Bonnie stayed silent the whole ride back to the hospital. She felt like she ought to say more, ought to thank Tina’s parents for being such heroes. She couldn’t find the strength to do that, though—she was far too sad and ashamed. Tina sat beside her in the back seat, clutching her hand.
Bonnie wished she had it in her to reassure Tina, too. She wanted to be brave like DX had been. When the moment had come, though, she’d been just as paralyzed as she’d been in the hospital room, when her mother had suggested that her friend should leave.
Why had she just stood there while people said horrible things about Tina and her family kidnapping her? Bonnie should have shouted back. She should have told them that she wasn’t being kidnapped, she was being rescued. She should have grabbed one of those cameras and explained exactly why she’d cut off contact with her family years ago. Even back when she hadn’t dared to admit to anyone that she was gay, her family had still found plenty of ways to shame and humiliate her on a regular basis.
Her parents made her feel like the life she’d built for herself didn’t even exist, like the person she’d grown up to be had come out wrong. She wanted to just dismiss that, to not let it get to her, or even to stand tall and push back against it. Every time push came to shove, though, she froze instead. Froze and let Tina take the brunt of the punishment.
Her heart squeezed in her chest. Her wife deserved better. Bonnie wanted to make Tina happy, but instead she was asking for Tina—and Tina’s entire family—to give and give. Bonnie resolved that if she lived through this surgery she would support Tina with the most powerful devotion she could muster, in all things big and small. She wanted to be the best partner Tina could possibly want, to make all of this unpleasantness feel absolutely worth it.
It humbled her to think about how much she owed to the people around her. Tina, Tina’s parents, Debra, Ilana, and DX. The nurse at the hospital. The list ran back into her past, too. She didn’t only owe gratitude to the people helping her now. There were also the professors at the college who made her feel worthwhile, the job that allowed her to pay her bills, the scholarships without which she’d never be able to have this life at all. Before that, there were the people who helped her navigate the paperwork required to enter college without parental support, the high school teachers who’d taught her there was another way than the way her parents lived, the friends who’d let her spend nights at their houses when she needed to get away.
There were so many people she’d never be able to repay. It ached to think her life might end before she even got a chance to try.
“Thank God those people haven’t followed us here,” Tina’s mother said as she pulled the car into the parking lot.
“Not yet,” Tina’s father said darkly. “No thanks to their God.” He cleared his throat. “We should get the girls inside as soon as we can.”
Bonnie closed her eyes, feeling guilty about how good it felt to let them take care of her. She was married now. Wasn’t it time to start acting like an adult? She felt a little bad about how much she appreciated having gained a set of surrogate parents.
Still, Tina’s parents helped Tina and Bonnie inside. Bonnie leaned against the tall counter while she checked back in. She made sure to show the paperwork they’d gotten at the courthouse, to explain that Tina was her wife now, and that she was the one who would be responsible for making decisions about Bonnie’s care anytime it turned out that Bonnie couldn’t.
After the scene at the parking lot, it was a tremendous relief that the woman behind the counter simply nodded and took the information without displaying any particular emotion about it. “The nurse will be with you in a few minutes,” she said finally.
Bonnie let her body sag, let Tina hold her up for a moment. “Is there any chance…Is Willa working?” She hoped the request wouldn’t seem like a pain. She just really wanted the comfort of a familiar face, of a person who would have some idea about what they’d gone through that day, and who also might enjoy seeing their rings and sharing their happiness.
The woman behind the counter offered a tight smile. “She’ll call for you soon.”
“Thank you so much.”
Tina went with Bonnie to sit in the small, tucked-away waiting area. Her parents had excused themselves to the cafeteria, and Bonnie felt almost weak-kneed in her appreciation of how considerate they were being. “Is Willa the nurse who told you where to go?”
“Yeah.”
“You have to stay in the hospital tonight?”
Tina’s voice had taken on a tentative tone, and it took Bonnie a second to realize what she was thinking about. Bonnie grimaced. “I’m afraid so. They didn’t really want me leaving at all. They said they wanted me to make sure not to do anything strenuous. Anything that would get my heart rate up.”
“Oh,” Tina said.
Bonnie rested a hand on her thigh. “It’s weird that I never thought twice about it, and now it’s a serious threat to my life.”
“This will be over soon,” Tina said. “And hopefully you can go back to not thinking about it again.”
Bonnie nodded. She didn’t trust her voice to speak.
“Is there any chance they’d let me stay here with you? Spend the night?” Tina blushed. “I’m not trying to…do anything. It just feels wrong to go home without you. Since we’re married now.”
“We can ask.” Even that simple sentence made Bonnie’s voice crack. She squeezed Tina’s thigh.
“Bonnie Deluca?”
They both glanced up at her name. Relief flooded Bonnie at the sight of Willa. Now that she knew the nurse was queer, Bonnie was surprised she hadn’t seen it right away. Willa didn’t exactly have an alternative lifestyle haircut, but her hair had tendencies that could very well have been encouraged with judicious use of gel in her off hours. Her shoes looked masculine of center, and she carried herself in a way that unapologetically took up space, a way that felt like a statement in itself.
Bonnie smiled and followed Willa, guiding Tina behind her as she did. Willa acknowledged Tina with a nod and then took care of the details of getting Bonnie situated. They asked if Tina could spend the night, and Willa said they could bring in a cot for her.
For a moment, Bonnie thought she would leave without saying anything more, but then she paused in the doorway. “You did it, right?”
“She’s my wife,” Bonnie agreed, trying to get used to the strange word.
“How did it go?”
“Weirdly,” Bonnie said. By the way Willa nodded, she suspected she’d already heard something somewhere. “The people at the courthouse were great,” she added quickly. “They were really kind. They didn’t give us any trouble.”
Willa cleared her throat. “I got some texts from friends. There’s stuff up on the Internet about you.”
“We saw people filming us,” Tina said.
Bonnie blinked. Tina might have noticed that, but she hadn’t. She felt naive all over again. The price DX and Ilana had paid for helping them seemed even higher. She thought about Tina’s parents, getting raked over the coals of the comment sections of conservative blogs all over the Internet.
“I think a lot of people are going to want to help you,” Willa said.
“Honestly, I wish there weren’t a lot of people paying attention to us,” Bonnie said. “I wish we could get married like it was just normal.”
“Maybe someday.” Willa flashed a brief, feral smile. “Eventually, enough of us will get married, even in places that aren’t used to it, that it will stop being news.”
Tina cleared her throat. “Can I ask you a question?”
Willa paused, half there and half already gone. “Her or me?” she asked, her tones clipped.
Tina shrugged. “Whichever one of you can answer…I’m just wondering, what were they trying to accomplish? Bonnie’s parents? They had to have known they wouldn’t really stop us.”
“I’m not sure how logical they are,” Bonnie said.
Willa shook her head shortly. “I bet they’re trying to set up for some sort of challenge. Like a legal challenge or a public opinion challenge.” She glanced at Bonnie, then went on in a matter-of-fact tone. “If something does happen tomorrow during the surgery, they’ll have laid some groundwork to say you’re not really the next of kin.”
Bonnie jerked up straighter. “But she is! The whole point of this was so they couldn’t do that.”
Willa shrugged. “I think you ought to be okay. But that doesn’t mean your parents can’t still try to take control away from Tina. That’s the world we live in. The Supreme Court passes marriage equality, and some places try not to actually recognize it. We gain some rights, but then there’s this whole trend of ‘religious freedom’ for people who want to be jerks to us. You can go get married because you love each other and want to be there for each other, but people can show up and protest as if any of that is their business. Can’t promise anything with the way things are in this country.”
Bonnie had to work to keep herself from crying. “This sucks. I’m so scared. I can’t stand to think about them throwing Tina out of here.”
Willa raised an eyebrow. “I’m not trying to scare you. I’m just trying to realistically answer your wife’s question.” She tapped her fingers against her thigh. “I really do think you two are going to be okay. Your doctor is really good. I hope you won’t have to worry about medical decision-making. But if not, if anything does go wrong, you two can ask for me, okay? I’ll try to help if I can.”
Bonnie didn’t have the strength to do more than nod. Willa left them alone, and Bonnie turned to Tina and found her wife looking as wide-eyed as she felt.
“Things are getting real,” Tina murmured.
“They’ve been real,” Bonnie said.
She interlaced her fingers with Tina’s. They couldn’t have a real wedding night, but they could have this. Bonnie held on tight and willed it to be enough.