ACT I: PLANNING MAKES PERFECT?

SCENE 1: SAVE THE CILANTRO

EXT. HARRISON ESTATE GROUNDS, GARDEN—SATURDAY MORNING

CUT!! Since this is the first screenplay I’ve ever written and might be the first screenplay you’ve ever read, here’s some script stuff I wanna explain. Before each scene, I’ll show where it takes place by putting “EXT.,” which means whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen outside (exterior), or “INT.,” which tells ya what’s gonna happen is gonna be inside (interior). Easy, right? OK, back to: ACTION!!

EXT. FADE IN ON:

The morning sun shines brightly on rows of wilted cilantro plants. LULU, an almost eleven-year-old girl with long, unruly brown hair, stands covered in garden soil, frantically examining her garden. ELANA, a middle-aged Latina with bunned black hair and warm brown eyes, stands patiently, trying to reason with Lulu. Elana wears khakis and a light blue cotton sweater. No-nonsense clothes for her no-nonsense way.

LULU

There must be something wrong, because every leaf is wilting and the dirt is bone dry.

ELANA

Just get the hose and water it. I help you.

WATSON, the Harrisons’ chubby pug, waddles up to sniff around the plants.

LULU

I’ve gotta find Hernandez. I think he’s here. His crew’s still here.

ELANA

We never gonna find Hernandez. He could be anywhere on the property. We’ll get a hose.

LULU

No gracias, Elana. We can’t just yank out the hose and water. Ya know there’s a drought, and we’re only supposed to water on Tuesdays and Thursdays before eight in the morning. And the whole reason Hernandez invented the solar-powered drip system is so I don’t waste water.

ELANA

Niña, Lulu, you wanna have cilantro, tomatoes, onions, and chilies for the salsa you make for your birthday fiesta, you better grab the hose.

LULU

(waving her hand around)

He’s gotta be here somewhere.

ELANA

Hernandez cannot make rain, and if he’s here, he’s gotta make the flowers and big bushes look nice for your parents.

CUT!! I just have to break in here for a quick sec and tell you something about Elana. I call her my “Momny.” That’s “mommy” and “nanny” together. Elana’s heart is bigger than North and South America combined. When I’m sick with fever, she hugs me like she’s never heard of germs. When I get scared, she speaks to me like she doesn’t notice. There are times when I make her crazy, like probably right now, but she doesn’t let on. OK, back to: ACTION!!

LULU

It’s my birthday, Elana. Salsa’s my favorita. I want to make the best batch ever, and I want it all to be from my garden. This is really important!

Lulu gives Elana’s hand a squeeze as she heads off running down a hilly slope. She darts past the swimming pool and cabana, past the tennis court, herb garden, and rose beds, toward the edge of the Harrisons’ estate where ten-foot-high pittosporum plants border the property. The chunky pug tries to follow Lulu but lies down exhausted after a few feet. He’d much rather play dead than chase.

SCENE 2: STOP THAT CAR AND DRIVER!

EXT. HARRISON ESTATE GROUNDS, FRONT GATE—CONTINUOUS

Lulu arrives at the front gate of the property, panting and out of breath. She looks in the direction of buzzing, motorized cutters. The sound comes from the tops of ladders propped against the giant hedges.

LULU

(yelling over the roar)

HERNANDEZ?! ARE YOU UP THERE? IT’S GONNA BE MY BIRTHDAY, AND I WAS GONNA MAKE SALSA FOR MY PARTY, BUT MY CILANTRO PLANTS ARE WILTING!

CUT!! Just so you know why I’m searching everywhere for Hernandez. He keeps all the leaves, blades of grass, petals of flowers, and tree branches looking ready for a garden magazine photo shoot. His dark, soft eyes look at me the most kind and patient way—no matter how many questions I ask about watering, seeds, sunlight, bugs, or organic fertilizer. Back to: ACTION!!

WORKER IN TREE

Hernandez’s not up here.

LULU

(still yelling)

GRACIAS! DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?

As Lulu bellows into the tops of the hedges, a pearl-white hybrid Escalade glides silently into the Harrison motor court, through open gates then up the long cobblestone driveway.

INT. ESCALADE—CONTINUOUS

PETAL, the driver, LINCOLN, the father, FIONA, the mother, and ALEXIS, the sister, all silently look out tinted glass windows, the kind you can see out but no one can see in. Each of the occupants notices Lulu with her hands cupped to her mouth, bellowing into the thick bushes.

Alexis looks at her parents and rolls her eyes.

EXT. MOTOR COURT—CONTINUOUS

Noticing the car as it passes her on the driveway, Lulu tears off in the direction of the moving vehicle. She waves her hands and arms in an enormous and obvious effort to stop the car.

LULU

(shouting)

PETAL, PETAL, CAN YOU STOP? MOM, DAD, ARE YOU IN THERE?

The Escalade pulls into the motor court, stopping in front of the house. A window glides down. Petal sticks her arm out and makes a peace sign.

PETAL

(out the window to Lulu)

Don’t worry. I see you, babe.

Lulu reaches the car. She’s covered in garden soil and breathless from her loopy running.

LULU

Mom! Dad! Are you in there?

Lulu sticks her head into the open car window, talking as fast as the words can tumble out.

LULU

Hi! How was Santa Barbara? Are you home for a while now? I’ve got a big problem. Well, ummmmm, the problem is part of a surprise I wanna do for my birthday. I really need help finding Hernandez to fix the water dripper so the cilantro doesn’t die!

As she runs out of breath, Lulu’s voice sputters to a halt. Linc has a slight soft drawl to his deep, smooth voice.

LINC

(charmingly mocking himself)

Darling, that’s a lot of lines for an actor like me who can only memorize a sentence at a time. I’m still at the “Hi,” and I want to say “Hi” back, and “I missed you,” and give ya a hug.

Linc exits the car and wraps his arms around Lulu. Fiona unfolds her long, lean self from the other side and joins the two, smoothing Lulu’s wild hair in an automatic, motherly way.

FIONA

(jokingly)

I see you’ve been taking care of yourself while I’ve been gone.

LULU

I have, Mom. I’ve been doing lots of cooking with Elana. I’m planning my birthday party and—

Alexis stands in front of the house.

ALEXIS

About that party! Not sure what dying plants have to do with a birthday party, but you’re totally off track.

LULU

I don’t want to tell you everything because I was going to surprise you guys.

FIONA

Surprise us now, Lu. You wanted our help with something when we pulled up.

LULU

(rapid fire)

Oh, geez peas! OK. Well, for my birthday, I wanna invite you all to dinner with Elana and my forever best friend, Sophia. I’m gonna make you all personal invitations from pressed flowers. I’m gonna decorate the table with homegrown garden flowers. Sophia and I already designed party hats. And, I’m gonna cook! Everything! A to Z, but, well, nothing I’m making starts with A or Z. My menu’s gonna be: homemade chips and spicy salsa. All the salsa ingredients are growing in my organic garden. That’s where the big problem comes in because the water—

ALEXIS

(cuts in)

The whole idea is the Big Problem! Look, you already lost me at the hat designing part. And what about those two?

Alexis glances towards Linc and Fiona who bicker in whispers a few feet away.

ALEXIS

They don’t seem too excited about handmade garden flowers.

LULU

Homegrown.

ALEXIS

(thrusting her chin their parents’ direction)

Whatever. Just look at them.

Lulu turns toward her parents. Linc and Fiona carry on their own sharp conversation. When they realize the girls are watching, they stop. Linc saunters over to Lulu and drapes his strong arm around her shoulder.

LINC

(oozing charm)

Like I said, I’m just a not-too-bright actor. So, I’m still stuck on my first line, “Hi, Santa Barbara rocked.”

Lulu opens her mouth to respond, but her mother is already yelling.

FIONA

Linc, stop with that not-smart stuff! You get a few unflattering reviews, and you believe you’re not a smart, thoughtful, inspiring man of your craft. I cannot stand it! I’m never casting you again because I can’t handle you off the screen.

(then, in a soft tone to Lulu.)

I’m going inside, Lu, to stretch out after the long car ride.

Linc slinks back into the car. Windows go up.

PETAL

Hey, Lulu, I’m for you!

Petal gives Lulu a thumbs up as she maneuvers the huge white car out of the Harrison estate gates.

SCENE 3: FANCIER IS MORE FABULOUS

EXT. HARRISON ESTATE, POOLSIDE—SAME DAY

Lulu and Alexis are having lunch at an iron table between the cabana and the pool. The nearby pool house is a smaller version of the main house. The Olympic-sized infinity pool (one without edges) gleams in the sunlight. The water is always hyperclean, thanks to the pool dude, CHIP, who cleans the pool. He wears baggy black board shorts and a faded ZJ Board Shop T-shirt.

As Lulu and Alexis eat, Watson mills about their feet, lapping up food from the floor. A soggy, baggy diaper hangs loosely from his back haunches.

ALEXIS

That smelly dog is like a vacuum—he sucks up everything he can get his tongue on. Can’t we eat in peace?! I can’t believe Fiona lets you keep this beast.

LULU

Watson’s allowed anywhere with his diaper, so por favor live with it.

Watson licks around Lulu’s chair.

LULU

Look, the puggy even likes the spicy stuff.

ALEXIS

Your sandwiches ooze. They’re always dripping something red like they’re bleeding to death.

LULU

Does that mean you don’t want a bite?

Lulu lifts her leaking sandwich and waves it in Alexis’s direction. Plops of tomato salsa hit the table and Lulu’s leg.

ALEXIS

Don’t even swing that drippy mess near me.

LULU

And for your information, it’s salsa squished in grilled cheese. My own recipe. I’ve been trying out different salsas to make for my birthday. There’s hot, super-duper hot, medium-mild—

ALEXIS

You mean that Little Chef Lulu Nature Hugger party? Not happening. That’s like for a hippy-dippy eco baby.

LULU

Being four and three-quarters years younger than you doesn’t make me a baby.

ALEXIS

For your birthday, let’s grow you up.

(thinks for a beat)

I know! How about a premiere party? I’ll check soon-to-be-released blockbuster movies. Fiona’s assistant can get a print of one, and I’ll screen it at the house. I could get about thirty girls into our downstairs theater. I’ll get popcorn buckets with your name on—

LULU

(interrupting)

Lex, I don’t like blockbuster movies. And I don’t have thirty girlfriends.

ALEXIS

OK. Next.

(thinks for a milli-moment)

Got it! Disco dance party. I’ll set up an outside dance floor. Fiona has done that tons of times here. I’ll score a hot DJ. I’ll check out who just did Amanda Sasson’s hot shots party last weekend. That DJ rocked.

LULU

I wasn’t there.

ALEXIS

Well, everyone who matters was there.

CHIP

I was there.

Chip has been listening in on the conversation as he pushes a long sweeper across the length of the pool’s bottom.

ALEXIS

(calls out to Chip)

You were? But you’re, well, a little older than the crowd that was there.

CHIP

(in a flat, relaxed tone)

Working extra jobs. Surfing’s an expensive habit. Besides cleaning pools, I pass around appetizers for a caterer. Ya know, all that time riding a board, I’ve got balance. I can hold two trays of soy-encrusted cucumber and pick up dirty plates at the same time.

LULU

Mega yuck! What’s soy crusty cucumber like?

CUT!! Gotta tell you something funny about Chip. He’s nut-o about eating a strict vegetarian diet. But I swear on a stack of cookbooks that I once saw him on Venice Beach eating a hot dog. I’ve never mentioned it to anyone, not even him, because, geez peas, what’s so awful about a little hot dog here and there…and, besides, I’d never want to embarrass him. Back to: ACTION!!

LULU

(to Alexis)

Doesn’t Robbie surf?

(to Chip)

He’s her new boyfriend.

ALEXIS

(annoyed)

Can we get back to the party business?

CHIP

How ’bout a pool party? I’ll make sure there’s not a bee’s wing in the water. I’ll skim it crystal clear.

ALEXIS

Thanks, Chip, but, no! Pool party is way overdone.

Alexis faces Lulu, up close and personal.

ALEXIS

Lulu, what fab parties have YOU been to lately?

LULU

(voice trails off)

Well, you know…

ALEXIS

No, I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.

LULU

I don’t go to many parties, Lex. Just not invited too much. And it’s fine because I wouldn’t want to go.

ALEXIS

That’s just weird of you.

LULU

Wait, I did just go to the greatest Easter party. Sophia and her mom invited me, and we painted giant chocolate eggs with colored icing.

ALEXIS

’K, halt! Not getting anywhere. Slam on the brakes.

LULU

I have a birthday party planned. Geez peas! Sophia’s gonna come and Elana…and Chip!

(calling out to Chip)

You should come too. And, Lex, believe it or not, I want you if you can slide me into your social schedule. And Robbie, if you guys are still going out. And most of all, Mom and Dad, and that’s—

ALEXIS

(interrupting)

Your problem! You’re NOT, NO WAY going to get Linc and Fiona to a make-your-own-taco birthday dinner. They’re too busy. It’s gotta be a smashy-flashy party that they WANT to attend. Lulu, you throw parties that are fun for your guests!

Lulu is unable to respond for a minute. Alexis’s words sting her ears.

LULU

It’s not a make-your-own-taco party! I wanted to make garden-grown, homemade salsa. I wanted to make mini pizzas. I wanted to make mac and cheese from scratch. I wanted—

ALEXIS

Linc and Fiona to come, right?

LULU

(very quietly)

Yes.

ALEXIS

Got it, gal. Gonna take this one over. I’ll be your party planner.

RING TONE MUSIC BLARES. It’s Alexis’s phone. Alexis answers.

ALEXIS

(into phone, animated)

Oooooh, fabby that you called to remind me! I’ll get driven right over.

Alexis disconnects and slips her feet into her leopard print slide thong sandals. Her salad’s barely touched.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

Nail appointment. Mani-pedi.

Realizing that she’s about to make a quick getaway, Alexis musters a tiny stab of kindness for her little sister.

ALEXIS

Wanna come?

Lulu looks at her salsa-damp fingertips. She unconsciously stuffs them through her wildly messy hair, which hasn’t been brushed since dashing around this morning.

LULU

Not my thing, Lex, but gracias for asking.

A moment of inspiration flashes over Alexis. It may have come as she watched Lulu spread salsa through her hair or when she worried that her own nails might not be cleaned, buffed, filed, and polished as scheduled.

ALEXIS

It WILL be your thing! Spa party! Fab-u-lous. Nails, hair, massage, waxing, facials. The works. EVERYONE demands, requires, craves beauty treatment. And HELLO?! Where are Linc and Fiona always dashing off to besides the set or the studio? Some grooming appointment, that’s what!

LULU

I always thought primping was just part of their work.

ALEXIS

Get with the program, Lu. Everyone in L.A. loves to looks great. It’s not a job! It’s a duty!

LULU

I don’t know anyone who would want to come to that kind of party. Well, except maybe you, Mom, and Dad.

ALEXIS

Guest list. I’m on it. I’ll get your school directory and the Harrison family holiday card list and get cracking.

Alexis stands and grabs her purple Chanel purse.

ALEXIS

By the way, HELLLLLO?! You just said it yourself. Your PARENTS would want to go to THIS kind of party.

Alexis turns on her high heels but halts. Both girls smell the odor. Looking under the table, they find Watson, minus his diaper. He’s just made a giant poop and is now eating the steaming pile.

Alexis screams in horror.

ALEXIS

I hate that awful dog! What’s WRONG with him? He’s totally defective.

LULU

(defiant while holding her nose)

I love puggy. Just think of him as the ultimate recycler!

Alexis, totally grossed out, runs away. But before she’s out of earshot, Alexis shouts back toward Lulu.

ALEXIS

You better realize if I throw this party for you, you’ll be soooo lucky!

SCENE 4: FABULOUS IS COSTLY

INT. ATTIC—LATER THAT SATURDAY AFTERNOON

CUT!! Gotta break in here again to tell you about where I live. The Harrison house seems like a palace that most girls would dream about living in. Just not me. Nothing’s fun about living in a place where the rules are: No touching. No scuffing. No running. No moving stuff. No leaving so much as a pencil, seed, or crumb…anywhere.

Our house is GINORMOUS. It’s hard to find my family—on the rare occasion that they’re home. We have an intercom phone system. I can’t remember when Mom or Dad has ever answered it.

Here’s what my mother’s tooty-snooty decorator put in our house: lots of white and cream furniture. Lots of expensive English and French antique lamps and paintings. Nothing in my house, except in my bedroom, is for sitting with your legs up. Alexis and I are not allowed to keep any of our stuff around. Everything goes up into our rooms or into my attic playroom where nobody goes, except for me and my BFF, Sophia. Who wants to live in a place where you can’t put down a glass of chocolate milk? Where I live is more of a museum than a house. Back to: ACTION!!

The attic above Lulu’s room has been converted to part playroom, part creative art space. Remnants of Lulu’s childhood fill the room: dolls, stuffed animals, wood blocks, a bubble-gum-pink Barbie oven, a plastic orange microscope, and a talking globe. A mobile of fairies hangs from the short ceiling. There’s a craft table, two chairs, paints, clay, colored paper, and markers. A flower press sits atop a bookcase loaded with books.

SOPHIA is smaller and thinner than Lulu, even though they are both ten. She looks just like her mother, Eve, who moved to America from Japan when she was eight.

As the girls sort recipe cards into alphabetical order, Watson sleeps in an old baby doll cradle. He’s swaddled in a clean diaper.

SOPHIA

My problem with making up recipes is the math. You can handle fractions and cups and liters and centi-milliliters like it’s reading a book.

LULU

Cooking’s just a science experiment you can eat. That makes the math part fun.

SOPHIA

Lu, I kinda want to make up a recipe by myself.

LULU

Hey, we make up all our recipes together. I always help with the measuring equations.

Sophia picks up a pencil and doodles. She stares at the paper as she talks.

SOPHIA

Truth: It’s for YOU! I want to make you a birthday cake. I’m just telling you so you don’t make it yourself. It’s gonna be one of my presents, OK?

Sophia taps her pencil. Something’s on her mind.

SOPHIA

I’m working really hard on the recipe. My mom promised she’d buy the ingredients double so I can bake it one time before I bring it. I…ummmmm…don’t want it to be disgusting for your parents.

A thunderbolt strikes Lulu! The Spa Bash, now under Alexis’s control, doesn’t seem like the kind of party for homemade anything. For weeks, however, Sophia has been helping Lulu plan the invitations, menu, decorations, and party favors.

LULU

Geez peas! That’s soooo sweet, but you and your mom shouldn’t do all that.

Lulu walks over to the cradle where Watson sleeps and rocks it…faster and faster. Watson opens an eye and growls.

LULU

Really, Soph! Elana and I were gonna maybe kinda do a cake. And, besides, seriously NO presents because you know there’s nothing I need! We said…

(now on firmer footing)

We PROMISED when we were, what, like six years old, that we’d never give each other gifts.

Lulu runs out of “Uh-oh, how-do-I-fix-this” energy. She even stops rocking the cradle. It swings to a stop.

SOPHIA

No, Lu. What we swore on a mini-mountain of rose petals was that we’d never BUY each other presents. We always make each other presents. Remember, last Christmas, I knitted you a scarf with all those loose stitches? And you grew me that red and white candy-striped amaryllis bulb? You felt awful because at Christmas there wasn’t even a flower bud.

LULU

But that was Christmas.

SOPHIA

And this is a birthday.

LULU

All I’m saying is: being eleven means I am an official tweenager.

SOPHIA

(quietly, now hurt and confused)

I think all you’re saying is you don’t want me to make your birthday cake.

(thinks a beat)

Is it because it could come out disgusting and your parents won’t like it? That’s OK, Lu, I want you to have a really good party for them.

Lulu melts inside. Her stomach feels like it will never be hungry again. That’s always where her nervous confusion ends up…in her stomach. Lulu rubs her left hand over her belly button, thinking she can somehow calm her swirling insides.

LULU

It’s not that. I mean, it’s like…well, you know, last year they were in Africa making the Silver Water movie? I absolutely, positively, one hundred percent understood why they couldn’t be with me. Year before, they were…ummm, well, they were busy that year too.

SOPHIA

My father’s never, ever been to my birthday…not even the first one. So, Lu, I get it. I’ll do anything to help you make this birthday great so your parents like it.

LULU

Really, you’d help me?

SOPHIA

(laughing)

I’ll swear on a mini-mountain of rose and daisy petals. C’mon outside!

Lulu leans over to hug her best buddy and sees that Sophia has been scribbling pictures of fancy-looking cakes with the words, “Happy Birthday, BFF.”

SCENE 5: Sweet and Sour

INT. CROSSWINDS SCHOOL, SCIENCE CLASS—TUESDAY

CUT!! Hey, it’s me, Lulu, and I’ve gotta break in here to tell you about school. We all have to go. I don’t care who you are, where your school is, or if it’s all girls or all boys. The experience can be massively scary. Here’s what I learned about school when I was in first grade: no matter what’s different about you, kids are going to pick on that very thing. If you’re brainy, a little pudgy, or bad at sports (and it just so happens I’m all those things) you’re gonna get teased. I decided that all the parts of me that are different are great. So, why hide them? But nothing makes being different feel safe like having one supreme best friend like Sophia. Back to: ACTION!!

MR. LING, the science teacher, smiles, making his baby face look even younger. He’s tall and thin as a bamboo stalk with gobs of uncombed black hair that defy gravity at all angles around his head.

MR. LING

(to students)

This is my favorite class of the week: Kids Teach Today, K.T.T. So, who’s going to start? Three to five minutes on any science subject.

LULU

I’ll start!

JADE

(under her breath)

Yeah. And never stop.

Kids around JADE, a leader of the popular girls, snicker.

MR. LING

Thank you, Lulu, but I remember you started last Thursday. C’mon, class. Your presentation can enhance your grade.

SAM

I’ll go!

Sam bolts up from his seat in the back of the classroom and heads up front.

SAM

I wanna tell you guys about geckos and how they regenerate. That means grow back.

Sam flashes a giant smile. He’s clearly into his subject.

SAM

Geckos can drop their tail. It’s really cool. Their tail’s long and pointy on the end, and predators can easily grab a gecko by it. But that doesn’t mean he’s done for! Gecko Dude can make his tail fall right off and give the bad guy the total slip!

KIDS THROUGHOUT THE CLASS

Cool! WOW!!

LULU

And it grows back! Right? That’s the regeneration part.

POP GIRLS, the coolest, most stylish trendsetters of fifth grade, glance at each other. Sophia catches them and gives them a good long stare.

SAM

Yeah. And when it comes off, it doesn’t bleed or anything. The muscles inside the tail just, like, squeeze it off!

Sam plays a slide show of tailless geckos on the class SMART Board.

Next FRANCES FRANK takes the podium and talks about earthquakes. He’s actually shaking, though. Nerves, not an earthquake.

FRANCES

(reading from note cards)

It’s totally true. There are almost one million earthquakes a year. Most are little tremors, so we don’t even feel them.

JADE

(calling across room)

Earthquakes are such a bummer! So NOT the best part of L.A.

Jade throws Frances off. Frances freezes.

LULU

(looking at Frances)

Don’t most earthquakes happen underwater?

Frances scrapes up a bit of confidence, shuffles through his note cards, and continues.

FRANCES

Yeah. That’s right. Ninety percent, actually. And that’s because of the Ring of Fire.

JANA

Isn’t that some R-rated movie?!

The class twitters. Pop Girls decide they need more attention than Kids Teach Tuesday can offer them.

LULU

(jumping in to help Frances)

It’s really a chain of volcanoes that’s like a gigantic upside down U in the Pacific Ocean.

FRANCES

Yeah! That’s right. Seventy-five percent of all active and non-active volcanoes are in the Ring of Fire.

JANA

(to her pals)

Do you totally feel like you’re watching some boring show you can’t get off your screen?

Frances wraps up quickly. Since no one else is prepared to go, Lulu jumps in.

LULU

You’d think that lemon trees are from California, but they’re not.

JANA

Sour topic! Shocking.

LULU

(plowing ahead)

Lemon trees aren’t native to our state because a NATIVE plant is one that evolved here over a massive long time, like even before European settlers came. Actually, Christopher Columbus brought the first lemon seeds to the New World.

Lulu talks super fast, scarcely pausing for breath.

LULU

Ya see, California Indians weren’t eating or cooking lemons. Lemon trees need to be soaked with water once a week and never dry out. So, even though California has the right weather for lemon trees, ’cause it’s NEVER too cold, there’s not enough rain.

SOPHIA

(calls out)

EUREKA!!

No one understands. The class looks at Sophia blankly, like she’s some freak. Lulu, however, looks at Sophia and immediately understands. She’d better hurry up. She’s losing her classmates’ attention.

LULU

Right! Eureka! That’s not only what the California miners yelled when they struck gold, but it’s the name of the lemon that grows all over our state just about all year. It’s a pretty hearty tree that grows up to fifteen feet.

SOPHIA

(cutting in)

And, now, Lulu has some lemon treats!

Lulu realizes what Sophia means. The Pop Girls make pucker faces, and kids around them giggle.

Lulu dashes behind the classroom door, where three big coolers sit. Each has LULU HARRISON printed across the top. Lulu drags each one to the front of the class.

LULU

Lemons are used in every kind of food, from fish to dessert. SO…

(pauses, panting from pulling the coolers)

Sophia and I made fresh lemonade and my own frosted lemon bars. All from Eureka lemons!

Kids tumble from their seats and crowd around Lulu. The Pop Girls, however, stay at their desks.

JANA

CAL-or-ies!!

Lulu doesn’t hear because of all the jostling to get lemon treats. Sophia helps Lulu pour the lemonade.

LULU

(to Sophia)

Soph, without you I’d never have gotten to the sweet from sour!

FADE OUT on Lulu and Sophia smiling at each other.

SCENE 6: TAKING A STAB AT IT

INT. BRIGHT BLUE PRIUS—EVENING

Elana and Lulu have just picked up Alexis from Robbie’s house. She went home from school with him so they could do online research on L.A.’s best spa treatments. Alexis reports on her spa brainstorming session while searching the web on her iPhone for more ideas.

Driving by Mr. Chow, a fancy restaurant in Beverly Hills, they see Petal parked outside. That means Linc and Fiona must be inside having dinner.

Lulu wears her standard uniform—a surf T-shirt, a bright orange skirt, an orange crocheted scarf around her neck, and her personalized checkerboard Vans. Lulu colors the shoes’ white squares orange using a magic marker. Orange is her absolute favorite color.

LULU

Please, Elana! Let’s pull in for a sec, a flash, a nano-moment! Lex, tell them about the spa party. If you think it’s gonna be great, let’s tell them right now. I wanna make sure they know and don’t go anywhere else that day.

ALEXIS

Why don’t I wait till I have details planned? Hellllo?! I need to make lots of arrangements here. I don’t even have invitations, a date, or a time. It’s zippo the hippo at the moment…well, except for my one Grand Plan.

LULU

A Grand Plan is a good place to start. C’mon, Lex! If it’s such a brilliant, fab-o idea, let’s tell Mom and Dad.

ALEXIS

And, besides, you can’t walk into Mr. Chow’s looking like that.

Alexis waves her thin, pointy chin in Lulu’s direction.

LULU

What’s wrong with the way I look? I think my outfit looks cool. California surf style, right?

ALEXIS

Wrong.

LULU

Lex, this is about having inside information. You know Mom loves getting a scoop. She’s so into knowing everything before anyone else.

ALEXIS

Most people do! I do. Don’t you? OK, fine. And BTW, NOT chic on the outfit front. You look more like a bad Dr. Seuss character.

ELANA

No more fighting. You girls wanna stop here or no?

LULU

Yes, por favor. And can I bring in the lemon bars left over from school today?

ELANA and ALEXIS

NO!

Elana pulls up to Mr. Chow’s valet.

ELANA

(out the window to Petal)

Hola, Miss Petal! You wanna call Mr. or Mrs. Harrison and tell them that these two are on their way in to see them?

As soon as the valet opens her door, Lulu bounds of out the car like a frisky puppy.

CLOSE UP ON ALEXIS. Knowing that she will be entering one of the most deeply cool old restaurants in the whole city, she lingers in the car to apply lipstick, brush her hair, and pop in a breath mint. Her outfit is perfectly put together—J Brand skinny-leg black jeans hugging her ankles just above her sky-high-heeled black Marc Jacobs booties. On top she wears an off-white short-sleeved peplum shirt under a merlot covered blazer. Before leaving the car she makes sure her black PS1 cross-body bag angles perfectly across her narrow torso.

INT. MR. CHOW—CONTINUED

Mr. Chow is a sophisticated restaurant that attracts L.A.’s famous and fashionable. It’s got THE über-stylish low-key vibe.

Lulu bounces past the hostess. She plunges into the restaurant, hunting for her parents. Alexis follows at a distance, glancing sideways at the diners, not wanting to be too close to her over-excited, wild-haired little sister.

Lulu spots her parents sitting with STAB, who has a wiry but solid body and thick, sandy blond hair. He wears narrow black pants and a black sweater. This guy’s got inner cool that makes him ageless.

Lulu hurries to her parents’ table.

LULU

Mom! Dad! I’ve got fantastico news! Have you started eating? Can I tell you? Remember we were talking about my birthday? Well, now Alexis is planning this massively hot party.

ALEXIS

(totally embarrassed by her sister’s blathering)

Hip. Hip party, Lulu.

Elana reaches the table, watching everything like a mother hen.

ELANA

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Harrison. It’s OK? The girls wanted to come by to say hi.

As usual, Lulu’s father seems laid-back and playful.

LINC

Well, Elana, it’s always great to see you, but I don’t know about these two.

FIONA

Elana, Alexis, Lulu, I’d like to introduce you to our friend Stab. He’s in town for a couple of days recording a track for my new movie.

Elana immediately sticks out her hand.

ELANA

Con mucho gusto!

STAB

(responds in British-accented Spanish)

Con mucho gusto!

Alexis tries mightily to play it cool. She’s meeting one of the world’s biggest rock stars! She’s totally unprepared. During her moment’s hesitation, Lulu jumps in.

LULU

Hi, Mr. Stab! Nice to meet you. I was just coming to see my parents about my birthday coming up in less than thirty days. I’m mucho excited to tell them about it, because for my birthday last year, they were in Africa.

(to her parents)

Remember, you guys couldn’t come?

LINC

(to Stab)

Lulu is my amazing child who can speak forever without a break.

FIONA

(to the girls and Elana)

Actually, last year Stab came by my Silver Water set outside Johannesburg.

(now to Stab)

That was an unforgettable week. I still can’t believe that I just shut down filming and we all took off. The studio went insane on me.

(back to girls and Elana)

Stab has raised millions of dollars for African children living in poverty. Linc and I traveled with him to a village in Tanzania. It was amazing to see what Stab brought to this village: schoolbooks, running water, and a nurse to immunize children.

Alexis is beyond starstruck. She cannot speak or move in Stab’s presence. Lulu, on the hand, cannot keep still.

LULU

Stab, how many children live there? And what kinds of food do they eat? Like, can they grow crops? How do they get water? It must be hard to grow crops there! I’d like to go there and help grow food because—

LINC

(smiling, he interrupts Lulu)

See what I mean? Lulu’s mouth doesn’t need to take in air while motoring along.

STAB

(eyes zeroing in on Lulu)

Lulu, your Mom and Dad are going to let me take you with me next time I go. Pinky swear you’ll come?

Stab and his accent are magically charming. Lulu stretches out her finger. Stab crooks his around hers.

ELANA

We’re leaving now. The car is with the valet, and I told him we’d only be uno minuto. Good night. Buenos noches!

Knowing instinctively that the girls’ moment with their parents and the famous friend is over, Elana shepherds Lulu and Alexis from the table and out of the restaurant.

EXT. MR. CHOW’S VALET—CONTINUOUS

Lulu and Alexis scramble into the car.

LULU

Alexis, you never told them about the party! I thought you were gonna explain everything.

ALEXIS

(practically screaming)

Who could say anything over your nonstop yakking?!

Alexis boils. She missed an opportunity to impress Stab, and now she heaps her anger onto Lulu.

SCENE 7: WHO’S IN, WHO’S OUT?

INT. BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL COFFEE SHOP—SATURDAY, LUNCHTIME

This pink and green old-fashioned coffee shop is a hub of activity. Twenty-five stools line the long, curved counter where Alexis and Lulu sit. A rectangular mirrored case with glass doors holds delicious-looking pies, cakes, and Jell-O cups.

Lulu stares at the offerings. EUCARIO, the long-time waiter behind the counter, knows everyone—except, of course, the tourists.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

Now, I went through your school directory. I’ve got a guest list on my computer, but basically, it’s most of the girls in your grade, plus Linc and Fiona’s friends’ daughters. Just girls. Let’s keep it simple.

LULU

There’s nothing simple about the girls at my school. They, ummmm, don’t like me. They never talk to me except to ask me to explain science or math homework.

ALEXIS

Trust me, they’ll all want to come to the Bel-Air retreat of super-hot Linc Harrison and Hollywood power woman Fiona Harrison for a très fab party.

LULU

Yeah, but it’s MY birthday party, not Mom’s or Dad’s.

ALEXIS

You’ll be Tween Queen for a day. You’ll love it! The wanna-be-cool-fifth-grade-girl brigade will love it.

LULU

What about Mom and Dad? They’ll love it?

Alexis pretends to study the menu. There’s a long pause. Lulu draws in her breath.

LULU

Who else’s on the list? My friends, right?

EUCARIO

Hi, Lulu. Hi, Lex. Are you ready?

LULU

Hi, Eucario. May I have my usual, please?

ALEXIS

Garden salad. Dressing on the side. Water, no ice.

Eucario winks at Lulu and moves along. It’s a bustling lunch hour.

ALEXIS

About whatever you ordered—

LULU

(cuts in)

Oh, I know you’re gonna make fun of it being a drippy sandwich, but it’s not. It’s a turkey burger with cheese and Russian dressing. And I’ll eat it neatly! I even brought my own chips and salsa.

Lulu reaches into her canvas tote bag that reads “Save Earth. It’s the Only Planet with Chocolate.” In a swift, practiced move, Lulu pulls out a chip and crunches it in her mouth.

ALEXIS

Besides your lunch’s ooze factor, you’ve got to cut out all the cheese, meat, and cream. And stop always smelling like you’re wearing salsa–corn chip perfume.

Eucario slides a tall vanilla milkshake over to Lulu. Lulu unwraps the straw and takes a strong suck.

LULU

Talking about food, Sophia wants to make my birthday cake, and I don’t—

ALEXIS

Rewind: back to guest list. Look, Lu, this might come as a total shocker, but Sophia is NOT at this party.

LULU

What?

Eucario brings their food.

LULU

(slides away her plate)

I don’t think I’m hungry anymore. Alexis, she’s my massively mucho supreme best friend!

ALEXIS

There’s a mission here. Super deluxe, très fab spa party. It’s gonna have a certain vibe. It’s not the kind of party where you can sit in a corner and hang out with just ONE guest.

LULU

Geez peas! She’s come to every party I’ve ever had. How can I not invite my best friend who once when I was really sad made me laugh so hard milk sprayed out of my nose?! And she’s even been to the emergency room with me and Momny, twice! Once when I cut myself with an apple corer, and once when I fell out of our kumquat tree.

ALEXIS

Plan a private party with her up in your attic playroom. I’m outta that one.

With that, Alexis looks up to see her boyfriend, ROBBIE, arrive with a group of boys and take a seat at the opposite end of the curved counter. Alexis walks over to them. Robbie waves at Lulu. Lulu waves back.

Enter Pop Girls. They appear in miniskirts paired with cropped sweaters. They circle the small coffee shop, pushing past Lulu.

LULU

(brightly but with effort)

Hi, guys! Are you, ummm, having lunch too? I love the food here, but I, ummm, bring my own chips and salsa.

JANA

We can smell that.

The Pop Girls give each other looks like they just stepped into a geek hole and don’t want to get stuck in it.

LULU

Hey, I’m gonna have a birthday party in a few weeks and…

JADE

(bored)

Superb. I’m sure we’ll all read about it.

Confused, Lulu feels her face getting hotter by the minute.

JANA

Hey, FYI, red doesn’t really match orange.

LULU

I’m not. I mean, I’m only wearing orange.

JANA

Are too. Your face. Way RED!

JADE

Check the text: you’re always wearing orange. Like it’s Halloween!

Pop Girls snicker. Alexis swoops back to her empty stool. She immediately understands what’s going on. One thing about Alexis: she’s got super-sonic girl radar.

ALEXIS

Oh, Jade, Jana, Jenna.

Pop Girls snap to attention. They’re a little freaked because Alexis knows their names. Alexis represents the supreme cool teen girl ideal.

JADE

Hi, Alexis, ahhhh—

(nervous giggle)

Harrison.

ALEXIS

FYI: I’m doing ultra-fab party planning. It’s a spa bash. My 411 tells me that no one in your grade has done one yet. So, I’ll help you all glam up in honor of Lulu’s b-day.

JADE

(friendly to Alexis)

Cool. Doing e-vites?

(unfriendly to Lulu)

Lulu, I’m surprised you’re not having a mad scientist party!

Jana and Jenna cackle at their friend’s wisecrack.

LULU

(ignoring the put-down, or maybe not noticing it)

Ya know, I really like experimenting, but I also spend lots of time doing other stuff, like cooking and gardening—

Alexis does a major cut-in and puts the smackdown on Jade.

ALEXIS

We’re going for something classier than e-vites on this one. You wouldn’t know this, but our parents, Linc and Fiona, go for distinctive, chic paper invites. You’ll be schooled in the concept when it arrives.

Without thinking, Lulu reaches into her Save Earth tote bag and snacks on a chip dunked in salsa. The scent of fried chip and salsa cuts through the cramped space where the girls are bunched together. A glob of salsa plops onto Lulu’s orange skirt. Pop Girls follow the drop with their eyes, roll them, then move away.

Jenna slows and looks back at Lulu.

JENNA

Hey, I went to a spa in Palm Springs once and loved it.

Jenna hurries to catch her pals.

ALEXIS

(hissing quietly to Lulu)

What did I tell you about eating?! It’s like our conversations never happen!

LULU

I didn’t mean to.

ALEXIS

Whatever. Let’s go figure out invitations.

Alexis eats a few forkfuls of salad. She stands and leaves money on the counter. Then, she shakes back her hair, winks and waves good-bye to Robbie, and exits the coffee shop. Lulu takes quick, giant bites of her lunch, wraps what’s left in a pink linen napkin, and drops it in her tote bag. She trots out to catch Alexis.

SCENE 8: THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY IS REQUESTED

INT. SUGAR PAPER—AN HOUR LATER

Sugar Paper neatly displays sophisticated letterpress-printed stationery. The tiny store is bright and clean. The stylish owner, CHELSEA, is slim and wears fitted white jeans, a gray shirt, and an elegantly draped blue scarf.

Lulu bursts in.

LULU

(to Chelsea)

Does your store really do letterpress? ’Cause I do flower pressing. And I’ve pressed more than flowers, like leaves and little bugs. Well, the bugs were already dead. Once I even pressed fifty blades of grass. My friend Sophia and I did it, but it was really hard to keep the grass from blowing off—

Alexis cuts in sharply.

ALEXIS

Hi, I’m Alexis Harrison. I made an appointment.

CHELSEA

Of course. Are you ready to get started?

ALEXIS

I need fifty invitations for a spa party. It’s going to be totally fabulous, so the invitation has to reflect the party’s très perfect awesomeness.

CHELSEA

I understand. Have you chosen a color scheme?

While Alexis and Chelsea discuss invitations, Lulu snoops around. She opens boxes of stationery. She pulls greeting cards out of their slots. Nothing she touches ends up in its original place—cards go back upside-down, in the wrong slot, or in different boxes.

Chelsea watches Lulu from the corner of her blue eyes. She knows the Harrisons are celebrity customers, but she’s not pleased to watch her precisely organized store get shuffled into a mess.

CHELSEA

This would be a custom order? Sugar Paper believes in a stylish, personalized approach.

ALEXIS

Exactly. Your store does our holiday cards. Oh, and this year Fiona sent totally simple, beautiful Valentine’s Day cards you guys designed.

LULU

I didn’t know Mom did a Valentine’s Day card.

ALEXIS

Before you pout up a storm because you didn’t get one, remember that you got a Valentine’s present from Fiona.

LULU

Yeah, but it was the SAME Tiffany floating heart necklace I got from her last year.

Alexis studies stationery samples.

ALEXIS

OK, I love the polka-dot envelope liners.

CHELSEA

Let’s begin with paper options then move to layout, typefaces, and lastly, color and liners.

LULU

Hang on! Lex, how long can this take? I already know what they should say.

Lulu fishes through her tote bag till she finds a crumpled orange paper. She hands it to Alexis.

Alexis shoves it back into Lulu’s bag.

ALEXIS

Not happening. There’re rules and proper ways to write invitations.

CHELSEA

I apologize, but what’s the occasion for this spa party?

LULU

It’s my birthday, and it WAS my party.

Lulu’s throat tightens. She’s not sure if she wants to yell or cry. Lulu feels Queen Bee taking over. It’s not for nothing that she and Sophia have been calling Alexis “Queen Bee” ever since they could talk.

ALEXIS

Lulu, CHILL! And, hello?! STOP messing up the store.

Chelsea nods slightly.

LULU

(calmer)

You couldn’t sneeze in this store without messing it up.

ALEXIS

If I’m doing this party, I need ABSOLUTE control.

LULU

Geez peas! Fine, but no matter what party you invent, I want it ON my real birthday, February 26. It’s a Sunday. I checked.

ALEXIS

It’s one possible date I’ve considered. But can you just control you inner babyish self for a moment? A hip party like this takes thought and planning. I’m throwing a party your parents will want to go to.

At the mention of her parents, Lulu stares at Alexis with interest.

ALEXIS

I’ve gotta focus on the guests and what they’ll like and dislike.

Elana squeezes into the small store.

ELANA

Hola, ladies. Making invitations?

LULU

Haven’t even started.

ELANA

Well, Lulu, when you’re done, the Garzas’ truck is outside. Miguel is asking for you.

CUT-A-ROO! I LOVE Señor Garza and Miguel! Miguel’s already thirteen. We met playing at the park when we were babies. His dad was working on his taco truck, parked nearby. Mr. Garza didn’t have money to open a restaurant, but he’s a fantastico chef. Mr. Garza’s truck has been rolling around L.A. long before all these new fancy food trucks started showing up. Back to: ACTION!!

LULU

Perfecto! I could really use a tamale!

ALEXIS

You dropped salsa and Russian dressing all over your skirt at lunch. Is there any room left for tamale plops?

Meanwhile, Chelsea reorganizes everything Lulu mussed and moved. She has no idea who the Garzas are, but she thinks it’s a great idea for Lulu to go see them.

LULU

(to Elana)

I don’t want to watch the Alexis Orders Invitations reality show.

ALEXIS

Don’t you think Lulu should be here to pick invitations?

ELANA

(no-nonsense tone)

Since she was one years old, Lulu could speak. So, Lulu, speak! What you want?

LULU

Here’s what I want: I want whatever paper kills the fewest trees. It can take a hundred years to replace a mature tree. Do you have paper made from bamboo? That’s the fastest-growing tree. Also, whatever colored ink should be from plants. Native American girls, like my age, made ink from berries and roots. We shouldn’t have to use chemicals either.

ALEXIS

(cuts in)

OK, little Junior Ranger Brownie Girl Scout. You just got yourself excused from ordering invitations.

Chelsea has no idea how to handle the situation. She’s used to relaxed calm. Elana, however, does.

ELANA

I told you girls, I need to pick up a yoga mat for your mother then get her unsweetened vanilla almond milk. I’m busy. So, here’s how it goes: Lulu, leave now and say hola to Garzas. Alexis, you got twenty minutos to make invitations for the fiesta.

Elana’s even-but-firm speech ends the bickering. Lulu practically skips out of Sugar Paper.

Alexis mouths “sorry” to Chelsea.

SCENE 9: HOLY GUACAMOLE!

EXT. SIDEWALK AT THE CORNER OF 26th STREET AND BRENTWOOD TERRACE—CONTINUOUS

A bright white food truck with the words “Taco Truck Numero Uno” painted in red and green on both sides is parked on a side street. Written in small black letters next to the service window is “Señor Pedro Garza.” A big white A, the city health and safety inspection grade, hangs nearby.

MR. GARZA and MIGUEL stand inside the truck waiting for customers. They wear clean white aprons that say “The Taco Truck” and L.A. Dodgers baseball hats. Mr. Garza’s thick silver hair and Miguel’s shiny black hair stick out of the sides.

Miguel leans out over the truck’s service area as soon as he spots Lulu coming down the street. He waves.

LULU

(shouts)

Hola! One tamale, por favor!!

MR. GARZA

Pronto! Coming right up for my numero uno customer.

Miguel leaps from the driver’s side door. He and Lulu high-five.

MIGUEL

I wanted to see you today.

LULU

I’m having a shopping day with Alexis.

MIGUEL

Really?

LULU

It’s a long, kooky story. The pronto version is it’s my birthday soon, and I want my parents to come.

MIGUEL

Sounds pretty normal to me.

LULU

No, wait. Ya see, Alexis has to plan a party mucho fantastico so they’ll come.

MIGUEL

I don’t comprende that one, Lu.

MR. GARZA

(calling from inside truck)

Almost ready, Lulu!

MIGUEL

Quick, Lulu, I gotta tell you a secret.

Lulu stares wide-eyed at Miguel. She’s never heard him use a serious tone like this before. He’s always been a silly joker who’s made her crack up since they both guzzled apple juice from sippy cups.

MIGUEL

(almost in a whisper)

Business hasn’t been too good. Dad might have to shut down the truck and—

LULU

WHAT?

MIGUEL

—find another job.

MR. GARZA

(yelling)

One tamale! Hot and fresh.

LULU

(to Mr. Garza)

Gracias! Your tamale’s my most ever perfect favorite food.

(to Miguel)

And do what?

MIGUEL

Don’t know. Maybe just try to work as a cook somewhere?

Elana approaches the truck, greets Mr. Garza, and takes Lulu’s tamale.

ELANA

(calling out)

What’s with the whispering? Hola and adios, Miguel.

LULU

Momny, did you pay for my tamale?

Elana looks puzzled but reaches into her purse and pulls out five dollars. She hands it to Mr. Garza.

MR. GARZA

You loca, Lulu! Your money’s not accepted here! Go. Adios!

Elana takes back the money. Then, she leads Lulu, clutching her hot tamale, toward the car.

SCENE 10: THE ACADEMY AWARDS!

INT. HARRISON KITCHEN AND EATING AREA—MONDAY, BREAKFAST

It’s me, LULU. Scripts aren’t really supposed to do this, but, again: CUT!! I’ve got to tell you something important: food. It’s what gives us life and energy. And, well, this whole idea of never eating anything yummy is nutty. I live in a family of food freaks.

My mom and sister don’t even like food. I secretly believe that my dad does, but he goes along with this food-isn’t-good thing. Mom and Alexis eat in a way called vegan that, I think, means eating what vegetarian birds would eat. Seems like vegans only consume beans, rice, and small hills of salad—never anything from an animal. I like fruits and veggies, especially from my garden or the farmers markets. But I also LOVE red meat, cheesy anything, and my absolute favorite food, as you know, is Mexican.

Besides our chef, Michelangelo, who cooks dinner, and Elana, who prepares breakfast and lunch, I’m the only other person who uses our kitchen. Mom and Dad are way too busy making movies to make food. So, welcome to my family meals. Back to: ROLL ’EM!!

The girls are out of school. It’s a “grading day” for teachers so the Harrisons have a rare morning together in their gigantic kitchen. The counters are covered in Italian white marble. The floor is dark wood. Steel appliances gleam. Copper pots hang from the ceiling.

Lulu mixes pancake batter while Elana watches to make sure Lulu gets the lumps out. Watson, wearing a yellow shirt that says “SECURITY,” circles Lulu with his tongue hanging out, hoping to catch batter droplets like a child trying to catch snowflakes. Linc, Fiona, and Alexis sit around a long wood table. Linc reads a new script on his iPad. Alexis and Fiona discuss the best places for hairstyling and manicures.

ALEXIS

Here’s what’s on my list for the party: hair, nails, facials, and massage.

FIONA

Call the Bel-Air Hotel. They could send a whole crew, and they’re so close to the house, their spa staff could practically jog here.

ALEXIS

What about using all your regular stylists and, well, I can’t imagine not having Eve do the massages.

FIONA

Even though Eve is Lulu’s friend’s mother, she’s not coming to do massages at a girl’s birthday party. She’s got the clientele A-list. Even I have trouble booking her on weekends.

Lulu monitors Alexis’s conversation.

LULU

(to Alexis and Fiona)

Hey, guys, Eve will come if Sophia’s at the party.

LINC

(focused on his iPad)

What’s the date, babe?

LULU

It’s on my real birthday, right, Lex? Isn’t that what’s on the invitation? The whole party’s gonna be relaxing. Ya know, time to take deep breaths and get your hair polished.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

It’s get your hair “done” and your nails “polished.”

FIONA

Alexis, contact my assistant, Lilac, to get your call put through at the Bel-Air Hotel spa. So who’s coming to this posh bash?

LULU

(jumping eagerly into the conversation)

It’s called Spa-tacular. I made up that name. That’s the only part Alexis let me do. My other job, though, is making sure you and Dad are Number One on the guest list. The other people, I don’t know. Alexis, who is coming?

ALEXIS

Ummmm, well, I invited the Ditts’ daughter, Jupiter, and Pamela Nicklesun and girls from Lulu’s school. The guest list’s just right. I’m starting to get into the food. I’d like to stick with spa cuisine but, you know…

(rolls her big, violet eyes)

…Lulu is bugging me for more food than that.

FIONA

Lex, I’m going to stop you there. All good ideas, but I have to get my face put together and my clothes on. I’m visiting shooting locations today.

Fiona gets up from the table, leaving a half-eaten fruit plate and a disappointed Alexis.

Suddenly, a cell phone symphony blares. The house telephone rings, adding another layer of sound. No one knows what to answer first. Fiona and Linc simultaneously reach into pockets and pull out iPhones. Elana answers the kitchen telephone. There’s a moment of silence. Ringing, buzzing, chiming, and music all stop. The answerers listen.

FIONA

(unemotional, into phone)

OK.

Fiona’s face turns into a stony mask. She clicks off her call with a sharp jab of her fingernail.

ELANA

(excitedly)

Dios mio, gracias!

Linc tosses his phone into the air. It somersaults twice. Linc catches it. Then he pumps his fist in the air.

LINC

YES!

Lulu dashes to the table.

LULU and ALEXIS

WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED?

Linc leaps from his chair and wraps his arms around both daughters.

LINC

(slowly, drawn out)

Well, that was Steve, my loyal and devoted agent. He called to inform me that I, Lincoln Grant Harrison, the son of simple, poor, but hardworking Oklahoma migrants, have been…

(excitedly)

…nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor!

Lulu and Alexis whoop. Elana does a little shriek. Fiona remains still as frozen pudding.

LULU

For Silver Water? That’s mom’s movie!

LINC

Which was nominated for Best Picture!

FIONA

(flat and clearly unhappy)

It’s not exactly MY movie if it was only nominated for Best Picture.

Fiona doesn’t show a sliver of happiness. She’s about to exit the kitchen.

LINC

(scowling towards his wife)

Can’t you cut thinking of yourself even for a moment to just congratulate me?! This is my FIRST nomination for Best Actor. It’s a big deal for me. YOU directed me brilliantly.

FIONA

(groaning)

Oh, please.

LINC

You’ve already won an Oscar for Best Director. See that Picasso I bought you after you won?

(points toward a drawing hanging on the wall)

I’m sorry you didn’t get a Best Director nomination for the hundredth time!

Linc and Fiona fight as if no one else is in the room. Finally, they realize that everyone is quiet and staring at them. They’re embarrassed to quarrel in front of the children and Elana. Fiona marches toward the kitchen door.

FIONA

(punching her phone screen)

Lincoln, I’m going to need a meeting with you in my office. ASAP. I’ll head there right after I dress. Lilac will get agents, managers, and publicists all there too. We’ll also have to meet with the studio.

(barking orders into her iPhone)

Lilac! First thing—cancel all my location visits for today!

Fiona exits the kitchen. An awkward pause lingers for several seconds.

LINC

Fiona wants me to report for work. After that news? I was thinking we’d go to Disneyland!

LULU

Oh, Daddy, I’d love to go to Disneyland with you. If you can’t go today, can we go another day? Geez peas, we could do that for my birthday! Maybe Sophia could come too? Kids get to do that, ya know. Invite a friend and go to Disneyland for their birthday.

LINC

Do they still have Tom Sawyer’s Island? I’d hide out there till Disneyland Security would find me—

The intercom buzzes. Elana picks up the receiver.

ELANA

(into receiver)

Yes, he still down here.

(pause)

Yes, Mrs. Harrison, I tell him.

All turn to face Elana, who obviously was just given instructions.

ELANA

(to Linc)

Mrs. Harrison wants you and your agent, Steve, to know plans have to be made muy rapido. The Academy Awards is in three weeks, so…

She trails off, embarrassed at having to deliver this message.

Lulu’s face turns serious. She calculates numbers in her head.

Linc turns his joking manner on especially high so that Elana doesn’t feel uncomfortable about having to deliver his wife’s stern message and to smooth over the bitterness in the air.

LINC

I am summoned to war, ladies!

Alexis and Elana giggle.

LINCOLN

I take leave so that I may go into battle against other Hollywood male actors who shall viciously try to wrench this Oscar from my grasp! Off I go…

Linc kisses Alexis and Lulu on the cheek. He salutes Elana and exits the kitchen.

SCENE 11: NOT A GREAT DATE

INT. HARRISON KITCHEN—MOMENTS LATER

Uneaten food remains on plates strewn about the large table. Linc’s iPad lies next to his fork. It’s like someone pushed a gigantic PAUSE button on the morning’s activity.

LULU

(frantic)

When are the Academy Awards? Momny, do you know?

ELANA

I don’t know, Lulu. Your mother just said soon.

LULU

When you were telling Dad, you said three weeks.

ELANA

Yes, your mother said like that, “three weeks.”

LULU

That’s when my birthday is! But what day?

Alexis switches on the kitchen computer and Googles “Academy Awards.”

ALEXIS

Well, Lulu, you’re gonna have to get over this one, but the Academy Awards are on February 26.

Lulu’s green eyes immediately sting.

LULU

My birthday Spa-tacular isn’t sounding too good right now.

ELANA

What, niña, Lulu? Don’t cry.

LULU

(through tears)

Why does my birthday have to be on the EXACT same day as the Academy Awards?! And my parents, of all the girls in the world’s parents, are in it! I’m massively happy they got nominated, but my deepest birthday wish was to have my family together.

ALEXIS

(almost warmth in her voice)

That’s why I need to make this party so über-fab that they’ll just HAVE to come. Leave it to me, Lu. I’ll work my magic. This is Hollywood, right? Happy endings are us!

LULU

(perks up at Alexis’s unexpected kindness)

Thanks, Lex, but Mom and Dad are gonna be too busy. I’ll be forgotten again.

ALEXIS

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. And use a tissue! Your nose is dripping all over the kitchen.

Alexis stands up from the table then sniffs and freezes.

ALEXIS

It smells like raw sewage.

LULU

(tears streaming down her cheeks)

Oh, Watson probably ate too much batter. He’ll be OK.

ALEXIS

Too bad about that.

Both girls look over at Watson, who’s lying on his back, four paws in the air, and tooting wind through his pull-up diaper that inflates with each puff. Lulu cracks a smile.

ALEXIS

Now cut the waterworks.

Alexis pauses just before the kitchen door.

ALEXIS

I’m going to my room and don’t want to be bugged. I’ve got serious planning to do.

Alexis exits. She’s clearly on a mission.

LULU

(turning to Elana)

Momny, you and Sophia are the only ones who understand me. All I wanted was a party with my family and best friend. Now Queen Bee has taken over.

ELANA

Niña, your sister is trying to help.

LULU

And, most worst of all, my mom and dad won’t come.

Tears flow down Lulu’s face again.

ELANA

Lu, give your sister a chance to help you with the fiesta. Maybe you two find ways to get your parents to come, at least for part of it.

Lulu wipes tears and snot on her sleeve.

LULU

Do you think they’d do that? Come for some of it?

Lulu ceases crying. Her animated self slowly returns.

ELANA

Listen, here’s what I tell you: don’t give up hope so easy! You and Alexis try doing something together.

LULU

Me and Queen Bee? Sophia and I are sure she has ten stingers. One under each of her shiny, polished nails.

ELANA

That’s not the way to feel about your sister.

LULU

But she makes me feel freaky geeky. Like I don’t even belong in this family.

ELANA

No, niña, my love. Nobody make you feel anything on the inside except you! You the boss of how you feel.

Lulu is quiet while she swirls her fingers in the pancake batter.

LULU

OK, maybe I’ll go for it. I mean for once, really trust my sister. Maybe believe…

(sighs)

…in her.

ELANA

She says she wants to make your dream come true.

LULU

Well, here’s to Queen Be—

(stops herself)

I mean…to Sister Power!

Lulu sticks two fingers into the pancake batter and licks them clean. She leans over and tightly hugs Elana, who isn’t bothered by Lulu’s batter-and saliva-coated fingers.

CUT!! See what I mean about my Momny, Elana? She’s like Mary Poppins, if Mary Poppins blew in from Mexico and lived in a place where she didn’t need an umbrella. Back to: ACTION!!