came on too strong or you just didn’t want anything more to do with me. But then I saw you at the fair, and I could have sworn you looked at me like you saw into my fucking soul. That was why I decided to try one more time and…” He swallowed and then exhaled deeply. “After I saw you at the fair, I couldn’t stop thinking about you more than I already was. I hated the thought of you with another guy, and I decided I’d bring your journal as a cover to see you once more, to tell you how I felt and see if you were still with that guy—”

“I was never with him.”

He lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t know that then. But it doesn’t matter because when I pulled up in front of your house, you were just walking out with a suitcase. Your dad was helping you load it, and since I had my window down, I heard him telling you to be careful. I didn’t know where you were going, but I knew you were excited, and I also knew I could never give you that, so I left. And I kept the one part of you I could have.”

“You came for me after the fair?”

He nodded.

“Okay, wow. I didn’t know that.” I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“I didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?”

His eyes went downcast. “Because it was demoralizing, Frankie. I was moping over you, and you were moving on and doing what you always said you were going to do with your life, a life I had no place in.”

“It was just a class trip. I was back in a week.” I wanted to cry and scream and hit something, but I also just wanted him to hold me. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

He sat down on his butt in front of me and rested his hand on my leg. “When would I have said something?”

“At dinner the night I saw you at the casino, the weekend I stayed over.”

“I was embarrassed.” He leaned in, lowering his voice, alarmed he spoke those three words out loud. “I was a seventeen-year-old kid who was so in love with a girl I’d only talked to a handful of times, and when I left her a note telling her that, she never responded. Then I see her with another guy. And after that, she’s off living out those dreams of hers she talked about in her journal. You think one of the first things I’m going to say to you when I run into her years later is to remind her that she brushed me off?”

“I didn’t brush you off… I didn’t get a card. I never saw it. But you… you read what I wrote about you in my journal. You knew I felt the same way.”

He clasped my hand and tugged me so I was in his lap, straddling him. His forehead bumped mine, and he pushed in even further until our eyelashes brushed. “Grace, I know it seems crazy, but I think I love you. If you feel the same, call me.” He repeated what he wrote and shook his head. “You didn’t say shit when I ran into you at the fair, and you were with another guy. You never called after I put myself out there. What was I supposed to think?”

“I would have called you if I’d known. I saw you with another girl, Wilder, you have to remember that, too.”

The painful truth made his pupils widen. “I fucked up.”

“No, I did.”

He reached up and held my face, and I was surprised that his fingers were trembling. “No, I did. I should have tried again. But I also didn’t want to hold you back. I was young and dumb and confused. You were destined for better things anyway, so when I never heard from you, I figured it was for the best.”

“What would have happened if I’d have called you?” It hurt to think about what we could have potentially missed out on.

“I don’t know, but at this point, does it matter? You know where I was at, where I am at now… even though I’m pissed you took off without letting me explain. I get that you were upset. But the things I said to you two months ago still hold true tonight.” He worked his throat and then rumbled, “They’ll always hold true.”

“What are you saying?”

His thumbs swept across my cheekbones. “I’m saying I want to be with you, Frankie. I want to give us a chance for more than a few hours or a night at a time, which means I want you in my bed every night. I want to wake up to you every morning. And I want every single day to know that when I come home, you’re going to be waiting for me. But more than that, I want you to know that you’ve got a man out there who, when he’s forced to be away from you, can’t stop thinking about you. He’s only counting down the seconds until he can get back to you because you’re all that matters.”

All of that sounded so great… so good that it was almost unbelievable. But Wilder wasn’t the kind of man who did something without purpose, so I believed him. And as much as I wanted to throw myself at him and go to his bed right then, I needed a minute to process everything. I had to allow myself the space to make my decision without him so close so I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he and this life were what I wanted. Even though I already knew the answer. “I don’t want you to think that I’m doing what I did last time and running away, but I… I just need some time.” I rolled my lips. “Not a lot, but just a little bit of time.”

He kissed my cheek and slid his mouth to my ear. “I’ll be here.”

“You’ve got a party to get to, and I—”

He put his finger over my lips. “I’ll be here. The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured, so take all the time you need.”

“It really won’t be too long.” I smiled.

He grinned.

And my heart melted, knowing I’d be back right where I was the very next day. “You go do whatever you need to do, and when you’re ready to come back, let me know you’re on your way so I can be waiting.”

“Do you have plans tomorrow?”

“I didn’t until now.”

Perfect. One night and then we’d be together for good. “I’ll call you in the morning. You should get back to your party.”

With a sigh, he helped me up and held my hand on the short walk to my van. Before I drove away, he kissed me slowly and then held his lips to my ear. “I love the hair. And your glasses. You’re beautiful no matter what, but I love that you look like you again.”

God, he just got it. He knew. He knew me better than I think I knew myself.

A part of me wanted to stay, but I didn’t want to take anything away from Hunter and Summer, and I needed to get some of my things regardless. Plus, I wanted to tell Piper face-to-face. As soon as I was down the driveway and onto the street, that was when the waterworks started. My vision was blurry from crying, but when a car swerved into my lane, just before it collided with me, I saw Dixie’s face clear as day… and she was crying, too. But hers weren’t happy tears. And as I yanked on the wheel and collided with a tree, mine weren’t either.