Born in 1969 in Fullerton, California. Lived in Placentia, California, in the ’80s, was a contributor/distributor of Anti-Establishment fanzine, and attended shows at various venues throughout Orange County and Los Angeles County. Currently lives in Placentia and works as an office assistant while she pursues a bachelor of science degree in psychology.
HIS NAME WAS STEVE, and he is the one who introduced me to punk rock. It was around 1984. I was sitting on my porch and I saw this guy walk by. He was wearing red plaid bondage pants, a navy-blue Levi jacket with a patch on the back, and black worn out boots. I was intrigued. One day we started to talk, because he knew my brother. He was talking about the punk scene and he told me I could pass for a punker, which was funny, because I grew up kind of poor. I was wearing my brother’s blue flannel with a white t-shirt underneath, and my hair was short and messy. I didn’t know if it was a good thing at the time! I really didn’t make sense of it all. I was just interested in hearing about the music he described as punk rock.
The very first band I heard, because of Steve, was Social Distortion. He gave me a cassette tape of the album Mommy’s Little Monster. He also gave me other music tapes, but that is the one I listened to the most. I loved it! The energy and the sound were amazing. It became even more exciting getting lyrics.
In high school, I started to meet more people who were creatively expressing themselves. A friend by the name of Cher gave me my first flyer. It was PiL that I hung up in my locker. Sadly, I do not have the flyer anymore, but I managed to save a few, plus all my ticket stubs.
I was always at Fender’s International Grand Ballroom in Long Beach, every single weekend. I loved that place. I always got a kick out of the name and have so many fun memories. I’ve been to other venues, such as the Celebrity Theatre in Anaheim. That place was nice. I really liked the whole layout of it, and just local spots. I really liked a place called Club 369 in Fullerton. But Fender’s was the place I went to most often.
The reason I was able to go to shows all the time was because I worked, but I had to give my mom my checks. She would give me an allowance from that, lunch money for school, and weekend money, but I would save it all. That money would buy me a ticket and beer!
I remember there were no chairs or anything at Fender’s. People just sat on the floor. In between band sets, you couldn’t even walk anywhere, because everybody was just laying or sitting all over the place. It was like a game, trying to walk around. You just had to hop over people and stuff like that.
It was also very hot and sweaty, and the music was loud. We always used to stand next to the speakers and when we left, our ears would be ringing for days [laughs]. But after a show, we were just drunk with excitement and booze and sweat and cigarette smell. You would go home and crash out and the next day, you had that scent. You know what I mean? It was exciting! From what I can remember, Fender’s was just really hot and sticky and sweaty and smelly, and it was just fun. I don’t remember how we got home in all cases. We got home though.
I saw some great bands, like the Exploited, Agnostic Front, Cro-Mags, Bad Religion, Social Distortion, Adolescents, M.I.A., MDC, D.I., the Adicts, GBH, and many other bands. I also supported local bands like Doggy Style and HVY DRT from my hometown. Shows back then were like ten dollars, from what I can recall. When older friends went to shows, they would buy the beer. We always put our money together to buy what we could. If we didn’t have anyone to buy the beer, we’d stand around a store and ask people. We called it “pimping.” I remember one time we gave this guy money to buy a few forties, and that ass bailed out the back door! Here we were, waiting around, the show is about to start, and we’re wondering what was taking this guy so long. We walked in the store and the cashier was like, “Yeah, he took off [out] the back door!” I think it was the first time going to a show sober! [Laughs.] That’s pretty bad. There were a few times we drank cheap stuff, like Thunderbird and Night Train. That’s all we could afford at the time.
I remember going back to school on Monday, nursing a hangover. Back then it didn’t faze me; that was the reason for feeling sick all the time. But by the end of the week, I was good to go and it started all over again! That’s what it was all about. I always looked forward to shows. They made my week. The excitement of it all would get me through the school week and home life.
The shows were full of fun, excitement, and pure energy. I would always hear about the fights and cops around, but I guess I was pretty much oblivious to it all. I remember a few fights at shows, but I just dismissed them. I guess that tells you where my focus was: the music. I mean it was like, a fight breaks out—okay, so I walked to another area. Not only for my safety, but I couldn’t see the band!
When I was sixteen years old, I posted an ad in Flipside for pen pals, and this guy Jae Lee wrote me. We became good friends and with a group of other friends, we helped with his fanzine called Anti-Establishment. It was great fun to express views on everything. It wasn’t all about bands or interviews. It was political and about awareness. Very interesting for a bunch of teens! We had a lot to say! My friends were animal & human rights activists, so it was all about strong messages of awareness—powerful stuff for adolescents to convey. I am proud to have been part of that movement.
We used to collaborate on issues that were hot topics for that time, and write commentaries on anything social or political. We even had poetry, and I think we did band interviews with bands that were activists. The zine was DIY. I remember working on the last few issues that were half pages, a mini zine, and I’d give my sister the original. She’d take it to work and make copies for us. We’d sit around, drinking beer and folding the zine together.
We used to take it to different music stores. We used to go to a place in downtown Orange. They loved us. We used to go there and give them a certain amount, and every time we’d go in there, they would tell us, “Oh! We sold out. We need more. We need more.” And they even gave us money to run more copies, and our zine was free! They liked it so much.
Growing up, I liked a lot of bands, but there were three bands that left an impact on me: Social Distortion, the Subhumans, and the Adicts. I really like Social Distortion’s “Telling Them.” The part of the song I like is: “They wake me up, tell me to get to work / I slam the door, say, ‘Shut up you jerk’ / I can’t wait till the show tonight / When I’m with my friends, everything’s all right.”
The reason I like this part is because it was true to what I was dealing with as a teen. I came from a large, strict, Catholic family, and my parents were stagnant in their ethics, meaning they raised my siblings and I the same, despite the generation gaps. They did not see beyond their own scope of the world. I never spoke up against my parents or I’d get it: a belt or slap. This part of the song made me release that anger, especially when I was going to shows and hanging out. I felt free and accepted. I loved the part that says “When I’m with my friends, everything’s all right.” And it was.
Another band which I could relate to was the Subhumans. I love the song “Religious Wars.” The part I like is: “The ultimate excuse is here / Die for a cause / Religion is fear / Fear of the threat of something unreal / Abdicate the way you really feel.” Having strict, religious parents, I could not speak against their views, ask questions, or start a debate. These words from the song had a profound impact on what I felt.
I believe words are interpreted on the basis of one’s own knowledge or form of reasoning. This was why I loved to read band lyrics or interviews, because I wanted to know what people had to say that I could relate to.
I also love “Too Young” by the Adicts. I don’t think I’ll quote the lyrics, because I was the total opposite! I took the lyrics as sarcasm—the shock value of looking innocent, but really living.
There were a lot of women involved with fanzines and other stuff. Everyone pretty much did their own thing, but we all were there for the same purpose: to convey a message, and for the music. I felt men were very encouraging and accepting, and were really enthusiastic about whatever activity you were taking part in. Everybody was just so supportive of each other and whatever everybody did. It’s cool, because back then, you could hold a conversation. You started getting into a dialogue and it was exciting, because it was a collaboration of creativity. I loved it.
Everybody would just hang out and get along with each other. Everybody was accepting, from what I can remember. Any fights that broke out were at shows. I don’t remember how they started or what they were about, but I knew it had to do with alcohol. I never really paid attention to that stuff. I never experienced anything pertaining to somebody’s culture or ethnicity or anything like that, or gender.
To be honest, all the negativity that I experienced was coming from my own family, because of the way that I looked. It was sad that they couldn’t accept me for my individuality. My siblings used to make fun of me—the way I dressed, my hair, and the music I listened to. My mom once told me I should dress like a young lady! I shaved the sides of my head to rebel!
Anyway, I do remember that I did encounter one form of sexism. I went to a show in L.A. with a friend, Lisa. This place we went to was a scary part of L.A. I remember it was behind a store. I think it might have been D.I. who we went to see. I’m not sure, though. As we were leaving, these three guys were standing by the door. I heard one say, “Bye,” and I felt a hand brush against my boobs. I turned and socked one in the chest. I was really pissed. I was like, “What the hell?” I think I socked the wrong guy. He was like, “It wasn’t me,” and then all of them started laughing. I don’t know who did it. I just got felt up. I turned and socked whoever was in that path. Poor guy was stunned. He just went back a little. I remember my friend and I laughed all the way to her car.
The scene had a profound impact that influenced who I am, because I know who I am now. I learned this from the punk rock scene. I learned a lot because I wasn’t allowed or given the opportunity to be myself growing up. I was raised by the idea that children should be seen and not heard. I had to behave a certain way. My opinion didn’t matter. I was supposed to do as I was told. Do you know how frustrating it is to not have a voice? This is how I was raised. I wasn’t allowed or given the opportunity to express myself. The punk rock scene gave me an outlet to project my thoughts, emotions, and ideas freely.
It’s funny, because the topic of discussion these days is about trying to define punk rock. I enjoy reading what people have to say. If you ask me to define punk rock, I would have to say that people came from different backgrounds which had their own form of dysfunction, but we all had the same thing in common, which was an outlet for self-expression. We were not bound by rules that restrained us from being our true selves. We all had something to say that we all could relate to, which made us all accepting of each other.
It isn’t about a uniform or about a particular attitude. To me, punk rock was a form of expression and finding yourself—knowing there was an outlet for creativity and becoming independent in thought and opinion. It was also becoming keenly observant of the world and the environment.
I was molded by this scene by becoming enlightened culturally and gaining appreciation, compassion, passion, and respect. The whole punk rock experience was good because of the fun, happy memories that I will always cherish, and the best time I ever had in my life.