ACT III: L.A. FAMILY STYLE

SCENE 1: BIRTHDAY GONE BUST

EXT. HARRISON HOME—AN HOUR AFTER ARRIVING HOME FROM MONOGRAMMIT

Lulu sits on large stone steps just outside the front door of the neatly painted white brick house. Its dark green shutters look almost black in the last rays of afternoon sunlight. Lulu watches bees, birds, and butterflies flutter about enormous marble urns sprouting English lavender and Mexican sage.

Alexis exits the house and sits down next to Lulu. Neither sister talks. Lulu is lost in a trance, watching the natural world around her. Alexis is lost in a trance, sorting out the social world in her head.

After a while…

LULU

Watch those Monarch butterflies on the milkweed. I love hanging out with them ’cause they’d never be bothered by the drama going on in the house. I didn’t want to be bothered, either.

ALEXIS

It was pretty noisy in there. Mega glad Linc and Fiona weren’t home. An hour of everything ring-toning would have made them furious.

LULU

They’d be right.

ALEXIS

Plus, I would’ve been totally embarrassed. OMG, I would’ve died if they’d been home for this extremely nasty Hollywooding.

LULU

(turns to face Alexis)

What are you even talking about?

ALEXIS

Hollywooded. That’s what you were. Big time!

LULU

(eyes wide with curiosity)

What?

ALEXIS

“Hollywooded” is when people cancel on you because a better invitation comes along.

LULU

But I thought you got everything for Spa-tacular that Pop Girls like? What invitation could be better?

ALEXIS

It’s an invitation for a cooler party with better people.

LULU

It’s the same people! All the girls canceled on me to go to Tara Falls’s party.

ALEXIS

Actually, someone named Jenna hasn’t called yet.

LULU

Probably thinks I’m not even worth the effort to call. All the Pop Girls and their followers climb into a boat and row off to another location. Same people, just a different place.

ALEXIS

(drawing a breath before delivering the final punch)

No, Lu. Tara Falls, the party hostess, is a reality TV actress, and she’s having stars come by.

CUT!! Don’t you think this is mucho crazy nutty absurd? Really? If you were in my situation, would you laugh or cry? Back to: ACTION!!

LULU

(angry confusion in her voice)

Geez peas! I can’t believe this! The Pop Girls wanna go to another party to see movie stars? The same day they could see my dad right here at my house? Right before he might win an Academy Award in front of millions of people worldwide?

Elana has been standing behind the girls throughout their conversation.

ELANA

Alexis, you tell your sister the whole story. Todo! In plain English so it’s easy to understand. Comprende? I don’t want nothing lost in the translation. You spill, muchacha.

ALEXIS

Linc and Fiona won’t be at your party. Lulu, it’s the ACADEMY AWARDS! And they’re IN IT! Fiona’s a presenter, and the movie she directed is up for Best Picture. Linc could win Best Actor. They’ve got hundreds of things to do to prepare: hair, makeup, fittings, photo shoots, and interviews.

LULU

(loud, angry voice)

You shoulda told me from the start. I would’ve ended this ridiculous party weeks ago.

(pause)

Is that why the Pop Girls aren’t coming? Because they know Mom and Dad won’t be here?

ALEXIS

Yep. You’re finally applying your big brain. It seems Jana’s father is an agent at Enduring, the same place as Steve, Dad’s agent. Jana’s dad told her that there’s NO way Lincoln Harrison would be at your party because he’d be out all day getting ready for the Oscars.

LULU

(covering her ears)

I can’t listen anymore.

(flooding anger)

Alexis, you’re the worst party planner ever!

ALEXIS

(very quietly)

You’re right.

LULU

You made my birthday into a soufflé that was guaranteed to flop ’cause it never went in the oven! You didn’t even try to get Mom and Dad to come.

ALEXIS

(whispering)

You’re right.

LULU

(yelling)

Now no one is coming! Pop Girls: zero! My best friend, Sophia: zero! Mom and Dad? Zero! It’s because I’m a zero. How’d I let you talk me into this?

(pausing for breath)

I let this happen!

Lulu bends forward and grabs her knees trying to squeeze out the sloshing feeling in her tummy.

ALEXIS

No, Lu…

Alexis slides across the long step to be next to her sister.

ALEXIS

(sincerely)

I let this happen. I have no idea how to get Mom and Dad’s attention on anything, either. I pretended that I could.

LULU

You pretended? But you made me think you’d get them to come. You were faking the whole time?

ALEXIS

Yup, I faked it.

(long pause)

OK, it’s not what you think. At first, I imagined I could plan something good enough that Mom and Dad would come. But as soon as I heard they were going to the Academy Awards, I knew they wouldn’t come to your spa thing. That, actually, took pressure off me. I was, like, just planning a cool party. I don’t know what came over me.

(takes a breath)

Lulu, I kinda forgot about you.

LULU

Kinda exactly like what Dad and Mom do.

ALEXIS

(rising anger)

Look, for your 411, they’ve never been to any of MY birthday parties either!

Lulu and Alexis turn and look at each other for the first time during this conversation. After a moment, both girls’ eyes fill with tears. Lulu puts her head down in Alexis’s lap. Alexis places her thin, manicured hand on Lulu’s wild, uncombed hair.

ALEXIS

(sad voice)

OK, so that’s it. Really, I’m awful, and I understand if you hate me forever. I get it if you release ladybugs in my room, or train the birds to peck me, or mix a chemical concoction that makes my hair fall out, or even teach Watson to poop in my Jimmy Choos…

ELANA

(putting an arm around both girls’ shoulders)

Muy bien, Alexis. Good girl. See, Lulu, I tell you to trust your sister. She tell you the truth.

Lulu sits straight up, her green eyes wide with excitement.

LULU

Yeah, she’s told me some very good ideas about how to get her back for this mess! I’m just not sure which I’m gonna do first.

All three giggle softly. Soon, they see Petal pull up the long driveway. She stops in front of them.

SCENE 2: PARTY RESCUE

EXT. HOUSE FRONT STEPS / MOTOR COURT—CONTINUOUS

PETAL

Peace, gals.

Petal pulls her shades down her nose and looks at Lulu and Alexis over the lenses.

PETAL

Wow, long faces. Should be partying on. Academy Awards, and, Lady Lulu, it’s almost your b-day!

ALEXIS

That’s exactly the problem. The Awards and Lulu’s birthday are on the same day.

PETAL

Hey, gals, joy up! At least you don’t have to spend it driving around to zillions of parties, beauty appointments, publicity interviews, and airport pickups. Look at this schedule!

Petal flashes pages printed with times, locations, and contacts. The girls’ eyes follow the flapping pages.

LULU

(suddenly excited)

Hey, Petal, you’re mucho incredible, stupendous! Can I see that?

PETAL

Lulu, I know you’re cool. You’re not texting, tweeting, or calling paparazzi. So you wanna see it? No problem, but keep it away from that one.

Petal wiggles her forefinger at Alexis.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

Why do you want to see that?

PETAL

(winks at Lulu)

Lulu girl, you’ve always got a plan!

Cell phone rings inside the car. Petal answers. While listening, she tosses the booklet of Linc and Fiona’s weekend schedule into the front seat. She soon disconnects.

PETAL

Seems that Stab and Slovinia’s plane is landing early. Gotta fly.

ALEXIS

Glamazon? She’s here?

LULU

Who or what is Glamazon?

ALEXIS

She’s only one of the world’s top models. Slovinia is called “the Glamazon” because she’s a très-gorgeous, six-foot blond. It’s rumored she’s dating Stab.

LULU

(serious tone)

Oh, well, if she’s friends with Stab, I’ll add her to my guest list.

Petal rises her darkened window as she glides the car down the driveway. Suddenly, her brake lights go on. Petal backs up, rolls down her window, and hands Lulu an oversized, overstuffed envelope.

SCENE 3: PLAN OF ACTION

INT. ALEXIS’S BEDROOM—CONTINUOUS

Minutes after Petal’s departure, Lulu grabs Alexis and yanks her upstairs. Alexis doesn’t invite Lulu into her room, but given the mess she’d created, she doesn’t complain now when Lulu barges in.

Alexis loved having Fiona’s fancy decorator “do” her room. Slate blue walls match the rest of the house. Nothing is personalized, except her clothes and shoes strewn about the antique silk carpet. Crisp, monogrammed sheets cover her queen-sized bed. Cream-and-blue-striped drapes hang around the bed, sham-covered pillows are placed across the headboard. A flat-screen TV is framed onto a wall. Silver-framed black and white publicity photographs of her parents surround the room.

LULU

Have I ever told you, Lex, that you’re a talented actress?

ALEXIS

Excuse me?

LULU

You’ve got all of Mom’s mucho glam style, but, no offense to your party planning skills, you’re a better actress than director.

ALEXIS

What’s your point? We’re facing mega social suicide here. NOT a good time for compliments.

LULU

From now on, I’m the writer and director, and I’m giving you a script. Here’s the project: Hosting the most amazing Spa-tacular party!

ALEXIS

Stop joking. I’ve got “humiliation” with a giant H on my forehead.

Focused on her own thoughts, Lulu ignores Alexis.

LULU

All my friends and family will be there. I’ll handle all the guests, except two: Mom and Dad. That’s where you come in.

ALEXIS

Really, I think we should just get Elana to drive us to Santa Barbara for the weekend. We can hide out there.

LULU

What are you talking about? You’re gonna be Mom and Dad’s new assistant this weekend.

Alexis tugs nervously on the ends of her silky, perfect hair.

LULU

No one else could play this part! You’ve got the style and smarts to be the confident, invaluable assistant to Hollywood’s Power Couple.

ALEXIS

(interested, but confused)

But they have assistants, remember? Lilac and Leif! Hellllllo?!

LULU

Right! Here’s the plan. One: Linc’s and Fiona’s assistants are going to be busy with Stab and the Glamazon. That’s a trick up my sleeve. Two: for an hour tomorrow afternoon, you’re THE I’m-so-important-because-I-do-errands-for-a-celebrity assistant.

ALEXIS

What am I even supposed to do?

LULU

Here’s your script!

With a flourish, Lulu tosses a booklet to Alexis. It’s a copy of her parents’ weekend schedule with a big red “CONFIDENTIAL” scribbled across the top. Little red writing scrawled at the bottom says, “Happy B-day, xoxo Petal.”

Alexis flips through the twenty-five pages. She can’t believe what she’s looking at.

ALEXIS

(stunned)

This is Linc and Fiona’s 411! It’s every place they’re going and for how long…addresses, contacts, EVERYTHING. You can’t have this!

LULU

Chill, it’s OK, I’m sure Petal has another copy.

ALEXIS

But it’s their private, personal schedule!

LULU

When did YOU become a Girl Scout? I know you once told your friend, Sharon Lime, when Dad was taking a tennis lesson, and she snuck a picture of him and sold it to Starz magazine.

Alexis is struck silent. She’s been whacked into total embarrassment by her little, messy, salsa-stinking sister.

LULU

OK, here’s the deal. You’re gonna cancel ALL of Mom and Dad’s Sunday appointments—hair, nails, gown and tuxedo fitting, interviews, the works! Everything goes, EXCEPT, of course, the Academy Awards.

ALEXIS

(stunned)

What?! You’re living up to your name and going totally lulu!

LULU

(ignoring the remark)

Anything they need to do to get ready, we’ll have covered here…

(waves her hand around)

…at the Spa-tacular.

ALEXIS

How do I tell Linc and Fiona that their appointments are canceled?

LULU

Your script doesn’t call for telling them anything. Your role is the snobby, high and mighty assistant. If you happen to run into Mom and Dad, you say nada! To them, you play the boyfriend-and-shopping-crazed teen daughter. That should be easy for you.

ALEXIS

Shouldn’t I remind them about your birthday?

LULU

Don’t be a goof. Think in character, Lex! Would a way-cool, busy teenage sister bother about her little sister’s birthday?

ALEXIS

Good point.

LULU

Thanks. I know.

Alexis examines the many-page schedule.

LULU

Oh, and I’ll make sure you get co-producing credit, OK?

Alexis tosses the schedule booklet back to Lulu. It makes her uneasy just to hold it.

ALEXIS

Look, Lu, I’m more than a little worried about what you’re asking.

LULU

It’s a great part! You’re lucky to have landed it. Right now, concentrate on your acting.

(pause)

All good roles are challenging, Lex. Now I’ve gotta go.

(heads toward door)

Geez peas! No wonder Mom’s always busy. Directing means putting tons of little puzzle pieces together to make one great picture.

Almost at the door, Lulu turns back to Alexis.

LULU

Just so you stop worrying…I’m gonna reach Stab and ask him to call Linc’s and Fiona’s real assistants, Lilac and Leif. He’ll tell them to get to Chateau Marmont ASAP to keep snooping reporters away from him and Glamazon. Oh, and he’ll warn them not to bring their cell phones so they can’t be tracked by the paparazzi.

ALEXIS

That’s supposed to make me STOP worrying?!!

LULU

That time I met Stab, he said I could call him.

ALEXIS

Lu, how do YOU even know Hollywood stuff, like producing, directing, scripts, credits, paparazzi?

LULU

You think I’m a geeky nerd, but that doesn’t make me completely spacey about the family business…because, well, I’ve been part of this family my whole life.

Lulu pushes unbrushed hair from her face then exits.

SCENE 4: GET IN TOUCH WITH MY PEOPLE

INT. HARRISONS’ POOL CABANA—SATURDAY MORNING, 8:00 A.M.

Lulu zooms into the pool house where she’s arranged a secret meeting with Elana, Johnny Walker, Hernandez, and Chip.

LULU

(cheery)

Hey, guys! Good morning!

ELANA

Niña, is this gonna take long? I can make coffee.

LULU

(clearing throat)

No, not long. Ahhummm… Sorry to beg you all to come here so early, but I wanted to let you know I’ve taken over my birthday!

Lulu stops to watch her pals glance at one another.

LULU

You see, Alexis and I are now co-producers of my party. And, now that I’m involved, there’ll be some changes. I want to have my OWN people. It’s key to the success of the entire project.

JOHNNY

Hey, this is really cool. Lulu is channeling Fiona.

Muffled chuckles ripple through room.

LULU

Actually, I’m just tapping into another part of the real Lulu.

Walking up to each person, Lulu hands out cards with dried flowers pasted on the front.

LULU

I was up very late hand-making these…

All are quiet while they study their handmade invitations.

HERNANDEZ

This is muy bonita. And mi familia? I can bring my girls?

LULU

Of course, Hernandez. I personally invite you all to my birthday party tomorrow at eleven a.m.

(pauses)

Lately, I’d lost sight of who my friends are. I forgot who teaches and helps me. I forgot who makes me laugh and makes me safe. You’re all the greatest friends an almost-eleven-year-old could have. So, please, and por favor, come tomorrow as my honored VIP, five-star, numero uno guests!

JOHNNY

(stands up)

I shall be there, Miss Lulu, with bells on.

Johnny makes a long, sweeping bow.

LULU

Johnny, awesome, but ummmm, please don’t wear anything with bells.

JOHNNY

(winking at Lulu)

Ooooh, you got me!

All chuckle.

JOHNNY

I’m going to bathe Watson and find him something snazzy to wear. We’ll arrive looking like a million bucks!

LULU

Well, that reminds me. It’s a spa party. I don’t really know what that means, but prepare to be pampered.

CHIP

You mean diapered, like Watson?

More giggles from the gang.

LULU

Ya know, spa stuff. Like oiled, scrubbed, and polished. So just wear comfy clothes.

CHIP

I surf Sunday mornings. OK if I come sorta sandy?

LULU

The sandier the better!

HERNANDEZ

(gets up)

OK. I gotta go because I want to make the grounds look perfecto!

LULU

Everything already looks perfecto, Hernandez. Please don’t worry about it. And, Chip, that goes for you too.

Watson trudges in looking disheveled and smelling stinky as usual.

LULU

Actually, Johnny, the pooping pug needs some work.

Everyone reacts to the odor then gets up to leave.

LULU

Does anyone have time to get to Mr. Garza’s truck today? I have an invitation for him and Miguel.

Chip, Johnny, and Hernandez all offer to deliver the invitation. They plan to meet at the truck for a delicious midday lunch. Lulu hands the invitation to Chip.

LULU

(to Chip)

Please tell them not to bring anything. Just come to celebrate.

Chip gives a little salute then, quietly, into her ear…

CHIP

You make a really cool mini director. You can cast me in your projects any time!

(pauses)

Hey, I have a script I might want you to read for me.

Lulu gives Chip an overly dramatic wink. They both crack up.

ELANA

(to Lulu)

I love my invitation. The painted sky and the pressed-down flora. I put this in a frame.

LULU

Gracias, Momny. See, they were all different.

Lulu holds out other invitations painted with different backgrounds. One is pressed petals in the shape of a peace sign, the other a bluebell.

ELANA

Who are those for?

LULU

Oh, well, ummmm, they’re harder to deliver. One’s for Petal, but she’s so busy.

ELANA

Give me that one. I do it for you. She’s driving back and forth to the casa all day for your parents.

LULU

Well, that’s just it. I don’t want my parents to know anything about this.

ELANA

No problemo. I take care of it. Who the other invitation for?

LULU

Sophia.

ELANA

(serious look)

Ahh, that one, niña, you gotta do by yourself.

SCENE 5: BUGGING SOPHIA

EXT. HARRISON PROPERTY, OUTSIDE THE ENTRANCE GATE—SATURDAY

Lulu has set up a bug stand right on Stone Canyon Road. A white tablecloth covers a small table. On top of the table are various-sized jars, each containing bugs. A large hand-drawn sign in front advertises the sale of caterpillars and ladybugs. Lulu sits behind the table reading a book but looks up each time a car zooms by, which isn’t too often in her exclusive neighborhood. Drivers don’t even touch their brakes when passing her bug stand.

Finally, a car cruises over and stops. It’s Officer Gale from Bel-Air Patrol. He gets out and approaches Lulu.

OFFICER GALE

Good afternoon, Lulu!

LULU

Hi, Officer Gale. I’m safe. I’m not sticking too far into the street. Did someone complain about me?

OFFICER GALE

(radio crackles inside patrol car)

Elana.

LULU

She knows where I am. I promised not to get out of camera range.

Lulu points up at the security cameras perched on tall gateposts in front of the Harrison driveway.

OFFICER GALE

Sure, she was watching you from the house. But she can’t sit and monitor you all day.

Officer Gale walks over to her bug table. He picks up a jar.

OFFICER GALE

So, how’s the bug business?

LULU

Let’s just say the bugs aren’t flying off the table.

OFFICER GALE

Hey, Hernandez called me to say he was bringing you a hive of honeybees. Asked if there’s a rule against beekeeping in Bel-Air.

LULU

(excited to talk about bugs)

Bees are the best! They pollinate everything we grow and eat. My best friend, Sophia, and I are gonna get their honey next spring.

OFFICER GALE

Well, I’ll be ready for the 911 call when you guys go for the honey. Bees aren’t good at sharing.

LULU

(giggling)

We’ll be fine. We have some great bug books.

Lulu holds up a copy of Bug Me that she’s been reading.

OFFICER GALE

(returning a jar of ladybugs to the table)

So why are you de-bugging now?

LULU

Well, ummm. I’m trying to get Sophia to stop here. She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore because I didn’t invite her to my birthday party.

OFFICER GALE

Didn’t invite your best friend to your birthday party? I don’t copy that.

LULU

I acted like a jerk and a chicken and never told her to come.

OFFICER GALE

Got it.

(pauses)

Well, happy birthday, Lulu. I hope you two work it out.

LULU

Thank you, Officer Gale. Would you like to come tomorrow? It’s at eleven a.m.

OFFICER GALE

I’d love to, but I gotta check with Mrs. Gale.

LULU

She should come too!

OFFICER GALE

Roger that. We’ll both be there.

(thinks a moment)

See how easy it is?

LULU

What’s easy?

OFFICER GALE

Just saying what you mean. To the point. From the heart.

A car slows down.

OFFICER GALE

Looks like you finally got a customer.

LULU

That’s Sophia and her mom!

OFFICER GALE

Well, don’t sit there looking like you swallowed a fly.

Eve’s yellow Mini Cooper pulls up to the Harrisons’ gates. The driver’s window comes down. Eve pushes the buzzer to get in. While the gate slowly swings open, Eve waves.

EVE

Hi, Lulu! I’m here to work on your mom. I’m sensing she has very tense shoulders today.

Lulu bites her bottom lip then glances at Officer Gale, who casually leans against his patrol car.

OFFICER GALE

Just the facts, Lulu.

LULU

(turning to the yellow car)

Is Sophia with you?

Eve looks behind her.

LULU

I’d mucho like to talk to her! You see, I was out here selling bugs, but what I was really doing was waiting for you to come over ’cause I was hoping she’d come with you.

Sophia wiggles herself from the car’s tiny back seat and steps out.

SOPHIA

Hi, Lulu. Are you selling the ladybugs we just released?

LULU

Ummmm, yes. Well, it’s too soon to be their larvae already.

The patrol radio zzzuzzes and crackles. Officer Gale twists buttons on his radio to get Lulu’s attention. She looks over and sees him tap the badge pinned over his heart.

LULU

(directed at Officer Gale)

Right. Got it.

(back to Sophia)

To be honest, I’m out here to tell you that…

Lulu takes a rare breath between words.

LULU

I’m sorry I was a weakling and a jerk and I let myself be bossed around by Queen Bee and, well, more than anything in the world, I want you to come to my birthday party tomorrow.

Sophia doesn’t respond or move an inch.

LULU

It’s not exactly the party you and I planned, but it’ll be fun. And, well, if you’re not there, my eleven will just be “one” without the other “one.”

Sophia is still frozen.

LULU

OK, Sophia, just say yes or I’m gonna keep bugging you!

Sophia smiles.

SOPHIA

You’re pretending to sell garden insects on the streets of Bel-Air just to get me to know you’re still my best friend? How could I resist that?

Lulu races over to hug her friend and hand her the homemade invitation tucked between the pages of Bug Me.

SOPHIA

C’mon. Let’s go release these guys. The ladybugs and caterpillars are probably starving.

LULU

I am too!

Lulu pops Officer Gale a thumbs-up.

SCENE 6: OPERATION CANCELLATION

INT. ALEXIS’S BEDROOM—4:00 P.M. SATURDAY AFTERNOON

CUT!! Hold it! You gotta know that I’m not a sneaky person. I can’t ever remember a time I went behind anyone’s back or took something without asking. If I really thought about what I’m about to do and about what I’m making Alexis do, I might not do it. Sometimes, though, every so often, probably around the time you’re about to be eleven, you gotta let your heart take over from your head. My desire to have my family together for my birthday overpowers my thoughts of I could be killed for what I’m about to do.

I’m like those people who climb into giant trees to prevent loggers with chainsaws from cutting them down. It’s not exactly right for them to be in the trees because the trees don’t belong to them. But their feelings take over, and they do something really important, like save a tree that has strong, deep roots and has been part of the earth for longer than anyone has been alive. So, now’s my turn to save my family tree. Back to: ACTION!!

Lulu turns Alexis’s room into Operation Cancellation Headquarters.

LULU

(sounding very in charge)

OK. We’ve got about one hour. According to their schedule, Mom and Dad nap till five o’clock.

ALEXIS

I think I’m dreaming.

LULU

(charging ahead)

We just need a couple of importante props.

ALEXIS

The stress has given me a headache. The prop I need right now is aspirin.

Lulu paces around the room.

LULU

The key to being convincing is to call everyone from Dad and Mom’s personal cell phones.

ALEXIS

You’re joking, right? You’ve eaten a rotten chip or some spoiled salsa.

LULU

This is the perfect time to nab their phones.

ALEXIS

We can’t swipe their stuff!

LULU

Oh! And, geez peas! Forgot to tell ya. Jenna should be here any second to help. In case we can’t find any phone numbers, Jenna said she has direct numbers for lots of exclusive places.

ALEXIS

It’s like I can’t process the words you’re saying!

LULU

Well, since Jenna never called me, I called her. Turns out, she’s still coming. And is super nice. She’s a real amiga. She asked what she could do.

ALEXIS

I’m talking about your whole insane plan. We do this and Linc and Fiona will be: send-these-girls-to-boarding-school-in-Switzerland-without-a-sweater FURIOUS!

Lulu quits pacing stares at Alexis.

LULU

(in a serious, firm voice)

First, your name is all over my Spa-tacular party. If it’s a big zonker, it’ll be all over twitters, Facebooks, or whatever. You’ll go down with the ship. Second, you owe me big time. You made a mess of things.

(softening)

Last, Lex, I can’t do this without you, but we can do this together. Really!

ALEXIS

(mostly talking to herself)

It’s coming into focus. If Linc and Fiona DO show up—

Alexis nervously picks nail polish off her thumb.

LULU

Not to mention Stab and Glamazon. They’ll be at my party too!

ALEXIS

(looking right at Lulu)

OK. But let me just say it better work!

(to herself)

I can’t believe I’m gonna do this insane plan!

INT. LINC AND FIONA’S BEDROOM—CONTINUOUS

The girls sneak into their parents’ bedroom. They hear Linc’s loud, powerful snoring and can’t help cracking up. They cover their mouths to muffle giggles.

The bedroom’s electric shades are down. It’s as pitch black as a big cave. Their parents wear those weird satin eye masks, like they need that too!

Alexis and Lulu shuffle in the direction of their parents’ closets. They reach Fiona’s first.

ALEXIS

(whispering)

Every time I come in here, I can’t believe how gigantic this closet is. It’s like an apartment!

Lulu flicks on the petite crystal chandelier and shuts the door.

ALEXIS

Oh, look over there, the purse Fiona carried today.

(picking up purse)

It’s full!

Alexis rummages through her mother’s purse.

ALEXIS

(still whispering)

Jackpot!

Alexis holds up Fiona’s iPhone then quickly slides it into her pocket.

Lulu shuts off her mom’s closet light, wedges open the door, and soundlessly tiptoes into her dad’s closet. Alexis follows.

LULU

I’ll check Dad’s jeans and jacket from today.

The phone isn’t there. The girls scramble, frantically bumping into each other and dropping clothes on the floor.

ALEXIS

Oh, Lu, we’re running out of time. If we don’t find his phone ASAP, there won’t be enough time to cancel anything!

Panic creeps into Alexis’s voice. She’s feeling defeated after looking through what seems like eight hundred of Linc’s pockets.

LULU

Geez peas! I have a great idea! Let’s call Dad’s cell phone. We’ll hear the ring and know where it is.

Alexis pulls her mom’s phone from her pocket and dials. They hear the national anthem (Linc’s ring tone), but it’s coming from the bedroom! They race out of the closet and see Linc’s cell phone flashing on his bedside table.

Lulu and Alexis freeze and hold their breath. Linc turns over, ignoring the music. It stops. Lulu dives for the iPhone, grabs it, and tosses it to Alexis.

The sisters crawl out of their parents’ room. Giddy with excitement, they high-five each other then head down the long hall, prized cell phones wedged into Alexis’s pants pockets.

Steps from their parent’s bedroom, they hear CLONK and then CLATTER! Fiona’s cell phone skids across the polished wood floor like a puck on ice.

ALEXIS

(panicked whisper)

It popped out!

LULU

(gasping)

UHHHHHH! It’s about to hit…

Watson lies down in the phone’s path. Instead of plowing into their parent’s bedroom door, the iPhone thuds into Watson’s chubby, furry side, barely making a sound.

LULU

(trying not to giggle)

Come, Watson.

Watson claps his mouth around the iPhone and waddles behind Lulu and Alexis.

INT. BACK INSIDE ALEXIS’ ROOM—CONTINUOUS

LULU

Ready, Lex?

There’s a soft knock on the door. Jenna shyly walks in. Lulu bounces over, hugs her, then hands her a list.

LULU

(to Jenna)

Know any of these places?

JENNA

(quickly scanning the list)

Sure. I’ve been to them all. Everyone gets their eyebrows waxed at Anastasia and—

LULU

MUCHO deluxe! Just write down the phone numbers next to each place, and then Alexis will call it!

Jenna yanks out her phone and gets going. She’s scrolling and scribbling in, like, twenty seconds.

LULU

Ready, Lex? You gotta make the calls in your best grownup voice.

Alexis draws a deep breath while Lulu dials the first number. When it starts to ring, Lulu hands Alexis the phone.

ALEXIS

(snotty British accent)

Calling for Fiona Harrison! Is this Fredric speaking? Fiona will not be seeing you tomorrow at eleven a.m. She’s moved on at this point. Thank you.

Alexis pauses a moment to listen to the angry response. Fredric cannot believe that his mega client, Hollywood’s hottest female director, just canceled on him.

ALEXIS

(still in accent)

I’m sure you don’t want me to repeat what you just said, sir. So I will simply tell Mrs. Harrison that you wish her good luck on winning Best Picture tomorrow. Good afternoon!

Alexis clicks off the call. Girls erupt in laughter.

LULU

What’d he say?

ALEXIS

It wasn’t pretty.

LULU

OK, we got seven more to do just for Mom.

Lulu dials another number. She’s Alexis’s director—coaching, advising, and encouraging her sister the whole way through. Jenna keeps the phone numbers coming. The girls are having the best time of their lives. Alexis’s British accent becomes more convincing with each call. Together, the girls undo the most difficult-to-get hair, makeup, and nail appointments, especially impossible to get on Oscar Day!

They also cancel interviews and photo sessions with reporters from all over the world. Through organization and perfect cooperation, the girls finish in forty-seven minutes flat.

Now, the hard part: sneaking the phones back into their parents’ bedroom by 5:00 p.m. Oh, and getting themselves back out!

JENNA

(flashing a perfect, white, toothy smile)

Hate to dial and dash but, I told you Lu, I’m going to the Tyler Sure concert tonight. And with my mom! Geeky, right?

LULU

NO that’s awesome! Mega gracias for helping.

JENNA

(giving Lulu a one-armed hug)

You guys are gonna rock this thing.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE LINC AND FIONA’S BEDROOM—CONTINUOUS

LULU

There are only a few minutes before Mom and Dad are conscious.

Lulu holds the cell phones tightly in her hands, as if squeezing hard enough might make them disappear.

LULU

Here’s the plan. You race into Mom’s closet, toss her iPhone into her purse, and fly back out. I’ll take care of Dad’s phone.

Lulu cracks open the bedroom door and shoves willowy Alexis through the opening.

LULU

(panicked whisper)

Wait!

Lulu pulls Alexis back by her belt loop.

LULU

Take off your shoes! They make too much cloppity-clop noise.

Alexis kicks off her bright green Jenni Kayne mules. Lulu sends her back through the bedroom door. Like a gazelle, Alexis leaps across the huge bedroom and disappears into Fiona’s dressing area. She plunks the phone back into the purple Hermès bag then begins her retreat.

Seeing Alexis sprint out, Lulu creeps in the room.

Close up on Lulu as she steadies her aim, concentrates on her target, then releases. Her dad’s iPhone skitters across the bedroom floor and slows to a stop right next to his bedside table. Alexis freezes, watching Lulu’s perfect shot.

LULU

(loud whisper)

C’mon! Get out of therrrr…

An alarm peals PLING, PLING, TING, TING! It’s from Fiona’s small oval Cartier clock perched on her nightstand. Its alarm sounds like someone whacking the Eiffel Tower with a metal rod.

Alexis slides out the bedroom door. Lulu clicks it shut just as the alarm ceases. The girls grab each other and burst into laughter.

CUT!! Again, sorry, I know you want to see what happens next, but this is important. Pulling this party from the scrap heap has been a growing experience. And it doesn’t even hurt, like when you get an achy leg and some adult tells you it’s just growing pains.

And WOW! Note to self: consider trying out for the U.S. Olympic curling team. Wouldn’t that show all those Crosswinds kids who think I’m the ultimate worst klutz ever?! Back to: ACTION!!

SCENE 7: GOING, GOING…FINALLY GONE

EXT. HARRISON’S FRONT ENTRANCE AND MOTOR COURT—EARLY SUNDAY MORNING

Tired and bedraggled from the hoopla festivities of the night before, Fiona and Linc stand nervously, waiting for Petal to pick them up and take them to Oscar-day appointments.

Alexis and Lulu spy on their parents from the window of Alexis’s ginormous bathroom, which is strewn with hair products, nail polish, makeup, body lotions, and perfume bottles—all waiting for pre-party use.

LULU

(loud whisper)

Petal should be here by now. She’s probably stuck in line at Caffe Luxxe.

ALEXIS

(worried)

Linc and Fiona better get out of here. The tent, flowers, food—everything’s about to pull up right in front of them.

LULU

We better distract them! They gotta stay totally spaced out that it’s my Spa-tacular. I don’t want them to suspect anything when their morning starts to go, well, mucho wrong!

Lulu and Alexis race downstairs. Lulu reaches the bottom of the stairs first. Hair flying, face red, and panting, Lulu bursts through the front door.

LULU

Bye, Mom and Dad. Have a great day. See ya…soon.

Lulu smiles her sweetest smile because she knows they’ll be back before they know it.

ALEXIS

(now also outside)

Yipes! You guys look wiped. You better get transformed on the double!

Hidden behind very oversized sunglasses, Linc and Fiona manage weak, tired smiles in response. At that moment, Petal pulls up and the couple drops into the back seat. Petal hands each of them a soy vanilla latte.

LULU

(to Alexis)

I can’t take this anymore. They’ve gotta go!

Petal hits the gas as soon as Lulu’s “go” is spoken. The girls watch their parents zoom down the driveway.

ALEXIS

That was WAY stressful. I’m gonna faint.

LULU

Well, there’s no time. Look!

A truck chugs up the long driveway. Alexis dashes off to direct it.

ALEXIS

(arms waving)

Hey, park over here! Don’t run over any fancy English roses.

LULU

Hey, don’t forget the bugs! If he squashes those rose bushes, he’ll kill a world of ladybugs living under the leaves!

The truck comes to a safe stop around the side of the house. Petals and pests are spared.

LULU

(bursting with excitement)

Geez peas! It’s my compleaños. I wanna start celebrating!

ALEXIS

Well, you may want to chill on that for a moment.

(pauses and points at Lulu)

You’re still wearing your pajamas!

Lulu lets out a loud “AHHHHH” and scampers into the house.

SCENE 8: LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED

EXT. HARRISON DRIVEWAY and GRASSY LAWN—10:00 A.M.

Now wearing their party outfits, Lulu and Alexis return to the action. Alexis looks runway-ready in a mega-short, form-fitting, hot pink scalloped strapless Herve Leger dress and towering, suede, beaded Prada platform sandals complete with hand-sewn crystals. She’s fully accessorized with gold and silver bangles.

The Harrison grounds are a hive of activity—food, flowers, tables, and chairs, moving in all directions. Alexis plays her role as party planner extraordinaire. She’s Queen Bee at her finest, telling people where to go and what to do. Lulu bops around handing out frosted lemon bars and chatting with every person.

Soon, Lulu watches a great white party tent rise. She dashes over to Alexis.

LULU

Lex, seeing that tent come to life reminds me of those bouncy houses I used to have at my birthday parties. Remember? They’d be limp on the ground and within minutes…poof! They’d blow up huge!

ALEXIS

Hmmmmm, I confess…

(looking right at Lulu)

I don’t remember actually going to any of your birthday parties before.

LULU

No prob. Eleven’s a perfecto time for you to start coming.

Lulu grabs Alexis’s wrist and pulls her inside the tent.

LULU

C’mon. Let’s see inside!

INT. PARTY TENT—CONTINUOUS

The top of the tent is clear, letting in the natural sunlight. White orchids and tulle cover tables. Ivy is wrapped around the sides of the tent. There are five hundred balloons tied to silky white ribbons. The whole tent is scented with lavender tea candles.

In the corner, musicians warm up on guitar, bongos, and bamboo flute. Seeing Lulu, they break into a snappy version of “Happy Birthday.”

LULU

(twirling around)

It’s like a fairyland! I wanna go and grab silk wings from my playroom attic.

Lulu flaps her arms.

ALEXIS

Stop! You look très chic in what you’re wearing. And, before you go flying off, check out the surprise color.

Lulu’s green eyes instantly dart from one table to another. Bright orange California poppies gracefully stand in small glass vases.

LULU

You used my favorite native wildflower in my FAVORITE color!

ALEXIS

Jennifer, from Floral Art, thought of it…after I finally decided to break the serene white theme with a touch of pure Lulu.

INT. SPA TENT—5 MINUTES LATER

Josette, Director of the Bel-Air Hotel Spa, arrives with her team of employees, who wear white lab coats and have bright, glowing skin. They frantically set up spa stations: massage tables, facial steamers, and small tables covered with every potion and lotion known to man or woman.

Lulu uncaps and smells all the creams. She quizzes the spa staff about the ingredients.

The very elegant, French Josette, with her hair in a French twist, swoops over to Lulu so her employees can work.

JOSETTE

Ma cherie Lulu. Excited about this celebration?

Josette does that kissy on each cheek thing to Lulu.

JOSETTE

Alexis tell me that you and nature—amour, amour! All our fantastique products you and your friends will be sampling are made from environmentally happy, organic, biodynamic ingredients.

LULU

Really? Alexis told you that? Well, like my fave tote bag says, “Save Earth. It’s the only planet with chocolate.”

Lulu hears her name. She looks up and sees Sophia walking toward her. Lulu, despite her fancy outfit and neatly combed hair, runs at full speed. Sophia thrusts a lumpy package into Lulu’s arms. With her own arms now free, she gives Lulu a tight hug.

SOPHIA

Happy birthday, Lu.

(Sophia looks around the tent)

Look at the flowers and candles. Everything’s so beautiful.

LULU

(halting, unsure of Sophia’s words)

Really, you like it? You don’t think it’s, ya know, too glitzy-glammy?

SOPHIA

It’s really magical!

(in a serious, quiet voice)

Lulu, this is the fanciest party I’ve ever been to, and it’s perfect that it’s for my best friend’s birthday.

Lulu hands Sophia back the lumpy gift and gives her friend a hug.

Sophia is dressed hippie chic in leggings (which look great on her because she’s a beanpole) and a billowy floral print dress. And her major dress-up item: plastic ballet flats instead of her Converse sneakers. She looks perfect.

SOPHIA

Oh, I know this isn’t the kind of party where a homemade gift is what you’re supposed to bring, but, well, I did anyway.

Lulu nabs the gift back. She rips off the orange tissue paper. When the paper falls away, Lulu holds up a small, pretty, patchwork blanket.

SOPHIA

It’s scraps of our old clothes. It’s a friendship blanket. I meant for it to be bigger but stopped working on it when…ya know, that week we didn’t really talk. So it just came out this size.

LULU

(roaring with joy)

This is the most perfecto gift ever! It’ll be our picnic blanket! We’ll really use this, Soph! And it’s SO like you, not another in the universe!

ELANA

(seeing the blanket)

Muy bonita! I remember all those clothes you have patches from!

Jenna walks up behind Lulu and Sophia and puts her arms around their shoulders.

JENNA

(playfully)

Boo!

LULU

Hey. You came!

JENNA

Promise is a promise. And besides, I know the food here is gonna be fantabulous!

Jenna looks hyper cool girl in layered tank tops over a zebra-striped miniskirt. She angles the arm draped around Lulu’s shoulder to crook pinkies and cement the pinkie promise. Sophia looks confused, maybe even a bit hurt.

Chip comes up to the girls. He’s sandy and damp from the ocean.

CHIP

Great! A towel! Just what I need!

Chip reaches for Sophia’s gift. Lulu yanks it away.

LULU

(laughs)

It’s not a towel! Sophia made it for my birthday.

JENNA

(looking at Sophia)

That rocks. You made it?

CHIP

(still mock grabbing)

Not a towel for me? Kidding. Happy birthday, gnarly Lulu! Hey, check out who was also out surfing this morning. Hope it’s cool that he’s in for the bash.

Robbie shuffles up to Lulu and musses her hair.

ROBBIE

(joking to Chip)

Dude, this Lulu had her sister so busy yesterday that she canceled our date.

LULU

Ooops.

CHIP

Hey, man, can’t stay sore at a girl named Lulu.

Everyone laughs. Chip and Robbie give Lulu birthday fist bumps.

Hernandez and his family arrive, as does Johnny Walker with Watson in tow. They swallow Lulu up in hugs, presents, and ooohs and aaahs about how the party tent looks.

Everyone pulls back to notice the snazzily dressed Watson. Despite his very English name, the pug sports a very French outfit—orange and fuchsia striped cashmere sweater and an orange beret. Not to be out-dressed by a dog, Johnny Walker wears an orange velvet jacket and a fuchsia beret. He’s got a vintage The Who T-shirt underneath his jacket.

Officer and Mrs. Gale’s arrival is announced by the patrol car’s siren. Officer Gale snaps it on and off as he drives up to the party tent entrance.

EXT. HARRISON GROUNDS—CONTINUOUS

The unmistakable smell of frying tortilla chips wafts through the tent. The musical toot from the Garzas’ taco truck follows just moments behind the scent.

Lulu can’t believe her eyes! She dashes across the long lawn and bounces alongside the Garzas’ shiny silver truck chugging up the Harrison driveway. She’s waving her arms as if trying to stop a runaway horse.

The Taco Truck rolls to a stop.

Mr. Garza and Miguel jump out. Within minutes, they’ve opened the truck and set out bags of hot, fresh, homemade chips and mega-sized bowls of salsa.

MR. GARZA

(bellows)

Feliz compleaños, Señorita Lulu!

MIGUEL

Happy b-day!

Mr. Garza smothers Lulu in a bear hug then hands her a flower-shaped piñata. Miguel gives Lulu a brand-new football.

SOPHIA

(teasing)

Miguel! You gave Lulu a football? Ya know she’s never caught one of those in her life!

MIGUEL

Hey, it’s like, the only thing I could think of that she didn’t have in this house!

LULU

I love it, Miguel!

MR. GARZA

(climbing back into truck)

Niña, Lulu! Now I gotta fry up more chips for your fiesta!

LULU

(follows him into the truck)

Oh, Señor Garza, are you using up food you should be selling? Miguel says maybe you can’t keep the truck.

SENOR GARZA

Today is mi amiga Lulu’s birthday. Making food for her is exactly what this truck is for.

Lulu bends down to get bowls and baskets for Mr. Garza as a way to hide her tiny tears about to leak out.

Alexis dashes over.

ALEXIS

(freaking out)

Lu, everyone is arriving sooooo early. The food buffet isn’t done! Should guests start their spa treatments? Josette!

(yelling in half panic/half nerves)

Josette! Is everything ready?

Lulu jumps out of Mr. Garza’s truck.

LULU

Lex, seems like everything’s under control. Chillax. Hey, let’s just be guests instead of party planners, OK? At least till Mom and Dad arrive. Then I don’t know what we’ll be—

ALEXIS

In megaton trouble! That’s what we’ll be.

Chip and Elana walk by, chatting and chuckling. They’re wearing soft robes with a ladybug patch on the left side.

Chip gives Lulu “OK” signs with his hands.

LULU

(to Alexis)

Hey, what’s that they’ve got on?

ALEXIS

Oh, another surprise! I asked Elisa at Monogrammit to sew ladybugs on all the robes and butterflies over the formerly monogrammed slippers.

LULU

She did all THAT?!

ALEXIS

Sure. Elana made a secret run for everything last night.

LULU

Geez peas! This party must’ve made people, well, lulu!

(watching someone wander up the driveway)

I can’t believe it! I think that’s Mr. Ling!

ALEXIS

The Crosswinds science teacher?

Sophia approaches Lulu, spots Mr. Ling, and waves him over.

SOPHIA

(to Lulu)

Oh, I invited him.

(giggling)

I know Mr. Ling’s been your favorite teacher since third grade.

Lulu leaps toward Mr. Ling then introduces him to her friends. Jenna tries to talk him into a facial. Just then, Miguel joins the group.

MIGUEL

(challenging Mr. Ling)

I will if you will.

INT. PARTY TENT—CONTINUOUS

Lulu brings organic lemonade to the kids and sucks one down herself. Chilled water with cucumber and honeydew is served for the adults. Waiters pass tempeh spring rolls. Everyone giggles and mingles. Lulu is about to slip into her guests’ joyful spirit when she realizes that her parents haven’t come back yet!

Lulu frantically searches for Alexis. She finds her in the pool cabana, tweaking the food buffet.

ALEXIS

Lu, check this out. I called Joan, mastermind of Joan’s on Third, and made serious changes. So, surprise! Mac and cheese, sliders, AND French fries in silver cups. It all goes great with, ta-da! Your trademark chips and salsa, and your hyper-fave Garza-made tamales.

LULU

(beaming)

Now that’s a feast fit for my friends!

ALEXIS

Couldn’t celebrate Lulu without the right food!

Alexis beams with her fabulousness as a party planner.

LULU

(worry in her voice)

Look, Lex, everything’s perfecto. But where are Mom and Dad? Ya know, I was just wondering about our strategy when they get here.

ALEXIS

(serious panic!)

Wait! Are you kidding? You don’t have any plan for that?

LULU

Not yet. I can’t get calm enough to focus because I feel like there’s a monster storm coming.

Alexis catches movement from the corner of her eye.

ALEXIS

(starts to scream)

The cupcakes! Watson’s about to…

The tower of Sprinkles cupcakes crashes to the ground. Frosting plunks everywhere. The pug hoovers up the yummy treats as fast as he can.

ALEXIS

That stinky, pooping pug! Johnny! Where are YOU?!

LULU

(cracking up)

I think he’s collecting his reward for stopping that cell phone yesterday.

ALEXIS

Nothing about this is funny! What am I gonna do? I need fifty cupcakes immediately.

Johnny Walker enters, wearing his spa robe, and surveys the disaster.

JOHNNY

Pug party!

ALEXIS

(shrieking)

This animal is outta control!

(to Johnny)

Can’t you stop this beast?

JOHNNY

I think the first thing I’ll do is get this pug’s stomach pumped! Look at him going for the chocolate!

Johnny grabs Watson and begins to wipe him down.

ALEXIS

Isn’t chocolate poisonous to dogs? Maybe don’t go to the vet.

LULU

(gasps)

Lex, that’s awful!

JOHNNY

Here’s my suggestion for the cupcake crisis. Get that chocolate brown Sprinkles Mercedes van here on the double.

ALEXIS

Johnny! You’re a genius!

Lulu is on her hands and knees cleaning the ruined cupcakes off the floor.

Alexis calls from her iPhone. After a minute she taps to end the call.

ALEXIS

They guarantee that within fifteen minutes, their cupcake truck, with all flavors on board, will be sailing up the driveway.

LULU

Hey, perfect. Everyone in L.A. eats off of trucks.

Elana sticks her head in.

ELANA

Girls, you do a nice job with this party. You work together to make something muy bueno. Everyone loves it. Hernandez is getting body rub! Officer Gale getting a manicure! I’m proud of you two. Now, go and enjoy the fiesta!

LULU

I think I better wait for Mom and Dad to come.

ELANA

If I were you, I’d enjoy now while you can.

Lulu and Alexis exchange a look then scamper off to join the party.

SCENE 9: MADDEST PARENTS EVER

INT. PARTY TENT—HALF HOUR LATER

The Spa-tacular is in full swing. Cheerful calypso music swirls around the party tent. The guests, who now call themselves Lulu-istas, bop, dance, or shuffle from spa treatment to food buffet in their slippers and robes.

Even the servers and spa technicians are enjoying themselves. The servers love watching guests try things like tempeh for the first time. The spa crew enjoys giving most guests their first facial, scrubbing, massage, or manicure.

Lulu, Alexis, and Mr. Garza sit side by side, waiting for their pedicures to dry. All three munch on chips and salsa.

LULU

Mr. Garza, I don’t think anyone likes your salsa more than Alexis here.

ALEXIS

This salsa is supreme! It tastes great with anything dipped into it, especially these tofu skewers.

Alexis rubs a tofu cube into the remaining salsa.

MR. GARZA

Gracias, Alexis. Ya know, Lulu helped me make this recipe better. Last summer she come to the truck and bring me cilantro from her garden. We make experiments with the salsa, and boom, it become perfecto!

Wide-eyed, Alexis turns to her sister. She’s been learning lots about Lulu today, like how she cleans up beaches from Venice to Zuma and rescues dogs at L.A. city pounds.

LULU

Look, there’s no salsa left, and my toes are kinda dry. I’ll go to your truck for a refill, Señor Garza.

Lulu picks up the empty bowl and heads to the tent entrance.

Exiting the tent flap, Lulu smashes right into…her MOM!! Fiona halts abruptly. Linc bumps into Fiona’s back.

All three freeze for a split second, enough time for Fiona’s fury to seep from her eyes and into every pore of Lulu’s body. Lulu, normally skilled at fast talking, can’t speak.

FIONA

(trying to control herself)

In exactly four hours, Linc and I are supposed to be on the Academy Awards red carpet in front of millions of people.

(in an icy-cold voice)

And look at us. How did all this happen?

LINC

(usually the voice of laid-back charm now yells)

And what the heck is all THIS?

Linc waves his arms around, taken aback by the scene. A taco truck and cupcake van parked in front of his stately mansion. An enormous tent is plunked on his lawn. People of all sizes, colors, and ages are lounging, laughing, munching, and wearing white ladybug robes. And Watson, with his belly dragging, is running around naked!

LULU

It’s, uhhhh, I know you’re mad, but I can explain.

LINC

(exploding)

I said, what the HECK is THIS?

Alexis, who risks ruining her freshly painted toes, dashes from the pedicure chair right up to her Dad’s nose.

ALEXIS

(sounding brave)

Well, Lincoln Harrison, I’ll tell you what the heck this is. It’s Lulu’s birthday!

LULU

(jumping in)

I know it’s also the Academy Awards and all. It’s just that, well, it was my birthday first. I mean we, well, actually Lex mostly, planned this party before we knew. But honestly, it’s all my fault.

ALEXIS

(strong and secure)

There is no fault here. Today is the day Lulu was born.

Alexis wraps a long, thin arm around her little sister’s shoulder. Fiona and Linc stand dumfounded. They have no idea what’s coming next.

ALEXIS

Fiona, you brought her into this world, and ever since then I’ve been the luckiest person because I have this amazing little sister.

Lulu is stunned and no longer afraid. She has her sister’s protection, and more importantly, she realizes she has her sister’s love.

LULU

Dad and Mom, I know you’re probably not saying anything because you’re worried that you won’t be able to get ready for the Academy Awards. And it just so happened that your appointments, ummmm, were canceled.

Lulu and Alexis shoot each other sideways glances and try not to giggle.

FIONA

(finally speaks)

There are so many reasons I’m about to fly into a rage right now I can’t even count them.

LULU

Well, let’s just start with the time problem. You’ve gotta get ready to look glamorous ASAP.

FIONA

I was supposed to start getting ready hours ago!

LULU

Right, well, Alexis thought of that. Lex, tell her how we’ve got spa professionals right here.

As Alexis begins to talk, her parents remain frozen in confusion.

ALEXIS

Hotel Bel-Air Spa sent up their whole A-plus glam team. Oh, and we have an extra masseuse because Eve’s here.

FIONA

Wait, did you say Eve is here?

LULU

Oh, that was a last-minute muy importante addition. Sophia’s mom just had to be here with Sophia.

Fiona realizes that Eve, with her celebrity clientele, must have decided to give up thousands of dollars today in order to be at Lulu’s birthday party. That’s a lot of money for a hard-working single mother. As if pelted by hot coals, Fiona begins to thaw.

Fiona faces Linc to debate their situation.

Harsh tones and sharp words poke through Fiona and Linc’s conversation. Lulu’s stomach tightens.

When the tent flap opens again, Petal coolly strides in wearing a ladybug robe and butterfly slippers.

LULU

Hey, Petal!

PETAL

Happy b-day, girlfriend!

Petal takes a small box from her robe pocket and hands it to Lulu.

PETAL

Before I get a facial, Lu, open the box.

Lulu yanks off the lid and pulls out keys to the Escalade.

PETAL

I won’t need those for a while.

Petal spots Linc and Fiona.

PETAL

Peace, guys! Relaaax!

LINCOLN

(sees Lulu holding car keys)

Does Petal think you’re turning sixteen or something?

FIONA

(much calmer)

I think Petal just gave Lulu, well, ummm, us.

LINC

(still angry and jumpy)

What are you talking about?! What’s happening here?

FIONA

(slowly)

Petal handed Lulu the car keys, but what she really gave Lulu is our time for the next few hours.

LULU

Mom, Dad, that’s really what I want more than anything in the world! You guys being at my party has been my birthday wish for—

ALEXIS

(cutting in)

Dad, do you even know how old Lulu is today?

LINC

(flustered and confused)

What? Definitely! She’s…uhhhh…OK, let’s think. Lulu, you were born in…just tell me the year, and I’ll figure it out.

ALEXIS

Here’s the deal, Linc. If you get Lulu’s age wrong, then you and Mom stay. But if you get it right—

FIONA

(motioning for server to bring her water)

We stay. We stay either way. What an honor to be your guests, because…

(pausing to control her emotions)

…Lulu and Alexis, I love you. You two are SO my girls.

Lulu and Alexis look at each other with amazement then back at their mom.

FIONA

Who else, at ages eleven and fifteen-and-three-quarters, could pull all this…

(motioning around the tent)

…off?

LULU

Oh, Mom!

Lulu wraps her arms tightly around her mother’s waist. Her mother bends down to hold Lulu in return, but not before pulling her huge Tom Ford sunglasses over her eyes to hide the tears that are welling up.

ALEXIS

(to Fiona)

Hotel Bel-Air’s best spa team awaits. Let’s get you Hollywood glamorous.

LULU

And feed you the tastiest food to give you energy!

FIONA

Well, if Lex is in charge of the beauty and Lulu’s in charge of the food, I’ll be perfectly covered here. My first stop, however, is going to be Eve. It’s been a slightly stressful morning.

Lulu, Alexis, and Fiona discuss where Eve might be.

Mr. Ling approaches Linc. Ling’s face is red and puffy.

MR. LING

Excuse me, sir. I think I’m having a chemical reaction caused by my facial.

(embarrassed, pushes his glasses up his nose)

Can you tell me where there’s a bathroom?

LINC

(concern in his voice)

Hey, dude, you really are red. Let me help ya out here. Follow me.

Lulu rushes over.

LULU

(to Mr. Ling)

What’s happened?

(to her dad)

Mr. Ling’s my science teacher.

MR. LING

Everything is fine. I just need to wash this substance off my face. It’s starting to burn.

LULU

Mr. Ling, this is my father.

(gestures toward Linc)

But I’ll show you where to go.

MR. LING

No, wait. This is your father? He should be so proud of you.

(to Linc)

I’ve had Lulu in my class for three years. A most inquisitive, intelligent science student. Always a delight. Never a day of trouble.

Lulu’s mind drifts from the conversation. She looks down at her smudged polished toes. Absolutely, at this moment, her father thinks she is nothing BUT trouble and that there isn’t anything delightful about her today, or most days, of his Hollywood life. Lulu’s thoughts are interrupted by Mr. Ling’s soft laughter.

LINC

(noticing Lulu’s curious eyes as she tunes into the conversation)

I’ve been telling Mr. Ling here that I agree with him. You’re beyond a fantastic delight. And that you’ve never given me a day of trouble. Just a huge jolt from time to time.

Linc pulls his daughter close. Lulu buries her face in his sweater. This is the warmest birthday hug ever. She lets go of Linc after feeling a tap on her shoulder.

MR. LING

Excuse me. The bathroom? My face is actually stinging.

LINC

(choking back emotion)

Hey, man. So is mine. C’mon. Let’s go. I gotta wash up too.

Lulu looks up to see her father’s face blotched red. Before she can study his emerald green eyes brimming with tears, Linc puts his hand on Mr. Ling’s elbow and steers him toward the house.

SCENE 10: PARTY WITH PERFECTION

INT. PARTY TENT—30 MINUTES LATER

Linc and Fiona have settled down to get themselves Academy Award ready. Fiona’s minimassage helped her unwind and settle her nerves; now she’s moved on to nails and hair.

Linc gobbles down tamales and chats with guests. Fiona makes sure Linc’s nails get buffed and his hair coiffed.

Suddenly, Alexis looks over Lulu’s shoulder and lets out a shriek.

Sauntering toward Lulu is none other than Stab and his beautiful, gigantic girlfriend Slovinia, AKA GLAMAZON. Linc calls out while getting his hair trimmed.

LINC

(smiling)

Hey, man, this is an exclusive party! You got credentials? You on the list?

Linc and Stab laugh—a couple of boys messing around.

STAB

(to Lulu)

Birthday girl! Look, you’ve got it all going on!

Stab grabs Lulu and lifts her into the air.

LULU

(whispering into his ear)

Thanks for calling their assistants.

STAB

(whispers back)

Thanks for calling me, sweetheart. Nothing I love more than messing up the order of things.

Alexis leads Glamazon into the spa tent.

Sophia shyly approaches Lulu and Stab. Seeing Sophia, Stab sets Lulu down.

LULU

Stab, this is Sophia, my best friend.

STAB

Well, you must be incredible also, Miss Sophia.

Speechless, Sophia smiles.

STAB

(thick English accent)

I saw a truck outside with some brilliant-smelling food. Mind if I make my way there while Slovinia’s not looking?

Stab gives them a big wink then heads for the Taco Truck. Jenna dashes over.

JENNA

(barely able to talk)

Was that who I think it was?

Sophia now drapes her arms around Lulu and Jenna.

SOPHIA

(smiling)

Sure was. That’s Stab! You mean the Pop Girls didn’t know he and Lulu are close?

All three girls giggle.

JENNA

Lu, maybe this is a good time for me to show you what I made you for your birthday?

Jenna pulls out her iPhone and flicks it to life. She soon pulls up Instagram. Lulu and Sophia huddle around Jenna to see.

JENNA

Ta-da! Your own Instagram account.

SOPHIA

That’s so cool!

LULU

(to Sophia)

Really? You think so?

SOPHIA

YES! My mom uses it to post pictures all the time. She said I could get one for my birthday next month.

JENNA

Lulu, will you accept me as your first follower?

LULU

Of course!

Jenna hands Lulu her phone so Lulu can “accept” Jenna.

LULU

May I borrow your phone for a while? Ya know, to take pictures of my party?

JENNA

Love it! And, hey, I know where ya live, so I’ll get it if ya forget to give it back!

The girls laugh. Lulu takes pictures of Jenna and Sophia posing like they’re doing dance moves.

Linc stands up from the stylist’s chair to make an announcement.

LINC

(hollering)

Anyone up for football?

Linc tosses Lulu’s new football athletically from hand to hand. It’s clear he’s a jock.

FIONA

(shouting from across the tent)

Linc! You just got your hair done!

LINC

OK, because I love you, I promise, no tackling!

Everyone laughs. Linc adores having an audience. Fiona loves seeing Linc relaxed and playful. It reminds her of his boyish younger self.

Stab returns from the Taco Truck with a heaping plate of tamales and chips. Lulu snaps a picture.

LINC

Stab, you in? You be the other team captain.

STAB

Oh, yeah. I love soccer, but I’ve always wanted a go at American football.

Mr. Garza, wearing his Taco Truck apron, puts his arm around Stab.

MR. GARZA

I agree with this guy. In my country we play soccer, but I’ve wondered what your football’s about.

Lulu pushes the button and captures another fun picture.

LINC

My team’s called Lulu-istas!

Party guests skip, run, or walk over to the great side lawn. Even the musicians march over, playing a medley of football fight songs. Stab, Mr. Garza, Johnny Walker, and Elana get into a huddle. Elana’s beehive bobs up and down as she explains the plays. Sophia and Jenna carefully approach. Stab pulls them in to play. Lulu, Linc, Miguel, and Officer Gale warm up with the ball. Chip and Robbie join them.

Alexis pulls out her iPhone and snaps pictures of Linc and Stab looking fabulously fit. She points the camera on the sidelines and snaps shots of Fiona looking gorgeously glam, cheering Linc on. Breathtakingly beautiful Slovinia stands next to her, laughing and clapping every time Stab catches the ball.

Lulu, flushed and exhausted, runs off the field toward Alexis.

ALEXIS

(under her breath)

OK, Happy Academy Awards Day, Pop Girls!

Lulu’s eyes focus on Alexis’s phone screen.

ALEXIS

(tapping and scrolling away)

I want those wannabes to see what they missed. Tara Falls’s pre-Oscar party fell flat. A big whoop that went nowhere. No stars showed.

LULU

How’d you know?

ALEXIS

It’s already online, my behind-the-times sister!

LULU

Hey, wait a minute! Did you just send the photos you took to TMZ?

ALEXIS

Lu, I’m impressed you know THE hot online celebrity gossip site.

LULU

Hey, I didn’t spend weeks marooned on Pop Girl Island and not learn something!

ALEXIS

Well, what Pop Girls are learning right now is that if they’d come to your party with Jenna, they’d have gotten their nails done with Fiona, eaten chips and salsa with Stab, and played football with Linc.

LULU

Lex, can you follow me on Instagram?

ALEXIS

(looks right at Lulu)

What?!

Lulu pulls out Jenna’s phone and shows Alexis her pictures: Stab chowing down tamales and Mr. Garza and Stab grinning, arms around each other.

LULU

I’ve posted them but, I, ummmm, only have one follower. Jenna. And, right now she’s trying to steal a football from Officer Gale—

ALEXIS

On it!

Alexis’s fingers tap and bob faster than a rock star plucking guitar strings.

FIONA

(joining her daughters)

So fun!

(stops and checks her phone)

I’m getting all these pings from my publicist saying the photos on TMZ are the talk of Hollywood. No one has a family like ours, outside playing football on Academy Awards Day. Great photos, Lex!

Alexis beams at her mother’s praise.

ALEXIS

Mom, please request Lulu on Instagram and give her a shout-out. Oh, and then like and repost her photos. ’K?

FIONA

Sure. And should I repost them on Linc’s Instagram also?

LULU and ALEXIS

YES!

Within a minute, Fiona zaps out Lulu’s photos to all her and Linc’s followers, who number in the thousands.

FIONA

Done.

Fiona puts her phone away.

FIONA

OK, it’s mere hours before the Academy Awards, and I feel totally calm and relaxed. Incredible.

Fiona rests her head on Alexis’s shoulder and grabs hold of Lulu’s hand.

LULU

Mom, would you say that sometimes life’s so lulu it’s even BETTER than the movies?

Fiona’s gorgeous face breaks into a wide smile.

FIONA

Well, I think my answer right now is that life can be better than a movie if you let it.

ALEXIS

Don’t worry, Fiona. We won’t tell anyone you said that.

Fiona tosses an arm around each of her daughters’ waists.

Camera pulls back. Wide shot of football game, Lulu, Alexis, and Fiona, all washed in the afternoon sunshine.

CUT!! I gotta say my mother and father hanging out at the party with me and my sister means the world, all the planets, the sun, all the stars, and the moon to me. Who needs L.A.’s famous Griffith Observatory? Return to ACTION!!

SCENE 11: A HOLLYWOOD ENDING

INT. LINC AND FIONA’S HUGE BEDROOM SUITE—SUNDAY 3:00 P.M.

Fiona and Linc dress for the Oscars. Alexis and Lulu zip, button, and hook their mother into a flowing, ivory-colored gown that looks spectacular with her up-do.

Alexis and Lulu look through their mom’s jewelry. Lulu holds up a blue tourmaline stone necklace.

LULU

How about this?

FIONA

Well, the Oscars is a rather diamond-y night.

(turning to Alexis)

Lex, what necklace?

ALEXIS

(excited to be asked a style question by her glam perfect mother)

Well, the envelope, please: DIAMONDS!

(everyone giggles)

Those blue stones are too casual. You have your own hyper-sparkling Cartier jewels Dad bought you. Wear these…

Fishing through Fiona’s jewel case, Alexis pulls out a glittering diamond necklace.

FIONA

Lulu, I gotta go with Lex on this one. But, would you like this necklace as a birthday present? Here…

(hands blue stone necklace to Lulu)

Looks magnificent with your green eyes.

LULU

Mom, uhh, I love these. But, like, what do I wear it with?

ALEXIS

Well, not orange.

Lulu scrunches her face to pretend she’s angry at her sister. She then cradles the necklace and thinks a moment.

LULU

(slowly)

Ummmmm, well, for my birthday present, I was gonna ask you and Dad if I could make donations to Heal the Bay, Save the Redwoods League, Audubon Society, and—

FIONA

Give me a list, Lulu, and we’ll go over it together. We can support those causes as a family.

LULU

Well, I was also gonna ask about some money I need for an investment.

FIONA

Do you want to buy a whole forest?

ALEXIS

Or ocean?

LULU

No, a taco truck! You see, Señor Garza needs money to keep his truck. Things haven’t been so great lately.

Linc overhears the conversation, having walked into Fiona’s dressing area. His bowtie hangs undone around his neck.

LINC

Done!

FIONA

No, you’re not done. Your tie!

LINC

I mean, Garza’s truck. Lulu already saved it.

All stare at him. He acts like he doesn’t notice but then lets his face erupt into a huge smile.

LINC

Seems three women in this room have been posting pictures of Stab eating food from the Taco Truck.

LULU

You mean my pictures?! The ones I took?

LINC

Yup. Those pictures have been flying all over the world! In the last hour, Mr. Garza has had so many requests for everything from food to interviews, he and Miguel are the newest L.A. food celebrities!

Lulu dashes to her dad, but he holds up his hand.

LINC

Lulu, don’t come any closer. Your mother’s gonna kill me if I get messed up or smell like cilantro, garlic, and onion.

Linc and Lulu laugh. Fiona comes over and ties her husband’s bow tie.

LINC

(affectionately to his wife)

Nice necklace.

ALEXIS

(to Fiona)

Wearing a necklace Linc bought you does make you extra cool. You might be the only lady at the Awards tonight who actually owns her jewelry.

LULU

What do you mean? Is everyone else there a jewel thief?

FIONA

Lex, you might be right.

(to Lulu)

Any star who might be photographed on the red carpet is given clothes, shoes, and jewels to wear to the Oscars. All the top designers want a famous person to wear their creations in front of the cameras.

LULU

Wow, for free? Why didn’t you do that?

FIONA

I did. But you guys canceled my appointment with my stylist. She got so mad she gave my wardrobe for tonight to someone else!

LULU

How funny is that? Some star is gonna be wearing the dress and jewelry you were supposed to wear!

FIONA

(shooting a look at Lulu)

I didn’t think it was too funny this morning.

HARRISONS’ GRAND FRONT MOTOR COURT—3:30 P.M.

Petal sits behind the wheel of the Escalade. Reaching through the window, Lulu hands Petal the car keys, hugs her around the shoulders, then bounces off to sit with Sophia on the front steps of the house. The girls plan a super-fab Academy Awards night sleepover (Sophia gets to sleep over, even though it’s a school night).

Alexis leans against the car. Her iPhone is already set to camera.

Watson slowly waddles over from the party tent.

LULU

Here comes the last party guest. Watson closed down the Spa-tacular.

ALEXIS

He smells like a mixture of frosting and salsa.

LULU

I hope he doesn’t puke.

Watson trudges past them and lies down a few feet away.

The girls spin around as soon as they hear the front door open.

Linc and Fiona exit the house. Linc escorts Fiona to the car while Alexis takes pictures.

Lulu and Sophia call out “Go Silver Water,” and “Go Linc Harrison!” Suddenly, a muffled cell phone chirps like a trapped bird. Fiona hesitates, then opens a beaded evening purse.

FIONA

(to Linc)

Sorry. I just have to. You never know.

(flips open a tiny phone)

Fiona speaking.

Linc imitates Fiona—standing still, head cocked, face serious, listening. When Fiona sees him, she smiles and playfully waves him away.

FIONA

(hanging up)

Well, that was good news.

LULU

What was?

FIONA

Lex, you’re coming with us! That was the director of tonight’s show who called me personally to say he got me an extra ticket. Just do a quickie glam-o change. Petal can drop us and come back for you.

In L.A.’s hazy, pinkish, late afternoon light, Alexis first looks at her mother with gleeful surprise then turns and looks over at Lulu and Sophia scrunched together on the front steps. Lulu understands instantly.

LULU

Lex, you should go. How mucho cool to see the Academy Awards live! People all over the world will be watching. And you’d be there when Mom and Dad win!

Alexis looks at her parents, who twitch, eager to get going. Alexis places one arm around Fiona and her other arm around Linc.

ALEXIS

(looking at her mother)

No, thank you, Fiona. Très incredible of you to score me a ticket, but I’m gonna hang with Lulu, Sophia, and Elana. And Robbie’s gonna come back and watch here too.

(to Lulu and Sophia)

Well, you guys did say something about making popcorn and plopping onto the comfy screening room couch to watch the Oscars, right?

LULU

Popcorn balls. We’re making salted caramel popcorn balls.

PETAL

Hate to pull the plug, amigos, but we need to motor into the monster of all L.A. traffic to get to the Dolby Theater.

SOPHIA

So that Mr. Harrison can pick up his Oscar.

LINC

(soft, witty twang)

Well, ladies, popcorn balls could get me to skip out on getting any old Academy Awards. But I have a date with this drop-dead gorgeous lady here, and I won’t cancel.

Fiona’s laugh tinkles like delicate crystal bells.

Linc takes his wife’s arm as they blow dramatic kisses to all. The girls blow huge, goofy kisses back. Linc and Fiona disappear into the car.

Lulu pops up, linking one arm through her sister’s and the other through Sophia’s. Lulu leads them up the grand steps into the Harrison home.

LULU

And now, the winner is…

(dramatic pause)

Lulu Harrison!

SOPHIA

(pulls her arm free to clap)

Oh, yes!

(slight British accent)

It was a brilliant birthday! A party that entertained guests from all over the world!

ALEXIS

You had an awesome birthday, right?

LULU

THE best. But right now I wanna make one more birthday wish. Well, not exactly a wish. More like that extra candle you blow out for good luck.

Alexis screams.

ALEXIS

OMG! That gross animal should have his mouth glued SHUT.

Lulu and Sophia stare at the pug gobbling a hot, chunky pile on the driveway.

LULU

Not even Watson chowing his barf is gonna let me forget this wish. Ready?

ALEXIS and SOPHIA

YES!

LULU

Here it is: I want to write scripts that you, Lex, and Dad can act in, and Fiona and I can direct.

ALEXIS

That’s incredible, Lulu! You don’t even like movies.

LULU

Well, it just has to be the right script!

Camera zooms in on the three girls laughing and then slowly fades out.

THE END