It came as a big surprise to me when Dan requested a visit—I mean the kind of visit you usually get from mates or family, not the kind we usually have. I hadn’t been expecting to see him again until we went to court, and I wasn’t even sure if he’d be there then.
I can’t tell you how chuffed I was when the request came through, and by the time the day comes round I’m so pumped I can hardly wait to see him. I’m all prepared to give him my news (I don’t have any), and to tell him that next time he should come for a sleepover. Then I get to the visiting room, and talk about gobsmacked! Claudia’s only sitting there with him. I don’t get it at all, why would she come and see me?
When they get round to dropping the bombshell—that you want me to stand trial for trying to murder you—so much stuff spins round in my head, really bad stuff that I’m proper ashamed of now. But man, I was gutted. I swear I hadn’t seen it coming. Even though I hadn’t heard anything from you I never thought you still hated me. I thought we’d moved on from that, but then I realized that the reason you hadn’t wiped the floor with me during our visit was because you’d decided on another way of doing it.
I was so backed up with all the s*** giving me grief in my head that it took a while for me to catch up with what Claudia was saying—and by the time she’d finished I’m like totally done up. You want me to stand trial because you think there’s a good chance a jury might not find me guilty of attempted murder—and if they don’t it all goes away. But, if my lawyer presses for a lesser charge, the jury might be more inclined to accept it, and a guilty verdict will add it to my sentence for arson.
So suddenly, weirdly, attempted murder is looking like my best bet.
They’re not kidding it’s a gamble, but Dan thinks I should go for it, and apparently my lawyer’s up for it too. (She was going to come and tell me herself, but then Dan and Claudia asked if they could do it. I guess you already know that.)
Anyways, because it’s you who’s asking, I’m going to go for it. It’s a done deal that I’ll be in here for a good long time for the arson, so if things don’t work out what’s the difference? Only thing that bothers me is, if there’s going to be a trial, what’ll that mean for you? Will you have to give evidence?
Dan tells me that’s all under discussion, and what I need to focus on is the part I have to play. Helen’s coming sometime soon with a barrister to talk me through it all, so it seems everyone’s ahead of me. No surprise there.
It’s not till after they’ve gone that I realize I forgot to ask about Huxley-Browne. Has anything happened there yet? I heard through the grapevine that BJ’s been remanded on drug charges, so he’ll be proper brickin’ it by now, and trying to get messages out letting everyone know they got nothing to worry about, he’s no snitch. Bet he is if there turns out to be something in it for him. I’m still scared it’s going to come back on me, but hey, it’s done now, can’t change it, I’ll deal with it when I have to. I’ve got other things to be thinking about now, like going over everything again in my head to make sure there’s nothing I’m missing.