We swirl and swirl and swirl until, finally, the wheelie bin lands.
Terry is studying the chronometer.
‘Well,’ I say, ‘is this six and a half years before the treehouse was built?’
‘Um … not exactly,’ says Terry, ‘but we’re definitely getting closer … now we’re in the year 65,000 BC.’
I open the lid of the bin. ‘Wow, look!’ I say. ‘Cave men!’
‘And cave women!’ says Terry. ‘And cave children and … cave dogs!’
‘They don’t look very happy,’ I say.
‘No,’ says Terry. ‘They look kind of bored.’
‘Well, it’s no wonder, really,’ I say. ‘I mean, they are living in the Stone Age. All the really good stuff hasn’t been invented yet. There are no books, no TV, no treehouses! There’s nothing to do.’
Terry goes up to them and says, ‘Hi, I’m Terry. How are you?’
‘Bored,’ says a cave man.
‘Why don’t you draw something?’ says Terry. ‘That’s what I do when I’m bored.’
‘“Draw something”?’ grunts one of the cave men. ‘What is “draw”? What is “something”?’
‘What is “draw something”?’ says one of the cave women.
Terry is shocked. ‘They don’t even know what drawing is!’ he says.
‘It hasn’t been invented yet, remember?’ I say. ‘They don’t have pens, pencils, spooncils or paper. How could they know about drawing?’
‘But what about drawing in the dirt with sticks?’ says Terry. ‘They could do that. They’ve got lots of sticks and plenty of dirt.’
Terry kneels down and starts showing the cave people how to draw in the dirt with a stick.
‘Now you try,’ he says, giving them each a stick.
The cave people try to do some drawings with their sticks, but (no offence, cave people) they’re not very good. Even I can draw better than that, and I can’t even draw.
‘Here,’ says Terry, joining up the random marks one of the cave children has done. ‘I’ll show you how to make that into a really cool picture.’
The cave people get very excited.
‘Do it again!’ they grunt. ‘Do it again!’
And they get even more excited.
So Terry does it for a third time.
‘Now I’ll show you painting,’ says Terry.
‘“Painting”?’ says a cave man. ‘What is “painting”?’
Terry quickly makes a brush out of some stiff grass and a stick and mixes up some dirt and water.
‘This is painting,’ he says. ‘You dip your brush in the mud and then daub it on the wall … like this.’
A few of the cave people copy him.
‘That’s it!’ says Terry proudly. ‘I think you’ve got it!’
It’s not long before the cave people have covered every possible surface—ground, cave wall and even skin—with drawings and paintings.
‘Look!’ says Terry. ‘They’ve done a Barky the Barking Cave Dog comic strip!’
‘Oh no!’ I say. ‘I hate Barky!’
‘Don’t be silly,’ says Terry. ‘Everybody loves Barky! Even cave people!’
‘“Barky”?’ says the inspector. ‘What’s “Barky”?’
‘Only the world’s most boring TV show!’ I say.
‘If you run along beside it really fast, it’s just like watching a cartoon,’ says Terry.
‘“Cartoon”?’ says one of the cave women. ‘What is “cartoon”?’
‘See for yourself,’ says Terry. ‘Just follow me.’
‘Okay, that’s enough now!’ I say. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Just one more turn?’ says the inspector. ‘I love Barky!’
‘See, what did I tell you, Andy?’ says Terry. ‘Everybody loves Barky … even the inspector!’
‘We have to go,’ I say firmly. ‘We’ve got a building permit office to get to.’
‘But I haven’t taught the cave people about mixed media and installations … or performance art,’ says Terry.
‘Don’t rush them,’ I say. ‘There’ll be plenty of time for that in the future. Come on!’
We climb into the bin and Terry starts adjusting the chronometer. ‘I think I’ve got it this time,’ he says.
‘That’s what you said last time,’ I say.
‘I know,’ he says. ‘The six and the five are working fine. It’s just the zeros I was having trouble with, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got them working nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww …’
