Chapter Ten

Sam parked across from the red-brick house where he’d spent so many of his teenage years and steeled himself. Coward that he was, he’d avoided Lucy on the pretext that it was the best thing for her when in actual fact it was for his own benefit. Thoughts of her had found themselves deeply rooted in his mind, in everything he did. In quiet moments, he’d close his eyes and she was all he could see. His pillowcases still held her scent, and he’d drift off, dreaming of her. He was haunted by the memory of her in his bedroom. There was no escape, but worst of all—he didn’t want to exorcise the ghost.

And there lay the problem.

He had to set her free for her own good. If he allowed himself the luxury of declaring his true feelings, he risked losing what they already had. He had no doubt Lucy would argue passionately against him, but it didn’t alter the facts. Yes, she’d been victimized, but she’d also worked hard to overcome the deep wounds they’d left behind. Part of the reason she thought she was in love with him was because he’d helped her. He’d never hurt her—not in a million years and she knew that. If they stayed together, over time she’d come to tire of him. Grow out of her need for him as she grew in confidence, and then she’d start to resent him. Everything good in their friendship that they’d built over the years would die.

And that he would not allow to happen. Ever.

He unclipped his belt and slid out of the Jeep, pocketing his keys as he strode to the front door. He knocked, then wiped his damp palms over the butt of his jeans and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the sound of footsteps hurrying to the door came from inside. The door swung open, and his heartbeat settled back into its normal rhythm.

“Hi, Janet. Thanks for inviting me for dinner.” He gifted her a bigger than usual smile, hoping it covered the disappointment she wasn’t Lucy.

Janet gave him a knowing smile, apparently not fooled for a moment, and pulled him in. “You don’t ever need an invitation, silly boy.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek, then leaned back to look up at him. “We’ve missed you.”

We. His heart leaped. He glanced around, ears straining for the slightest hint of Lucy’s whereabouts.

As if reading his mind, Janet reached up and patted his cheek. “Lucy will be down shortly, but I’m afraid she won’t be joining us for dinner.”

“Oh?” He refused to acknowledge why a rock seemed to have lodged itself into the pit of his stomach. He followed her into the kitchen where the smell of Thai chicken curry, normally his favorite, welcomed him. But the rock that had settled grew heavier, and his appetite fled. Aiming for casual, he leaned a hip against smooth marble. “Where is she going?”

Janet beamed. “She’s going on a date. Isn’t that just marvelous?”

As if he’d been sucker-punched, all the air left his lungs, and he sank onto a barstool, his hands gripping the edge of the breakfast bar to stay upright. “Marvelous,” he echoed.

As if that were a cue, footsteps descended the stairs, and his eyes widened.

Lucy came down the stairs, one careful step after the other, eyes glued to her feet to negotiate the tricky operation. Strappy heels showed off those gorgeous long legs of hers to perfection and set off a new fantasy.

He’d place one of those delicate feet in his lap and ease the sandal off, making sure the straps dragged over the arch of her foot just enough to make her squirm and arch her back the way that drove him crazy. Then he’d run a fingertip over her painted toenails, trace the lines of her ankles and up over the defined curve of her calf and back down again. When she was panting and close to begging that she needed more, he’d spread her legs, kneel between them, and put her out of her misery with his mouth.

“Sam. What are you doing here?”

Her sharp voice snapped him out of his fantasy, and he blinked. Clearing his throat, he adjusted his position on the stool and tried to cool the flush of desire he knew had to be burning in his gaze. Not an easy thing to do when he could still remember the taste of her essence on his tongue.

“I invited him for dinner.”

Sam gave Janet a grateful smile, and she winked as if she knew of his struggle to voice anything worth comprehending.

Lucy eyed him, then edged past, the skirt of her dress swirling around her knees in a kaleidoscope of color. A subtle cloud of perfume followed in her wake, and it was all he could do not to grab her by the shoulders and bury his nose in her throat.

Studiously ignoring him, she rolled her eyes at her mother. “I know what you’re up to.”

“Oh? And what is that?” Janet arched a brow at her daughter, an innocent expression on her face, but the mischievous look in her eyes spoke of the truth.

Sam held back the grin threatening. He’d seen that same expression on Lucy’s face too many times to count. While on the surface mother and daughter appeared different, in all the important ways they were the same. A fierce loyalty combined with a strong stubborn streak meant they loved deeply, and he thanked his lucky stars the day they’d decided to include him in their family. But equally, subtlety had never been one of their strengths with everything they felt broadcast on their faces.

He watched them interact now, their strengths and weaknesses on display. Was it any wonder he’d fallen in love with Lucy when Janet had been his first love? He’d never stood a chance.

“You’ve invited Sam here to vet my date. Admit it.”

Sam eyed Janet and caught the tiny twitch to her lips that told him her daughter couldn’t be further from the truth. No. The invitation was for his benefit alone. She wanted him to see Lucy with another man, to prod him into action. If only it were that simple.

A knock sounded, and Lucy’s attention was diverted. With a final glare over her shoulder at her mother, she flounced off and opened the door. “Jeff. Come in.”

Sam watched her face brighten with a smile, and something cracked in his chest. He crossed his arms, hands curling into fists on his biceps.

A vaguely familiar man stepped into the foyer and bent forward to kiss Lucy on the cheek. Sam clenched his jaw and sucked in a deep draught of air to swallow down the threatening growl, reminding himself he was going to have to get used to this sight. It was what he knew she needed. But damn it, he didn’t have to like it.

“You must be Mrs. Caldwell. These are for you for allowing me to take your daughter out.” Jeff produced a bunch of blue delphiniums from behind his back. “The color reminded me of Lucy’s beautiful eyes. I thought she may have inherited them from you, and I’m glad to see I was right.”

Sam scowled to see an identical smile to her daughter’s appear on Janet’s face. The guy knew how to charm, he’d give him that. And where he managed to find delphiniums this late in the season, he couldn’t begin to figure. He could really grow to hate this guy.

“Nice to see you again.”

Sam shifted his gaze to see Jeff was addressing him, and stared down at the hand offered. Janet nudged him with her shoulder. Clasping it with reluctance, his gaze bored into the smaller man’s, his grip just short of punishing. “I hope to hear Lucy has a good time. Make sure she does.”

Jeff swallowed, his Adam’s apple sliding in his throat. Message apparently received loud and clear. After a final squeeze and a satisfying grimace from the other man, Sam let go.

“Of course I will.” Lucy hooked one hand through Jeff’s elbow and swung her handbag onto the opposite shoulder, tugging her date toward the door. “Let’s go, shall we, or we won’t have time for dinner before the first act.” Her gaze slid past Sam, her chin at a haughty angle, softening only when it rested on her mother. “Don’t wait up for me. I’m not sure how long we’ll be.”

“Okay, darling. Have fun. Thanks once again for the flowers, Jeff.”

“It’s my pleasure. Have a good evening.”

The door closed with a heavy thunk, but Sam continued to stare after them, his arms tightly crossed, his stomach tied up in knots, and his head full of regrets.

“Come away from the door, darling boy. You’ll set it afire the way your gaze is burning into it.” Her voice softened when he glanced up. “She’ll be all right, you know. Jeff seems like a good guy. He’s exactly what she needs.”

Sam clenched his jaw to stop himself yelling, “No.” Jeff wasn’t what she needed. He was. But he couldn’t. It would be selfish. Lucy was only doing exactly what he’d told her to do. He’d been the one to distance himself, to push her away. Did he want her to sit around and pine for him? She needed and deserved someone who could give her all the happiness she was due, unreservedly.

Janet led the way back into the kitchen, and Sam followed, unlocking his jaw with difficulty and sniffing appreciatively. “Is that chicken curry?”

“It is.” She smiled and lifted the lid off a simmering pot to stir it. “It’s still your favorite, right?”

“Oh, yeah.” He swiped the spoon out of her hand and popped it into his mouth, closing his eyes in bliss as the perfect blend of lime, chilies, coriander, and sweet coconut coated his tongue. “You must love me.”

“Sometimes I wonder why.” She pulled a fresh spoon out of the drawer and bumped him with her hip. “Leave it alone, you big Gannet, or you’ll ruin your appetite. Go and pour the wine. There’s a lovely Nelson Chardonnay in the fridge.”

He obeyed and felt the tension drain from his body as the glasses filled. Some of the best nights of his life had been played out here in this house, this kitchen in particular. He watched the woman he’d so often wished was his mother bustle about the kitchen. His own had been remote and too preoccupied with misery after the divorce to notice her son’s.

Looking back with an adult’s view of the world, he conceded it may well have been because she was so busy trying to keep herself together after the divorce with all the nasty emotions and accusations flying around, but for a child who’d needed reassurance he was still loved regardless, he’d been forgotten about. Then the Caldwells had stepped in and saved him from the resulting delinquent path he’d been bound on—and he’d been trying to pay them back ever since.

Janet piled one bowl high with curry, the other a more modest amount, and scraped the rice into a separate bowl. As was his habit, Sam picked them up and took them through to the dining table. Janet followed with the wine, then sat across from him, their movements synchronized over many a night just like this one. The only difference; Lucy wasn’t there to share it with them.

And just like that, his good mood evaporated again.

“What do you think you’re doing, Sam?”

He glanced up at the soft tone. Janet stared at him, her gaze all-seeing. With a wry smile, he speared a piece of chicken. “I’m eating my meal.” Shoving it into his mouth, he methodically chewed, trying to ignore the fact his appetite had fled. Of course, Janet knew him too well to fall for his pathetic attempt at diversion.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, darling.” She reached across the table and laid her hand over his wrist, stilling his hand from poking more food around his plate. “Why did you break it off with her? I’ve never seen either of you so happy as when you were spending time together. And equally, I’ve never seen either of you so miserable as now.”

Sam dropped his fork, giving up all pretense of eating, and sat back with a sigh, scrubbing a hand through his hair. Where to start? Something told him Lucy had never told her mother the real reason she moved back home and the effects it had on her. How could he explain what had happened between them and why without it sounding sordid? But then how could he not explain? The reasons for why he’d broken it off were inextricably tied to those sordid details.

Janet waited and ate her dinner, her gaze unwavering.

Taking a fortifying sip of wine, Sam met her stare and sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but before you get angry, just remember I’ve only ever had Lucy’s best interests at heart. Don’t forget, she means the world to me too.”

“I’ve never once doubted it, Sam.” She cocked her head to the side. “But I have to admit you’ve got me intrigued—and a little worried.”

Sam grimaced, slugged back the rest of his wine, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Lucy came to me for help. She wanted me to help her find a man to help her rediscover her sexuality.” He watched Janet’s fork halt halfway to her mouth. He sighed. There was no going back now. “Apparently, I was the only man she trusted with such a task. Said she was sick of being called frigid, or feeling frightened and freezing anytime a man got close to her.”

Janet’s fork clattered to her plate; the hand that had been holding it crept to her mouth. He’d give it to her. Although her eyebrows had disappeared into her hairline, she didn’t interrupt, just nodded for him to continue, then grabbed her glass of wine and took a hearty gulp, eyes suspiciously shiny.

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t fancy the idea of her doing that either. Which was why I flatly refused her request. Told her if she was determined to go through with such an extreme scheme, the only man I’d trust to help her out was me.”

Sam dropped his gaze at her sharp inhale, unable to bear whatever look of censure was in her eyes, and swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Janet. I convinced myself I was being noble and it was all about Lucy. Turns out I was lying. I just jumped on the perfect excuse as soon as it was presented. It was totally selfish.” He lifted his chin and squared his shoulders. “I refuse to carry on being selfish, and the only way to do that is to let her go.”

“Oh, you silly boy.”

Janet shook her head, and he stared at her in confusion. He’d expected her to be angry. At the very least disgusted. He’d taken advantage of Lucy’s predicament, just like the men he’d warned her against. Her precious daughter. He’d known about her crush on him and played on it to get what he’d wanted. And God knows he’d wanted her. Who’d been there to protect her from him?

But it didn’t look like any of that was going through Janet’s head. Instead, she was smiling at him, tears glistening in her eyes. “You love her, don’t you?”

Sam’s head buzzed, and his stomach flipped at the words. He frowned. Love? “Of course. I’ve always loved Lucy. She’s like a sister to me.”

Janet raised an eyebrow, the expression so like Lucy’s that his breath caught in his chest. “I don’t know who you’re trying to kid more, darling boy—you or me. But if I was to hazard a guess, I’d suggest it was you.”

He opened his mouth to refute her words, then closed it again with a click. She was right.

“Since you love her, why are you so determined to push her away? Doesn’t it upset you to see her going out with another man?”

“It kills me.” The answer was immediate, the words torn from the depths of his soul, the taste of their truth bitter on his tongue. “But I had no choice.”

Janet wrinkled her brow. “Why? She loves you too. She always has.”

“That’s the problem, don’t you see?” He gripped the table and leaned forward, willing her to understand. “It’s a habit. I’ve always been there. I’ve been a protector, another big brother from her adolescence onward. Someone to look up to and adore without complications. She doesn’t see me clearly enough, but over time, she will. The gloss will rub off, and when she discovers I’m not as golden as she thinks I am, she’ll start to resent me. I couldn’t bear that.” He closed his eyes and rubbed at the spot between his brows where a headache had started to pound. “No. Better that we end this now on good terms before it sours. Better to have her in my life in a limited capacity than not at all.”

“Oh, Sam.” Compassion colored her tone. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as she continued. “There have been times in your life when I could see you’re making a terrible mistake, and always I’d stay silent. I firmly believe everyone needs to learn from them, but in this instance, I can’t. It’s not just you who is being hurt this time.” She reached across the table and wrapped his hand in both of hers, squeezing until he met her gaze. “You need to trust her. Trust in her ability to know her own mind. She’s not a child anymore. Don’t make the decision for her. That is what will cause resentment.”

Her words penetrated his tired brain. Hope bloomed, and he stared into her eyes, seeing not just the woman who’d brought him into the fold, but the echo of his best friend.

His heartbeat slowed, and warmth suffused him, spreading throughout his body and leaving his extremities tingling. The negative thoughts and guilt that had eaten away at him for far too long lifted and took flight. For a split moment in time, he swore he felt Jordan’s presence, a phantom cuff to the head making him grin. He stilled to concentrate on it, to hold onto it, but it was like trying to hold water. But just like water left a trace of damp behind, the feelings of love and approval lingered, and his soul rejoiced.

Janet was right. Suddenly, he knew what he had to do, and his stomach dipped and whirled. Giving up on the pretense of eating, he rose and took their plates out to the kitchen. He returned with the bottle of wine, nodding at Janet’s half-empty glass. “Top-up?”

“Thank you.” She sat back in her chair, allowing him to pour.

“Do you mind if I stay and wait up for Lucy, Janet?”

Her eyes lit up. “I hoped you would. Why don’t you find the cards, and we’ll have a few games to help pass the time.”

His gaze jerked to her. “Am I that easy to read?”

She laughed. “It doesn’t take a genius. You’ve been glancing at the clock with that dark scowl every few minutes.”

With his mind occupied on thoughts of Lucy, he lost every game to Janet’s amusement.

“Lucky we’re not playing for stakes or you’d be bankrupt.”

He grimaced and shuffled the cards. “Sorry. I’m terrible company lately.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She stretched and pushed her chair back from the table. “But I’m ready for bed now. You’re welcome to the spare room if you’d like to stay the night.” She headed for the stairs.

“Thanks, but I’ll leave when Lucy is safely home.”

Janet paused in the doorway, a smile stretching her mouth. “You two are going to make me the most beautiful grandchildren. My boys would have been so proud.”

His eyes widened at the image her words created. Everything slowed, his blood warmed and grew thicker, thrumming through his veins in liquid heat as the words hit home. He could see it clearly. And he wanted it. God, how he wanted it. A tousle-headed boy, the image of Jordan, fearlessly doubling his dark-haired sister on the handlebars of his bike. Her shrieks of laughter and look of adoration shining in her eyes as she gazed down at her big brother. He and Lucy watching them, their arms around each other’s waists in quiet contentment and pride. He blinked to awareness to find Janet grinning at him.

“Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight,” he echoed faintly, barely registering her wink as she strode off.

With her words playing over in his head, he scraped off plates, then rinsed and stacked the dishwasher, the images of the bright future he’d visualized dancing through his mind as he worked. He glanced at the clock. Ten o’clock. What were they doing? He attacked the counter, swiping at the smears on the granite until it shone. Straightening up the lounge took care of another few minutes.

He glanced at the clock in the kitchen again and frowned. It seemed to be broken. Surely time couldn’t be crawling past so slowly? He returned to the lounge and sank down onto the couch, not bothering to turn the light on.

Ugly thoughts started to crowd his head. What if after her date, she found she enjoyed this man’s company more than his? It was incredibly arrogant of him to assume she’d give up on a new relationship just because he decided they were right for each other after all and he crooked his finger. Maybe Janet was wrong about her daughter’s feelings, and he was too late.

An hour and a half later that felt more like a lifetime, a beam of light swept through the darkened lounge, and Sam’s heart gave a sickening lurch. He stood and wiped his palms down the front of his trousers, then approached the window, peering out from the side to see a car pull into the drive. The two occupants sat for a few minutes before the passenger door opened and Lucy stepped out, followed seconds later by her date whose gaze was glued to her behind as he trailed her to the front door.

A growl rumbled in the base of Sam’s throat, and his eyes narrowed as he watched the pair, the man bending to kiss her goodnight as if it were his right. The creak of protesting molars echoing loudly in his head prompted him to relax his jaw. He turned his back to the view even though it killed him. If he had to watch any more of the other guy pawing Lucy, he was going to go ape-shit on him.

Keys sounded in the door, and Sam waited, arms crossed over his chest. Highlighted in the headlights as it backed down the drive, Lucy’s body looked bathed in gold. Focusing in on her face, he could make out the soft smile on her beautiful mouth as she waved goodbye, and steel bands tightened around his chest, making it difficult to breathe. He hoped to God he wasn’t too late, but he knew the only one he had to blame was himself. She stepped inside and pulled the door quietly behind her.

“Had a good night?”

Lucy let out a muffled shriek and whirled around. “Jeez, Sam! Don’t scare me like that.” The keys jangled in her hand as she dropped her arms from their defensive position and strode into the room, a scowl replacing the smile she’d worn moments earlier. “What the hell are you doing here skulking around in the dark? Making sure my date isn’t a serial killer?”

Sam pushed off from the wall, the acid buzz of jealousy burning in his gut. His gaze swept over her. A shaft of moonlight silhouetted her body. She was so beautiful. Silver light radiated around her, affirming his impression of her being goddess-like.

She moved farther into the room, keeping a wary eye on him, and dropped her keys onto the hall table. Turning, she faced him fully, her arms crossed tight over her chest. She fixed him with a glare, and his gaze dropped to the flattened line of her mouth. The urge to kiss her became the all-consuming thought in his head, and as if she sensed it, her tongue darted out, wetting her bottom lip. His gaze narrowed on it as the roar of blood filled his ears. It was still slightly swollen from the other man’s kiss.

Possessiveness surged through his veins, and he stalked forward, intent on erasing the memory of the other from her head completely. Lucy’s eyes widened, and her throat moved in a swallow, but she stood her ground, her small hands clenching into fists at her side.

“Don’t.”

The uncompromising tone brought him to a halt, and his nostrils flared in a deep breath. “I don’t want you seeing that guy again.” The words slipped out rougher than he intended.

Predictably, Lucy’s eyebrows rose and her back stiffened. Her eyes flashed fire. “Oh, you don’t? Well, that’s too bad, buddy. I can see whoever the hell I want. You’ve got no say in the matter. No right to butt in.”

The words hit their mark like the blunt edge of a hammer, and he rubbed at his chest. She was right, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Fury had pushed her to stand toe-to-toe with him, her chest almost brushing his. His gaze dropped from her blazing eyes to her mouth, lips pressed together in a hard line, and all the good intentions of leaving her alone fled. He took advantage of their proximity and brushed a gentle thumb over her bottom lip.

Her mouth parted in a gasp, and she gripped his wrist, tugging unsuccessfully. “What do you think you’re doing?”

What was obviously meant to be an indignant tone was ruined by the husky quality to her voice and the darkening of her pupils. Hope flared in Sam’s chest. “Giving you something to think about.”

Her hand dropped from his wrist, and she took a step back, eyes fixed on him like a wary animal. In one step, he closed the distance and grinned when she took another stuttering step backward and then another. He followed until her back hit the wall. Trapped, she glared up at him, but it wasn’t enough to cover the flare of excitement sparking in her eyes.

Heat emanated from her, and his nostrils flared as a wave of perfume reached him. He lowered his head to the delicate curve of her shoulder and neck, inhaling her scent deep into his lungs the way he’d wanted to earlier, closing his eyes to better imprint it on his memory. “God, Luce, you smell incredible.”

Unable to help himself, he caressed the silky skin with soft kisses. Her skin shivered under his lips. Encouraged, he nibbled his way up her neck, then took the lobe of her ear between his teeth, his hands pulling her hips flush against his to ease the ache that hadn’t quite gone away since the day she’d left his bed.

“Sam.”

His name was a breathy moan, and his mouth swallowed the sound, hands framing her face. Her hips rocked against his, almost making his heart explode, and he nudged her legs apart to get closer, but it would never be close enough. She gyrated again, causing a low sound to rasp from his throat, and his arousal threatened to burst through the seam of his pants.

“Not enough.” The growl was barely distinguishable as human.

He lifted a hand, burying his fingers in the soft silk of her hair, and cradled the back of her skull before his lower body pushed her hard against the wall, every animal instinct in him roaring to take her, bury himself deep. He was beyond thinking. If he was able, he’d worry about being so rough, worry he’d remind her about something ugly. He’d always taken care to be gentle with her. But her arms wrapped tight around his neck, and she pushed back, her breasts flattening against his chest as if she too couldn’t get close enough.

What had started off as a way to show her why she shouldn’t be dating the other guy had quickly progressed to the point of the danger of taking her right here on the floor or up against the wall. With a groan, he broke off, his hands braced on her hips, holding her at bay when she tried to draw him back.

“No, Luce. God knows, stopping is killing me, but this is your mother’s house.”

Bee-stung lips, wet and cherry red, hung open as she stared up at him. Heavy-lidded eyes blinked a couple of times. The dreamy half focus of her gaze sharpened and hardened, and her mouth closed with a snap. With deliberate movements, she drew her cardigan around herself and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Just what are you playing at, Sam? It was only a couple weeks ago you basically told me lessons were over and I needed to move on with the rest of my life.” She straightened her spine and lifted her chin, her eyes glittering suspiciously, making his chest tighten. “Well, I’m moving on, or at least, trying to, just like you obviously have. What just happened—” Her hand chopped viciously between them. “You can’t keep doing that. It doesn’t help and it’s got to stop.” Her lower lip trembled until she bit it, then turned for the stairs. “Please stay away from me.”

The glimpse of pain in those beautiful eyes cut him like a knife. God, he was such an asshole. He had to make it right, tell her the truth. Stop being such an emotional cripple. He captured her hand before she could escape any farther up the stairs. “I can’t do that. I can’t let you go.”

She wrenched her hand back and glared down at him. “Well, you’re going to have to. I’m tired and have had enough of this endless circling that goes nowhere. Goodnight, Sam. Go back to your blonde.” She turned her back and started up the steps, her back ramrod straight, her movements jerky.

“We’re not done here, Luce.”

She paused on the landing and spared him a glance over her shoulder, her posture regal, her eyes the saddest he’d ever seen. “Yes, Sam. We really are.”

He watched until she disappeared down the hall, confusion reigning supreme. Blonde? What was she talking about? Her bedroom door closing with a bang sounded too final. No. He’d be damned if he was going to let it end there. Not before he prostrated himself in front of her. Put everything on the line. Offered everything he was to her. It was past time. Taking the steps two at a time, he followed in her wake.