I knock on the door and smile at the nurse who escorted me to my mother’s room. I already knew where it was, but the girl at the front desk insisted on having someone else escort me.
“I’m fine, thanks,” I say.
“Do you want me to wait in the hall?”
“No… it’s fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
She looks at me for a few seconds, as if she doesn’t trust my judgment… almost to say that it’s not wise for me to be left alone with my mom. If this was a few months ago, I wouldn’t be that convinced it’s safe, but they have her on so many meds now.
The nurse finally relents and walks back toward the elevator. She glances over her shoulder one last time as I turn toward my mother’s door. It opens and she smiles at me.
“Amy.”
“Hey, Mom. Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
She stands aside and I walk into her room. We walk toward the chairs by the window and I sit down first. She joins me a few seconds later once she’s closed the door.
“So, how are you?” I ask.
“Fine… you?”
“I’m good.”
She smiles, faintly, and looks out the window. I watch her for a few seconds and the look toward the ocean, too. She does seem a little more with it today, but I guess that’s a wishful determination to make after just a few seconds of talking to her.
The view isn’t quite as beautiful as last time. It’s the middle of the day, so there’s no way it could match the sunset we watched the last time I was here.
“How have things been since I was here last?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer right away, so I look over at her. Her face has the same blank look on it that I’ve come to expect given her situation. It makes me kind of sad to see her like this. The only thing that makes it better, is that I know she’s finally getting the care she needs—otherwise I’d be really upset about her being this way. Just being here reminds me that I should thank Dex again… he made all of this possible and I’m confident that her getting better will be because of the staff here.
“Amy?” she asks, turning toward me.
“Yes?”
“I have to ask you something… and it’s… it’s kind of serious.”
I frown as I study her face in an attempt to guess what she’s about to ask me.
“Anything.”
She sighs and nods.
“How come your father hasn’t come to visit me yet? Is he OK?”
That definitely was not what I was expecting her to say. Is she so out of it that she forgot about everything that happened? Does she really not know that she left him and that he’s dead? It seems like some fairly significant life events to have no memory of. I’m not even sure how to respond to her.
My phone rings and I reach for my purse. In most cases, I would feel bad about checking my phone while hanging out with her, but right now… I need a minute to think about what I’m going to say. It’s Dex.
“Sorry… one second… I need to take this.”
“Is it your father?”
“Umm… no. It’s… a friend.”
I swipe my finger across the screen and hold the phone to my ear as I walk toward the door.
“Can you hang on one second?” I ask.
“Of course.”
I step into the hallway and take a deep breath.
“OK… I’m back.”
“Is everything alright?” Dex asks.
“I… I’m not sure how to even answer that.”
“Are you in a safe place?”
I can hear the panic in his voice.
“Yeah… sorry… it’s not like that. I’m visiting my mom right now.”
“Oh… well… I’m glad you’re OK, you had me worried for a second there.”
I look down at the floor in the hallway as I think of the best way to word what I’m about to say.
“Right after I got here… she… she asked why my dad hasn’t visited.”
“Wow… I’m so sorry, Amy. What did you say to her?”
“Nothing. I was trying to figure something out… and then you called.”
Dex is quiet for the next few seconds. I know him well enough to know that he’s contemplating how to help me explain to her what’s happened over the last year.
“Sorry… I don’t… I’m not even sure what to say,” he says, breaking the silence.
I sigh and nod my head. I’m in the same boat. The whole thing is just a bad situation and it makes me wish I hadn’t come here today.
“Yeah, I’m feeling the same way. Is she that out of it?”
“I guess? I suppose it’s a possibility.”
I start walking down the hall, away from the elevator. I’m not going anywhere in particular, but I feel like I need to move right now… even if it only serves to distract me from all of this.
“So, did you hear back from your friend?” I ask.
Maybe if we talk about something else it will distract me from the conversation I’ll be forced to have the moment I set foot in my mom’s room. Ugh.
“I did… he just called me.”
“He found Rose?”
“Yes. He said her phone has been off since we talked, but she just turned it back on—she’s at Jarvis’s house… or very close to there.”
“Seriously?”
“That’s what he said.”
“And he’s sure?”
“Yeah… and I trust him.”
“OK… thank you doing that.”
“Of course, glad to help. I’m just... sorry… that I wasn’t of more help when it came to figuring out what to tell your mom.”
“Thanks. I’m not really sure what to say, but I guess I’ll figure it out.”
“You will… you’re smart.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“I’m actually flying to Colorado, to see Brenda, for a couple of days.”
“Oh… OK. Have fun.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Sounds good.”
I hang up and put my phone into my pocket. At least I know where Rose is, now, but that still doesn’t explain what happened last night. Was she there the whole time and I just never found her? So weird. I think about calling her right now, but I need to deal with my mom first. Calling Rose can wait until I’m in the car, on my way back to the house.
It’s so strange—I was so worried about her, but dealing with my mom has suddenly made what Rose did not seem important at all. It’s funny how quickly life can change and remind a person about what the really important things are. My friendship with her, plus making sure she feels good about being in L.A., mean a lot to me… but it’s not the same as what I feel toward my mom. She certainly has put me through a lot in the last year, some of which I’ll never forgive her for, but she was sick and now it’s time for me to be compassionate and make sure she starts to get better.
I walk back to her room and go inside. My mom glances over her shoulder and smiles as I walk toward her.
“Everything good?” she asks.
“Yeah… it’s fine.”
“Sit down and watch the ocean with me.”
I nod as I sit in the other chair. I look over at her and see the smile on her face. Her entire mood has shifted since I left the room. Did she forget she asked me about Dad? I decide not to say anything, with the hope that’s the case and we can never have that conversation.
I turn my head and look out the window. It really is a stunning view, even when the sun isn’t setting. Looking out at the water reminds me that I’ve only been to the beach twice since I’ve moved here… which seems really strange. I guess maybe it’s one of those things where living here lessens the magic surrounding it. Maybe I’ll go down there the next time I have a day off and just get some sun and read a book. The more I think about it, the better it sounds.
After five minutes, I glance over at my mom and her eyes are closed. Her body moves slightly with each breath she takes. I’ve fallen asleep while sitting up before, but it’s not like her days are packed with physical activity.
I slowly stand up and walk backwards toward the door, my eyes on her the whole time. I put my purse over my shoulder and pause to see if she’s going to wake up. She doesn’t move an inch. This is as good a time as any to leave and head home. I know I wasn’t here for very long, but I’m OK with it if it means I don’t have to have a heartbreaking conversation with her. My hope is that she really will forget about it, for good… and that they can just keep treating her. I doubt she’ll question how long I was there, visiting her, but if she does… well… I’ll just lie and tell her that she was sleeping for an hour before I left. She’ll be none the wiser.
I do feel a twinge of guilt as I close the door to her room and start walking down the hall—it would have been better to wake her up and tell her I had to leave. I just couldn’t bring myself to do that, unfortunately.
The nurse who walked me up to her room is standing at the front desk when I step off the elevator and walk down the hall.
“Is everything OK?” she asks, turning to me.
“Yeah… she just fell asleep.”
“What do you want me to tell her when she asks where you went?”
“Just tell her… I had to work.”
She glances over at the woman behind the desk and rolls her eyes. It’s not super obvious, but I do notice it. I had a feeling she’s making some kind of Hollywood judgment about me and why I’m leaving. It’s none of her business and I don’t feel the need to justify myself to her. Whatever. I turn and walk toward the door before I change my mind.
Once I’m back in my car, I take my phone out and pull up Rose’s number. I hit call and hold it up to my ear. It rings three times and goes to voicemail. I shake my head.
“Hey… still haven’t heard from you. Hope you’re OK… I’m starting to worry. Just call me back when you get this.”
I end the call and set my phone down on the passenger seat. I decided against telling her that I knew where she was… it sounded like whatever the guy did to find her wasn’t all that legal. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why would she go to such lengths to avoid answering my calls? I can’t decide if I should drive over to Jarvis’s house and see if she’s there. It’s a long shot and she could be gone already. Ugh.
Whatever. I’ve tried to be a good and caring friend to her, so there’s not much else I can do. If she doesn’t want to be a part of my life that’s her choice. I’m just going to back off and if she wants to see me… well… then she can make it happen.
I start my car and pull out of the parking lot. It’s still early and I’m looking forward to having an early night. It would behoove me to look over the script for tomorrow, just to remind myself of where we are in the shoot, but I’m not sure if I have the mental energy to do it.
The drive back passes quickly, the majority of the thoughts swirling through my mind were of Spencer and Day One. I feel a little free of Rose now that I’m not focusing on where she is… and it kind of feels good. I’d normally feel like a terrible friend, but I really did try to find her and figure out what she was doing. There’s only so much I could do.
My phone chirps as I get out of the car and walk toward the house. It’s a text from Dex.
Hey, hope everything is good. Did you manage to find Rose?
I head upstairs to my room and sit down on my bed before I respond.
Everything is fine… just got back from visiting my mom. No luck finding Rose. I called her again, now that I know her phone is on, but it just rang. I left her another voicemail, but I decided I need to stop worrying so much about her and just focus on my own life.
I get a text back a few seconds later.
Good, I’m glad to hear you say that. I hope you don’t mind my saying, but you spend an awful lot of time caring about what other people need. It’s not a bad thing, but you’re still young and you’ll have plenty of time to worry about that when you’ve got kids of your own. Just try to enjoy life right now… you’ve got an amazing job, a great husband and your whole life ahead of you.
A smile forms on my face as I read the text a second time. I’ll never get tired of how lovely Dex is. Even though I’m still struggling with everything my mom did over the last year, I’ll always be thankful that her actions brought Dex into my life.