THIRTY

ON MONDAY MORNING, I WAKE up to arguing.

That has to be the absolute worst way to wake up.

“We need to start telling people,” my mom says, loud enough for me to overhear from their bedroom to mine. “It’s really getting close. Invitations are printed. We need to make new ones and send them out. I mean, this is nuts, Marc.”

“I’m doing the best I can, okay?” He stops talking and then I hear their bedroom door close forcefully. Great—now I have to get up and put an ear against the wall to hear this. Although I’m not sure I really want to hear this.

After that it’s muffled until I do get out of bed and put my ear against the inner wall of my closet.

“I know you are doing all you can do, and I am grateful. But we need to think big picture here. About our future,” my mom says. “You’re always very much wait-and-see, and that just isn’t working this time.”

“I can’t deal with this right now. I need to get ready for my interview. I’m running late,” my dad says, intensity in his voice. “Please. Just try and relax.”

The door opens, and I hear my dad walk down the stairs. I’m not sure what my mom is doing but she doesn’t seem to be leaving the bedroom.

“Daddy!” I hear Gemma yelp from downstairs, one of the kitchen chairs screeching against the floor. “Daddy, can you drive me to school today? Please, please.”

“Gem, I have a meeting. I’m sorry.”

“Daddy!” she whines again, and then the front door closes.

I get dressed and walk downstairs for breakfast, only to find Gemma pouting at the kitchen table.

“Daddy wouldn’t drive me to school today.”

“Gem, he had to be somewhere. Mom will drive you. Chill out, okay?”

My mom walks into the kitchen and hands me a hard-boiled egg and a piece of toast. “You gotta go, Ar. You’re gonna miss the bus.”

I’m almost at the bus stop when I get a text from Kaylan.

Kaylan: Getting a ride w/ cami 2day. See u @ skool.

Cami doesn’t even live in our section of the neighborhood, so I have no idea why she’s getting a ride with her.

So far this day is off to a terrible start—wake up to arguing, listen to little sister whining, eat hard-boiled egg on the way to the bus, ride bus alone.

No thank you, Monday.

I’m covered in negative, gloomy thoughts; a storm cloud is resting on my head. So I think back to camp and Pres and Mindfulness elective.

I try to focus on each step, feel the ground beneath my sneakers. I smell the air—crisp and a little damp.

I feel the soft cotton of my chunky red sweater against my skin.

I’m not so sure this is working, but it’s not making me feel any worse.

I get to school and walk to my locker, and Ms. Bixhorn makes an announcement over the loudspeaker that they’re interested in adding new clubs this year, and she asks if anyone has any ideas.

“Students should feel free to submit a suggestion, and then the faculty will pick the ones that seem to be the best fit. We only have room for five to seven new clubs this year, but we will reevaluate in January and see which ones have been the most successful. We are looking forward to an engaged and enthusiastic student body!”

I sit down in front of my locker and work on my doodle of the day. Kaylan and Cami walk in together, but I pretend I don’t see them. I’m not mad or anything. I just kind of want them to say hi to me first.

I keep doodling and then three hundred light bulbs go off in my brain at the same time.

It feels so bright behind my eyes that I have to blink to get my head to feel normal again.

This is it. The real chance to make my mark.

We could have a Mindfulness Club and help others who experience the same wandering thoughts that I do. I feel like it’s on the tip of everyone’s tongues, and now’s my chance to make it happen.

Can it be my broken bad habit and my make my mark at the same time?

I guess I can’t really decide if I’m making my mark yet anyway. I don’t even know if my club will be picked or if anyone will sign up.

Too soon for that one.

Kaylan plops down on the floor and stares at me, like she knows I’m thinking of something, and she waits for me to tell her what it is. But I don’t. I can’t, not yet, anyway. I need to keep it locked away in my mind until I figure out exactly how I want to approach it. And I mean, what if it doesn’t pan out? And then I’ve told her and everything? It’ll be an embarrassing failure.

“OMG! Comedy club!” Kaylan announces. “It’s gonna be great. We can perform at school events and assemblies, and then maybe even travel around to nursing homes and stuff, and make people laugh. I’ve been thinking about this all summer.”

“I love it, Kay-Kay!” I hoist myself up off the floor and readjust my backpack straps, about to walk to first period. “But you may be the only funny one in our school. Can anyone else even tell a joke?”

“Other people are funny,” June says. “What do you call a group of disorganized cats?”

I shrug. “No idea.”

“A cat-astrophe!” She slaps her leg. “See! Funny.”

I force a smile. “Good one.”

The rest of the girls all have first-period classes in the B wing, so they stay behind to wait for Amirah.

I start walking to the A wing, and then I hear whispering behind my back. But when I turn around to see what’s going on, they all stop talking.

It’s probably about nothing, but it still feels like something. Like my dress is halfway sticking into my tights, and I didn’t realize.

But I’m not even wearing a dress.

I start to feel a little guilty that I didn’t tell Kaylan my idea. But the thing is, it’s not fully formed yet. It literally just came to me. Kaylan’s been thinking about this comedy thing for a really long time.

When I see Ms. Bixhorn on the way to lunch, I pull her aside and tell her I have a really good idea for a club.

“Okay, wonderful, Arianna. Please fill out a sheet in the main office. I will review all of them and then get back to you if it seems to be a good fit.” She nods like there’s nothing more to say and she has to get going.

“I will, but I really think it’s a good idea, and I really think it will add so much to our school, and I really hope you will pick it!” I scrunch up my body tight, like that will make my case stronger. I regret saying really that many times.

“Wonderful. Thanks, Ari.” She walks away, a math textbook tucked under her right arm and her eyeglasses on the top of her head.

I gotta be honest here—I wanted a more enthusiastic response.

When I get to lunch, all the girls at the table are talking about their ideas. I’m not sure why I thought Kaylan and I were going to be the only ones passionate enough to create a club.

“Oh, I definitely want to do the coloring thing,” M.W. says. “I got so into coloring this summer. I bought every book in the bookstore. I even went to the bookstore owner about starting a coloring club, but it never got off the ground.”

Then Kaylan starts going on about the comedy troupe and everyone tells her how great it sounds.

“Advice club,” Cami says, rubbing her lips together. “I want to have a club where people can come for advice. Like an advice column, but in person, ya know?” She does a slow head nod, like she’s überproud of herself for this one.

“Not to burst your bubble, Cam,” June starts, picking the crust off of her egg salad sandwich. “But, like, advice columns work because they’re anonymous. So an advice club would be super awk, because it’d be face-to-face. Ya know?”

Cami ponders this for a second. “Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe the person giving the advice would be behind a curtain? Kind of like a priest sort of thing.”

“Cami, you’re Jewish. What do you know from priests?” Amirah laughs her deep laugh and then takes a sip of water.

“Well, I’m half-Jewish.” Cami shakes her head. “I’m just saying.” She looks down at her brown lunch bag and starts unpacking everything. “You guys, give me time to figure this out. You’re so quick to shoot down my ideas.”

“Well, we need to figure it all out before you tell Ms. Bixhorn. You want to give it the greatest chance of success,” Sydney adds, peeling an orange. “If it seems like it’s only half thought out, they may not even put it into the hat. We’re looking out for you, Cameron.”

The whole table laughs. Sydney is the only one who calls her Cameron, and for some reason it always sounds funny.

“Ari, you’re super quiet,” Kira remarks. “What’s your deal?”

I shrug. “I don’t have a deal. Just eating lunch. La-di-da.”

They all laugh again. Kaylan side-eyes me like she knows something is up because she always knows when something is up and there’s nothing I can do about it.

We all finish eating and discussing clubs and as I’m leaving the cafeteria after lunch, I bump into Marie as she’s leaving her Japanese class in the library. “I never see you anymore. I have a bunch of free guest passes for my yoga place,” she says. “Wanna come one day? You could try it again.”

I consider giving yoga another chance. “Maybe. I’ll let you know.”

“You’re so quiet, Arianna,” Marie says. “Are you off in dreamland again, thinking about your camp or whatever?”

I roll my eyes. “Nooo.” I elbow her, again reminded about how much I need to work on this mindfulness thing. “You’re so critical, Marie Mundlay Burns.”

“I hate my middle name! And you know that!” She elbows me now.

“Why? It’s your mom’s maiden name, and it’s cute,” I tell her. “You should be more proud of it.”

“Who’s proud of their middle name?” she gawks. “You’re so weird, Arianna Nodberg.”

I laugh. “My middle name is Simone, FYI. And I’m proud of it!”

“Noted.”

Marie and I walk for a little while, arms linked, laughing about middle names and who knows what else.

When we pass the gym, I tell her that I need to go to the bathroom. But it’s a lie. I really go to the main office and fill out a club idea sheet.

Name: Arianna Nodberg

Grade: 7th

Idea: Mindfulness Club

Purpose: To help the students at Brookside Middle focus on all the magic that’s right in front of all of us. To encourage the students to stay present and in the moment in our ever-changing world.

After that, I feel lighter somehow. More in control.

It’s really true—taking steps to do something, to make a change, to improve yourself or a situation does feel so much better than not really doing anything and just kind of letting it sit there.

I guess Kaylan and I knew that when we came up with the idea for the lists and stuff, but it’s always good to have a reminder.