I feel hollow, as if my insides have been drained away and I am only a husk. It was never meant to be easy, this test, and yet I thought Pheus would pass. I had faith in him. My heart is already broken in so many pieces, but I’m numb to this new agony.
“He was never going to make it up the hill,” I say. “The test was fixed for him to fail.”
Pheus and Ato no longer stand before me. They are gone, and the only person here is Guabancex.
“It was a simple enough rule to follow,” the goddess says. “And yet he was unable to listen to a woman, a god no less.”
Guabancex placed my life in the hands of a boy who just the other day said he only trusted in the tangible. Pheus learned so much in so little time, but it wasn’t enough. The goddess condemned Pheus’s lack of trust while she coddled Ato. Her rules are like water.
“This wasn’t a true test. It was just an excuse to show how flawed humans are.” I’m so tired of this circular argument I can’t seem to break free from. Any sliver of hope I’ve been clinging to all this time slowly erodes. What more can I do?
“Come, let’s take one last stroll,” Guabancex says. I follow her along the quiet Bronx streets. It is early morning, and the few people walking near us are oblivious to our presence.
“So much construction. Soon this place will be unrecognizable,” she says, pointing to the new buildings and the old tenements being destroyed. “Dīs Pater continues to thrive. It’s so impressive.”
Although my heart aches for my short time on earth, she’s wrong to see only this side of the Bronx. There is more than just new developments meant to displace those who have lived here for so long. I point to a young mother gently pushing a child on a swing. The baby giggles each time.
“That is way more powerful than anything Dīs Pater creates,” I say. “And that.”
I point to an older woman setting up her coquito stand by the train station. A family walking together. A man wishing another man a good morning.
“These small inklings of joy aren’t enough,” the goddess says. “Most humans prefer to lean toward the promise of wealth. Waging war on each other to prove their dominance. I’ve seen this displayed on my many screens time and time again.”
“You are wrong. For so long, I could only see darkness, always waiting for evil to come for me. I forgot what true happiness was until recently,” I say. “I forgot there is beauty everywhere, and I am worthy of it. Me.”
We continue to walk. I pause to watch a young girl cross herself as she passes a church. She smiles at an old lady and asks for her blessing. I let the goodness around me fill me with light.
“Pheus was never meant to rescue me,” I say. “I was always meant to save myself. I overtook Sileno at the club. I did that. And I was the one who escaped Ato, not Pheus. Me, by myself. Place me right before Death again, and I will do the same.”
The goddess continues to walk, but I grab her arm. It is as hard and cold as marble. I have nothing to give to her, nothing left to prove. Either she sends me back to el Inframundo or she lets me go.
“No more of these so-called tests. I’m way too smart for them, and you know it,” I say. “You are bored with your television channels full of despair. It’s time to change your view.”
We’ve stopped in front of a large brown building. An ambulance pulls into the driveway.
“There is so much unrest on earth, both good and bad. I simply nudge from one direction to another. People choose the next step while I sit back and watch how the disorder unfolds. It has always been this way,” the goddess says as she faces the building. “Revolutions and agitations. Extreme highs and the unrelenting drops. Love and heartache. I see it all.”
She turns to me.
“So, tell me, what type of havoc will you bring?”
“The best kind,” I say, but I am cut off as Guabancex causes the building to flip upside down. The street is now the sky. Or is it my body that’s in motion? I am floating, and I don’t know which direction I am going. I close my eyes. Soon enough my destination will reveal itself, and whether I am in el Inframundo or back home, it will be a battle to survive. But I am ready.
I hear shouting and beeping noises. The voices sound familiar. I concentrate hard until I am certain I can reach them.