The mons pubis is often referred to as the pubic bone, or the Mound of Venus. It’s naturally covered in pubic hair (although some people will choose to trim/shave/decorate this hair). It can be fun to rub, touch, and stroke this area. Because the nerves of the clitoris actually extend under this area, many people like to have it pressed on with the palm of the hand.
In regard to labia, the Latin gets it a little wrong. In scientific terms, these lips are known as the labia majora (big lips) and labia minora (little lips). This is often incorrect. Vulvas are like snowflakes: each one is completely different. Sometimes the labia minora are larger than the labia majora, sometimes they’re the same size. Let’s stick with calling them inner lips and outer lips.
Outer lips come naturally with pubic hair and lie on either side of the vulva. Inner lips are thinner, hairless, and can either be tucked between the outer lips or extend beyond them. It’s normal for lips to be uneven, have different coloration, etc. Nothing that a person does can change the size or length of the inner labia. Whatever size, shape, color, or length, that these inner lips are is exactly the way that they’re supposed to be.
Many women like having their labia stimulated and played with, some rougher than others. Some will just enjoy gentle stroking and soft touch, others will want a little bit of pulling or maybe some nibbling.
THE CLIT
The tops of the inner lips lead up toward the top of the vulva, forming the clitoral hood, which is a cover for the actual clitoris itself. This hood is a thin covering of skin protecting the sensitive clitoris from too much stimulation before it’s ready. It acts almost as an eyelid, covering up the clit from the outside world.
Some think the clitoris is just the glans below the clitoral hood. In fact, the clitoris is shaped like a wishbone and has 3- to 6-inch legs that extend below the vulva underneath the labia.
With arousal, the clitoral hood will pull back slightly, allowing more access. Many people also enjoy having oral stimulation of the lips, hood, and clitoris, whether it’s licking, sucking, or gentle nibbling. Other vulva owners like the feeling of vibrators on their clitoris.
Between the clitoral glans/hood and vaginal opening is the urethra, which is where urine comes out. For those who can ejaculate during G-spot stimulation, this is where the ejaculatory fluid comes out. Some people may enjoy having the area around the urethra (the urinary meatus) stimulated gently with a finger. Always be gentle, and only stimulate this area with clean fingers or clean toys.
THE VAGINA
The vaginal opening is filled with nerves. Lots of people like having the opening gently played with, regardless of whether anything will actually be going inside. While many vulvas naturally lubricate, some don’t, and extra lube is always welcome.
Past the vaginal opening, there’s the vaginal canal, or what most people just refer to as the vagina. Vaginas vary in depth; the average is 5 to 8 inches. Some can be shallower, especially if there’s an inverted uterus. The majority of the sensation is in the front third of the vagina, which is why many people say that they prefer girth more than length in their partners and toys. It’s also why lots of folks report that they prefer the first few strokes of being penetrated (whether by fingers, toys, or penises) because they stimulate this area. The legs of the clitoris run under the labia and hug the opening of the vaginal canal, helping provide these sensations.
The vaginal canal is capped at the end with the cervix, with a tiny opening called the os. The cervix is like a cap on the end of the vagina. The os will open slightly to allow menstrual fluid out and may dilate to allow a baby through during birth, but otherwise, it’s closed. You CANNOT lose things in the vagina. If at any point you’re worried about something being “lost” in there, just relax as much as you can and gently place lubricated fingers (yours or your partner’s) inside to carefully pull the item out.
KEGELS
Interested in experiencing deeper, stronger, more intense vaginal orgasms? Take a moment to squeeze your pelvic muscles. It’s like you’re trying to stop the flow of your urine. Then push out. Squeeze in. And repeat. Those are your PC (pubococcygeus) muscles! After working these muscles out a while, you can hold them in for a longer period of time. If you need a little extra help, try Kegel balls (meant to be worn while you walk around), Kegelcisors, or Kegel barbells.
FINDING THE G-SPOT
That brings us to the G-spot, sometimes called the urethral sponge. Named after the spot’s original discoverer and proponent, Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, the Gräfenberg spot is about 1 to 3 inches inside the vaginal canal, at the top, and feels kind of spongy or bumpy. It can usually be found either with a toy that has a nice curve or by inserting fingers into the vagina and making a “come here” motion.
The important thing to note about the G-spot is that it doesn’t always exist. The G-spot is only there when the person with the vagina is incredibly aroused. Just like any other body part, people like to have this area stimulated in different ways, and while for some people the G-spot is finding the holy grail, others may find it to be just “meh” or even annoying.
Let’s discuss ejaculation! Even if you weren’t born with a penis, you can experience the bodily function that is ejaculation. The first important thing to know about this ejaculatory fluid: it is not pee. In case you were worried about it, you can rest easy knowing it’s not, in fact, urine.
In fact, ejaculate is created in the Skene’s gland, and when the G-spot is fully aroused and stimulated, sometimes this gland releases ejaculatory fluid through the urethra. It can happen at the same time as an orgasm, it can happen without an orgasm, and of course, orgasms can happen without ejaculation being part of the equation. It’s all normal, fun, and fabulous. As far as the amount that comes out, it can vary between a few drops and almost half a cup. The amount released has no correlation to how aroused the woman is.
Once we hit the end of this vulvar goodness, there lies the perineum. Some people call this the “taint,” others call it a pleasure zone, and more names abound. The area is filled with more nerve endings; some people find it pleasurable when stimulated.
Upon reaching the other end of the perineum, we have arrived at the anus. While the anus is not part of the vulva itself, it contains all of its own nerves and fun tricks. Whether you and your partner want to enjoy manual stimulation of the anus with fingers, oral fun, or penetration, the anus can add a whole new dimension to your sexy playtime.
Anal tissue is incredibly delicate. Because of this, you want to make sure that you’re always careful and gentle when playing with the area, both externally and internally. Also, the anus provides no natural lubricant. None. This means that it’s crucial to add lube when playing with the backdoor. Check out the section on lubricants (page 252) to learn more about the different varieties of lube available for use.
You can also provide stimulation of the anal opening, which is full of nerves that will feel wonderful to many people. Some people love anal stimulation, some hate it, and many are neutral. Make sure to have that conversation about what your partner likes (and doesn’t like!) before you try to stick your finger in her bottom.
The breasts can absolutely be considered their own sex organ. The larger circle in the middle of the breast is called the areola, and the smaller nub in the middle is the nipple. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. The size of the breasts, the areolas, and the nipples has nothing to do with the type of sensation women experience and how they like their breasts played with. Some breasts and nipples like gentle touch and pressure, like feather ticklers, fingertips, and a light lick of your tongue. Others prefer to be grabbed, groped, pulled, pinched, bitten, sucked, and more. Figure out what you like and share it with your partner for better sensation so she’ll know what feels good.