Chapter Thirteen

Caspian didn’t say a word as he transported them away from the Isle of the Gods and into the world of men.

Marin grimaced as he realized Caspian had provided him with clothes.

“Would you prefer a different style?” Caspian asked.

“All clothes are restrictive and annoying. These will do as well as any. Where are we?”

“England. Come on. Let’s go talk.”

Marin turned to follow Caspian and immediately recognized the home of Jake and his two mermen lovers.

“They no longer live here,” Caspian said as they walked down the path.

“Are you reading my mind?”

“No.”

Caspian let them into the house and turned on the lights.

The living room was still furnished as it had been when he’d last been there. How long has it been? With the memories of his past life so fresh in his mind, it was hard to tell how much time had elapsed.

They sat on opposite ends of the sofa. Marin didn’t know where to start.

Caspian didn’t wait for him to gather his thoughts. “Medina tried to reverse the magic caused by the love potion she had slipped into my wine.”

“What?”

“You believe my feelings for you aren’t real, that they stem from magic. That’s not true. Medina wanted to teach me a lesson about love. She wanted me to find love and lose it because she didn’t like the way I treated men.”

“I can’t say I found it one of your better qualities myself.”

Caspian gave him a small smile. “She concocted a love potion powerful enough to work on me, and it worked only too well. I fell in love with you and I was never happier than when we were together.”

“That sounds to me like the potion talking.”

“I thought so too, but after I lost you I begged Medina to reverse her magic.”

“I’m surprised she would, if she thought she were teaching you a lesson.”

“Me too, but she was quite fond of a particular young merman and had no idea that her curse upon me would have such devastating consequences for him—for you. She never believed that a merman would give up his fins to be with me, not with the reputation I had. She thought you would either leave me to find another or simply die of old age, leaving me alone to mourn you. She only meant to punish me, not you.”

“I was—what do humans call it?—collateral damage?”

“Something like that. After your murder, the pantheon sank into chaos. The loss of our followers did lasting damage, and even the smallest of spells sent immortals into stasis. Medina was lost because of trying too hard to undo the spell she had put me under, not realizing that she was attempting the impossible. My mother’s spell to ensure you were reborn was her undoing. That one caused a whole new set of problems, as if there weren’t enough to deal with already.”

“What do you mean?”

Caspian squeezed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Until that day the mer didn’t reincarnate. They returned to the waters and continued their journey that way. My mother’s spell caused the mer to be reborn in a way similar to humans, so that you would one day come back to me in a form I would recognize.”

“Do I look a great deal like Phoebus?”

“Yes, you do. I first saw you the day you tried out for the guards and I knew it was you right away.”

“Even though I look like him, I’m still Marin.”

“I know.” Caspian raised a hand toward Marin’s face, but lowered it again before they touched. “Anyway, my mother’s spell had a rather unexpected side effect.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mer are only half human,” Caspian said. “The spell didn’t take that into account. We didn’t even realize what had happened for several generations, and by then, my mother was sleeping and it was too late.”

“What happened?”

“Each time a merperson dies they are reborn, but they are not all reborn as mer. A third of the mer come back in this form, while another third come back as humans and the final portion as fish. With the mer no longer returning to the water the way they used to, the magic that allows them to thrive is dwindling.”

Marin felt bile rise in his throat as the implications of what Caspian had told him sank in. “I’m the reason why our numbers are falling? It’s my fault the mer are on the brink of extinction?”

Caspian grabbed his hand. “No. This is not your fault. None of this is down to you. You are not responsible for the mistakes of the gods.”

Marin pulled his fingers out of Caspian’s grip and steadied his breathing once more. “Your mother isn’t sleeping now. She’s awake. She can reverse what she did.”

“I have already asked her to.”

“And?”

“She refuses to do so.”

“Why? Does she hate the mer so much she wants to wipe us out?”

“No, she has no prejudices against your people. You have met her yourself and know this to be true. But she is aware that if she undoes her spell, you will one day return to the water and I will never find you again.”

“I’m right here,” Marin pointed out.

“Yes, but you and I aren’t…”

“Ah, I see.”

“I’m trying to convince her to reverse her magic,” Caspian assured him. “Unfortunately, she is most stubborn.”

Marin shook his head. “This is all too much. Can we get back to Medina?”

Caspian nodded. “There isn’t much more to say. I begged her to remove the spell from me and played on her guilt over what had happened to you. When she tried to reverse the spell it drained her powers almost entirely, because my feelings were true and not magically induced. Her attempt to do the impossible, combined with the loss of her priests, sent her to sleep.”

“It took that much effort?”

“You have to remember that my father had just banished all the Atlanteans and erased their memories of Atlantis and the entire pantheon. We were all weak without our followers. Magic that might once have come easily with little effort on our parts drained us. I would have welcomed oblivion myself, but I held off from using my powers too much, knowing I didn’t deserve the luxury of sleep. I soon accepted that what I felt for you wasn’t as a result of magic.”

“Maybe Medina didn’t really reverse the spell?”

“I wondered the same thing, but as time passed, I accepted the truth. No potion or spell can truly move the human heart.”

“And a god’s heart?”

“A god in human form,” Caspian reminded him. “Even though I’m immortal, a part of me died in that temple with you. My heart works the same way as any other man’s.”

“Then what did Medina’s potion do?”

“It opened my eyes to the possibility of love. When I was under the effects of her potion, I didn’t reject the very idea of falling in love, as I had in the past. When I asked her to remove the spell, I thought it would stop the feelings but it didn’t. She had her revenge on me, not that she was around to enjoy it. My feelings for you are true and not the result of magic. I swear it.”

“Phoebus,” Marin said. “Your feelings for Phoebus.”

“You are Phoebus reborn.”

“Yes, I know, but we’re not the same person.”

Caspian rolled his eyes and Marin’s temper rose. “We’re not!”

“I have no intention of arguing with you about this,” Caspian said. “I know you’ve had different experiences and that your life as Marin is nothing like your life as Phoebus.”

“Exactly!”

Caspian brushed Marin’s fringe back from his eyes. “I’d like to get to know you again, if you’ll let me.”

“What if you don’t like me as Marin?”

“I already like you, so it’s too late for that.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I know. All I’m asking for is a chance.”

Marin still felt highly skeptical, but he found himself nodding in agreement. He was rewarded with a bright smile from Caspian, something he hadn’t seen since his previous life. He liked it.

“No spells or potions,” Caspian said. “Just two men getting to know each other after a long time apart, right?”

Marin smiled back. “Okay.”

 

* * * *

 

“No.” Caspian wasn’t going to budge from his position, that much was clear.

“I’m ready to face Urion,” Marin argued. “You said yourself that I’ve improved.”

“You have, but that doesn’t mean you’ve managed to change your fate.”

Caspian sat down and tugged Marin onto the sand beside him. “I know you think you’re ready or you simply don’t care if you die, as long as you’re avenging Calder, but I’m certain that Calder wouldn’t want you to sacrifice yourself.”

“What would you know about Calder?” Marin muttered.

Caspian smiled. “I know more about him than you think.”

“You do?”

“Yes. He wasn’t a friend, since we both know I don’t have those, but we talked.”

“I never knew that. Why didn’t he mention you to me?”

“It was before you and he met,” Caspian explained. “He would have been about the age you are now and was a very angry young merman.”

“Are you sure you’re talking about the same Calder?” Marin asked. Fierce and protective as he was, Calder was one of the most relaxed and easy-going mermen Marin had ever met. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen him lose his temper completely, not for any reason.

“I’m sure,” Caspian said. “The Calder I knew hadn’t met you. You were very good for him and he mellowed a lot after your first mating season together.”

“You weren’t spying on us, were you?”

“No!” Caspian appeared genuinely appalled by the suggestion, much to Marin’s relief. “Why would I want to see the man I love being fucked by another?”

Marin rolled his eyes at the comment. It wasn’t the first time Caspian had assumed Marin was the one on the receiving end. At least now Marin knew why Caspian had made the assumption.

Caspian didn’t seem to want an answer to his question and continued. “You never knew Calder’s brothers.”

“I knew he had several. They were all older than him.”

“Yes, and they were all what humans call straight. That is, they preferred the company of females on the solstice.”

“Many mermen do,” Marin replied.

“Calder, of course, desired men. His brothers tried to convince him to try with a mermaid—or ten—rather than let him trust his own instincts. They would foist mermaids on him, one after the other, in the hope that he would change his mind.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Marin reminded him. “His brothers should have known better.”

“Probably, but there are still mer out there who believe that the only way to break a mating fever is with someone of the opposite sex. Calder’s birth clan were of that opinion.”

“His clan had come to Atlantis before Calder was born.”

“But you know as well as I do, newly arrived clans tend to stick together in the sunken city. It takes a few generations before a clan is fully integrated. Calder, because of his preferences, struggled to fit in. The laws preventing same-sex relations were in place and the solstices were hard for him.”

“They were hard for all of us, at least until King Nereus repealed the law.”

“I’m sorry either of you had to suffer during that time.”

Marin snorted. “We didn’t suffer that much. I never went a solstice without release, regardless of that stupid law.”

Caspian gave him a grim smile. “Calder, unfortunately, did. Between his brothers’ efforts and the law, he went through quite a few of them without breaking his fever. He also found that his quick rise through the ranks of the guards resulted in him being closely watched by those who sought his downfall.”

“But where do you fit into this?” Marin asked. “How did you come to meet him?”

“On an island partway between Atlantis and the land of humans. He intended to go to land and find a new life among humans. I’d sworn to protect all mer, especially those who went to land, and when he collapsed on that beach, my powers alerted me to his presence.”

“He tried to leave the sunken city?”

“Yes.”

“How did I not know this?”

Caspian shrugged. “I don’t know for sure why he didn’t tell you, but I suspect it is because he loved you so much. He wouldn’t have wanted to do or say anything to cause you unhappiness. I feel the same way, but unlike Calder, I seem to be failing at making you happy.”

“It isn’t your place to make me happy,” Marin said. He raised his hand to stop Caspian’s next words. “I know you want it to be, but it’s not.”

Caspian acknowledged his words. “Calder stayed on that island for nearly two weeks. I kept him company, listened to what he had to say and waited for him to decide what he wanted to do.”

“Why did he choose to go back to the city instead of to the land of humans?”

“That was Cari’s doing. My sister came to us on the island on that last day and showed him a vision. I don’t know what of. I didn’t ask or pry. I suspect you might have been there somewhere, but I cannot say for sure. Whatever it was, he chose to return to Atlantis and stayed there for the rest of his life. I visited him on occasion. We talked a little. Or rather, he talked and I listened. You’ll know by now that I’m not the most talkative of men.”

Marin raised an eyebrow.

“Well, not until now,” Caspian amended.

“I don’t remember you visiting him.”

“After he met you, I thought it best to stay away, for all our sakes.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t try to fight him for me, or seduce me yourself, before he had the chance to.”

Caspian gave a soft chuckle. “I thought about it—fighting him for you, that is. I didn’t see you until after you’d already met and fallen in love with Calder.”

“What stopped you fighting him for me?” Marin asked.

“You were happy with him,” Caspian replied immediately. “Far happier than you were with me, if we’re being brutally honest today.”

“Calder did make me happy,” Marin whispered. “I want him back.”

“You know that is outside of my powers.”

Marin nodded. “I know he’s gone, and that I’ll never see him again. I don’t need the reminder. What I need is help in seeing his murderer brought to justice.”

Caspian sighed. “I’m already helping you train for this suicide mission you’re determined to go on.”

“I know your sister says I’ll die if I face Urion, but Cari doesn’t know everything. Besides, she says herself, the future can be changed if we know our fates in advance.”

Caspian stood and glowered down at him. “I assure you, there is no possible future for you at all if you try to fight Urion. He’s a sea dragon.”

“He’ll take human form again eventually, and I intend to be ready for him when he does.”

Caspian crouched down in front of him. “Marin, you’re not a murderer. No matter how angry you are at what he did to Calder, you don’t have it in you to take the life of another.”

“You don’t know that. You aren’t giving me a chance.”

“Marin, if you could kill another, you would have killed Rafe by now.”

“Rafe is immortal.”

“Even an immortal can be killed if you know how.” Caspian materialized a trident in his hand and held it out to him. “A direct blast of sea-fire right between the eyes will render an immortal unconscious for between twenty and thirty seconds. That is time enough for a killing blow to be delivered.”

Marin didn’t take the trident. “I thought the gods had the power to heal themselves?”

“We do, as does Rafe. But not if he’s unconscious.”

“That seems rather an easy way to kill someone who is supposed to be invincible.”

“Easy if you know the weak spot.” Caspian tapped the bridge of his nose. “And if you have access to a weapon that produces sea-fire, as well as know how to summon it. You also need the immortal in question to remain still enough for you to take aim or be exceptionally gifted at hitting a moving target that may vanish in the blink of an eye. And, if you manage all that, you need to be able to summon a second blast of sea-fire almost immediately. Tell me, Marin, how quickly can you do it?”

“About five minutes between blasts,” Marin replied. He had been timing himself.

Caspian nodded. “You’re getting faster, but you’re not there yet. When you are, I want you to face Rafe. I want to see if you can avenge your own murder before I see you go within a thousand miles of Urion.”

“What are you saying? You want me to fight Rafe?”

“No, not fight,” Caspian replied. “He is secure in his cell and I intend to keep him that way. When you’re ready, I’m going to take you to him, hand you a trident and stand back and watch.”

Marin ran his finger down the center point of the trident. “You want me to kill him, in cold blood?”

“I want to see if you can,” Caspian replied.

“You don’t think I can do it,” Marin said. He could tell from Caspian’s tone and expression that the god didn’t believe he’d go through with it.

“No, I don’t.” Caspian vanished the trident back to wherever he had summoned it from. “I am the Atlantean God of Justice. I swear to you, justice will be delivered, both for your murder and Calder’s. But I have no doubt it will be delivered by a hand other than yours.”

Caspian vanished from sight, leaving Marin to his thoughts.

 

* * * *

 

Twenty-nine seconds. Marin punched the air in triumph. He had finally managed to conjure two bursts of sea-fire less than half a minute apart. If only Caspian had been around to witness it. Unfortunately he hadn’t seen the god all day. He had left him practicing shortly after dawn and hadn’t returned.

Can I do it again?

Marin aimed the trident at the tree he had been using for target practice. His aim had been improving as well, though he still missed his mark more than he hit it.

He told himself that Rafe would be closer. He wouldn’t have to aim far.

No, you’ll just have to look him in the eye when you do it. He pushed the unsettling thought aside and concentrated on summoning another blast.

The sea-fire hit the tree and he started to summon a second blast right away, counting down the seconds until the spark ignited.

Thirty-four. Damn it. He was getting slower—or more likely, he was tiring.

Perhaps he should take a break and try again in a little while. When he faced Rafe, he would be refreshed.

His heart raced at the thought of seeing the man who had murdered him. Last time, he hadn’t been prepared. This time, he would be ready.

Caspian still didn’t think he could kill Rafe, but Marin knew the god wouldn’t allow him to face Urion until he had. He wouldn’t let Rafe be the one to stop him from avenging Calder.

 

* * * *

 

“There… That’s three times I’ve managed to conjure sea-fire in under thirty seconds.” Marin stuck the trident into the sand and shot a smug look at Caspian.

“Your aim is still diabolical,” Caspian replied. “The last shot barely skimmed the tree at all.”

“You never stipulated that my aim had to be perfect,” Marin argued. “You can’t change the rules now.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“Besides, Rafe won’t be as far away as the tree is.”

“True.”

“I’m ready,” Marin declared.

Caspian nodded silently. “Very well. Let us go visit Rafe.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I want to see whether you have what it takes to go through with this.”

“I have!”

Caspian sighed. “That’s what worries me.”

Marin let Caspian lead him back to the temple and down the stairs to the cell within the catacombs.

Rafe, Marin wasn’t surprised to see, was in a similar temper to the last time he had seen him.

A movement behind him distracted him from Rafe’s malevolent stare.

“Where are you going?” he asked when he realized Caspian was walking back out of the door.

“I’ll be upstairs in the throne room.”

“Aren’t you going to stay? I thought you wanted to watch.”

Caspian shook his head. “I’ve changed my mind. This is between you and him. I made my peace with what Rafe did a long time ago.”

Rafe snorted. “You’ve been ignoring me for so many years I can’t even count them.”

Caspian didn’t bother saying anything in response to Rafe’s comment.

Marin shivered as he realized he was going to be on his own in this.

“Rafe murdered you,” Caspian said. “For a long time I considered killing him for his crime, but I didn’t. I knew that one day you would return to me, and that when you did, you would deserve to have the opportunity to kill him yourself. That was when I let go of my hatred for him.”

“You’ve forgiven him?” Marin asked.

“Never, but hating someone for so long can be tiring. You, of all men, should know this.”

Marin knew that only too well.

Caspian clasped his upper arm and gave the muscles a squeeze. “Now we’ll see if you have the cold determination revenge requires.”

Marin watched Caspian until he was out of sight before turning back to Rafe.

“If you’re planning on killing me, do get on with it,” Rafe said. “I have long since grown tired of my captivity.”

Marin raised the trident and took aim. The blast lit up the cell and struck Rafe true, squarely between the eyes.

“One… two… three…” Marin counted out loud, the trident pointed at the unconscious Rafe.

He could do this. He had to do this.

Yet now that the time had come, he found himself doubting. His grip on the trident eased and the staff of the weapon slipped a little.

The seconds passed. Rafe’s eyelids fluttered as he came around.

Marin dropped the trident and fell to his knees.

“Couldn’t do it, huh?” Rafe said. “I can’t say I’m surprised. You always were a pathetic little whore.”

Marin felt a renewed burst of temper, but even that wasn’t enough to see his mission through to the end.

“I never understood what Caspian saw in you,” Rafe continued. “At first I thought it was your innocence. I remember you standing in his temple that first time like it was yesterday. Practically a virgin—or at least without any clue as to what he could do with his cock. Then I speculated it might be because you’re mer. After all, your kind are known for your sexual appetites during the solstice. Yet even outside of the mating season he sought your company over mine. I waited for him to grow bored with you, but instead he decided to keep you.”

Marin could hear Rafe’s jealousy—still strong after all these centuries—in every word he uttered.

“That he chose to gift a sexually inexperienced merman—over me—with immortality is as incomprehensible now as it was then. I served him from the day I came of age. I shared his bed more than any other priest—and yes, more than you ever did—but it wasn’t enough for him.”

Rafe closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. “For the love of the gods, what will it take for you to kill me?”

Marin drew in a sharp breath. “You want to die?”

“Of course I do,” Rafe replied. “Eternity in this cell isn’t living.”

Marin picked up the trident and took aim, but he couldn’t even summon a first burst of sea-fire, let alone a second. He actually felt sorry for Rafe, and he had no idea how that could have happened.

Swearing loudly, Marin stalked out of the room, up the stairs and into the audience chamber.

Caspian sat on the steps in front of his throne. He looked up as Marin approached and opened his arms.

Marin tossed the trident aside and threw himself into Caspian’s embrace. “Why couldn’t I do it?”

Caspian stroked his hair. “Because you’re not a murderer. Now do you understand why I can’t let you face Urion?”

“That’s different,” Marin argued. “He’s not chained up in a cell.”

“Are you telling me that if I released Rafe from his manacles, you’d be able to go through with it? If I gave him a fighting chance, it’d be different?”

Marin shook his head and sighed. “Probably not. How can I hate Urion more than I hate Rafe? I can still feel the sharpness of the blade as he drove it into my chest. He shows no remorse for what he did and despises me as much as he did Phoebus.”

“Urion killed the one you love,” Caspian replied.

“And Rafe did the same to you,” Marin said. “I’m amazed you’ve let him live all this time.”

“It’s as I’ve told you before. There are worse things in this world than death. I didn’t want him to die and be reborn. I wanted him to suffer.”

“And now?”

Caspian sighed. “Now? Now, I try not to think of him at all.”

Marin didn’t want to think about Rafe either. He curled into Caspian’s side and let the god hold him.

“The other Atlanteans were banished, right?”

“Yes,” Caspian confirmed. “My father sent them out into the world of humans with no memory of Atlantis or their heritage.”

“Could he do the same to Rafe?”

“I suppose so. He is awake now and it wouldn’t take much power to banish one man.”

Marin sat back and faced Caspian. “I think you should ask him to do that. I don’t want him here, and I can’t seem to kill him. Let him be gone from our lives.”

“Are you sure?” Caspian asked.

Marin nodded. “I am.”

“I’ll speak to my father today,” Caspian said. “Now, what about Urion?”

“I…” Marin didn’t know. He still hated Urion, but what if he couldn’t kill him either? What if he froze when he faced him?

“You don’t have to be the one.” Caspian cupped his face with his hand and stroked his cheek with his thumb.

“I know.”

“Urion will pay for what he has done, but it doesn’t have to be at your hand.”

Marin placed his hand over Caspian’s. “You can’t protect me from everything.”

Caspian gave a bitter laugh. “Believe me, I learned that lesson when I held Phoebus in my arms, knowing it was too late to save him. I wish I could shield you from all the evils in this world. I would keep you safe here in our home and do everything in my power to ensure no harm ever came to you.”

Marin didn’t bother to remind him that his murder had taken place in this very room. He let Caspian hold him close once more, and for a few blissful minutes, he let himself believe he was safe.