part0014

As human beings, we like to try and control outcomes. That’s just the way we are. When life gets stressful or change is imminent, we figure we can control ourselves and our environments to influence how things turn out and to make everything feel “fine” and “normal.” The illusion of control comes at a price, however. In order to keep acting like everything’s under control and figured out, we have to ignore what’s really going on. We often suppress our emotions to keep the illusion going and neglect our health in the process. Controlling can become a bad habit that affects health just like any other bad habit.

Of course, there are different types of control and not all of them are inherently unhealthy. For example, when you bring much needed and healthy change to a work environment or a relationship, it can feel good to be more in control of the situation. This type of control fosters growth and learning for ourselves and those we interact with. On the flip side, control can also stem from our fears and act in a much more suppressive way. When we try to exercise tight control over outcomes, situations, and people out of fear, this behavior can not only be counterproductive, but it can also disrupt our health. This latter type of control is what we’ll focus on in this section.

Have you ever tried to exert control over yourself or your environment, only to find that you feel even more stress or anxiety afterward? Control and suppression don’t feel natural and we have to put a great deal of effort into maintaining them. They also don’t make stress go away, only creating a temporary illusion of no stress. Underneath the image we create, we still feel the anxieties, worries, and fears trying to break through to the surface. The mind is very powerful in its ability to suppress, so the neglected emotions keep bubbling underground and can eventually start to affect health in the form of chronic symptoms.

What’s the usual tendency when this happens? We try and control situations even more! Eventually, we’re less able to connect with how we’re really feeling and the body becomes more inaccessible to us. The tools we talked about in earlier sections, such as getting at the roots of health and reading the body’s signals, become more challenging to do as layers of control imprison us. The control often starts to affect our behaviors and actions in life as well. We may exercise less freedom to uniquely express ourselves or we may start feeling separate from our true natures and who we are as individuals.

Exercise:

It can be helpful to loosen the reins at times. Do you have a daily habit or a ritual that helps you feel more in control? One that drives you a little nutty if you don’t do it? Try skipping it for tomorrow. Or is there someone in your life you’ve been a little hard on lately? Try cutting them some slack for a day.

Is excessive control fair to us or to our bodies? Considering that the control isn’t real and serves as more of a crutch in life, it’s not fair. Much time and opportunity gets wasted when we seek to control things that are uncontrollable. By loosening the grips of this habit, we create more space for healthy changes to take place in our lives. Our thoughts and emotions are more freed up to support the things we really want to do. We also create more opportunities for enjoyment. How much fun is control anyway?

Let’s look at a case where control proved to be at the center of health disruption. A young woman named Kris, age 25, came to see me about her acne symptoms. The acne was red, inflamed, and very sensitive. Kris reported a history of digestive issues as well including alternating constipation and diarrhea, which were getting worse over time.

Kris also experienced monthly PMS with menstrual cramps and mood swings. She noticed worsening of her acne symptoms during that time. For work, Kris did different types of performance. She enjoyed her work, but even after close to three years living in the area, she still found it difficult to make friends in her field. This last point seemed to be bugging her a lot, and so we explored it a bit.

It became apparent that Kris had been feeling increased social anxiety over time. Even though she felt comfortable on stage when performing publicly, her anxieties would surface in non-performance related social situations. The anxiety grew stronger around groups of people. In fact, around the time of social events, Kris’s digestive issues would flare up intensely. Kris made it a point to control her behavior so that no one could tell she was experiencing anxiety. The control she was exerting outwardly was also triggering her to suppress anxiety internally, making her feel even more anxious. Her acne got noticeably worse at these times.

During her first visit, Kris expressed a desire to get treatment for her anxiety as well. She wanted to confront these feelings rather than shove them out of the way every time they crept up. Despite her efforts to hide how she was feeling, her discomfort in groups was growing. We talked about how it’s natural to experience some awkwardness and anxiety around socializing. We also touched on the fact that even though everyone else may seem more “with it” than we imagine ourselves to be in these situations, we don’t know what anyone else is going through in reality. We can only focus on how we’re feeling and go through any anxieties or fears that come up, so that the emotions don’t get stuck and work against us.

Kris left that day with a few other natural therapies to support both her skin and anxiety, including an adaptogenic herbal formula and a homeopathic remedy. She also started on a detoxifying and balancing digestive aid that included fiber and probiotics. As her digestion became more balanced, it would help both the acne and anxiety, and vice versa. Finally, Kris switched to a gentler and more natural facial cleanser more suitable to her sensitive skin.

Kris also decided she’d like to conceal her breakouts a bit more with natural and breathable makeup, to help with outward confidence when interacting with others or her mirror. We talked about the psychology of skin issues and how the mind can become neurotic and obsessed with not only how to solve the problem, but also with the symptoms themselves. The skin can become a new area in which we try and exert control, mimicking what we’re doing with the anxiety.

At each successive follow-up visit, Kris’s skin looked better and better. I noticed the change in her confidence, which even influenced the dynamic of her appointments. She knew with more certainty what she wanted for her health and socially. Instead of meeting new people and instantly wondering whether they liked her, she acknowledged her own presence more during social situations.

As Kris learned how to break the habit of ignoring and suppressing herself around others in order to present a controlled persona, her digestion, anxiety, and skin symptoms calmed down, allowing her to live her life more freely. Kris’s PMS symptoms improved as well as a byproduct of her connecting with her health and emotions. During this time, Kris’s performance work took off in new and exciting directions that she now felt ready for.

Again, Kris didn’t focus on her acne symptoms alone. If she had, she may not have seen the improvements that ended up coming into her life. She approached her full cluster of symptoms, or the “big picture” of her health, including the skin complaint, suppressed anxiety, stress, and unbalanced digestion. This inside-outside approach helped Kris learn more about herself and her health so that benefits could stick around for the long-term. Key in her ability to do this was letting go of controlling so much how she appeared to others.

Is Kris’s anxiety gone forever? Will she never get a pimple again? Those weren’t the goals of her treatment. There is no such thing as a perfect life or perfect health. Health moves with the ups and downs of life, and it doesn’t exist inside a bubble outside of daily living. If a particularly stressful time comes up, Kris may have increased anxiety or a flare-up of acne. That’s life. During these times, however, Kris will most likely feel better able to handle what she’s going through and limit the severity of symptoms and how long they last. While preparing for an important performance, Kris did in fact end up having a flare-up of acne and anxiety. Instead of panicking, Kris took care of her health and paid attention to how she was feeling. By the time the performance came, Kris’s symptoms decreased and she was ready to go.

To create space for health, each of us has to accept the challenges and limitations that we realistically have to deal with while trying to be healthy. In the next section, we’ll talk more about how health can’t be perfect.