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SHE KNEW SHE SHOULD probably have left it as it was, especially after he hadn’t replied to her last text. But she wished him a happy birthday anyway. It couldn’t do any harm. At least that’s what she’d told herself the previous week when she’d contacted him.
Dan had replied straight away, and she’d fallen right back into heady excitement. Since then, the constant clock-watching and phone-checking had been driving her mad. But she wasn’t obsessed, she told herself. Or a saddo. No, she bore no resemblance to the type of trollops who lived on the rough estate near her mother’s cul-de-sac. Those women thought nothing of chasing down the green at two in the morning, in slippers and a curry-stained dressing gown, sobbing, ‘Lenny, don’t leave me.’ In any case, unlike Lenny, Dan hadn’t told her to ‘Ef off, you slapper’ – he’d welcomed the chance to meet up. She’d reasoned that since he’d taken her out for a birthday meal before they’d split up, it was only fair she returned the favour. Nothing desperate about that.
***
MICHELLE HAD BEEN HANGING around the ladies for a quarter of an hour after arriving early. She leaned over, ruffled up her hair and gave it one last blast of hairspray, then applied another coat of lip gloss, smoothed her brows, and straightened her top. The black ribbed vest clung to her shape without showing too much flesh, and the fake tan made her upper arms appear more toned than they actually were. The jeans and wedged heels completed the, hopefully, sexy-without-trying-too-hard look. She checked her reflection in the floor length mirror and smiled, satisfied with the effect the miles she’d clocked up were having on her body.
She stepped through the doorway, saw Dan walk into the pub, and darted straight back in. Peeping around the doorframe, she watched him cross the room. He leaned casually against the bar, one foot resting on the brass pole running along the bottom. Her eyes were drawn to the outline of his thigh muscle through his jeans. He’d obviously been clocking up a few miles, too.
As she approached him, Dan turned, saving her from having to speak first, or tap him on the arm, or do anything else that might make her look clumsy or stupid.
‘You’re looking good, girl,’ he said, scooping her up into a huge hug.
Intoxicated by his familiar scent and the feel of his skin against her cheek, Michelle slipped back into that state of being aware of nothing more than the present moment and the desire to melt into him.
They chose a table in the corner next to a window looking out onto a field. She’d never noticed the horses before. The pub could have been in the heart of the Northumberland countryside, rather than on the side of the busy A1 somewhere between Durham and Newcastle.
The conversation flowed easily. At one point, Dan had to take a call and strolled outside. Michelle watched him walk over to the door, mesmerized by his every move. She felt complete. Even the Fermín money situation and worries about her blue mark didn’t feel so threatening when Dan was around. There was something about his presence that made her feel defenceless yet safe.
It was towards the end of lunch that disappointment began to set in. She told him about the holiday, and Judy’s attempts to get her to try internet dating, surreptitiously scrutinizing his expression for a hint of jealousy. Nothing.
He pushed his empty plate away and stretched back in the chair. ‘You should try it. You never know, you might meet someone.’
The words stung. Not even a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. In fact, he was smiling at her, as if he was pleased to hear she’d moved on. Michelle went into a head spin. She’d suggested meeting as friends, but she hadn’t meant it – it was something she’d said to avoid looking like a clingy stalker. She might not have been planning to get back with him on that particular day, but she’d taken comfort in the possibility he might want to. And though she felt like donning slippers, a dirty dressing gown and bolting down the green screaming like a banshee, she couldn’t risk him knowing how she really felt. Change the subject, quickly...
‘So, how’s life treating you?’ Light, breezy, no indication of devastation.
According to Dan, life was tickety-bloody-boo. Apparently, even Penny had turned over a new leaf.
Michelle felt her barriers closing around her. There was no way she could confide in him now about her current problems.
‘She allows me to hug her more often these days.’
Michelle felt faint. He’s hugging Penny? How could he touch another woman, when she couldn’t look at another man? Lenny, don’t leave me...
‘Does that mean you’ve changed your plans to split up?’ She was vaguely aware of her nails digging into her palms.
Dan couldn’t see her heart ripping, nor the mad rage trying to get out and slap him unconscious. He was staring up out of the corner of the window, head tilted to one side in philosophical mode. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘sex isn’t everything, is it? I mean, there’s more to marriage than sex.’
It’s a marriage again? Was he saying their own relationship had been about nothing more than sex? ‘So, Penny’s gone from being like a sister to a wife?’
‘I don’t know what you’re getting at.’
Dan, her huge warrior of a man, was shrinking before her eyes. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him he’d lost his balls. Instead, she smiled.
He looked at Michelle, his brow furrowed. ‘Why do you think I’m here?’
She fixated on shredding a beer mat. ‘I don’t know, you tell me.’
He stared into his cup. ‘I don’t know.’
Where had her mighty, strong, amazing Dan gone? Where was the Dan who’d prayed that she’d still be single when he left Penny?
***
BY THE TIME MICHELLE found Sara sitting on a seat opposite WHSmith, the pain in her head was vice-like. Her plan for a wonderful, romantic lunch with Dan, followed by a lovely afternoon shopping for holiday clothes, had turned into a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. His words played on a loop in her head.
Little did she know it was about to take a turn for the worse.
‘Hello.’ Audrey appeared from behind the pillar next to Sara. ‘I thought it would be nice to have a wander around the shops with you.’
Sara looked at Michelle and sighed. ‘Nana’s ankle is hurting. The one she broke on holiday that time.’ She spread her arms and gave a half-twirl. ‘I mean, it’s not as if the Metro Centre is a massive place for someone with a dicky ankle to walk around, is it?’
‘You should have worn your trainers, Mam,’ said Michelle. ‘How long have you been trailing?’
‘What?’ said Audrey aghast. ‘I don’t go out in trainers. What would people think?’
‘Hmm... When you sprained your ankle, you didn’t worry about what people thought when Tom and I had to make a fireman’s chair with our arms and carry you around Calella in the August heat.’
Sara rolled her eyes at Michelle. ‘We’ve just arrived.’ She turned to Audrey. ‘Nana, can we at least have a look in River Island? It’s not far from here.’
Audrey linked them and hobbled towards the shop, craning her neck to look down the mall. ‘Is that a Costa along there? A weak latte might help.’
‘Let’s do a little bit of shopping first. I won’t have much chance to get back here for holiday stuff before we go,’ said Michelle.
Sara laughed. ‘Remember when you and Grandad were carrying Nana, and I nearly got trampled by that donkey?’
‘Yes, I’d saved up for three years for a holiday. I didn’t even want to go to Spain.’ She shot her mother a sideways glance. ‘Nana persuaded me.’
‘A five-year old shouldn’t have been left to wander around alone,’ said Sara.
‘No.’ Audrey nodded at Michelle. ‘You should’ve been holding the bairn’s hand.’
Sara turned away to hide her giggles.
‘I need to get back for Trevor soon, mind you,’ said Audrey. ‘Tom’s at the dentist.’
‘He’ll have to wait. I’m not being controlled by a poodle,’ said Michelle. ‘It’ll take as long as it takes.’
Although it was only the beginning of July, the summer sales had started. What a pity to miss an opportunity to root through the bargains, thought Michelle. In the end, Audrey had to be deposited in Costa with her weak latte, while they shot off around the shops.
Michelle surprised herself at the amount of purchases she managed to make in half an hour. The upside of not going away with Dan was that she no longer cared what her clothes looked like. Had Sara not snatched them from her trolly, she’d have bought a load of baggy flowery dresses with elasticated waists. In fact, it was Sara who’d chosen most of the items for her.
It was on their way back to collect Audrey, that Michelle spotted an advert for tattoos in the window of a swanky new beauty parlour. She nipped in and picked up a leaflet from a stick-thin girl with perfect eyebrows and a half-shaven head. The salon was spotlessly clean, convincing her it was the perfect place for her tattoo. All she needed was the go ahead from the dermatologist on Friday.
As it happened, they needn’t have rushed. When they returned to Costa, Audrey had disappeared.
Sara dumped her bags on the ground. ‘Damn... Why does she do things like this?’
‘Well, she can’t have gone far with her peg leg,’ said Michelle.
‘But she’s a bloody midget. How the hell are we going to find her in the crowd? We’ll have to report her missing.’
They spent an hour searching the nearby shops for Audrey. She was eventually located in Wallis, further away than she should have been able to hobble, admiring a burnt orange cardigan.
‘I love autumn colours...’ she said, holding the garment up to the light.
‘You were supposed to be waiting in Costa. We’ve trailed all over, looking for you. There was hardly any time to shop,’ snapped Michelle
A sales assistant tutted and gently patted Audrey’s shoulder. ‘Ooh, does she always speak to you like that, pet?’
‘Yes. And I’m nearly seventy,’ said Audrey, with the most innocent expression Michelle had ever seen.
‘Right, come on, Nana. We’re going home before someone calls “Granny Line”.’
Michelle and Sara struggled off, laden with bags and supporting Audrey and her gammy ankle between them.
***
RETURNING HOME TO FIND six voice-messages from Fermín on the answer machine was the last straw. Michelle deleted the recordings without listening to them, bundled up the paperwork she’d prepared and shot out to the Post Office. She made it with minutes to spare before it closed. Once she had handed the three large envelopes to the lady at the counter, she exhaled in relief.
Every piece of remotely linked information had been copied, translated and collated into files. To be on the safe side, she’d sent one to the Spanish bank, one to Fermín’s solicitor and one to the Town Hall in Pamplona. If she’d remembered correctly, the Ayuntamiento was where all residents were registered. She’d made extra copies, too, in case she thought of anywhere else to send them. Hopefully that would suffice, and she wouldn’t need to hire an expensive international solicitor.
By the time she got back, she was on a roll. She fired off another email to her father. This time, not such a submissive one. She told him just what life had been like for her mother, Gary and herself after he walked out. She was clear and firm in letting him know that it had been unacceptable to leave them in dire straits. He’d behaved disgracefully and should be ashamed of himself. In fact, he should be grateful to her mother for picking up the reins so that he could swan off without any baggage. He needed to show her mother the respect she deserved – under no circumstances should he think of returning to live in Ashpeth.
Right, thought Michelle, as she clicked Send, time to wake up and stop being such a pushover. Dan, Fermín and her father could all go screw themselves.
