Ella shivered as she pulled her coat around her and trudged through the snow. Life in Cricklewood was a million miles from anything she’d ever known. Their home consisted of just one room in a four-roomed house – one of which was a shared kitchen. Cold was their constant companion, and it was having an adverse effect on Paulo’s health.
Christmas had come and gone, without much to mark it from any other time of the year, except that it had been the mildest weather conditions for a long time and they had managed to keep warm, and enjoy a nice meal, which Ella had scraped and saved for. Now the bleakness of January was upon them, and very little cheer surrounded them.
The other occupants of the house were nice, but very poor; by their standards, Ella felt rich, even if the conditions they lived in were appalling. The walls of their room were black with mildew, and their solitary window was cracked and refused to shut completely, allowing a draught to whip around the room. The fireplace served as a cooker and oven, but gave out little heat. The floors were bare of carpets, save for a rug that Ella had brought with her. Other than that, she’d managed to hold on to their bed and two chairs and a table. Everything else she had sold.
Paulo’s pension went mainly on paying for his medicines, and Ella managed to earn a little by using her nursing skills. One of the women in the house had asked her about herself and she’d mentioned being a nurse. From that moment, her skills had been called upon, even though she had told everyone that she wasn’t qualified. ‘Ach, you looked after men in the trenches, so you did, and that’s good enough for us, who can’t afford the likes of a doctor.’
Ella loved the Irish lilt that abounded in these quarters, and had even spoken to a woman who had known Paddy and her pappy. It had been during one of Ella’s first nursing jobs, delivering a baby to a sixteen-year-old. The expectant girl’s mother had been a friend of Paddy’s and they’d chatted for hours while the labour progressed. Paddy had come alive again for Ella, in the tales of mischief that the woman said the pair had got up to together.
Leaving Paulo alone at these times was a worry for Ella, but this was eased by the help offered to her, as she had discovered the meaning of community. For all those in the house – and in the street, for that matter – rallied around, when needed. There was always someone calling in on Paulo, taking him a cup of tea or a bowl of soup, or just sitting with him and telling him some funny Irish tales.
All in all, their life wasn’t too bad, considering how vastly it had changed. Making ends meet was a constant struggle, because often those Ella attended paid in kind – a pot of home-made jam, a knitted cardigan for her expected baby, and even a sack of coal was once delivered to her, a very welcome gift.
Whatever she managed to bring home from her labours, Ella found that she enjoyed the feeling of being needed and valued by these people. It fulfilled the need in her to help others whenever she could.
Mostly her work consisted of helping at births, but the woman she was on her way to see now had a deep ulcer on her leg, which needed daily attention. Ella’s heart held dread as she neared the house of her patient, Mrs McMahon, as she and her son, Shamus, were notorious landlords and moneylenders and were feared by all. Most of the residents in Cricklewood were in debt to them and were terrified of the heavy-handed tactics that Shamus and his cronies used if they fell behind with their rent, or with payments on their debts.
Ella prayed that Shamus wouldn’t be in when she arrived – a giant of a man, he had an eye for her and had tried many times to express his desire for her. He didn’t care that she was married, and hadn’t noticed that she was pregnant. Not that you could tell, unless you knew. As when she was carrying Christophe, at four-and-a-half months her stomach was only slightly rounded, and the increase in size of her breasts only served to give her an hourglass figure.
Paulo had been shocked, and yet overwhelmed, when she’d broken the news to him that they were to have another child. They had both cried, but not for long and not with any depth. They dared not give in to tears. They had made a pact to make the best of their situation, and that’s what they had done.
Sometimes they went without food so that they could pay for the extra medication. Dr Walker was good to them and often slipped in a few extra tablets, which he prescribed for Paulo’s heart condition. Ella was to go there after this visit – a journey on the Underground that she hated, but which was the quickest way to get to west London. Each visit there broke her heart, when she saw the way they used to live.
Her rap on the door was answered by Shamus, and Ella’s heart sank. He leered at her. ‘To be sure, it’s me pretty wee nurse. Come away in.’
The trepidation she’d felt turned to fear. Something seemed different. Shamus had never greeted her so boldly in the past. When he closed the door after her, there was an empty echo that suggested they were the only ones in the house. ‘What has happened – is your mother not in?’
‘They were after taking me mammy to the hospital just this morning, as she took with a pain in her chest during the night. So we’re all on our own, me wee lass. Isn’t that what we’ve wanted this good while?’
‘No, I haven’t. I will leave immediately. I’m sorry about your mother, and I hope that she recovers. Please contact me if you need me to attend her again in the future.’
‘You’ll not be wanting to be going without your payment, now will you? Mammy said to be sure I gave it to you, as you would need it. Is it strapped for cash that you are, me wee one?’
‘That’s none of your business, Shamus. Please give me the payment that your mother left, and I will be on my way.’ Though she sounded brave, Ella didn’t feel it. Terror gripped her now.
‘I think it is that you have to be earning your payment.’ With this, Shamus grabbed her and pulled her to him.
‘Stop it, Shamus. I am with child, and you are hurting me.’
Shamus hesitated. But then he laughed. ‘So, it is that you are trying to convince me that your weedy man can be after planting a babby in you – ha! I wasn’t born of the little people, you know. It takes a man to make a woman have her belly up.’
The insult to Paulo spurred Ella into action. She swung her bag. The blow caught Shamus on the side of the face and made him loosen his grip. Rushing towards the door, Ella had just made it, when Shamus grabbed her arm.
‘It is that you would do well to cooperate with me, pretty nurse, for isn’t it that I can be doing you – and that excuse for a man of yours – a lot of harm?’
‘Let go of me. There’s nothing that you can do to me. I owe you nothing.’
‘Ah, but you’re forgetting that it is me who owns the property in which you live. I can evict you at any time, so I can.’
‘Please, Shamus. I am telling the truth when I say that I am with child; please don’t harm me. And if you put me out, I’ll have nowhere to go. I – I have nothing.’
Shamus loosened his grip and stood looking at Ella. His Irish blue eyes reminded her of Paddy’s and were his only good feature, although, with his dark curly hair, she thought he might have been handsome, if he hadn’t developed huge muscles in his neck. But then his ugly personality would have marred him.
‘Like what you see, pretty nurse?’
Ella didn’t answer this. ‘I need to leave now. I have to fetch medicines for my husband.’
‘So that’s where your money goes, on keeping him alive. But for how long is it that you hope to be doing that? Sure it is that everyone knows he’s on his last legs.’
‘Don’t! Don’t speak of my husband – he is worthy of more than being on your filthy lips.’
Shamus lifted his fist, but then lowered it. ‘It is class that you are, and not for being taught a lesson by the fist. But, my pretty nurse, cross me and you will be for regretting it. Treat me right, and I can be the answer to your dreams. Now, come away with you and get yourself into me car. I’ll take you to where it is that this doctor has his surgery.’
‘No! I – I won’t be beholden to you. Just get out of my way.’
His face came near and his breath wafted over her face as he snarled, ‘It is that I can take you here and now, and fuck you till I’m a contented man, but that isn’t what I want from you. I want you to be having some respect for me. As one day – mark me words – you will be mine. I’ll be for taking you properly as me bride, for I have a powerful feeling for you, pretty nurse. And if you are not for knowing it now, you will soon find out that what Shamus McMahon wants, Shamus McMahon gets.’
The fear came back into Ella and intensified.
‘I see that it is that you have my meaning. Good. Well, I have the power to carry out all of me threats, so we walk out of here and you get yourself into me car, or you and that husband of yours will know the consequences.’
‘Why? Why would you punish me for not wanting a lift with you?’
‘Because I am after needing your respect. I have offered you a lift. I am not for giving out favours. But for you, it is that I will do anything.’
His voice softened with this last, and his eyes bored into hers. Ella knew in that moment that to make an enemy of this man would bring a hell worse than anything she’d been through. She nodded her head.
It was while they were driving into London, and Shamus’s attention was taken up with concentrating on the mayhem of the roads, that it came to Ella that he could be of use to her. She could get the help she needed by stringing him along, making promises that she had no intention of keeping. Yes, it was a form of blackmail, but she didn’t care.
Shamus could be her ticket to Poland.
‘There is something that you can do for me, Shamus. Something that will make me very grateful to you.’
He smiled. ‘Those words are for being music to me ears. Anything, pretty nurse, anything. Though it is that I need to call you by your name. I know it is Ella. Have you an objection to that?’
Although she knew that by agreeing she was taking a step towards a deeper intimacy with Shamus, Ella told him that he could use her name, and as she did so, determination entered her. She could do this – she could let him think he had a chance. And in doing so, she could save Paulo. If I can get to Poland and confront my family, I feel certain my problems will be over. I just need enough money to be able to seek further treatment for Paulo. Without more medical help, Paulo would continue to fade fast.
‘So, what is it that I can do for you, me darling?’
Ella spun a lie about how her father was dying. ‘He is Polish, and he lives in Poland. I need to go and see him, but I cannot afford to.’
‘So this is you seeking to sell yourself to me, is it?’
‘No! I – I . . .’
‘Ha, it is of no matter. I would pay all the money there is in the world to have you as my girl.’
Oh God! His girl? What have I done?
‘Shamus, I – I didn’t mean . . . You must understand that I can’t be your girl. I’m married. I simply meant that we can be friendly.’
‘Friendly isn’t enough, Ella. I have a burning need for you.’
Horror settled in Ella, as Jim came to her mind. Shamus was showing the same obsession as Jim had.
‘Let’s be honest here, shall we? It is that I want you. You are for having a dying husband. From what I hear, he isn’t long for this world. I can see that you have principles, and I am liking that. When it is that you become my wife, I will want loyalty – and you have that, and everything that I am needing in a wife. I’m for thinking that I won’t spoil that. All I need from you, me little darling Ella, is that you promise me that when the Good Lord makes you free, then you will take me on.’
Shocked, Ella remained silent. Shamus had told her the stark truth. Yes, she would soon lose Paulo . . . But no, she wouldn’t accept that. She knew there were treatments for the lung condition that Paulo had. Going somewhere where the air was pure, and held more oxygen, was one. Somewhere like Switzerland. Oh, if only she’d taken him there in the beginning. But it could still work. She just needed the money. For one thing was sure: if she didn’t get Paulo out of that damp room, and soon, then he would die. This last thought prompted her to answer as she did.
‘I cannot think of the time when I have to say goodbye to my husband. I love him beyond words, but . . . well, to know there is someone willing to take care of me – that gives me comfort. You ask too much of me, Shamus, to agree to marry you in such circumstances, but I would value your friendship, and then we would see.’
Shamus was quiet for a while. Ella imagined that his mentality didn’t allow for compromises; he had what he wanted at all times, and there were no maybes. She prayed that he would accept what she had to offer.
‘You’re for being unlike anyone I’ve ever been knowing, Ella, and I find that fascinating. Part of me wants to bully and threaten you, as is me way, but I’m for thinking that I would spoil something I want, and that could be mine. You have courage, so you do. Not many stand up to me and live to tell of it. But you are different. And it is that the more you stand up to me, the more I have a longing to have you as me own.’
Ella didn’t know what to say. In her mind, she knew she was never going to give herself to this man, but she was seeing a different side to him. A side that showed he was a thinking man and could be managed. Somehow she had to be clever enough to do that. Clever enough to manipulate him, so that she got what she wanted, without giving in to his demands. Was she seeing a new side to herself, too?
‘I’ll tell you how it is going to be.’
‘Hold on a moment, Shamus – that’s the street that we need. There, the second on the left. That’s where Dr Warner lives.’
Shamus looked around. ‘Nice. I’m not one for coming up west. So this is how you used to live?’
‘Yes. We lived in this area.’
Shamus pulled the car up outside the house Ella pointed to. As she went to get out of the car, he caught hold of her arm. ‘I’ve something I have to say. I’ll be for paying your way to Poland, and in return we’ll have this friendship that you are for wanting. I’ll see to it that your man is taken care of. But I’m for thinking you could show me things that I’ve only dreamed of doing. Like going to the theatre. You lot, from this end of London, are for doing that, and dining in posh places. I am for having the money, but not the experience of these things, or how it is that I am to dress and behave. You can show me, and I will be for loving that I am with you. I’ll not be making any demands on you. I’ll be for respecting you.’
Ella knew that for a man like Shamus to say such things was a rarity, and she realized in that moment just how highly he must think of her. Something in her hated the deception she meant to carry out, but she had to, if she was to stand a chance of saving Paulo, for now the idea of taking him to Switzerland was taking root. ‘I – I would like that. And thank you. Affording me respect is something I never expected, but it has already made me begin to like you.’
Shamus looked shocked, but didn’t speak until she was out of the car, then he called out to her. ‘Ella, I’m for thinking you need to get extra supplies of the medicine that your man needs. Here, will that cover it?’
Ella couldn’t believe Shamus handing her three guineas, in the form of three pound notes and three shilling coins. It wasn’t just the money, but the fact that he had realized the medicine would be priced in guineas. Nevertheless, she had to tell him it wasn’t enough. ‘That is the cost of one week’s supply. I’ll need three times that, because with the time it takes to travel to Poland, I will be away for at least a month.’
‘What? Is it that you have been finding all this money yourself? How?’
Ella wouldn’t normally share her business with others, but with Shamus as astute as he was, he wasn’t one to fob off. ‘I have, and it isn’t easy. I have sold nearly everything we owned. We have Paulo’s war pension and what I can earn, which isn’t much. And I still have some jewellery to sell. We manage.’
‘Me poor darling. Well, that will change now, for it is that you have Shamus on your side, and that’s a promise, so it is.’
As he said this, he dug out more notes and coins and handed them to her. Ella felt as if she was nothing better than a prostitute – worse, in fact, because she had no intention of delivering what Shamus was paying for.
Oh, Paulo, my darling, what will you think of me? I pray that you will understand. But this thought had hardly entered her head when she knew that Paulo wouldn’t have the chance to agree or not, because she wouldn’t tell him. Not the truth, she wouldn’t. She would say that she went to the moneylender, as a last chance to get them out of the hovel they lived in, and to save his life. She would ask Rowena to take Paulo in, while she was away. At least he would be in a safe place, a warm dry place.
Rowena had begged them to move in with her, once their house was taken away, but neither of them had wanted to. No matter how lowly, they wanted a place of their own. Not that I could have found anywhere worse than where we are. Please God, let my trip to my family be worth it.
In her heart, Ella didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave Paulo, but she had no alternative.