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Maria could hear the muffled discussions in Jonathan’s room on the other side of the door. She was alone in her own common room like she always was. She desperately wanted to be in Jonathan’s common room, to comfort him and guide him. For a moment in the carriage, she had thought that everything could be as it was, but then he had made it clear that he didn’t want that.
The fire was blazing in the fireplace and Maria was sitting in the chair closest to it, but still she felt cold. Anna wasn’t even here to distract her and comfort her. In truth Maria had no idea when she would be able to tell Anna about the herring... or say that she understood if Anna found it difficult that she couldn’t conceive.
Maria hid her face in her hands. She had no idea how to make things right with Anna. Jonathan seemed immune to her apologies... Maria looked up from her hands. She hadn’t even apologized to Anna. Or tried to explain herself. She quickly got up and strode out of the room.
“Your Majesty?” the guard posted outside of her room said as he followed her down the hallway. “Your Majesty, where are you going?”
“I’m going to see my sister-in-law,” Maria ground out as she strode towards Anna and Valdemar’s suites. Valdemar had to be in Jonathan’s room, meaning there was a good chance that she would find Anna alone. She knocked on the door. Then knocked immediately after that when the door wasn’t opened right away. Anna’s maid opened and looked from Maria to the guard.
“The duchess is preparing to go to bed,” she said in an uncertain tone of voice.
“She’ll see me,” Maria said and barged into the room. “You’ll stay here,” she told the guard. “You too,” she said and pointed at the maid.
She closed the door and crossed the floor to the bedroom. She had only been in Anna and Valdemar’s rooms a few times. Usually, they would all meet in Jonathan’s common room, if all four of them were together, or she and Anna would stay in Maria’s.
“Who was it, Else?” she could hear Anna say from the bedroom.
“It’s me,” Maria said in as steady a voice as possible. She had just strode down the hallway, but now she needed to be calm and composed, if Anna was to listen to her.
“Maria?” Anna exclaimed and got up. She was only in her shift and had been sitting on a stool, her massive, slightly curly, honey-colored hair hanging down her back. Come to think of it, her maid had had a brush in her hand.
“I need to apologize, Anna,” Maria said and motioned for her to sit down.
Anna slowly sat.
“For what?” she said, looking warily at Maria.
“I betrayed your trust as well,” she said and took a step closer. “I should have told all of you, that Gustaf had asked me to spy on Jonathan...”
“Maria,” Anna got up again and took her hands. “That is none of my concern.”
“But you’ve hardly spoken to me the past week,” Maria said. She could feel the tears pressing behind her eyes. She was weeping constantly these days, it felt like.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get in the middle of the conflict between you and Jonathan. Valdemar and I agreed that it would be best that I kept my distance. At least until Jonathan’s temper had cooled down... But it seems that it won’t.”
Anna stroked Maria’s cheek. Maria hadn’t even realized that she had cried. Anna pulled her gently into a hug.
“I love him, Anna. I really love him. I don’t know how to make things right again,” she sobbed. Anna was about two inches taller than her, and Maria felt oddly comforted, that Anna was taller, as if she was a child being comforted by an older sister or her mother. But Maria had had neither growing up. No older sister, and her mother had never been around to comfort her.
“I don’t think that there is anything that can be done,” Anna said after a while. “When you lose Jonathan's trust, you lose it forever.”
Maria started sobbing again but tried to control it by swallowing hard. If she had only known that she would fall in love with him, then she would have never agreed to spy for Gustaf. She kept blaming herself. But on the other hand, she knew that she could never have known that he was so... perfect.
Anna stroked her cheek.
“I know that Valdemar is trying hard to persuade him to forgive you,” Anna said gently.
“Valdemar?” Maria repeated even though she had heard.
Anna nodded and smiled gently.
“Jonathan is miserable too. He can just be so stubborn sometimes,” Anna said.
“Do you think he loved me too?” Maria whispered, holding her breath. She had thought so, but if he loved her, he would be able to forgive her. Wouldn’t he?
Anna nodded earnestly, then again smiled at Maria. This time it was a broader, more genuine smile.
“Of course,” she said. “Everyone could see that.”
Maria smiled too, even though she felt sure that that love was lost forever.
Anna stepped away from her, reached for a brush on her dressing table and started to comb her hair.
“Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t done the same,” she said.
It took a moment for Maria to grasp the meaning of Anna’s words. Then all she could say was:
“What?!”
Anna stepped towards her, her hand with the brush lowering to her side.
“Maria, I’m so sorry,” she said, and Maria could tell from the look in her bright green eyes, that she was. “Jonathan asked me to befriend you in order to spy on you.”
Maria turned away from her, walking into the common room. She needed to distance herself from Anna.
“Maria,” Anna said and hurried after her. “It’s not like that. Not anymore. I soon realized that I really liked you and that you posed no threat to Jonathan. I told him I wouldn’t spy on you anymore.”
Maria held out an arm to keep Anna away.
“I need a moment,” she said as her mind was spinning. Of course, Jonathan would have asked Anna to spy on her. He didn’t know her; he didn’t trust her. He would need someone to befriend her.
“When?” she said in a hoarse voice. “When did you tell him that you didn’t want to spy on me anymore?”
Anna shrugged.
“A couple of weeks after the wedding, I think. Really, Maria. I have never pretended to like you. I actually do. All of the things I’ve said to you are true... only in the beginning I told some of the things you said to me to Jonathan,” Anna looked at the floor as she said the last part.
“What did you tell him?” Maria couldn’t help but ask.