Chapter Ten

Phoebus floated on the water, letting the comfortable familiarity of the sea ease his troubled mind. He flipped his fins, wondering if this might be one of the last times he did this.

Could he really give up being mer and embrace life with only one form?

He didn’t know.

It wasn’t just the lack of fins that troubled him. He wasn’t sure he wanted to live forever, not when it meant losing his family and friends to the ravages of time.

Caspian had assured him that he would still be able to visit Atlantis, survive under the ocean and communicate with the mer telepathically. It wasn’t as if he would become a mortal human. As an immortal, he would at least have powers that would enable him to do as the Atlanteans did.

He wondered if Caspian would let him live in the sunken city. Somehow he doubted it.

Phoebus would be much happier in the ocean than sharing the palace with Caspian’s priests.

“There you are,” Caspian said, startling Phoebus, who still wasn’t quite used to immortals appearing out of thin air. “What are you doing out here?”

Phoebus recovered his composure and settled back again. Caspian floated alongside him. “Just thinking.”

“You shouldn’t really swim so far from the guards,” Caspian warned. “It can be dangerous out here on your own.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Still, all it takes is one shark and—”

Phoebus flipped and swiped at Caspian with his tail, sending the god spinning under the water. “I’m not completely helpless, you know.”

Caspian spluttered as he righted himself. “I never said you were. I just couldn’t bear to lose you, not when we’re so close to the vote.”

Phoebus sighed and swam into Caspian’s arms. “I know. Medina’s curse really has you worried, doesn’t it?”

“You know about that?” Caspian asked. “Who told you?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not worried about it.”

“I’m probably scared enough for both of us,” Caspian admitted.

Phoebus kissed him, light and brief. “The vote is just two days away. I think I can manage to stay out of trouble until then.”

Caspian raised an eyebrow, his expression dubious.

A moment later Phoebus found himself on his back in Caspian’s bed, the god hovering over him.

“Much better,” Caspian said. “I think I’ll just keep you right here until the vote.”

Phoebus tried to give him a stern glare, but with Caspian teasing his fins, he couldn’t quite manage it. “You do remember that I’ve not made my mind up yet?”

Caspian frowned at the reminder. “Why wouldn’t you want this?”

A pointed cough in the archway provided one of the reasons. Rafe glared at them, though quickly schooled his features into a more neutral expression the moment Caspian turned to face him.

“What is it, Rafe?”

Rafe dropped to one knee. “Caspian, my god, I bring news of the offerings made in your temple in the city.”

“You can report on that later. Just distribute the offerings as normal. You know the procedure.”

Rafe continued to linger in the entrance.

“What is it?” Caspian repeated.

“Do you want some company?” Rafe asked. “It has been some time since you requested my services, and I understand you’ve not been inviting your other priests to your bed either.”

“I have all the company I need,” Caspian replied. “Please deal with the offerings and spread the word that I’m not to be disturbed for the rest of the day.”

“Very good,” Rafe said before disappearing through the archway.

Phoebus shivered, unable to shake the uneasy feeling Rafe always left him with.

“Now, where were we?” Caspian said.

Phoebus stopped his progression back down on top of him with a firm hand. “Caspian, why do your priests have to live here in the palace?”

“They have always lived here,” Caspian replied. “It’s the custom.”

“Andaman’s priests don’t live with him.”

“Andaman has never fucked his priests, so he doesn’t need them close by.”

Phoebus pushed Caspian off him and swung around. With his fins still slightly damp, he couldn’t yet rise from the bed and storm out of the room, but the lack of legs was the only thing stopping him.

“What did I say?” Caspian asked, sounding confused.

“You really have no idea, do you?” Phoebus frantically dried his tail with the sheet.

“Apparently not. Would you care to enlighten me?”

“You want to keep Rafe and the others close by, so they’re near at hand to warm your bed.”

Caspian leaped off the bed and towered over him. “Didn’t you just hear me send him away, telling him I have all the company I want?”

“Yes, I heard.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Why can’t they live in Atlantis?” Phoebus asked. “If you truly want me by your side, to share your life and build a home with you, why can’t you send them away?”

“This palace is their home.”

Phoebus finally regained his legs and he rose to stand face-to-face with Caspian. “You’re asking me to make this my home too. Don’t I get a say in this?”

“It seems that you’re already having that say,” Caspian retorted.

“I might be having my say, but you’re not exactly listening to me. If I accept your offer—if your petition is passed—you’re expecting me to share your home with a dozen other men. Half of those hate me because I’m mer, and the other half because they think I’ve stolen your affections from them.”

“They don’t hate you,” Caspian said. “If they did, I’d know. I can read their minds.”

“And they’ve had plenty of time to learn how to bury their thoughts,” Phoebus argued. “You can be right there in the room when they send their insults directly to me without you ever hearing them.”

Caspian appeared taken aback and Phoebus wondered whether he had said something he shouldn’t have.

“My priests say inappropriate things to you in my presence?” Caspian asked.

Phoebus sat back on the bed with a sigh. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Do they?” Caspian pressed.

“Yes.”

“Which ones dare to do this?”

Phoebus shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t take any notice of them. It’s only words.”

“Clearly you do take notice or you wouldn’t mention it. Now tell me who?”

“It would be easier to tell you which of them don’t taunt me,” Phoebus muttered.

Caspian sat beside him and took hold of his hand. “I’m sorry, Phoebus. I have always tried to give my priests privacy within their own heads. I dislike it when other immortals pry into my thoughts, so I try not to do it to others. I see I have been remiss in my duties though. Come. Put on a robe and follow me.”

“What are you going to do?” Phoebus asked. He made no effort to find a robe or even move from his spot on the bed. He had a bad feeling about this. The last thing he needed was for the priests to have another reason to hate him.

Caspian fetched him a robe and pulled him to his feet. He pulled the robe around him, tying the sash and straightening the fabric with a fastidiousness that Phoebus had never seen before. When he was presentable, Caspian changed his own robes with nothing more than a thought, the wet ones disappearing and his best dry ones taking their place.

“Why didn’t you make my robe appear like that?” Phoebus asked, partly from curiosity and partly to stall for time.

Caspian smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I like dressing you nearly as much as I like undressing you. You should know by now that I don’t always consider speed to be a good thing. Now come along. I’ve summoned all the priests for an audience in the temple.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Phoebus said. “It might make things worse.”

Caspian ignored him and transported them immediately into the temple proper.

All of Caspian’s priests had gathered, most appearing rather confused as to what they were doing there.

Caspian sat on his throne and gestured for Phoebus to stand beside him.

“I would like your attention, please,” Caspian said, his voice echoing unnaturally throughout the room.

The priests all faced him, save for Rafe, who stood with his head bowed but his eyes trained firmly on Phoebus. He didn’t need to meet the high priest’s gaze to feel the malevolence in it.

Caspian said nothing and Phoebus began to fidget, wanting him to hurry things along.

“I see,” Caspian finally said, drawing Phoebus’ attention back to him. He raised his hand to Phoebus, who took it and let the god draw him near. “I have always tried to give you all privacy. Unlike some of the other immortals, I don’t routinely poke into the minds of my priests. Perhaps I should have done so.”

Several of the priests shifted their feet, heads bowed and faces flushed.

Caspian maintained his grip on Phoebus’ hand as he rose from his throne. “Phoebus is not a passing fancy. He is not a whore. He is the man I intend to spend my life with. As such, you will all treat him with respect. If you don’t feel you are able to do this, then I would recommend you renounce me right here and now and return to Atlantis, permanently.”

Phoebus drew in a sharp breath but Caspian wasn’t finished.

“If the only reason you remain in my service is because you desire my body, then again, I tell you to renounce me and find another lover. From this day forward, Phoebus is the only man I will take into my bed. If anyone here thinks they can convince me otherwise, leave now.”

Caspian raised Phoebus’ hand to his lips and kissed his palm. “From now on, I will be routinely checking in with each of you, and I will see anything you try to hide from me.”

“Caspian, you don’t have to do that,” Phoebus whispered, but his lover ignored him.

“If you cannot accept Phoebus in my life, leave my service. For if I discover any one of you disrespecting him again, my fury will know no bounds. You will be cast from my temple, and you will find no work with any other immortal in the Atlantean pantheon. You will treat Phoebus as you would me or you will pay the price for your deceitfulness. Now, get back to work, all of you, and remember that your thoughts are no longer your own.”

They scattered like a flock of birds, hurrying from the room to escape their chosen god’s temper. Even Rafe appeared taken aback at Caspian’s speech.

When the room had emptied, Caspian turned back to Phoebus. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice how my priests were treating you.”

Phoebus shrugged. “You do know that the worst of them won’t change their ways? Wouldn’t it just be easier to put some distance between them and the palace now, rather than have to dismiss them later from your service entirely?”

“They know not to cross me,” Caspian said.

“But—”

“No.” Caspian raised his fingers to Phoebus’ lips. “The palace is their home, just as it is yours. They have been given fair warning of what they must do from now on. If any of them step out of line, I will see them gone from here, but until then, I will not send them from their home. Do you understand me?”

Phoebus nodded. He wasn’t asking for them to be dismissed. He just wanted to have a home that was for the two of them, without Caspian’s entourage. He supposed that it was too much to ask for and the price of immortality and loving a god.

“A compromise,” Caspian said.

“Did you just read my mind?” Phoebus asked.

“Yes, and I make no apologies for it this time.”

“What sort of compromise?”

“In future, when priests enter my service, they shall live on Earth, not on the Isle of the Gods.”

“That’s a compromise?”

“Yes. In time, those who serve me now will come to the end of their lives. You will have me to yourself for eternity. Surely you can share our home with them for a little time.”

“They could live another hundred years!”

Caspian laughed. “You are mortal still. You think a hundred years is a long time. You will soon find that it is gone in the blink of an eye. And for as long as you are sharing your home with my priests, I will be watching them carefully. I promise I will protect you from their hostility.”

Phoebus wasn’t entirely convinced, but the compromise was clearly the best offer he was going to get.

Now all he had to do was make the final decision about whether he accepted immortality or not.

As he always did when he needed to think things through, Phoebus returned to the ocean and his mer form. He couldn’t put off the decision much longer.

He swam back and forth in his small house at the edge of the city as he weighed his options. He knew Caspian wanted him to live on the Isle of the Gods, but perhaps he might allow him to keep this place, at least until his current priests were no longer living. Surely, with all the compromises he was making, he could ask Caspian for this one.

Ajax found him there and swam down to sit on one of the sponges. “You’re not still fussing about whether to become immortal, are you?”

“Yes, of course I am.”

“Why is it such a hard decision to make? I’d have thought after your recent brush with death, you’d be eager for it.”

“It was hardly a brush with death,” Phoebus replied. “The shark barely grazed me.”

“If it was close enough to touch you, it was a brush with death. I’m surprised Caspian has even let you back into the water while you’re still vulnerable.”

“He doesn’t know I’m here,” Phoebus said.

“Uh-oh.”

“I don’t need his permission to come to the ocean. I’m not his prisoner.”

“I know, but he does seem rather protective of you. If it’s already annoying you after so short a time, how do you think you’ll handle eternity living with him?”

“He won’t worry so much if I become immortal. I just don’t know whether his reasons for making the petition are the right ones.”

“What do you mean?”

Phoebus swam down onto his own sponge. “If I was sure of his love, I’d not be hesitating to give up my fins at all.”

“Give up your fins? What are you talking about?”

Phoebus cursed his slip of the tongue. He hadn’t meant to mention that part, though perhaps it was for the best. Ajax was mer and it might be good to have his opinion too.

“If I drink from this cup and become immortal, I will also become human, completely human. I’ll no longer be mer.”

Ajax stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “Are you telling me that you’d give up your fins for him?”

“If I thought he was doing this out of love, then yes.”

“But you’re mer. It’s part of who you are. You could never give up the sea.”

“For the right man, I would. I just don’t know if Caspian is the one.”

“He seems to favor your company above all others.”

“For the moment, but what about in years to come? Just because he hasn’t tired of me yet, doesn’t mean he won’t.”

“He does have something of a reputation, but you knew this anyway. At least he doesn’t flaunt his other lovers in front of you.”

“He has promised not to take any other men into his bed,” Phoebus admitted.

“Well, there you go. He must love you.”

“He’s never said the words, and when I told him I loved him, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear me say it.”

“Do you mean to tell me that the only reason you aren’t flipping your fins in delight at the idea of immortality is because Caspian hasn’t said he loves you?”

“Well…”

“You do realize that many men, both mer and human, say those words without ever meaning them?”

“Yes.”

“Then why is it so important to you that Caspian says them? Surely you don’t need those words to be sure of his feelings?”

“I guess not.”

Ajax gave a firm nod. “What you need to be asking yourself is not whether Caspian loves you, but whether you love him enough to give up such a huge part of what you are for him. I don’t think I could do it.”

Phoebus closed his eyes and rested his head on the sponge. “I think I could.”

 

* * * *

 

Later that night, Phoebus stood in the doorway to Caspian’s bedchamber, watching the sleeping god. There were no other men in his bed and Phoebus realized that he had never doubted that would be the case. Caspian had given his word and he knew he would keep it.

As quietly as he could, Phoebus slipped across the room and slid beneath the covers.

“Phoebus,” Caspian murmured sleepily as he tugged him into his arms.

“Who else?” Phoebus whispered back, ridiculously pleased that even in his drowsy state, Caspian had known who was crawling into bed with him.

Caspian opened his eyes and smiled. “You’ve been in the ocean. You smell like the sea.”

“I’ll probably always smell like that, even when I’m human.”

“When?”

“Well, providing the petition is successful.”

“Does that mean you’ve made your decision?”

“Yes.” Phoebus kissed Caspian and pressed their bodies together. “I love you.”

Caspian didn’t say the words back, but this time Phoebus didn’t let the lack of response bother him. Caspian’s kisses told him all that he needed to know about the god’s feelings for him.