Lavender lay still. Morning couldn't be here. Thursday couldn't have started. Ariel promised she could get her estrogen, but how much estrogen would she need to counter the effects of not having anti-androgens? In her first forays into hormones, she and her mother hadn't heard of testosterone blockers. Enough estrogen to give Lavender breasts and a round figure hadn't been enough to stifle her height or keep her voice from breaking.
But at nineteen, she'd also have to worry about hair and muscles in the wrong places.
Her mother was so far away. If her mother was here, Lavender would lay her head on her mother's lap and cry while her mother stroked her hair and murmured sweet nothings. The pillow just wasn't the same.
Her eyes were crusty, gritty, and disgusting. She pulled her covers over her head.
Vish sang her happy song as she entered the room. Lavender sat up. She could use a little happiness in her life.
Vish stopped in the middle of the chorus. "Flower Blossom, did I wake you?"
Lavender shook her head. "Something good happen?"
Vish smiled brightly. "My man. The one I owe these to." She put her hands under her very full bosom and gazed down lovingly. "He's taking me with him to one of those showbiz bashes. Everyone who's anyone will be there. I'm going to sing. If my music can get in a movie or on a sitcom… We leave tonight and come back Monday."
Lavender's truest friend was leaving her.
"And we won't have anything to interrupt us. No wife, no kids, no phone calls from his parents. He's only taking his work phone. I'm going to show off and be noticed. He says my exotic beauty draws the eye." Vish posed like a model. "You think?"
Vish's talent was what drew the eye and ear.
"But," Vish sat on Lavender's bed. "If you say stay, I'll stay. If you need me, I'll be here."
"Go." Lavender pulled her knees against her chest. "You deserve it."
Vish grinned. "Other men will look at me and wish they'd had the courage, back when I needed an agent and manager, to look past my skin color and see my talent. I'll smile at them and make them want me all the more."
She got to her feet and picked up the song where she'd left off. She packed her very best clothes. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
Lavender climbed out of bed and grabbed the first clothes she found. "Go have fun."
And then, she showered until she was sure she wouldn't cry.
*~*~*
Diego looked at his phone and took a deep breath. He had to call her, to hear her voice, to spend the day with her. Then he'd know for sure if finding out had made any difference. He didn't think it did. Last night, he'd dreamed of her begging him to enter her and he'd come so hard that he'd woken up.
He loved her. That was what these feelings were. Not for the body he'd assumed she'd had or for the one he'd found out about, but for the way she laughed and her smile and her whole being. Meeting her was like suddenly finding the other half of the pieces to a puzzle. He didn't know yet whether the puzzle was square or oval or rectangle, or what the picture would turn out to be, but he was eager to find out.
Only, the day was still early. He should let her sleep in a little longer.
*~*~*
Lavender spent the morning in front of the mirror trying to recreate Jessica's makeup job. Jessica said eye makeup went on first to keep the shadow from falling and sticking in the foundation. But the eyes came first so Lavender wouldn't ruin the rest of her face when she had to take all the makeup off her left eye twice.
She would need more practice, especially if her anti-androgen shot was going to be two weeks late. But she refused to cry and ruin her makeup.
She put on her foundation, powder, and blush, and then finished off her eyes with mascara. The last step was lipstick. She had to look her best while she still could.
*~*~*
Diego parked in front of Lavender's house. He hadn't called that he was on his way and given her the chance to say she was busy. Once he saw her, he'd know.
*~*~*
Lavender had to escape. She needed fresh air and not to be glared at over breakfast. After Miss Magnolia did something as unforgivable as taking Lavender's journal and hormones, why was Lavender the one getting the nasty looks?
Miss Magnolia denied knowing anything about the theft, but no one else had any reason to take Lavender's things, even as weak a reason as "punishment" for imagined faults. Sure, Lavender wasn't behaving in a way Miss Magnolia thought was proper, but the other girls had done worse. Why had Miss Magnolia chosen this one time to follow through on her many threats?
Lavender opened the front door. Diego was leaning against his car. He smiled up at her. "Beautiful."
How long had he been out here? "Is the bell broken?"
He put out a hand and pulled her close. She was at home in these arms. She laid her head on his shoulder. If only today would last forever. Diego would stay beside her and her body would never change.
He rubbed her back. "Breakfast?"
"Yes!" Anything to get away from the house.
His arms surrounded her. "I was afraid you didn't want to see me anymore."
She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips. "You're crazy."
He opened the passenger door. "I felt that way yesterday."
Diego was such a flatterer.
"I never want to let you go." He got in the driver's seat and took her hand. "Stay with me tonight."
She looked out the side window. That wasn't going to happen.
"I promise not to touch you if that's what you want, I'll sleep on the couch."
That wasn't what she wanted. She laid her hand on his thigh. If she hadn't been born with extra bits, she'd have jumped at the chance. His hands on her skin and his mouth… "I'm sorry."
He stopped at a red light and lifted her hand. "I'm not."
He kissed her fingers.
But he was. How could he not be? He'd fallen for the wrong kind of girl.
*~*~*
Diego endured another of Miss Magnolia's interrogations while Lavender packed for their day—and hopefully their night. He would have eaten a bigger breakfast if he'd known how much his brain was going to have to work. He'd been too busy watching Lavender eat hers and imagining her at his table in her fluffy nightgown, eating off his plates, and drinking out of his mugs.
He ached for her. How had he stayed away? He should have come over last night and seduced her. He only had three more nights, and on Sunday, he had a thousand miles to drive.
Miss Magnolia slapped her fan against her palm. "You don't seem to understand my concern."
Had he missed something? "You have special girls here. I get that."
"But you can't know what I do for them, how much they need to be protected, how much they need me, whether they like it or not. I am doing my best for them."
"I'm sure you are." Diego took a breath to go on, but she jumped in and rambled on about how much she loved them, how no one else would, and didn't let him get a word in edgewise. He loved Lavender at least as much as Miss Magnolia did, and what kind of love was it anyway, if it stifled the recipient?
Lavender stepped into the parlor. "Diego."
She had changed into her lavender dress and was gorgeous, as always. He held her hand and turned to Miss Magnolia. "Thank you for the conversation. I will take your words under advisement." That was what his father had always said when he disagreed with someone. "I'll keep her safe."
Lavender's big purse sat with two other bags by the front door. Did this mean she was spending the night? Please be yes.
*~*~*
Lavender strolled slowly up Venice Beach Boardwalk, hand in hand with the handsomest man around. Diego bought her earrings yesterday, so he must have been thinking of her. She felt womanly, like she was the queen of the world.
Diego lifted her fingers to his lips. "Beautiful."
She turned from the intensity in his eyes. "You always say that."
He touched her cheek. "Should I come up with better endearments?"
She brushed her cheek against his fingers. She didn't mind what he called her. "It's as good as any."
"Better than some?"
Better than none.
"My beautiful queen, I love you with all the passion in the world."
"You love me?" He hadn't said that before.
"With all my heart and life and breath."
"But…" She wasn't the type of girl men really loved.
He twirled her around. "An ice pop?"
If she was going to enjoy her last few days with Diego and as a woman, she couldn't let bad thoughts bring her down. "We could share one."
And he smiled like she'd made his day.
*~*~*
Diego looked at the deli case and tried not to plan. Plans had a way of coming to pieces. Sometimes for the better, like meeting Lavender on his first night in LA, but as long as he only planned his very next step, he'd be less likely to be disappointed.
He yearned to hold her and tell her she was a woman to him, all the woman he wanted, all the woman he needed, but he could only think of things that could go wrong. He took a deep breath and grabbed a sandwich. She frowned at his selection. He smiled. "Bad choice?"
"Have one made for you."
"What kind should I get?" He turned to the sandwich counter.
"Choose what you like."
He took her hand. "If I do, will you help me eat it?"
She looked him over.
"You could help me expend the calories."
She sucked in her breath and slapped his arm. "Diego!"
He loved his name on her lips. "A man can dream."
He pulled her up against him at the sandwich bar. "Roast beef?"
"Or peppered turkey."
He kissed her ear. "Is that what you like?"
"I don't eat sandwiches. How do you think I keep this figure?"
He could definitely help her expend the extra calories. "If we stay out late tonight," Diego could hope, "we might get hungry again."
"We might?" The look she shot him over her shoulder was enough to suck all the blood from his head.
"I could lie with you and just forget the world," he sang. She bit her lip over a grin.
Their turn arrived. Diego asked Lavender to pick her favorite things and she created a very delicious-looking sandwich. He had the sandwich maker cut one of the halves in half, in case he could entice Lavender to share it with him. Then while she picked a salad, he ordered a second sandwich with lots of meat and cheese. He didn't want to drive her home with his stomach growling.
Plus, a full belly might stave off the worst of his other needs if she said no.
*~*~*
Lavender gazed out the window. She'd never been this far up the coast. Diego sang while driving—he hadn't done that before—but it was to what was playing on the CD. If he'd just sung whatever was in his head, she might have discovered what he was thinking. He'd been quieter today.
He couldn't have found out. He was taking her on a picnic at the beach. He wouldn't do that just to break up with her.
Of course, being broken up with so far from home would be very inconvenient. Diego was a nice guy. He'd take her home, but the hour-long drive back would be awkward. She had to be careful tonight.
*~*~*
Diego wished the sunset was more spectacular. It had its golds and peaches, plus a bit of orange, but where were the pinks and purples? Still, this was Lavender's first sunset over the ocean with him. He watched her drink it in.
She was on her belly on the blanket. He had a spare, but gave an excuse for not laying it down, which wasn't that he didn't want sand on it if they were going to pull it over themselves after sex. He could wish for more even ground, but luckily the layers of sand and beach grass kept them off the rock that made up the cliff. This park was too far from the city to be popular. The last person to stop never left the parking lot. They were alone.
He reached out and touched her back. She grinned at him and returned to watching the sun. They should honeymoon at the beach.
He moved his hand onto her firm ass. She swatted it away. He grinned at her and tugged at the short beach grass. Lavender slapped his hand. "What did that grass ever do to you?"
He tucked his hands under his thighs. "I'm trying to keep my fingers busy. Can I touch you here?"
He stroked the back of her knees. She bent her leg. "You're very distracting."
"I'm very distracted." He needed his hands on her.
She took a deep breath. "Then give me a foot massage."
That he could do. How far up her leg would she let this massage go before she stopped him?
*~*~*
Lavender sighed. The last of the sun faded. She'd seen sunsets before, with buildings and trees in the way, or with many people around her. Today was the first with nowhere to go and nothing to do afterward. Except spend time with Diego.
He kissed her thigh. She stayed firmly on her belly. Her girdle hadn't been made to hide a bit as hard as hers. "Diego."
"Lavender." His lips moved higher.
"Please."
He moved up beside her. "You're very beautiful."
"Is that why you can't keep your hands off me?"
"Do you want me to keep my hands off you?"
She bit her lip. Yes, because she didn't want him to find out her secret, but no. She wanted his hands all over her.
He laid his cheek against her shoulder blade. "When I take you home with me…"
"When?"
"You'll wear your pretty nightgown in my kitchen as I make you breakfast."
The image was vivid. Lavender needed it to come true. "You're making it?"
"Yes." Diego set his hand on her back and moved it down to her thighs.
She didn't have anything to hide back there. He moved his hand back up, staying on top of her dress. How much better would his hands feel against her skin? If only she didn't have to wear this damn girdle.
*~*~*
Diego didn't know how to tell her. He didn't know what to say. He needed her now and forever. He gently rolled her over and rested his cheek against her breasts.
Her laughter set his body on fire. He moaned into her dress.
"Diego?"
He looked at her face. He ached to strip her bare, or at least the top half, where she let him touch earlier, but perhaps this conversation would be better with her fully clothed. "Lavender."
He sat up and pulled off his shirt, but that didn't cool him off one bit.
"Striptease?" She was wearing her sexy expression again. She wasn't helping him think.
"Lavender…" What to say? He hated any conversation that started with 'We need to talk' or 'I have something to say.' They marked the beginning of the end of a relationship. This one couldn't end, not so soon, not ever. Why wouldn't the words come out? "I…"
She lost her smile. His heart broke.
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world."
She pulled her knees up under her chin. "But?"
But nothing. He loved her. "I…"
She turned away.
He was dying inside. He should have planned his part better and had something to say. How could he ever dig his way out?