Chapter Eleven

Lucy strode into her room and kicked off her heels. They thumped against the wall with a satisfying thud. Who the hell did he think he was? How dare he toy with her emotions this way? He didn’t even respond to her taunt about his blonde. Was he like that with all the women he took to bed? Careless with their feelings? It was so hard to reconcile with the Sam she knew. What game was he playing?

The anger felt good. If only she could stay focused on the anger, maybe the simmering pain tethered just under the surface wouldn’t cut loose like she feared and destroy her.

I can’t let you go.

His words accompanied by the memory of his burning gaze echoed in her head, and she laughed without humor. Did he really think she’d be foolish enough to fall for such fake sincerity a second time? He’d already proven she meant nothing to him by pushing her away two weeks ago. It had sure seemed easy for him to let her go then. And then inviting the blonde into his home just a few short days later.

Anger burned in her veins. Unzipping her dress, she tore it off over her head, emerging out of the material to find her door swinging open. Sam stood frozen in the entrance, his gaze sweeping over her lingerie-clad body hot enough to incinerate anything in its path.

“Sorry. I should have knocked.” He dropped his gaze as a flush crept over his cheekbones, his nostrils flaring.

Taking perverse pleasure in his discomfit, Lucy sauntered to her wardrobe and riffled through the contents. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like you haven’t seen everything already anyway.” Feeling the heat of his gaze, she glanced over her shoulder to see his eyes zeroed in on her bottom. She turned around with her toweling robe in her hands, and his eyes shot to her face. Shrugging it on, she tied the belt and sank down onto the edge of the bed, suddenly tired. “What exactly do you want now, Sam? I thought I told you we were done.”

He sighed and shut the door with a soft click, then approached the bed, his eyes dark and unreadable. The mattress dipped under his weight, making her roll toward him, and she tensed her stomach muscles to keep her distance. She was so over falling at his feet.

“First, let me apologize. I’ve demanded truth from you but haven’t been honest myself.”

She frowned. This discussion wasn’t taking the path she’d expected it to.

“The truth is I should never have agreed to be a part of your scheme. All it’s done is muddy the waters of our relationship as I’d feared.”

Lucy crushed the duvet cover in her balled-up fists and swallowed down the bile that tried to rise in her throat. This was worse than his brush-off. The kindness he was showing—the taking of the blame. She couldn’t bear it.

His hand clamped down onto her thigh as she tried to rise from the bed, keeping her in place. “No—stay. It’s important you hear my reasoning. I need you to understand so we can move on from here.”

It wasn’t until she nodded that his shoulders relaxed, and he continued. She didn’t think he was aware his palm still rested on her thigh, his thumb making circling strokes on the bare skin that had revealed itself where the robe parted. For her, it was almost all she could concentrate on.

“I’ve always cared for you, Lucy. From the very first day Jordan brought me home.” He stopped and smiled widely. “You were such a pain in the ass, following us around everywhere. It didn’t matter how much he bitched and moaned—you hung around. Nothing deterred you when you had your mind set on something.”

Lucy buried her face in her hands and groaned. “I thought we were talking about you.”

Sam’s fingers circled her wrists and gently pulled her hands away, an affectionate smile stretching his mouth. The action had brought him closer until his hip pressed intimately against hers. Jagged bolts of heat and yearning shot from the place they touched to spread through her entire system. He was like a drug. She couldn’t get enough of him, and she wanted to scream. It just wasn’t fair.

“The point is, I’ve always cared for you, even then. You’re important to me. Always have been and always will be. But making love to you changed those feelings forever.” He paused, his eyes burning into hers, a sheen to them that tugged at her heart. “You know it too, don’t you, Luce.”

Lucy’s stomach dropped. Here it came. The moment her world changed forever. The moment her dreams died. She wanted to slap her hands over his mouth, to stop the words from coming out, but he was right in one thing. If they had any chance of finding some form of friendship again, they needed to be honest with each other from now on and build on what was left. It was this thought that stilled her hands.

Her nails bit into her palms, and she focused on the small pain, hoping the larger one, when it came, wouldn’t hurt as much. “I’m sorry, Sam. Sorrier than you can imagine that I dragged you into this. Can’t we forget it ever happened?”

“Let me finish, brat.” He cupped her jaw, his long fingers stroking lightly over her skin. “I don’t want you sorry, and I certainly don’t want anything forgotten.”

She met his gaze, the tight knot in her stomach unraveling a little under the warmth in his eyes, and hope flared back to life.

“I was thrilled to finally have a legitimate reason to take you to bed. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Couldn’t believe my luck. Didn’t you notice how quickly I jumped at the chance?”

She shrugged, trying to play it cool even as she felt heat creep over her skin. “I just thought it was a typical male response. What single, red-blooded man in his right mind doesn’t jump at the chance to have sex with a willing woman?”

He feigned indignation. “I’m offended. I thought you thought of me as more than a typical male.”

She snorted, then dropped her gaze, her fingers plucking at and then smoothing the robe covering her lap. He didn’t know the half of it. Her mouth tightened before she lifted her gaze back to his, her gut tensing for the blow that was sure to come. She needed to hurry this along before the tears banking up behind her eyes escaped. “So then how exactly did having sex with me change your feelings?”

The laughter slowly died from his gaze as they stared at each other, and his hands dropped from her jaw to rest in his lap. “It wasn’t sex, Lucy.” He took a deep breath. And then another, letting it out on a slow exhale. Just when it seemed he wasn’t going to answer, he squared his shoulders. “From the moment I touched you, it was clear I wasn’t going to just have sex with you. I would make love to you, in every way possible to show you with my body what I couldn’t say in words. What I was too scared to say. But I refuse to let fear guard my words any longer. I love you too much.”

Lucy stopped breathing. Every hair on her body stood to attention. Her eyes widened on the man before her. Was he teasing her? She shook her head. Sam would never be so cruel. Perhaps she was dreaming. Yeah. Dreaming. That’s what was happening. There was no way Samuel Merrick had just told her he loved her.

“It’s true,” he continued as if he’d heard her, a wry smile on his beautiful mouth. “I love you, and I’m hoping you love me back too.”

Incapable of making a sound, she stared at him and willed her stomach to stop its freefall. Although the words were what she’d always wanted to hear, something felt off. Like there was still some unfinished business. She shot up off the bed, needing some distance between them to help keep her mind clear so she could ask the questions that nagged at her.

His smile became brittle as he looked up at her. “What is it?”

“If you loved me, and thought I loved you back, why did you insist we were better off without each other? That we were done, effectively breaking us up? And how do I know you won’t do it again? I couldn’t bear having my heart broken a second time by you, Sam. It would destroy me.” Her voice broke on the last words, and she bit her lip.

Sorrow replaced the heat in his eyes, and he scooted back on the bed to brace against the wall, then patted the space next to him. She ignored it in favor of the chair before the vanity. She shivered and crossed her arms, rubbing her forearms as a distraction.

He sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “The truth is I’m a coward. I was afraid that one day, you’d wake up and realize I’m not the man you thought I was and start to resent me. That the love you have for me is based on an idealized version of me, and if you’re faced with the real version every day, you’ll soon tire of it.” He glanced down, absently smoothing a finger over a seam on the bedcover.

Lucy stared at him, bewildered, her emotions seesawing between outrage, love, and sheer bloody frustration. Frustration won out. “You stupid, arrogant, son of a bitch.”

His head shot up, and he deflected the cushion she launched at his head at the last moment.

“How dare you decide for me how I feel?” Frustration morphed into flat-out anger as she thought about all the sleepless nights she’d endured and the ones where she’d cried herself to sleep. “How arrogant to assume I’m incapable of sorting for myself fact from fiction. Have you lost count of how many years I’ve known you? I’m under no illusions about who you are. I have never been. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. Even had a taste of both over the years.” He winced, and her voice softened as she perched on the edge of the bed, the glare lifting from her brows. “But your overall character has always been the same. You’re fiercely protective of those you love and will do anything for them. What man could ever hope to compare to that? You’ve ruined them all for me. Of course I love you.”

“Thank God.” He reached over, pulled her back onto his lap, and nuzzled her hair. “Now that we’ve established how much of an idiot I am and that you love me anyway, let’s get back to the fun stuff.” One hand slipped through the opening of her robe and covered her breast. His callused thumb rasped over the lace of her bra as he stroked a nipple, sending frissons of delight to heat her core, and she squirmed as she grew instantly wet. Again. It wasn’t enough. With Sam, it was never enough.

But another nagging thought loomed in her mind, and she stiffened. He noticed the change in her immediately and pulled back with a questioning look, his hand lowering to rest over her ribcage.

“Who was that woman you brought home last week? The blonde?”

Sam frowned, confusion written all over his face.

“I came by your place on Friday night to demand you take us seriously. To tell you that I didn’t want anyone else—now or in the future. But you weren’t home. Then as I was leaving, you pulled up and escorted a leggy blonde into your home after what was obviously a date.”

“What are you talking ab—?” He broke off, the confused frown leaving his brow. Those beautiful lips compressed into a thin line. “You saw that? You were there?”

Her stomach dropped as her worst suspicions were confirmed. The sliver of hope she’d been holding onto that she’d misinterpreted the situation died a final death. “Yeah.” She inched away from him, suddenly needing the extra space to get her head clear.

“I didn’t want to have to tell you about that.”

Icicles dripped down her spine, and she used them to keep it rigid, her voice cool. “Well, that’s too bad. Honesty, remember? I deserve to know.”

He sighed and turned sideways to face her, a resigned smile softening his features. “Yes, you do.” He took a moment as if to gather his thoughts and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “She wasn’t a date. She was a private investigator, bringing me information.”

His answer wasn’t even in the vicinity of what she’d been expecting, leaving her gaping. The icicles melted, and she slumped forward. “What on earth did you hire a private investigator for?”

“I wanted—no, needed—to find your attackers. They had to be punished for what they did, and I couldn’t wait to deal with them.” He snorted. “Unfortunately, it seemed Karma had already seen to it before I could.”

Her whole body stilled as the magnitude of his words sank in. “Why didn’t you want me to know about that?”

He grimaced. “I can’t bear to see you in pain. I didn’t want the memories to resurface and risk hurting you more. It kills me. Besides”—he gave an angry swat at the pillow beside him—“I didn’t have anything satisfying to tell you.”

“How about I be the judge of that? Tell me what you learned.”

Sam eyed her as if weighing the pros and cons, then heaved a big sigh. “You’re right.” He rose from the bed and held his hand out to pull her up beside him. “Come on. Get dressed, and I’ll take you home and show you everything.”