Here’s the lowdown about anal: like all sexual activities, some people love it, some people hate it, and some people are on the fence. While bodies that are assigned female at birth don’t have prostates, people of all sexes and genders can enjoy anal sex, if that’s a sensation they enjoy. On the other hand, there are some people (including those with prostates) for whom anal sex is blasé, or even triggering, and for those folks, it’s probably a good idea to let this idea go and move on to the next exciting sexual adventure.
Let’s say that you and your partner have decided you’re both excited about trying out anal stimulation. Excellent: way to be using some fabulous two-way communication. Start slow. Anal sex is definitely a journey, and not a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” kind of goal. If the person receiving the anal action is new to backdoor play, then it’s more important that you go super slow and get good feedback. If you (or they) have never had anything in your bottom, don’t decide that a big, thick dildo is the best way to start things. Rather, a lubed-up pinky finger or some silicone butt beads are a better way to begin.
Make sure you choose toys that you can sterilize, which means they’re 100 percent silicone, glass, metal, or ceramic. Using toys like this, with lots of lube, is a great way to warm up the butt, either by yourself prior to playtime or with a partner.
It’s important to remember lubrication during any type of anal penetration. The anus has no natural lubrication, so not lubing up before playing with it can lead to microtears and cuts. If you’re just using your fingers (or non-silicone toys), you can choose between silicone- and water-based lube, versus just water-based lube if silicone toys are in play.
The anus, unlike the vagina, has no end to it. This means that anything you put in the anus needs to have a flanged base, meaning the base is wider than the rest of the toy. All dildos designed for harnesses have a flanged base. Butt plugs do as well (they are meant to go in and stay in, rather than go in and out). Be wary of butt beads that are connected by string: they can break. If something DOES get lost in your bottom, you have a couple of hours to try and relax, and then try to get it out. After that, head to the ER.
Anal sex, of any kind, is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, something’s wrong, and that’s your body’s way of telling you to slow down, back off, and try something different. This is why you should stay away from numbing gels; if your body can’t tell you something’s wrong, you’ll keep going, and you can cause anal tears or other issues without even feeling it. Instead, add more lube, take some deep breaths, offer feedback on what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, and what you need, and back off for a while if things keep hurting. For some women, enjoying other types of stimulation, and even orgasms, before anal play can make the anal exploration even more enjoyable. Just remember: there’s no right way to have anal sex, but if it hurts, there’s definitely a wrong way.
One woman is kneeling doggy-style on the edge of the bed, leaning either on her hands or on her elbows. Her partner is kneeling on the floor behind her, holding her hips, and using her mouth and tongue to stimulate the anus. She can also reach up and play with the receiver’s breasts and nipples if she’d like. The woman on the floor can use a pillow under her knees, if she so desires, for additional comfort.
One woman is lying on her stomach on the bed, using pillows under her head, chest, and hips to get as comfortable as possible. Her partner is sitting next to her on the bed, leaning forward to kiss her butt cheeks before gently spreading them to provide analingus, and maybe a finger or two of penetration. The woman on her stomach can reach below her body with fingers or a vibrator to give herself additional clitoral stimulation during playtime.
The woman receiving the anal penetration is on her knees on the bed in a doggy-style position, either propping herself up on her hands or elbows, whichever is more comfortable. Her partner is on her knees behind her, wearing a strap-on, penetrating her anally. This is a great position for anal newbies, as the person getting penetrated can slowly back up onto the dildo to receive the depth of penetration that’s comfortable for her, and she can also use her hands and elbows to change the angle of her body for more pleasure. The person doing the penetration can reach around and stimulate her partner’s clitoris with fingers or a vibrator, or can lean forward to pull her hair or play with her breasts.
One woman is lying on the bed on her back, wearing a harness. She can put a pillow under her head if she’d like more comfort and a better viewing angle. The other woman straddles her partner, facing away from her, and while either kneeling or squatting, lowers herself onto the dildo anally. She can choose the speed, depth, and angle of penetration by lowering faster or slower, leaning forward or backward, and pushing herself up more. The partner on the bed gets quite a good show!
The woman receiving the anal penetration is on her knees on the bed, supporting herself on her forearms or hands as she leans forward to form a triangle with her body and the bed. Her partner is behind her, wearing a strap-on. She’s on her knees, penetrating her lover anally, with her hands on the receiver’s hips, pulling her onto the strap-on. One or both women can place pillows beneath their knees for added comfort.
One woman is standing, facing the wall. Her legs are spread, and her hands are flat on the wall above her head or resting on a chair in front of her for additional balance if she needs it. Her partner is on the floor, kneeling behind her (placing a pillow beneath her knees can make it more comfortable), supporting herself by placing her hands on the standing woman’s hips. She’s leaning forward so that her lips are buried between her standing partner’s butt cheeks. For more access, the standing partner can move her feet wider apart or back away from the wall so that she can bend forward a bit more.
The partner wearing the harness and dildo is lying on her back on the bed, her head on a pillow, with her legs extended out in front of her. Her partner is straddling her in a cowgirl-like position, allowing herself to be anally penetrated. They can hold hands, play with each other’s breasts, and even stimulate each other’s vulvas with fingers or toys. The woman being penetrated can control the speed and depth of the thrusting, allowing her control over the movement.
