Chapter Thirty-Four

 

 

Av stood on the porch, a cup of tea in one hand as he leaned on the rail with both elbows. Being outside was so much easier than being inside. Each day was agony for him to live through and he was pretty certain his father knew it.

The broken rib wasn't supposed to happen. Ribs were difficult to heal, what with the chest expanding and contracting with breath all the time. A cold had come into the home, first into Mie, thanks to his day out in the cold, then to Av, probably for the same reason, then into Ervam. The coughing definitely did not help a healing rib.

When Nae had visited to check on Anue and Ervam, she had brought a binding and thrown it at Av's head. She had then proceeded to take a strip off of him, thinking he was denying his own father the medicines that would numb his pain and aid his healing.

Av had dragged the healer off the porch and around the bend, where he had given her a lecture the likes of which she wouldn't soon forget. It was eating him up inside, but the old man wouldn't accept anything to numb the pain because that would mean that Av won.

“Stubborn son of a—” Av stopped speaking when the door opened.

He kept his features carefully neutral, and tried to look as if he were surveying the lake as the door closed again. Jer joined him, letting out a puff of air. The two of them watched the cloud of breath trickle away. Av tried to do the same, but nothing came out. Jer looked at Av, then huffed out an annoyed sound as he buttoned up his coat.

“Hiding out here won't change the fact that he's in there, suffering,” Jer said.

“I know that, but it keeps me from leaping off the edge,” Av said.

“Just let him take the tea,” Jer said, raising his voice and then lowering it all at once.

In his attempt to hide from his own pain, Av had neglected to see to Jer's feelings. His brother was torn up about the fight, trying to keep the peace between warrior and trainer, to prevent them from coming to blows in front of the children.

Av struggled with his own feelings, buried them down deep. He set the cup on the railing.

“He is the one who won't take it,” Av said, turning his full attention to Jer. “All he has to do is submit.”

“You are denying him what he needs.”

“He doesn't need it,” Av said to Jer. “He wants it. It would make his life easier, would numb his pain. If he needed something? His desires be damned, I would make him drink it or he'd drown as I dumped it down his throat.”

“The cough is getting worse,” Jer said.

“I'll send for Nae,” Av said.

“Healers can't do anything for a cough,” Jer said to Av. “If I lose him because you two can't get along, I will be very upset.”

Av stepped up to Jer and wrapped his arms around his brother. He drew the younger man close and hugged him tight, held onto him as if he wouldn't let Jer go, not ever.

“You have to do-up the bindings because he won't let me touch him, and I know that must hurt you,” Av said in a whisper. “I'm sorry it hurts you. But if he won't submit, he can't have it. Have you not put it together yet?”

“No, besides the fact that he made a choice that you didn't like,” Jer said. “With your mood since Laeder's visit, it's hard to guess what set it off. You've every right to go off—someone you love is in pain and hurting—but so is someone we both love.”

“I wasn't supposed to break a rib,” Av said, pulling away from Jer. “I lost control. Only for a moment. And now I have to watch him suffer and be stubborn and not submit. But I made my stance, I cannot back down now.”

“For what purpose?” Jer asked.

“He said she couldn't have anything to numb the pain because when a queen is numbed, her magic floods the land no matter whose territory she's on,” Av said.

“What's that matter?” Jer asked.

Av watched the idea turn over in Jer's mind. The man came to the conclusion, his eyes going a little wider and he pulled away from Av.

“It had to be done, Jer,” Av said. “You can't make a girl suffer just because an old man is still suffering.”

“She's still here?” Jer asked, looking around them, at the yard, to the porch, to their father's home. “After all these years?”

“She's not. Mother is long gone—not long gone, but long to the other side. All that remained here was her magic.”

“That's why he still grieves,” Jer said.

“It's also why he won't give in,” Av said.

“At least tell me it hurts,” Jer said.

“It does,” Av said. He held up a hand when Jer tried to say something else. “It hurts me in ways I cannot put words to because I know I'm not only making him submit to me, but I'm erasing the last of her from everything.” He paused to consider. “What kind of a son does that to his own parents?”

“It's been weeks,” Jer said. “She's already gone. We didn't even feel it. This land belongs to Anue now. Which is a frightening thought. She's too young to hold land.”

“Especially when she's linked to Aren,” Av said.

“You know about that?” Jer asked.

“You're kind of stupid sometimes,” Av muttered.

“No, about what the healer said to me, about Anue,” Jer said, watching Av for a time. “She didn't think Anue's arm should have broken, given the force a young boy, even a young warrior, can give off. Sure, we're stronger than the average man, but that's after years of training. Some of the guard can take on the weaker warriors and win. Mie's barely old enough to know that he has a mind, let alone be able to tap into whatever it is that makes us stronger.”

“He's also years younger than I was when I first dropped into that crazy state,” Av said. “And you followed along behind, but there're no other ranks in the village to have triggered him.”

“And the only man with answers isn't talking to either of us and while he's aware of Mie's state, isn't sharing with the rest of the group,” Jer muttered.

“Let's focus on the family problem, not other reasons to get him to submit,” Av said.

“It makes it easier to go back inside,” Jer said. “Like walking into a wall of knives. And you out here, hiding from him. Why don't you spend more time inside, like you've got a pair of balls?”

“Balls do not promise the ability to stand against someone like Father,” Av said. “Mother could do it, but she didn't have balls.”

“The way he tells it, she had a pair elsewhere,” Jer said. “Though I never understood what that meant.”

Av laughed, immediately understanding, yet it had never occurred to him before. Jer stared at him, cocking his head to the side. In response, Av motioned as if he had a pair of breasts. To which Jer stood and stared at Av's chest, frowning.

“I don't get it,” he said.

“Mother had a giant pair, just they weren't between her legs, they were hanging off her chest.”

Jer’s frown deepened. Then it seemed to dawn on him as his eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. It was a ridiculous idea, yet Av had heard guards say almost the same thing about the women Av had chased as lovers. For a while Em had tried to convince others that Av was gay by claiming he liked those with balls. The guards had retaliated by declaring that of course Av liked a person with giant balls... attached to her chest.

“If only she were here,” Jer said. “She'd—”

Av watched Jer frown and look away. “She'd what?”

“You get in that house, right now,” Jer said, jabbing a finger at the door. “Now, Av.”

Confused, Av obeyed. Walking into the house was terrifying for him, like being dropped into freezing waters, like walking into a wall of knives on purpose. A trainer's rage was a special sort of anger, one of the only things that could pierce the warrior who had annoyed the trainer.

His father sat before the fire, a blanket across his legs. That much, at least, Ervam had allowed Jer to do but only to set a good example for Anue. The girl sat in another seat by the fire, pillows tucked around her, a blanket tucked up over her legs and up to her chest. In her lap was a book, which she had insisted on being able to turn the pages herself.

Mie was on the floor, his back to Anue's seat. The position was one that Av recognized. Mie was literally watching that which Anue could not. The little warrior turned his attention to Av and Jer, walking into the house. Av saw how Mie relaxed just slightly, but not entirely, when he recognized his brothers.

Jer went about boiling water and making tea with the herbs that Nae had provided for Anue. He set the mug on the table and then gave Av a look that dared him to question him.

“Ervam,” Jer said. The use of his name, instead of calling him Father, caught the trainer's attention despite the pain that had to have been clouding his vision. “Come here.”

Ervam stood slowly, setting the blanket on the chair before he approached the dining table and looked at Jer.

“Have a seat, both of you,” Jer said, then looked at Av.

Taking in a breath, Av took a seat. His father did the same. Jer set his hands on the back of the chair before him and stared down at the two older men. He kept the height for a reason, Av knew.

“We, are a damned family,” Jer said. “Family doesn't fight, family doesn't bicker. It doesn't beat one another into a pulp for the sake of petty arguments.”

“It's out of your control,” Ervam said.

“You keep quiet, unless I ask you a question, Ervam. Because I know what you did, and unless you want the entire house to know, you will not speak.”

Av glanced at the children, who were suddenly watching them.

He recalled, dimly, such a conversation between his mother and his father and a warrior. He couldn't recall who the warrior had been, but he remembered a fight. Mirmae, the queen, could pull off such a trick, a queen could make demands on other ranks. Jer was not a queen, he was simply a warrior.

Ervam relaxed himself slowly. Shame prevented him from revealing what he had claimed before. Av knew then that he had won. His father regretted the decision, his impulsive words, but wouldn't give in to Av out of pride alone.

“You are both stupid,” Jer said. “But you, Ervam? You are aged, beyond your prime. Do you want to die? Do you want to set a terrible example for not only other ranks, but for your sons? Is that what you want? For Mie to lose his mother and his father within the span of six months because you're too stubborn to do what is right?”

“What is right?” Ervam asked.

Jer slammed his hand onto the table, making everyone flinch. “You care for your body. You make certain that your body is able to survive. No matter your damned pride. If you need water to live, you suck a dick to get water.”

“Jer, there are children present,” Av said.

“I don't need anything to live,” Ervam said.

“But you aren't respecting your body, and it has served you good and well,” Jer countered. “Anue, don't worry about eating full meals, I'm sure your mother was right.”

“What are you saying?” the trainer snapped, standing too quickly. An arm wrapped around his ribs, and he curled as the motion caused pain. Ervam gritted his teeth and growled out the pain. “Are you mad? You don't tell a queen that.”

“And you don't set a poor example for the children,” Jer said.

He picked up the mug of tea and set it before Ervam. Jer said not another word, simply pulling out the chair and sitting, watching the trainer expectantly.

Av wanted to run and hide. He did not want to be a part of this. When he looked to Jer for help, he found that annoyed glare turned to him. Av, too, was being punished for not ending this sooner.

Jer was not stronger than either of them, but the bonds he had created with them over the years were stronger than any muscle might have been. His brother counted on those bonds being strong enough to survive a test. Av could only pray that Jer was right.

There was a very long, awkward silence as Jer glared at Av.

Then their father said, “Fine,” and dragged the mug towards himself.