An End and a Beginning

My husband once broke wind in the kitchen with such a protractedly loud, rippling intro and stomach-turning flumping finale, that from afar I thought he must have prised open our large, well-suctioned fridge and tipped a massive casserole out onto the marble floor. In my startled disgust I remember thinking: he needs to die. No, really.

‘Better out than in!’ he snidely declared, more mitigation than excuse, but it was just another lie. To see that same naked, butter-wouldn’t-melt backside now you wouldn’t believe it capable of such horror. Studied reflected in the large mirror designed for such things it is undeniably a nice rear; a smooth rear. It is all grab-able soft innocence one second and then driving taut muscle the next. It is waxed and tended and toned. It is a very rich arse, used to sinking daily within the leather sumptuousness of a Maserati’s interior, and the ergonomically designed, swivelling, high-backed comfort that only the very successful financiers at his company are given. The dimples give it a perpetually youthful cheekiness. Surely this backside could do no wrong? And yet here it is now: pump, pump, pumping away, sodden-slap hammering into me even more humiliating, inside-ripping dismay than that wind-breaking incident aroused. He thinks I just have to take it but boy, is he wrong.

So, anyway, the other day a frozen goose hit the house. I kid you not. I actually saw it land. I was lying in bed, idly playing around, staring up at the ceiling because that’s what you do if you have a bed positioned specifically for looking up through the snazzy pyramid-shaped skylight above. Then a bulk flashed through my vision and landed with a thump. I simply had to go up for a look, even though I don’t normally do ladders. Not in high heels anyway. But I couldn’t risk falling through the roof and finding myself too broken to crawl to my shoe cupboard to swap safer jogging pumps for my signature stilettos before the emergency services arrived to scrape me off the floor. Got to look one’s best, especially in such moments. I even put a puff of Love in Black behind each ear in case I died up there and wasn’t found until I’d started to turn a little gamey.

The goose wasn’t looking quite so spattered and sorry for itself as it would have done if not frozen. It was reasonably in one piece. I’m no scientist but I’m shrewd enough for a fair deduction and it was this: it was flying along happily until it hit a cold front or got swept upwards in a therm or something, causing it to freeze and plummet. I don’t think it was shot out of the back of a poulterer’s refrigerated truck. Most worrying was its final position in relation to the skylight. I think it might have glanced off the adjacent domed vent, which could easily have deflected it straight through the glass rather than safely across it. A fall one microsecond earlier or a breeze just a fraction stronger could have sent it straight through and down onto me below, wiping me out before I had finished playing with myself. Not good. Wankus interuptus plus certain death, courtesy of plunging stiffened meat. What a thought!

And it would have gone through too. The skylight might be made of hugely expensive, thick, heat-reflecting, UV-shielding reactive glass, but touch it in the right place and it just goes. I know this because having spent half a day carefully installing it, one of the clumsier glaziers gave it an accidental tap with the handle of his hammer and it blew, falling in foot-long shards that shattered to smithereens on landing. It meant a new everything: skylight; floor; bedding; mattress. It took them days to clear it all up and made me wonder at the wisdom of moving our bed right underneath it. So, Mr Frozen Goose, landing just half a foot short might have spelled curtains for Yours Truly.

‘You beaky bastard,’ I snarled at the stiff, very dead form, giving it a dig with my spiked heel. ‘You could have fucking killed me!’

It just gave me that same bleary-eyed stare through half-closed icy eyelids. I didn’t know what to do with it. I suppose I could have got handyman Bertrand to remove the carcass - and it probably wouldn’t have been the first lifeless bird that slimy bastard had put in a bin bag. But I couldn’t stop those visions of hurtling wildfowl and falling shards of deadly glass, and so I decided to put it in the freezer, you know, just in case...

He thrusts in hard again and I see in reflection the clench of his buttocks. This time he holds himself tight there, slowly gyrating and grinding. He smiles down - well, more of a confident sneer really. A new tune comes on and he reaches for the remote control to turn it up, singing along in a cringe-worthy accent as Jay-Z informs us that, as regards to his almost three-figure problems, the bitch ain’t a contributing factor. Yeah, well, that’s what he thinks. He likes to play such music loud. He is going to fuck to it, using it to drive his rhythm. He thinks it helps show that at age 42 he is still a player and a super-cool young dude. It is a reminder of how quickly he ascended the ladder in comparison to his peers and how much wealth he has accrued in such short time. However, he carefully reminds no one that so much of it is down to his father’s influence and nepotistic generosity. His boastful misplaced self-adoration can make the rage flash white behind my eyes.

Despite my revulsion his rump is still a mesmerising sight: all tanned and nicely rounded and the dimples prevalent now he holds himself in tight. Delicate, painted-nail fingers should be on it, stroking it, clasping the flesh and digging in, but her hands are tied. He has never done this with me. He has used my silk stockings to bind her wrists to the chrome-barred headboard but he has never thought to put me in such a position. Maybe he thinks me too strong. I always was more than his equal which is why he married me. I am the real show of all he is. He wants people to see his power and class and so he could never do trophy bimbo or dumb blonde. I am sleekly raven, curvy and smouldering. Think passionate vampiress, with the most porcelain of skin. I follow no one, obviously, but think Morticia Addams if you must, or early-era Nigella. Picture formidable intelligence and cheekbones, plus the darkest brown eyes enhanced with cloudy shadow. Think bright red lippy and a preference for black attire. Think sultry and deadly, and never, ever think ordinary.

The big question, indeed the eternal question when it comes to cheating men, is why her when he has me? It sends my head spinning with incredulous ire and mortification. It is the hugest blow, dealt with apparent indifference and frivolity. I’m reasonably sure I could seduce a vast swathe of the male population at the drop of a hat but I choose not to because of promises made and vows taken. So imagine my anger when I saw the stray text. I don’t usually examine my husband’s phone but the arrogant fuck-monger had left it lying around and there it was buzzing away like an insistent sex toy demanding attention. I declined the incoming call, since I don’t care for anything that isn’t for me, but there I saw the message, arrived sometime that morning and so carelessly not deleted.

It was a lunch date. The text gave the time and the place so obviously I went along to spy. I wanted to see in the flesh the person who affectionately signed off as “Your Little Miss Supple”. She was young; a whole late teenager’s worth younger than me. You’d think this would give him some excuse but I wasn’t seeing it that way. She was pretty, unquestionably, and essentially my opposite: blonde, tanned, and basically a stick - devoid of the T and A he always claimed crucial in a woman. I had seen her before, of that there was no doubt. She was the girlfriend of one of the team of hand-picked, fresh from top university graduates they put under the tutelage of my know-it-all hubby, there at the shindig to mark the end of their induction. That was the same day my husband won the gold bowling ball trophy he remains so ridiculously proud of. He was a golfer for recreation so this was a real victory. Having thrashed the graduates over eighteen holes they challenged him to some ten-pin bowling, something he claimed he hadn’t even played before. He thrashed them at that too, winning the ludicrously heavy, full-sized trophy he’d had made, proving what a master he was at anything he put his hand to. He put the ghastly thing on a special shelf in our bedroom he was that proud of it. He hasn’t yet noticed it is missing.

‘Not my type,’ he had lied that night, in reply to my assertion that she was very pretty. He’d even given my backside a secret squeeze to reinforce the point. Well, she was my type. I fantasised about her three days in a row after seeing her that first time, which is how I knew for sure it was this same girl. Now my husband, as is his wont, has taken it upon himself to go one better.

She is bound effectively rather than intricately. The stockings are wound around her wrists and tied at the middle of the headboard rail, not at each corner. This will allow her to be turned. Such insightful observations are now almost instinctive for me. I have been lost for hours on some occasions, becoming almost feverish, poring over mainly black and white photos on certain Tumblr sites whilst my husband is absent with other business to attend to. These voyeuristic snapshots of the world of bondage seize my attention. They are magical frozen glimpses of power wielded and power felt. If you absorb them and let your imagination free you can grasp the excitement of possibility that grips all those who do these things for real. I can feel inside me the rushing fire of those captured moments, tender and nasty, often enough to make me gasp. Fortunately, when I saw her in reflection I managed to keep in all sound, although my legs weakened beneath me and the heel of my hand instinctively found itself pressing hard at my crotch.

At first I thought her legs to be bound with vinyl straps, but I saw the roll still on the bed and knew that it was bondage tape. This is for those who want to get trussed in a hurry: wide and strong like gaffer tape, but shining like latex. It is adhesive only to itself, to keep tender flesh undamaged. I almost ordered some online once, just to see if it worked as claimed. How ironic that my husband beat me to it. She has some wrapped around each bent leg, wound around mid thigh and shin, to keep the calves pressed tight to the backs of the thighs. It would hurt anyone with creaky knees, but she is Little Miss Supple after all.

Perhaps it was the fact that she was tethered that kept me glued there, the shock subduing the rage already within and turning it to belly-burning anticipation. I knew they would be there and naked, but not like this. The mere sight of the shiny black tape had the juices running. It masked the disappointment of missing the run-up to her trussing, and the fact that it was such a toe-tip dip into the boundless promise of the world of restraint. At least this suggested no expertise through practice. It was a barely thought through, merely amateurish dabbling into a kinky sphere he didn’t particularly understand. I would have done a much better job on her. In my fantasies I most certainly did.

I was there in time to see his entry. I saw him ready to do as he wished to her, his body all tanned and waxed, his muscles toned from the company gym. He stood naked, proudly posing, gripping his prick which looked fit to burst - as rigid as I had ever seen it - the head of it already shining, a thin thread of clear pre-come already stringing from the tip in his desire. He examined her lecherously but patiently because she was all trussed up with nowhere to go. For some wronged wives this might have been the moment when they overcame their inertia to bowl in spitting fire, or stumble before him wailing in shock and hurt. For me the pulse raced, the blood fizzed, but I stayed as frozen as that stupid twat of a dead goose, compelled to watch. What I was witnessing was the moment of pure glory, the instance where one’s will is about to be exacted over the other, where those with the power can do anything they wish, and those robbed of their freedom just have to close their eyes, open their souls, and take it. I couldn’t believe the sneaky bastard was going to know this supreme moment before me: the one who truly hankers for it.

It was wide open for him - I’d seen to that. After witnessing his secret rendezvous the thoughts had come in a wonderful rush of clarity. He was just too relaxed with her for it to be something he hadn’t done before. And not just with her either. He was just too slick in falsely denouncing her for it not to be second nature. He had cheated on me before, that was obvious. Perhaps many times, maybe as long as we had been married, because he thought he deserved such things. Well, I knew what I thought he deserved, so when the fortuitous goose came a-visiting, the plan to beat all fail-safe plans seamlessly sprang to mind.

Last night I put my plan into action, having covered the preparation and gone over it countless times in my head. I told him I had arranged an impromptu spa day with Pippa - not at the one just down the road but at the more salubrious, way more expensive one in the next county, meaning I would be well out of the way for the day. Once he cobbled some hasty tale together about not going into the office this morning, having instead to attend a last-minute golf day with a client, I knew he had taken the bait.

Be aware that there is no way I’m swinging for this fucker - or any man for that matter. The average vengeful bitch would have just hidden at home and sunk a spade into his head, but you’ve got to be shrewder than that. One must always assume you will get a real-life Detective Colombo turn up to investigate, rather than some bumpkin local bobby who, even if he found your victim nailed to his front door and you there with your gun barrels merrily smoking, would still have no mind to record it as anything other than Death by Misadventure. You have to run through the deed as the clever detective would, looking for signs that might give you away, looking for a way to eradicate all mistakes. It’s no good rushing ahead to the good bit and overlooking the glaring gaff that’s going to see you spend the next thirty years behind bars. If there is one thing my cheating husband does not deserve, it is to earn me even a single second of incarceration.

I chose that particular spa for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it does valet parking, so that your car is secure in a gated enclosure and brought out only when you hand over the little ticket they give you. So, what good is all that? Well, you get seen by the uniformed lackey and can thus be identified as the unforgettable MILF who handed over the keys early in the day and didn’t get them back until much later, during which a certain heinous crime was committed. Secondly, the spa is conveniently situated right next to a rural railway station which connects to a town some fifteen minutes drive from my home. I no longer do public transport, but for the sake of the perfect plan I am willing to make an exception.

So, drive up there early and alone and present one’s car. Hand over your keys and smile at the valet, even giving him a saucy compliment despite the fact that he has a face like a pug’s rump, just so that he remembers you. Book in at reception, telling them you don’t need a tour because you are well familiar with their facilities. Get the keys to one’s private changing room. Leave your phone in there - I’m thinking GPS traces here, and I hope you are taking notes. Then slip straight back out the entrance again, without being seen. No one will know that you haven’t been there all the time. Suffer the walk to the station, tottering on high heels for five minutes. Wearing very large sunglasses, board the iron horse, buying the ticket with cash. Sit where people don’t see you - at this time of the day, going in this direction, seats should be plentiful. Alight at your destination.

Now the tricky bit: getting back home unseen. Remember that the Range Rover Evoque - the one usually used for running about in and squashing the lowly - is locked up miles away in a spa car park. Fortunately, you also have a nippy if seldom used SLK for those sunny day jaunts, which can be parked in the road next to the station the previous day, before getting a taxi nearly all the way home, but walking the last few minutes, just so the taxi driver doesn’t know your address. Once off the train on the morning of the deed, pick up the waiting SLK and drive it home, parking in the road behind your house and going in through the back, where there is no CCTV on your gated entry and where hubby won’t spot your car. It means a bit more walking and scrabbling, and someone will have to pay for this.

Ensure you are in the house before they arrive. No one other than the desperate housewives/milkmen combination choose to fuck much before lunchtime unless they have woken up together. He will doubtless want to squeeze in at least nine holes before he meets up with her. Change into the tight leather skirt and bodice that you bought for that Halloween party you never went to because he was “busy at work” - although in retrospect was probably shagging some tart in the office - the same outfit that he has never once since requested you wear in the bedroom for saucy action, and has thus stayed on its hanger behind those sliding mirrored doors he loves to look at himself in; a hidden if constant sign that his attention has not been on you for some time. Well, I’m wearing it now, and the pleasure is going to be all mine.

Next, pull on the elbow-length gloves bought at the same time, to ensure fingerprints aren’t left in places a lady like me would never go - up ladders, for instance. Finally, zip on your sexiest boots, the ones with heels long and sharp enough to impale a fuck like my husband upon if ever it took my fancy. The boots aren’t just for empowerment and increasing one’s sexual fervour before the deed. They are practical too, for once. Broken glass equals fragments which could get onto soles of shoes, and remain as evidence. Thus the less actual shoe there is touching the floor, the better. I am clearly a genius at this - I think I’ve missed my calling!

Now for one final detail, having covered all the major ones: make sure you have picked a day when the domestic only comes in of an afternoon, to pick up his suits for dry cleaning. She can be the one with the joy of discovering the body and alerting the authorities. I will be elsewhere, having a much needed, alibi-ensuring massage after humping a weighty bowling ball trophy in its special golden zipped carry-case, not to mention several kilos of frozen goose, up a ladder and onto the roof. Lucky I am no weakling. With the tools of despatch ready in place it is just about waiting and picking one’s moment.

In theory it could be a two birds with one stone scenario but not even I’m kinky enough to kill a girl I masturbated over again last night. No, it’s all about him. He is the cheat; the conniving, arrogant cunt of a lie-spouter. Here I am feeling as sensual, as imaginatively experimental, as mentally sexy and strong as I have ever been in my life and he is only after girls half my age. It’s the utter conceit of the male species that boils my blood. Do the same to them and they would explode the world with their shattered macho ego. Their devastated pride would never recover from such a thing, so you simply don’t do it, even though you know you have only one life to lead and much that you yearn for could remain unknown. But they, they will forget you with impunity. And it does mean something, whatever they claim after. It means enough for them to put their mind solely to concocting plans and lies so that they can do their sneaky thing without being rumbled. If they only put as much mental effort into the one they are supposed to be thinking about they might end up in sexy situations too exciting to ever have them looking elsewhere.

Anyway, she turned up in her own car - a racy drop-top in red for a racy girl - and that made it perfect. It meant she could leave afterwards without him, and that was a bacon-saver for her. He came back first. I heard him humming away to himself, happy about what was to about to happen, though not half as happy as I was. I sat quietly in the attic room, knowing that he didn’t know I was there or what plans I had for him, which was rather sexy in itself. It’s all part of the mental stimulation and the more there is of that and the more intricate, the better. I should really have stayed where I was but I needed to see them. Don’t worry - going back downstairs was not going to be the one crucial flaw in an otherwise watertight plan. I’m not so stupid or undisciplined for that. Being discovered would not have condemned me. It would just have meant babbling excuses and apologies I had no ear for. It would have meant unvented animosity, a divorce and merely half of everything. But I deserve it all for what he has done to me without a care in the world. I deserve my justice.

So I crept down. Our house is a new-build and the carpets upstairs plush, so no floorboards creaked and my heels could not be heard. The door was open wide, no need for secrecy, no chance for a feeling of added security in a room so full of glass. I saw them in the giant mirrored doors of the sliding robe. It was meant as a way to reflect and bounce light to all corners of the suite, but I know he simply wanted to see our dirty business in it. Once I thought it was just me he wished this rude view of, but even Narcissus himself would go some to enjoy the sight of his own reflection as much as my husband does when on the job. Well, today will be the last time ever he gets the thrill of seeing himself.

I got the shock and shiver, the delight and dismay, of seeing her all trussed up and tied. I got to see his straining cock reaching out towards her, swollen rigid with desire, as hard as iron. He has a fine cock and he knows it. Only once was there any hint of a failure to get hard and after that I suspect he turned to certain blue diamonds to ensure it never happened again to such a paragon of maleness as him. Funny, gemstones always get me feeling horny too. My breath caught as his erection was presented to her helpless, open body. Here was that golden moment. He should have made her wait; made the agony for him build and build. He could have slapped her wet pussy with it, stroked it up and down her swelling lips until she was begging for it, wiped it all over her body and face. He could have put it to her other hole, made her shudder with sweeping alarm mixed with dirty desire. He could have denied her it altogether - and think how aching, how desperate and divine a torture that would have been. It would have had her wailing and quaking.

Instead, without even considering the erotic potential of holding all psychological power, with barely a pause at all, he drove it all the way up her in one go. It was a slide so sublime she could barely make any noise at all. I got to hear the slap of his swinging balls against her wetness. He fucked her teasingly, I’ll give him that. He ground against her and kept his pace slow when she was dying for depth and speed. Then he gave it to her in short spurts: a flurry of clapping, rapid thrusts almost too much for her. She couldn’t stop it. There was no way to wrap her legs around and constrict his movements, no way hands could grasp him and hold him in tight. She just had to wail and hope the bliss didn’t have her passing out.

He has her on her side now, doing her slowly from the back, her bound legs ensuring her backside is stuck out at him. He is doing porn faces. She can’t see but he is grimacing, scrunching his too-large but somehow attractive nose, tensing that strong jaw of his, trying to look like a sex god. Every now and then he glances over his shoulder to get a quick view of his muscular buttocks looking all manly as they tense against her. If he took more time and looked more closely at the mirror at the far end he would see me reflected in it, my expression one of hatred, rage and burning helpless desire all in one. That’s quite a face!

He puts his middle finger up to his mouth and makes it wet with tongue and lips. It is vulgar, but thrilling because of it. You never get your middle finger all spit-wet except for dirty business. His hand goes down behind her and she draws in breath sharply. I know the finger has gone in her behind, maybe all the way up. He has never done this to me. Why the fuck has he never done this to me? Does he think me too proper for such filth, not crude enough for such things? Does he really know so little about me? He leans over her, teeth gritted as he looks down on that pretty, gently moaning, eyes-closed face. I know he is wiggling that finger inside her. He takes it out so that he can grip her and pump her harder. He could order her to suck that same finger as he slapped home. Why the fuck does he not understand that she is in no position to refuse him anything? Why can’t he grasp that she might want him to command her to do whatever his dirty mind can conjure up - that the helpless subjugation makes everything a turn-on?

He manhandles her onto her front and then brings her up so that her skinny knees are digging into the mattress. He has his hands under her ankles to help support her and grips them as he slides back inside her sopping puss. She squeals her joy again, her head coming back. I see her profile in reflection now, the sexy arch of her back, no hint of any paunch at her belly, just smooth young flawless skin. She is so gorgeous, which is why I know I will think of her again some nights. The little tits aren’t even a handful for him but the nipples are so pointed and sweet, so delicate yet hard. Her backside is so meatless it hides nothing, but that soft cunny will be stuck out at him between those thin thighs, all rude and inviting, so irresistibly smooth.

He starts to slap against her as his pace increases, going in for the kill. He is sneering, this fucking cheat, so pleased is he with the sight of his cock stuffing her young body. He will still be smirking when I end him, and that thought gives me an urgent twinge between my legs, enough to finally have me dragging up my skirt to get a gloved hand down inside my knickers. The feel of the leather on me there is alien and slightly rough, but it is good for that, like someone else is doing it, like I am being made to watch him fuck her as someone unseen brings me off. Spank her, for fuck’s sake. She has no bum but spank her anyway, just because you can. Make it sting so much it hurtles her towards a humiliating, screaming climax. Put your thumb up her rude arse. Put your cock up her arse with nothing but spit to ease the entry. Get her phone and take pictures of her backside full of your fat cock and then force her to pick a girlfriend to send the pictures to.

He pulls her hair. That is the most I will get from him. It is sexy to see and it makes her gasp and takes her closer to a finish but I wanted more. He should make her talk dirty, however embarrassed she is to do this. He should reach around and pinch her nipples. He should pull out now that her wails signal the swiftly approaching onrush of her climax. He should leave her empty, her hips jerking and thrusting in a desperate effort to regain his cock to clench upon. He should leave her on the brink and take himself away from it so that he can do this again, over and over, driving her delirious with unquenched need, until finally giving her a release to die for.

He is just going to keep at it, keep on pumping until he comes, taking her with him and getting it over and done with. Such power over her and yet it will come to this tame, predictable end. However deep my fingers are inside me from the sight of their fuck, I hate him for this shallowness, for not even bothering to have her any differently than he would have me, despite the ties that hold her at his mercy. He really is an unspeakably selfish, pointless bastard, despite that lovely cock. He starts to gasp and grunt and I know he is ready. Just as he is about to unleash he gasps out that he fucking loves her. It is a lie. The words jolt and burn inside and send me away towards the roof again, but I know he can’t mean them because he tells me the same thing every time he comes.

I go back up the ladder and creep across the roof. The risky part is in looking down at him, my face looming at the skylight for anyone peering upward to spot. He is face down, head on his arm. I have seen this many times: his post-shag, leave-me-be pose. She is flexing her wrists having been untied and then sees to the tape binding her legs. There is no ceremony. It is unpeeled and left on the floor by the side of the bed, and then she rises and checks that her knees still work before heading off to the en suite. It’s going to be one of those hit-and-run fucks and that suits me just fine. She doesn’t even shower. She is a few minutes in the bathroom and then comes back out and dresses, picking up the discarded tape and stuffing it in her handbag. I think this is less as a memento and more out of mistrust that he will remember to hide the evidence properly.

They don’t kiss. She waves over her shoulder but he barely lifts his head. That is him all over: above everyone; too self-important to be anything other than selfish. For all the love I’ve had for him I can also loathe his arrogance - and that was before I found out about his cheating ways. Right now it stops. I don’t have to see that sneer or hear that loud bragging self-righteousness any more. It’s a thin line between love and hate, and it has been crossed. He is right there as I want him. I would have preferred him face up but it won’t stop me. The golden bowling ball, of which he is so proud, is there waiting, heavy enough to be dropped through the glass and straight down onto him. He won’t even have time to move. I feel cold delight within me. My puss is still itching and insistent. My smile is set. The sound of her car engine fades into the distance. I take the ball and get on my haunches to hold it over the skylight and take aim. This is it. Nothing can stop me. Nothing can go wrong. It is a brilliant crime. I am going to rid myself of that bastard once and for all, and enjoy doing it into the bargain. And then, just at this very last instance, I have a change of heart.

Not really! I have a decided un-change of heart and let loose the bowling ball. The crash is colossal but although I see him jerk at the shock of it the golden orb has already plummeted to its target. It strikes him before any of the falling shards do, landing with a horrible thud and almost stopping dead in the crater it must have made in his shoulder blade. I watch the rain of glass spatter all around, larger pieces slicing into softness or shattering into thousands of fragments to litter the floor like crystals. The ball does its own slow death, lolling about a bit upon him before inching to the edge and falling with another thud.

There is no shrieking, jerking response to the shard shower that has left him like a gore-oozing pin cushion. This suggests the first impact did the trick. The goose is not needed but I dragged it up here for good reason. First, I need to make sure it goes through the hole it is supposed to have made, which it certainly will. Second, I want it to land as if it fell naturally, perhaps picking up a few fragments as it does so, to add to the realism. I have a strong urge to get down there and see him up close, but one needs to attend to the finer details first, so I send the goose on one last flight. It strikes exactly where the bowling ball did and then rolls to the side upon the mattress, all of which is just perfect. The impact doesn’t see him move.

I collect the bags used to transport my murder weapons and head back down. The adrenaline-fuelled excitement is almost burning me up but still I enter the bedroom slowly, as if not wanting to hurry the treat. I go closer to the bed, scrunching the first few fragments underfoot, my heart quickening still. The deliciously shining, silken blood spills from him all over, some mere trickles, some faster gushes. The shards sticking from him sparkle in the flooding sunlight. There is one particularly nasty one like a six-inch dagger blade protruding from the back of his neck. This might have done for him on its own without help from the ball and the goose. Fortunately, his exposed backside remains unharmed. I wanted to remember it this way.

I carefully cross to the robe and change back into the clothes I arrived in. The holdall used to carry the goose needs to go back to the garage. The carry case for the bowling ball should, by rights, go into the little cupboard by his side of the bed where I took it from. However, the glass fragments there are particularly numerous and it would be stupid to go treading through all that. I’m still deciding what to do with the case when I hear the hiss of breath from behind me. I turn to see him blinking slowly, his mouth opening and closing like a slow-motion goldfish trying to find some oxygen. I stuff the boots and bag I’m clutching into the robe and slide the door shut.

If his eyes can focus then he will see me triumphant before him. That actually sends another hot rush through me. He won’t be able to fathom what is going on other than that he is in dire peril, clinging on to life. Perhaps he is thanking his lucky stars that I have unexpectedly returned to drag him back from imminent death. The power to save him rests with me. He would never recall that there were two impacts. Put the bowling ball back on its shelf as I plan to do and it would seem like the freak accident it was made to look like. I could call an ambulance and he might live, with me as his saviour. The indignity of almost dying from stray goose strike could be our little secret. I cross to the far side of the bed where he cannot now see me. All he will know is I am his only hope. I step in close, lightly stroking one cheek of that smooth and treacherous arse. I lean right over to look upon him and hear that weak wheeze of breath. My husband: the man I gave myself to for life - well, his life, at least. Fortunately I still have the gloves on. They will have to be thrown now but others can be bought. I reach down and feel at my palm the thin, flat upper edge of the shard sticking from his neck.

He might not be able to work out much, but hopefully some part of his brain will be detecting the deadly pressure and gathering what I am about to do. Hopefully this man, so in love with himself, will realise that someone hates him enough to kill him - not just to say that they want to, but to actually do it. The cold delight fills me once more in a luscious tingling sweep, and then I am pressing down, one hand upon the other, and his wheeze turns to a croak and his eyes pop open, startled and petrified. The rush through me is exalting, matching the fresh spurts from his body, and then the hiss from his mouth ends and the light in his eyes goes out. He stares out towards the window, but he will never see anything again. And that, my friends, is how you rid yourself forever of a cheating, arrogant, overbearing bastard of a man.