I didn’t see you in court today, but Helen told me you were there. She also said that you’ve been worried because you haven’t heard from me since the indictment changed, so I’m writing this now for her to give you tomorrow before court starts.
I promise, I didn’t mean to cause you any stress by not being in touch, I just didn’t want to put any pressure on you about the trial. I thought if I gave you some space you might be able to work out whether you really want to get up and say something. I get that it won’t be easy for you and there’s no reason why you should do it because you definitely don’t owe me anything. Not even close.
Please keep that in mind.
What did you think of the way it went today? Not great, was it? I was warned the Crown’s opening would take me apart, and it sure did that. Proper little psycho me, in case anyone didn’t know. You can probably imagine what the jury’s thinking already, keep him locked up and throw away the key. I know I’d be thinking that if I was them.
I thought my Queen’s Counsel when he got up sounded like he was talking about a totally different person to the nutter me, didn’t you? Someone who’s always taken care of his mother, who was forced into criminal ways by a family member . . . Well, I suppose that was me, but all that stuff about readiness to accept responsibility for my actions, the understanding of the damage I’ve caused, the remorse I’ve shown . . . I thought a halo was going to appear over my head by the end of it. God knows what the jury thought, but I don’t expect they were impressed even though I guess it was basically true.
And what about the judge? She reminds me a bit of a woman I used to deliver to, though obvs it’s not her. The user-cruiser I’m thinking of was one of the PCs who worked in the City. Wonder what she’s doing now, if she’s still coked off her head and trying to seduce the errand boys.
Anyways, like we were told, the prosecution’s not bothering with many witnesses, just the police and fire officers who we saw today to confirm right away it was arson. I wondered why they bothered when I’ve already admitted it was and that I did it. I kept trying to imagine how you must be feeling when the surgeon got up to talk about your burns and how bad they were. It must have been hard, especially when he admitted that if the emergency services hadn’t got there when they did you might not have made it.
I was gutted myself and wanted to put my hands over my ears, but you can imagine how that would have gone down with the jury.
It doesn’t take much of a brain to work out that getting a conviction is going to be a walk in the park for the other side. My brief says everything’ll change when you start speaking up for me, but I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and it sounds like too much pressure to me. I don’t think you should have to go through it. You’ve already been through enough. Putting yourself up there for people to stare at and get so fixated on your burns that they might not take in what you’re saying is not what you need. So that’s why I’m asking you not to do it. Mr. Lock can tell them everything, and that way you can avoid getting up there in public to try and save the worthless kid who caused you all the harm, who doesn’t deserve it anyway.
You’ve done so much for me already, and now it’s time for me to cut you loose from feeling you have to do any more. It’s right that I should get sent down for being reckless about endangering life. It’s a no-brainer, everyone heard it today, and we both know it’s true.
Before I end this letter, I want to say thanks for letting my ma sit with you today (Dan told me it was going to happen so I’m presuming it did). I heard her a couple of times and was sure she’d get thrown out, but I don’t think she did. I’m going to talk to Dan and Helen about her being somewhere else when I get sentenced to the full stretch because I think that might be too hard for her to take.
Anyways, thanks for believing in me. I don’t deserve it, but thanks anyway.
Be seeing you,
Archie