Lube. Perhaps it conjures up an image of changing oil in your car, or maybe a steamier picture of someone rubbing oil all over her body. Regardless of what it brings to mind, lube is one of the most important parts of good sex. Seriously folks, lube is love. Say it, think it, memorize it, and use it. Lube can truly optimize your sex life.
Why lube? Why not! Lubrication is an integral part of sexy times, and it’s clear to see why. Lubrication makes all kinds of touch feel better below the belt, both outside on the lips, clitoris, and hood, as well as inside the vagina or anus, whether you’re using fingers, tongues, or toys. It helps reduce friction, which if you weren’t aware, is something that most vulvas don’t like unless there is lube involved. Really, test it out. Try some stroking without lube, and then add it, and do it again. In general, vulvas prefer slippery, slidey sensations to those that produce friction and drag.
That’s not all, folks! Lube can help transmit all sorts of sensations better, which in turn may lower the amount of effort required of the person providing said sensations. If you’re penetrating a partner, lube makes it easier and smoother to go in and out. And if penetration is part of the picture (either vaginally or anally), using lube can absolutely help prevent or reduce soreness, as well as prevent tearing of the delicate vaginal tissue. Clearly, lube is our friend.
Given that the majority of vulvas lubricate on their own, to one extent or another, with some tending to provide more natural lubrication than others, people may ask why additional lube is needed. Here’s the deal: the amount of lube produced by a vulva doesn’t always directly correlate to how turned on the person is; a person can be ready to jump her partner like a wild animal in heat, yet have little to no lubricant being produced naturally, while someone else may have a geyser of lubricant being produced by her vagina, yet her mind is more focused on which color nail polish to use than on sex. Because of this, we can’t use lubrication amount as an indication of arousal. Instead, this is where communication comes in. Try asking your partner if she’s interested in some sexy playtime, if she’s turned on, and if she’s ready for you to do deliciously dirty things to her. The answers she gives you are going to be a much better indication of whether she’s ready for naughtiness than whether she’s full of lubrication.
Even though most vulvas have the natural ability to lubricate, a whole bevy of things can affect natural lubrication, which results in a somewhat dried-out vagina (although clearly, vaginas are never completely dry; they retain moisture in their mucosal membrane constantly). What are these evils that dry out our beloved pussies? The list can include hormonal birth control (the patch, the pill, the ring, the Implanon, the shot, etc.), antihistamines (any allergy medication, both prescription and over-the-counter), and stress (which tends to affect anyone capable of breathing). Given that lesser or lack of lubrication can happen from any of these very common things, and the fact that sometimes sex sessions can last for hours on end, it’s always good to have some vulva-friendly lube on hand.
What makes a lubricant vulva-friendly? Well, first of all, it shouldn’t have any oil or petroleum product in the ingredient list. Think about your hands when you’re washing dishes; if you get a layer of oil on them, water just beads up until you use a hard-core grease-cutting soap to clean up. Same goes for the vagina. If you put an oil-based lube (or lotion, or cooking oil, etc.) in the vaginal canal, it will coat the walls of the vagina. This is bad, because the vagina cleans itself through transudation, where fluid comes through the walls of the vagina, like an overfilled sponge. If you coat the walls with oil or oil-like substances, you prevent the vagina from cleaning itself. This means it’s now more susceptible to infections, and that’s not fun. Keep oil away from the cooch, and everyone is going to be happier.
This leaves two types of lubrications that are friendly for the vagina. The first is silicone-based. Some well-known brands include Wet Platinum, Eros Bodyglide, Pjur Bodyglide, Gun Oil (not actually oil based), and Pink. Silicone lube is friendly for the vagina, but isn’t compatible with silicone toys, or really any soft, squishy toy. It also, while not poisonous, is not the tastiest of lubes. This might be a great lube to use for manual stimulation prior to, during, or after oral sex (or on its own!), vaginal intercourse, anal stimulation, anal intercourse, hand jobs, and so on. It’s also completely compatible with any type of condoms, gloves, and dams.
The second type of lubricant is also the most well-known: water-based lubricant. This is the type of lube that many people think of when they think of store-bought lube. Some well-known vulva-friendly brands include Sliquid, Maximus, Wet Naturals, Pink Water, and Blossom Organics. Water-based lube is compatible with all types of toys, with all types of condoms, gloves, and dams, and with most bodies. But some of the flavored water-based lubricants contain sugar. Never use a lubricant with sugar in it near the vulva—that’s basically asking for a yeast infection. Sugary lubes are usually sold for novelty use only and, while great for blow jobs, should be kept away from the vagina and the anus. Another ingredient in many water-based lubes is called glycerin. Glycerin is a safe ingredient overall—it’s used in soaps, shampoos, and many other health and beauty products. But many vulvas seem to have a negative reaction to glycerin; in some folks, it can cause itching or an allergic reaction, while others can experience yeast infections or irritation. If you or your partner ever has these sensations after using a water-based lubricant that contains glycerin, try out a glycerin-free option, such as those listed above.
How much lube should you use? As much as you want! Keeping the vulva wet and slippery is the name of the game, so add as much as you’d like. With silicone-based lube, it keeps going and going and going, so you probably won’t need to reapply or reactivate. With water-based lube, it can dry up as it gets used. For most people, their first inclination is to add more. The problem with that is the lube may get stickier and stickier, until you’re web-slinging around the vulva à la Spiderman. Instead of adding more water-based lube, you can actually reactivate the lube by adding more water. You can do this with spit, by pouring a little water on from a cup, glass, or bottle, by hopping in the shower, or by using a mister or squirt gun: it’s up to you and your partner and what turns the two of you on.
Some people think that if flavored lube is a good idea (which it definitely can be), other things can double for this, like chocolate syrup, whipped cream, sweet liqueurs, and so on. The problem is that all these things contain sugar. Again, placing sugar on, near, in, or anywhere around the vulva is an open invitation for a yeast infection. Now, I’m not saying that you absolutely cannot eat an ice cream sundae off of your partner’s vulva, but if you want to do so, I’d suggest using a layer of plastic kitchen wrap between the vulva and the sugary concoction. Either that, or be prepared to visit the gynecologist and start a round of antibiotics.