It is sometimes necessary to lie damnably
in the interests of the nation.
—HILAIRE BELLOC
LIES AND DECEPTION
Both men and women lie, but they lie about different things. Men frequently lie when they try to convince others that they’re more successful or fascinating than they actually are. Women frequently lie to protect the feelings of others, and to help people feel better about themselves. Jerald Jellison, social psychologist at the University of Southern California, believes we are being lied to about two hundred times a day.1
It’s not always possible to tell if someone is lying to you. Some people are extremely good at lying to others, and show very little in the way of leakage. A large number of research studies show that most people are able to detect deliberate lying just over 50 percent of the time. This gives liars a huge advantage, as they know they’ll be able to get away with their lies almost half of the time.
I know someone who tells lies even when it would be easier to say the truth. He leads a Walter Mitty type of existence, and regularly fantasizes about his life and what he’s doing. Even when he’s not lying, whatever story he tells is exaggerated to the nth degree. He’s insecure, and does this to bolster his ego and self-esteem. I’ve known him for more than forty years, and am convinced he believes his lies while he’s telling them. Consequently, it’s rare to see any body language leakage. Because of this, someone who met him for the first time would believe his stories, as he is such a good liar.
Fortunately, most people are not very good at lying, and their deception can be read in their body language. When you’re questioning someone whom you think is lying, make sure you have a clear view of his or her face, body, and legs. By doing this, you’ll be more likely to spot incongruent actions. As always, you need to look for a cluster of gestures.
Mirroring
Mirroring can be found anywhere where people are getting along well with each other. It’s a well-known method of gaining rapport with others. In fact, it’s almost too well known, as it’s even taught on dating sites. Most people who do it consciously give themselves away, as they become self-conscious or make it overly obvious what they’re doing.
Interestingly, liars do not usually mirror the other person’s body language. If you lean forward, for instance, he or she is likely to pull back. Consequently, the absence of mirroring can be a clue that the person is suffering from stress, and may well be lying.
Awkward Body Language
Someone who is not used to lying is likely to give him- or herself away by either trying not to make any gestures with his or her arms and legs, or alternatively make gestures that appear awkward.
Someone who is lying is likely to fidget, as this helps him or her handle the stress created by the lie. Tapping fingers, restless feet, wringing the hands, and toe tapping are indications of stress and anxiety.
Breathing
Telling lies is stressful for most people. Consequently, it’s common for liars to take a deep breath and release it quickly. They do this because the sudden stress causes the body’s autonomic nervous system to move into high gear. Taking a deep breath helps provide oxygen to the blood, and this helps relieve the stress.
Skin Color
Many people, myself included, flush when telling a lie. The problem with this, is that as soon as you become aware that you’re blushing, the situation gets worse and your face becomes even redder. This is more noticeable in fair-skinned people, but people of all hues notice a rush of blood to the skin’s surface when they’re fabricating a story.
Perspiration
Stress affects people in different ways. Many people start to perspire when they tell a lie. Beads of perspiration start forming on the person’s upper lip and then appear on his or her forehead. The person will wipe the sheen of sweat off his or her forehead, which is also a sign of deception.
Liars frequently get sweaty hands, too. They’ll then wipe their hands against their clothing in an attempt to make them dry.
Perspiration caused by stress appears regardless of the room temperature. Because they start feeling warm, liars may have to loosen their collars and adjust other items of clothing to help them feel cooler again. These are all signs of deception.
Shaking
Because of the increase in muscle tension, some liars start to shake and feel unsteady. This is caused by a fear of being caught out in telling a lie. People who start shaking in this way might, for instance, find it hard to raise a cup of coffee to their lips, as their hands and arms feel out of control.
Muscle Twitch
Involuntary muscle twitches, especially in the temples, cheeks, and eyelids, are another sign of extreme stress and can be a sign that the person is lying or withholding valuable information. These twitches usually appear on one side of the person’s face.
Asymmetry
Any gestures or expressions that do not occur evenly on both sides of the face could be a sign of deception. A lop-sided smile, one flared nostril, and a one-shoulder shrug are examples of this. Genuine emotions are usually revealed on the face symmetrically. The one exception to this is contempt, in which one side of the mouth is curled.
Micro-Expressions
Micro-expressions, the fleeting expressions that cross the face in a fraction of a second, provide valuable clues as to how someone feels about someone or something. As they’re almost impossible to control, they’re
a valuable clue for anyone looking for signs of deception.
Posture
The posture of liars usually fits in to one of two types. The first type tilt their heads to one side, conceal their hands, fidget, shrug their shoulders, shuffle their feet, and rock backward and forward. Their eyes appear furtive, and blink rapidly.
Interestingly enough, the second type do almost the opposite. They hardly move at all. They stand or sit in a rigid, fixed manner. Even their gaze is unmoving and direct. If sitting, their hands rest on their laps and do not move.
However, habitual liars won’t fit into either of these. They’ll appear relaxed, smile readily, make good eye contact, and will want to get physically close to you. Once they suspect you’re onto them, they’ll start comforting themselves by touching themselves in various ways. They might, for instance, stroke their hair, rub their hands together, or cross their arms. They’re also likely to expose the palms of their hands face up in a pleading gesture, as if begging you to believe them.
Avoiding Physical Contact
Liars tend to avoid physical contact when lying. They may stand slightly farther away from the person they are lying to than they normally do.
Stress
Inexperienced liars often suffer from stress when forced into telling a lie. They may experience an increased heart rate, breathlessness, shaking, and sweating. Their faces may become flushed, or perhaps do the opposite and turn pale. There could be a change in how they speak. They could speak louder or softer, or may find it hard to concentrate enough to put words together. They may become more emotional, and appear irrational.
The best way to deal with people in this state is to take a few slow, deep breaths yourself, and speak to them calmly and quietly. If necessary, suggest they take several deep breaths themselves. Offer a seat and a glass of water, and talk to them quietly until they calm down.
Stress can turn to aggression. If this happens, remain as calm and relaxed as you can, and speak quietly. Keep your posture open. If you are standing or sitting directly facing each other, change position to one that is less confrontational. If you are both standing, suggest that you sit down to discuss the problem. Listen carefully to what the angry person has to say. Don’t interrupt him or her, and use body language to show that you’re listening. When the person has finished speaking, respond in a calm manner. Make good eye contact, but be careful not to aggravate the situation by staring into his or her eyes for too long at a time.
Head
Small, involuntary movements of the head provide useful clues about possible deception. If someone tells you he or she loves you, but at the same time his or her head is moving from side to side to indicate “no,” the head movement will be correct. Likewise, if someone says, “I did not talk to her,” while at the same time slightly nodding his or her head, the head movement will be correct.
Another sign of possible deception occurs when someone who up to that point had been making good eye contact, turns his or her head away while speaking.
Many liars nod frequently when they’re telling lies. This is done in an attempt to get the other person to accept the lie.
Forehead
The forehead and upper lip are the first place where a sheen of sweat gathers to indicate the degree of stress someone is under. This can be a sign that the person is lying.
Another indication occurs if the forehead rises to indicate surprise. It’s possible he or she is surprised at being found out.
Eyes
People find it hard to look at others while telling a lie. This is not surprising as the eyes can unwittingly give away huge amounts of information. The person’s eyes might blink more rapidly than usual while telling a lie. Conversely, they may do the complete opposite, and the person might use an unblinking stare, and refuse to break eye contact. A higher blink rate is caused by stress, but many liars are able to lower their blink rate. Habitual liars have no qualms about lying and consequently suffer no stress or have any fears about being found out. Dr. Samantha Mann, a psychologist at Portsmouth University, found that when suspects were interviewed by the police, they had more pauses in their speech, and blinked 18.5 times a minute. When they were telling the truth they blinked at an average rate of 23.6 times a minute.2
O. J. Simpson had a low blink rate when he was on trial for murdering his wife and Ron Goldman. Bill Clinton also had a low blink rate when he told the world he did not have a sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky.3 In contrast to this, former U.S. senator John Edwards blinked rapidly when he denied he was having an affair.4
Some people even close their eyes while telling a lie. This is to prevent the listener from seeing the truth revealed inside his or her eyes.
Some liars squint and frown when being questioned about a possible deception. Their eyes will glare at the accuser, angry that their words are being questioned.
If someone is caught telling a lie, the eyes will open wide and the white of the eyes will be visible above the iris, the colored part of the eye.
It’s a sign of discomfort if someone suddenly changes the direction of his or her gaze. This can be a sign of lying.
Most people look down when they lie, get caught lying, or feel guilty about something they’ve done. They do this to avoid seeing the other person’s anger, disappointment, or look of hurt.
Some men will rub their eyes while telling a lie. Women are more inclined to gently rub immediately below their eyes. Both of these are subconscious attempts to hide their eyes, so they can “see no evil.”
The pupils constrict when people lie. There is no way of preventing this from happening, but skilled liars try to sit or stand in positions where their eyes are out of direct light. Many liars, as well as gamblers and negotiators, wear dark glasses to conceal the involuntary actions of the eyes.
Nose
The most common indication that someone may be lying is touching, scratching, or pulling on the nose. When someone tells a lie, the stress causes the capillaries of the nose to expand because of increased blood flow to the area. As children, we learned that Pinocchio’s nose grew every time he told a lie. He wasn’t alone, as the increased blood flow causes everyone’s nose to temporarily expand when they’re telling a lie. In addition to this, the mucous membranes dry up, causing discomfort and consequent itching.
Ear
Instead of scratching their nose, some people scratch or pull on an ear when they’re telling lies.
The Mouth
It can be a sign of deception when someone’s upper lip starts to perspire. This is especially the case if the temperature is not hot enough to cause the person to sweat.
Children cover their mouths when telling a lie. Most people learn to control this as they reach adulthood, but a surprising number of people bring their hands to their mouths when telling a lie. Sometimes the hands get diverted to the cheek, the side of the mouth, the ears, the chin, or nose. Touching the mouth is a common sign of anxiety, especially in people who feel nervous about something they’ve just said, or are about to say.
Lip licking can be a sign that someone is telling a lie. Increased stress causes the saliva in the mouth to dry up when people tell a lie, and they need to lick their lips to provide more saliva.
Some people appear to swallow their lies, and this can be seen by tension in the throat muscles. In men, the Adam’s apple will bob up and down when this occurs. Constant licking of the lips and frequent swallowing usually appear together, and are an excellent indication that the person is lying. Frequent throat clearing, if accompanied by other indications, can be a sign that the person is lying.
Many liars wipe their mouths with an open palm. This is almost as if they are wiping any residual traces of the lie away.
Biting the lower lip can also be a sign that the person in lying. However, this needs to be read in context. Many people bite their lower lips while thinking about something.
A lopsided, false smile is often a sign of deception. If you’re trying to determine if someone is lying or telling the truth, look at the person’s eyes when he or she smiles. Many people find it impossible to give a genuine smile when they’re lying. It’s been estimated that only one person in ten can successfully fake a true smile. This is because it’s difficult to control the fine muscles around the eyes.5
Voice
Many liars give themselves away with their voices. The pitch might change slightly, or the voice might sound strained or tremble when they speak. They may need to clear their throat frequently, too.
Jaw
A tightly clenched jaw is another example of what the body does when someone is under stress. Often it’s accompanied by an involuntary muscle twitch.
Adam’s Apple
Many people have a need to lubricate their throats and swallow before telling a lie. This is easier to detect in men, as their Adam’s apple moves and gives them away.
Hands
As a rule, people expose the palms of their hands when telling the truth. Often, people hide their hands when lying. They might sit on them, place them deep into their pockets, or conceal them behind a desk. They might even curl the fingers into a fist to hide the fingers.
They might clasp their hands, hold tightly to a table or arm rests, or clutch their upper arms, to prevent the hands from moving. The tension they’re experiencing is often clearly visible in the hands.
Many liars give a hand shrug, which occurs when the hands are held out and rotated to expose the palms. It’s an interesting gesture, as it’s almost as if the liar is trying to gain sympathy because he or she has been caught lying.
Children cover their mouths with their hands after telling a lie. Adults have learned not to do this, but often feel a need to bring a hand to their face. Instead of covering their mouth, they might rub their nose or ear, or touch another part of the face.
Abdomen
Some liars experience a sudden pain in their abdomen caused by stress. This is usually accompanied by an urgent need to visit the bathroom. In extreme cases, the pain causes people to feel nauseous, and even vomit.
Feet Movement
Frequently, people stop all movement above the waist when they’re telling a lie. They’ll look directly at the person they’re lying to, without blinking. Their elbows are kept close to their sides, and the hands may be clasped.
However, although they can keep the top half still, they find it almost impossible to prevent their legs and feet from moving around. They may continually cross and uncross their legs, shuffle their feet, or tap their toes.
How to Lie
We were all brought up to believe that lying is bad, and we should always tell the truth. As a result of this, most people feel guilty when they tell a lie, and these feelings are revealed in our body language.
A British study determined that men lie approximately six times a day, while women lie three times.6 This study of two thousand people also revealed that the most common lie is one I’ve said myself: “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.” People lie for many reasons. It might be an attempt to gain respect. Someone I know tells people he’s a car salesman when he actually spends his days grooming cars for resale. Most people will lie to spare someone else’s feelings. A man could be in serious trouble if his wife asks him if her new dress makes her backside look fat, and he thinks it does. Men and women frequently lie to each other when they first meet, as they want to create a good impression. Most of these lies are relatively harmless, and help life go more smoothly. As these “white lies” are generally said with good motives, it’s important that other people believe them.
As you know, it’s hard to lie successfully, as your autonomic nervous system conspires against you, causing blushing, sweating upper lips, foreheads, and palms, dry mouth, tickly throat, and an itchy nose. It takes a great deal of effort and practice to control all of this. This is why many people are found out by changes in their speech patterns. They may talk slowly, make mistakes in their speech, or take longer than usual to respond to a question. Their movements also slow down. They find it hard, or impossible, to mirror the other person’s posture. It’s hard to speak and move naturally when you’re so busy trying to control everything else.
Assuming that you have your autonomic nervous system under control, here are some other things you need to be aware of if you’re going to tell a lie.
If possible, prepare your lie in advance. This gives you the opportunity to determine exactly what you’re going to say, and how you’re going to say it. Practice by visualizing yourself saying the lie. Notice the posture you assume, and change it if necessary. See yourself saying the lie and having it accepted by the other person. Then see yourself leaving the situation knowing that your lie has been accepted.
When it comes to telling the lie, don’t increase eye contact. If you do, and especially if you also fail to blink, the other person will probably notice the change. Children tend to look away when they’re telling a lie. Consequently, adult liars think that increasing the amount of eye contact will make them more believable. This is not the case.
Keep your body posture as normal as possible. Liars tend to stiffen their bodies, and look more rigid than usual. If you are normally animated, the sudden change will be a strong giveaway that you’re lying. Even if your normal gestures are restrained, anyone who knows you will be able to detect the changes in your body.
When people are stressed, their breathing changes and they make frequent, shallow breaths that can give them away. To avoid this, take several slow, deep breaths before entering the place where you’ll be telling the lie. Exhale before saying the lie. Doing this allows you to release tension before you speak. This also makes you sound normal, as the pitch of your voice can change when you’re nervous and under pressure.
Speak normally. Long pauses, or no pauses at all, can be considered a sign of deception. Stuttering, or overuse of “um …” and “er …” can also lead to people questioning what you say.
Don’t fidget. Liars tend to move their arms and legs a great deal. The hands might clasp the arms for a few moments, and then disappear into the pockets, and then one will reappear and touch the face, and so on. Touching anywhere on the face, but especially the nose and mouth, are indications of possible deception. Instead of fidgeting, keep your arms by your sides, or on your lap. Excessive arm and hand movements, as well as a total lack of them, make people suspicious.
Make modest use of open palm gestures. Open palms are a sign of openness, honesty, and integrity. Most people instinctively trust people who make open palm gestures. People who conceal their palms could be telling lies. Consequently, if you’re telling a lie, expose the open palm, but do so sparingly. If you overdo it, it will raise suspicions, especially if you aren’t in total control of all your autonomic nervous system responses.
Keep your hands out of your pockets, as you want them to be visible. Your hand gestures should be as natural as possible. When people are stressed they’re inclined to use repetitive comforting gestures such as touching their neck, stroking their hair, or wringing their hands, to reduce the stress. These gestures all reveal the stress they’re trying to conceal, and are likely to be considered signs of deception.
If you must do something with your hands, allow the tips of your thumb and first finger to touch. The touching sensation will help reduce stress, and if you need to, you can move your thumb and forefinger slightly to reduce it even further. Actors often do this before walking onto the stage, to reduce stage fright.
Whenever possible, experienced liars hide the lower half of their bodies behind a desk. This conceals any involuntary leg and foot movements. In addition, the desk acts as a barrier that helps the liar to feel more comfortable.
You can’t prevent your pupils from constricting when telling a lie. The best you can do is to keep your face in a place that makes it hard for other people to see into your eyes.
Liars sometimes give themselves away at the end of the questioning. Once it’s all over, an expression of relief crosses their face. Avoid this, and you may find you’ve got away with your lie this time.