Mary had killed a man.
Feeling numb, she watched Lou pace a few feet away, engaged in discussion with a man in a wrinkled suit, maybe his superior. The crowded, busy office of the bureau wasn’t what she’d expected. The rooms bustled with business. Telephones rang and rang, adding to the flow of conversation and creating an atmosphere of bare walls and cacophony.
She and Josie waited on a hard bench while Lou tried to straighten out their situation. Beside her, Josie sipped hot chocolate a kind man had brought for them a few minutes ago. Her legs swung in a pendulum rhythm and she didn’t smile.
Mary gripped her own cup of chocolate, an immense pressure compressing her heart. This was her fault. If only she hadn’t taken Josie from that house. She should never have tried to do things her way. If only she’d prayed for wisdom this afternoon instead of going with her instincts...
Because of her foolishness, someone lay dead. Not only that, but Langdon was missing and a little girl had been through far too much. The blame for Josie’s fright rested solely on her shoulders, and that knowledge crept through her like a slow poison. She swirled her hot chocolate, watching the curves in the liquid disappear and then reappear.
If onlys never changed anything. She wished they could.
Movement at the corner of her vision drew her attention from the cup to the center of the room. Lou threw his hands in the air and stalked away from the man he spoke to. His agitation shook Mary even more. She blinked hard, her lids burning and gritty. How had this happened?
But she knew exactly how.
Thinking she should manage things on her own. Leaving no room for help, not even from her Savior.
Where could she go from here? How could she escape this disgrace? This guilt? For it tore at her, shredding her tattered confidence, leaving her protected by nothing but a rag not worth stitching back together.
“Mary.” Lou stood before her, drawn and unsmiling. “Can I talk to you alone?”
She cast a look at Josie, who blew bubbles in her hot chocolate.
“An agent friend’s wife will be here in a moment to sit with her,” he said softly.
She touched Josie’s shoulders. An unforced smile came to her lips when the little girl glanced up, her mouth rimmed in chocolate. “I’m going with Mister Lou for a moment, but I’ll be right back.”
“You’re not gonna leave me, right?” Josie’s voice quivered, and Mary’s stomach clenched.
“No, sweetheart. I’ll be right over there.” She pointed outward, not really sure where Lou planned to take her.
“In that room there,” said Lou. He dropped in front of Josie and pulled a peppermint stick from his pocket. “These are good for stirring. By the time this is gone, we’ll be back. A nice lady will come and sit with you, okay?”
She nodded and reached for the stick. “It’s going to be gone fast,” she told him gravely.
A grin cracked his tired features, and a surge of emotion vaulted through Mary at his smile. “We’ll hurry then, my sweet girl. Stay here.” He patted her knee.
Mary followed him to a door that opened into a tiny room.
“Interrogations,” he explained, noticing her look. “Were you okay with yours?”
“Yes.” It had been terribly exhausting to explain how she’d ended up in the warehouse. Then the hardest part had come, describing the oomph of noise into the dim room, which she’d later found out was Lou’s hat, and then the lunge as her captor appeared right in front of her, his pistol at her nose.
She’d shot him without thinking. An immediate reaction. He hadn’t expected that she’d have a weapon. He’d dropped his gun, falling backward, clutching his belly. Gut shot. That’s what the detective told her it was called. Most often fatal.
“Hey. Come back to me.”
A feather brushed her cheek. No, Lou’s finger. He was touching her, close, his eyes so very blue and serious. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. There was nothing you could do.”
“I had to protect us.” She faltered, her voice abandoning her.
“You did good. None of this is your fault.”
“Have you found Langdon?” she asked.
“Not yet. Let’s talk privately.” He applied a soft pressure to her shoulder, moving her farther into the room. Lou tucked his hands in his pockets and studied her. “We have a situation with Langdon and Josie regarding custody. I’ve a man bringing in the family attorney right now to figure out where Josie needs to go.”
“And me?”
“You’re not being charged with anything. The shooting was clearly self-defense and we have a witness who saw him force you and Josie into the automobile.” He cocked his head. “How’d you get a pistol anyway? Let alone know how to shoot it.”
“James taught me years ago. I bought the derringer one year after a scare with wolves.”
“Where was I?”
“Working.”
An odd grimace crossed his face. Did it bother him that he hadn’t been there? Surely not...and yet a hard little knot began to grow in her stomach.
“What about the driver...the man?” She stumbled over the words, her tongue feeling thick and unwieldy. “The one who gave you the hat?”
“Don’t worry about him. I’m taking care of things.”
Exhaustion weighted every limb. “Where do I go from here?”
“Gracie and Trevor are on their way. They’re going to take you back to the ranch.” He paused. “I’ve decided not to sell it— Look at me, Mary.” He tipped her chin, his fingers warm against her skin, and she met his eyes. “I’m not going to sell the ranch. Our place is rich in history. I don’t want to lose that. While here in Portland, I realized it’s home to me in a way other places can never be.”
She blinked at his words, an onslaught of emotions rushing through her. Fear, happiness, everything coalesced into a giant wave of feeling that engulfed her and left her speechless. She touched his cheek. His unshaved skin scraped against her fingers as she cupped his jaw and held his gaze.
“I’m happy you’re keeping the ranch. You have been my hero in so many ways,” she began. “And yet I feel as though my hand is still being held.” He started to shake his head, but she stopped him with a bit of pressure from her fingers.
A rueful smile crept across his lips.
She smiled back, her riotous emotions blending together, harmonizing into a single feeling that spread through her in rich pulses of energy. “I am not going to be your housekeeper anymore. I am going to open a business and thrive.”
He reached for her hand, removed it and laced his fingers through hers. So gentle. He drew their entwined fingers against his chest.
“You are free to be whomever you want. To choose your way. I only want you happy.” His fervent words touched a place deep inside her, bringing to life a longing she finally felt free to embrace.
Without hesitating, she placed her free hand on his back, pushed upward on her toes and kissed him. Their lips met in a union of warmth that blazed into a blistering heat, burning away any reservations she may have held. His mouth slanted against hers, minty and firm. He pressed her against the wall, and she melted beneath his love.
For that was what she felt. Love radiating from him. Care. Her own blood lit with a passionate joy she hadn’t expected to ever experience.
And then everything ended. He pulled away, his breath ragged, his head hanging so she couldn’t see his face.
But that was okay. She smiled despite her own uneven breathing and the rapid pounding of her heart. She stroked the top of his head, relishing the strands beneath her fingers. It had taken twelve years, but her heart had finally healed enough for her to accept the truth.
“I love you,” she said. The words came out clear. Grinning, she said it again. “I love you, Lou Riley.”
“I know,” he groaned.
She stopped stroking his hair, her fingers lingering in a painful pause. He knew? And then it came to her that she had been foolish. Laying out her affections, thinking he returned them. Her heart strangled beneath her breastbone. She chose not to speak. She dropped her hands to her sides and waited.
He lifted his head, his eyes piercing. “I haven’t done you right, Mary. I don’t deserve your love.”
She shook her head, surprised at his words. “But of course you do—”
“No.” He gripped her shoulders. “I should have been there for you. Protected you.”
“But you did.” She touched his cheek again, amazed by the contrast of masculinity and vulnerability on his face. “God led you to us.”
He shook his head, but she stopped him from speaking by holding up a palm. “I doubted God, you know. Words can do that, dig deep holes that are not easily filled. God seemed to forsake me. Now, when I needed Him with Langdon, and so long ago, when Mendez came for me. But then you showed up. Both times, you have been there. If you hadn’t tossed your hat into that building, you may have continued past. I may have huddled with Josie in a corner until that man found us. I can’t deny how God has used you to protect me.”
“I don’t know if I can believe that.” A grimace passed across his face. “He wasn’t there with Sarah and Abby. He could have spared them, but He didn’t.”
She tried to hide her flinch. “I am truly sorry for your loss.”
Perhaps he saw something in her face that she hadn’t successfully hidden, for his features softened. “I’m not saying I’m not glad you were spared. I am, more than you can believe. You and Josie are... You’re special. I guess I’m just struggling with why God helps some but not others.”
She had no answer for him and perhaps it would be unwise to speak anyway, because her emotions tangled within and skewed her perspective. She’d confessed her love, and he’d ignored that, even bringing up his wife and daughter. She’d thought what stood between them was his job, but too late she saw she’d been wrong.
It was so much more. What she’d felt in his kiss hadn’t been love, it had been a normal, physical attraction. Her face burned at her naïveté.
He released her shoulders and took a step back. His face shuttered. “You deserve more than a washed-up agent who can’t get over the fact God gets to make all the rules. If God cares, He’ll give you someone wonderful to love.”
He already has, but the man is too stubborn to realize it. She swallowed her reply. “Will you still be going to Asia?”
“In two weeks.”
“And Langdon?”
“I’ll track him before then.”
So he planned to find Langdon after all. Frustration welled. “Shouldn’t you let objective agents look for him?”
“No, this is too important.” He cast a fervent look to the door, then leaned close to her. “The man put out a contract on me. He wants me dead, and I don’t aim to give him that pleasure. I haven’t worked out why yet, but that’s not important.”
“He and Mendez were cousins.” She watched as shock etched slackness across his features.
“Who told you that?”
“He took pride in sharing that information with me, but I also noticed a resemblance in their bone structure.” It was hard to speak over the pain of Lou’s rejection, but she forced a calm facade. “From what I can piece together, Langdon was behind Mendez’s obsession with me. The man worked for him and carried out his orders.”
“Did he tell you anything else?”
“A little more.” Only that because of her mother’s part in this drama, she’d been kidnapped for one week and the course of her life had been forever altered. “Langdon met me when I was a child. I remember him as a boy who stared too much. I suppose I had reason to be wary of him.”
“He discovered you lived with Trevor’s mother and sought you out.”
She nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“That...” Lou sucked in a deep breath, his eyes angry and bright. “Go home and rest peacefully, knowing he’ll pay for what he did to you.”
“Please don’t take revenge,” she said quietly.
“I don’t get revenge, sweetheart. I get justice.”
* * *
Two hours passed before the lawyer arrived. Trevor and Gracie followed close behind.
“Mary! Lou telephoned our hotel. I’m so sorry.” Gracie rushed forward, arms enveloping her in a gentle embrace that brought tears to her eyes. It had been too long since she’d seen her exuberant friend. Gracie had cut her hair short in a stylish bob, and her beaded dress swirled around her knees.
Mary’s smile wobbled as she extricated herself from Gracie’s grasp.
Trevor hugged her next, and she felt the support from her childhood friend in the firm pressure of his hands. He stepped back and put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. They fit well together, and his face held a peacefulness that hadn’t been there when he and Mary were growing up.
Warmth at her side brought her attention to Josie.
“This is Josie,” she told them, patting the little girl’s shoulder. She’d been too quiet today.
“A pleasure to meet you,” Gracie said in her bubbly way.
Mary glanced at the lawyer behind Trevor, a lean man with a tired air to his sunken features. A chill rippled through her—this might be the last time she saw Josie.
Lou stalked toward them. She averted her gaze. She could not bear to look at him, not after their disastrous conversation.
“Are you okay?” Gracie peered at her, eyes wide, and Mary realized she’d missed something.
“I’m sorry. Just thinking.”
“No, I shouldn’t be chatting your ear off. They’re going in for the meeting, though. I will wait out here for you. Shall I watch Josie?”
“Are you okay with that?” she asked the girl at her side. Josie’s head moved slightly and though it pained her to leave Josie again, she took her hand and brought it to Gracie’s.
“We’re going to have great fun. I know a wonderful game....” Gracie’s voice faded as Mary swiveled and headed toward the same interrogation room where Lou had kissed her. Her lips burned with the memory. Her heart ached.
He’d shot down her profession of love so easily.... Had she misread him this entire time? But surely he did not feel only brotherly things for her. No, he was a man in flux and there was nothing she could do about that. Feeling grim, she squeezed into the room.
The lawyer hadn’t bothered sitting at the little table with its scrawny chairs. Instead, the men crowded into the small space, filling it with the scent of cologne and rustling suits. Lou’s blue jeans were out of place and yet he still managed to look more comfortable than everyone else.
Even Trevor waited near the wall, his eyes sympathetic. She flashed him a weak smile and took a spot in the corner. Another man stood near Lou, perhaps a fellow agent? She huddled against the wall, feeling its bareness at her back.
The lawyer cleared his throat. “This is a highly unusual situation. Unforeseen, actually. The will is binding and unchangeable.” His eyes skittered to Mary. Did he feel her fear? She blinked and looked away.
She found Lou staring at her. His face was unreadable, his thumbs hooked into the pockets of his jeans, and yet she thought she detected regret on his face. Or maybe she imagined it. With difficulty she pulled her attention from him and focused on the lawyer who held the rest of her dreams in his hands.
Mentally she shook herself. No. God held her dreams. She must trust Him because she had nothing left, no one left, to turn to.
The lawyer held up the packet, which looked cumbersome to her. “Are all parties ready for the reading of the will?” he asked.