Sex toys have been around almost as long as humans have. No fooling: there have been dildos found made out of granite that come from prehistoric times. But in the last century or so, society has made significant advances in the field of sex toys designed solely for increasing sexual pleasure. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, the Rabbit vibrator made its debut on Sex and the City, causing hordes of women to descend on sex toy stores across the U.S. Everyone and their sister had a joke about double-ended dildos, butt plugs, or what have you. They’ve become a standard part of our conversation. From vibrators to butt plugs, dildos to cock rings, a sex toys is available for pretty much every sexy activity you can think of.
Unfortunately, there’s sometimes a taboo in some groups about the use of sex toys, especially with a partner, and sadly, that can leave people feeling scared, intimidated, or guilty about wanting to bring these vehicles of sexual pleasure into the bedroom or wherever their sexual experiences are taking place. But as our culture continues to evolve and we work to normalize the importance of sexual pleasure, sex toys are losing some of their stigma. Today, for many people, sex toys have become household objects, and some of them even have their own names. I’m not saying that you have to love sex toys to have amazing sex—they aren’t for everyone. That said, for many, sex toys are a fun way to put a little more pizzazz into their sex life or to try new and adventurous activities.
So, you’ve decided to add some toys to your bedroom routine? Fabulous! But before you run down the street to your friendly neighborhood sex toy retailer, just stop for a moment and think. Does your partner like surprises? Have you discussed the possible use of sex toys before? If the answer to either of these questions is no, it might be a good idea to chat her up about purchasing an item of the sex toy variety. In fact, for many couples, going shopping for the new toy together (either online or by visiting a store) is a great way to pick out a toy that both of you are comfortable with and that both of you will like. This way, it’s not just one of you picking out a toy and showing it to the other: you both have a vested interest in the toy since it was one that got you both excited. Now, if you’re single and want to invest in a harness and dildo, or beloved vibrator, so that you’re prepared for the next lady who wants to get down and dirty, then more power to you!
There’s absolutely no shame in owning and/or using a sex toy (or many sex toys). Think of it in comparison to your kitchen supplies or the tools in your workshop. Can you roll dough by hand? Sure, but it’s nice to have a rolling pin, and even a dough press to mix things up. Can you cut some wood by hand, and drill holes for screws manually? Absolutely, but a power saw and an electric drill can make your life a little more fun at times. It’s great to have a variety of tools available to get the job done when you want, as well as have the ability to use manual labor.
Recent studies have shown that anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of women use or have used sex toys, and somewhere from 33 to 50 percent of men have done the same. That’s a lot of people welcoming toys into their sex lives. Television shows have normalized sex toys for masturbation, and mainstream magazines talk about using sex toys along with your partner on a regular basis. It might be a little bit over the top to make the blanket statement that everyone’s doing it, and it’s important to remember that sex toys aren’t the right fit for everyone. But using sex toys is becoming mainstream in our society, and doing so can add a lot of fun new dimensions to your sex life!
Toys are good for so much more than “just” stimulation and penetration alone. In this position, the giver of oral delight is also using a vibrator or a dildo to get some extra action for her partner, in addition to her talented tongue. Take whatever position already works best, and then add a little outside helper (vibrator, dildo, paddle; you name it) to really take her over the world and back again! Plus, if oral sex is going to last for a long time, this concept provides the giver with some much needed refresher breaks.
Both women are lying on the bed on their backs, or one can be propped up on her elbow or her side so that they can look at each other and enjoy the action. Their legs are slightly spread and can bend at the knee, being as close to each other as feels comfortable. Each is holding her partner’s favorite vibrator or dildo and is reaching across her own body to stimulate the other. This is a great way for each partner to learn how the other likes to be touched and to practice the safer-sex technique of mutual masturbation where no body fluids are shared.
Both women are standing up, with one standing behind the other. The woman in front can stimulate her own breasts and nipples or reach behind her to touch and feel connected with her partner. The woman standing behind reaches around to stimulate her partner’s vulva with a vibrator. If she wants, she can also have her own vibrator so they are getting dual stimulation.
Both women are on the bed in almost a traditional 69 position, except the woman on the bottom has her legs spread more, and the woman on top is more on her hands and knees, and neither of their heads are between each other’s legs. Instead, they each have a vibrator and are using them to stimulate each other’s vulvas. The woman on top can support her body weight with her non-toy-holding hand.
One woman is sitting on a stable (non-rocking) chair with her feet firmly on the floor. The other woman faces her and straddles both her and the chair. The woman sitting on the chair now licks, nips, and stimulates the straddling woman’s nipples while stabilizing her, putting her hands on or around her waist. The straddling woman uses a vibrator to stimulate her clitoris and labia. With the appropriate vibrator (or vibrators!), they can stimulate each other simultaneously!
One woman is on her hands and knees on the bed, wearing a blindfold. Her partner is kneeling behind her, leaning forward so her breasts are pressed against her partner’s back, and the top partner is using both of her hands to stimulate the blindfolded woman’s nipples and breasts. This could also be a great way to bring nipple clamps into play; make sure you start light and work your way up.
Whatever activity you’re doing, a blindfold can help increase the other sensations. And if you and your partner have discussed playing around with hair pulling, spanking, and so on, the blindfold can help ramp up the anticipation of these things happening. Try it out, see how each of you likes it, and decide if it works for you at all.
