Abram stood in the hall of the boarding house and looked up at Ella as she descended the stairs towards him. Two days had passed without a word, but now, at last, Ella would know their decision.
Keeping her eyes on him, Ella could see that he was growing more uncomfortable by the minute, and the dread that she had lived with since leaving his home clutched at her.
‘I take it there is to be no help for me?’
‘It isn’t straightforward. I’m sorry, Ella, but I have come to take you to my home, where we will have a meeting. Once we have come to a decision, our solicitor will attend and make it a legal agreement.’
‘Oh, I didn’t get any indication of that, from the way you looked. Thank you. I am so grateful to you both.’
‘I think you should wait until you hear the terms of our offer before you show gratitude. I will only say that the plan is not something I agree with, but Calek is a very determined woman. And I realize that her plan, if you agree to it, will bring us great happiness and will give you the money that you need immediately to sort out your life, and security for the rest of it, so I am happy to go along with the plan as long as you are.’
Ella couldn’t think what the terms were that would bring Calek and Abram happiness. Unless it was that she should never encroach upon them again, and would sign away any further claim to their estate. It must be that.
Getting into the carriage beside Abram, Ella’s heart lifted. Those terms would be easy to comply with, as long as the settlement was sufficient for her plans. And she would fight for it to be. After all, she never even knew Calek existed until a couple of days ago and hadn’t felt any immediate attachment to her. Not seeing her ever again wouldn’t be a hardship.
Ella cast her thoughts aside, settled back into the plush velvet seat of the carriage and enjoyed the sensation of being transported by horses once more. It was something she missed, now that motor cars clogged the London roads.
The sights of Krakow passed slowly by the window: the beautiful Vistula River and the majestic buildings. And yet nothing stirred in her memory, although she felt a sense of belonging. There was hope in her heart, too, that her problems were about to end, and at last it might be possible for her to take her beloved Paulo to Switzerland.
Nothing had prepared her for what Calek had in mind.
‘Ella, I am not going to go around the trees, but will get straight to the point. You turning up was a huge shock for me. As was the threat that I assumed you posed to what is mine and Abram’s, and to our future as we had planned it. However, I have now found out that you have very little chance of winning a claim against us in a court of law. The money that has been paid to you since your third birthday – and to your nanny for the care of you – more than covers what you would have inherited from your mother. Your only claim would be to what it might be reasonably assumed that your father would have left you, had you continued to live in his household as his daughter. However, he left only a small legacy to me, for the bulk of his estate went to his wife, my mother. And it is from her that I received my legacy. The court might consider that Papa’s decision-making was jeopardized by his mental condition towards the end of his life, but as he never rescinded his instructions to his solicitor that you were to be kept hidden from our knowledge, this indicates that he did not intend to have your existence known to us, by including you in his will.’
‘I see. So what is your intention? Are you planning to do right by me, now that you do know I exist?’
‘Yes, but there is a condition and, without your agreement to it, nothing will be forthcoming from us.’
‘If it is that you want me out of your life and never to contact you again, I am very willing to do that, for I cannot see a time when we could be friends, Calek. You are so different from me, and have shown me very little friendship and have not welcomed me.’
‘That is part of it, but not all. I am unable to have children, and Abram and I long to have a child—’
‘No!’
‘In that case, we wash our hands of you, and we have every right to do so.’
Ella’s legs wobbled. ‘Please may I sit down?’
‘There is no need for you to do so. You will be shown to the door and taken back to your boarding house.’
‘Calek, how can you be so cruel? Please sit down, Ella. I will have some water brought in for you. I am sorry. This has been a shock to you. I’m very sorry.’
After Abram pulled the cord and instructed that water should be brought to the room, Ella said, ‘So this is what you meant by the terms bringing you both happiness, Abram?’
‘Yes, it is. Our dearest wish is to have a child, and although I didn’t agree with Calek, I have come to think that her idea isn’t a bad one. Your child will be related to us, and needs us. Without us, what kind of life will the child have? Living in squalor? With no proper education? Maybe not even enough food, and – I am sorry to remind you – but possibly without one of his or her parents. So why would you not sacrifice yourself and your own feelings, for the good of your child? We will offer love, and every material need a child could possibly want. We would bring him or her up as if they were our own. In return, we will make a settlement on you that will mean that you are set up for life.’
Ella’s heart was breaking. ‘I cannot give up my child. I cannot. Please, please help me.’ Never had she felt as degraded as she did at this moment. She had suffered so much at the hands of Jim, and had sold her soul to Shamus, but to sit here and beg her own kin for money stripped her of every ounce of dignity.
‘We have told you the terms under which we will extend our generosity to you, and we are not about to change our minds; that is for you to do.’
‘I won’t change my mind, but somehow I will raise the money to challenge my father’s will. I was at least entitled to what you had.’
‘A stupid quest, because it was very little. Court fees and travelling backwards and forwards to Poland would eat up more money than you would benefit from. What we are offering is not only the best chance in life that your child could have, but a lifetime of security for you, and a chance for your husband to recover sufficiently to live longer. I think you are being very stubborn – and selfish beyond words. Get her out of my sight. I want to forget you even exist.’
Tears streamed down Ella’s face as the door to the house closed behind her. What have I done? I thought that by coming here I would end my troubles, but I have doubled them, as now I am deeply in debt to Shamus, with no prospect of paying him back. She shuddered at what this would mean. Shamus now had a hold over her.
Arriving back in England, Ella’s worries paled into insignificance as she found Paulo had deteriorated.
‘Oh, Missy Ella, am I glad to see you. As soon as you left, Paulo became sicker. He has been coughing up blood. Big clots of it, and some have threatened to choke him. I went to that doctor you told me about . . . I’m sorry, Missy Ella, but he said there was no more he could do. That it was just a matter of time.’
Ella collapsed into Rowena’s arms. This time she found no comfort in the soft feel of the fleshy body, or in the smell of spices that had permeated Rowena’s clothes. Her sobs heaved her chest in painful spasms that tore at her heart.
‘Now, now, honey child, you must take the courage that I know you have and grasp it, to get you and Paulo through this. He deserves your help in his passing.’
‘I can’t bear it, Rowena. Oh, why did I go – why?’
‘I take it that you didn’t get the outcome you needed, Missy Ella?’
‘No. I met the most vicious person I have ever come across, and to think that she is my own flesh and blood. But I will tell you later. I’m composed now. I’ll go and see Paulo.’
As had happened once before, the man Ella saw lying in the bed bore little resemblance to her Paulo, but whereas that time she had been able to nurse him back to health, this time she knew the despair of not being able to.
Taking his hand, she whispered his name. His eyes opened. If ever Ella had known love, she knew it to be tenfold now. Paulo’s look told her of his beautiful love for her. His hand tightened on hers, then loosened. His eyes closed as a sigh left his body. A stillness enclosed him and took him from her.
‘No . . . NO. Nooo!’
Ella sank to the floor. Her body crumpled as the gates to complete her misery were flung open. Her screams were pitiful, and full of anguish and loss. It was as if her soul was being ripped from her. She was nothing. The ripples of her life were winning, and she could no longer fight the tide of them, as they claimed yet another of her loved ones. Her thoughts were that she wanted to die. To go with Paulo, and not have to stand losing anyone else.
‘Missy Ella. Honey child, come to me. Let me hold you.’
Once more in Rowena’s arms, Ella let her body empty itself of her anguish.
‘Think of your unborn child, Missy Ella. That be a gift that you have, and a reason to carry on. We will help you. Come on through and sit down, I’ll make you a hot tea. You have to look after yourself, honey child.’
‘No, I can’t leave Paulo. I’ll be all right if you can bring me a chair. I don’t think that I can drink anything. I would be sick.’
When Rowena brought a chair through for her, Ella sat and took Paulo’s unresponsive hand in hers. His features had fallen into a waxy mask. Leaning forward, she closed his unseeing eyes and his slack mouth. Rowena took her pinny off, rolled it up and wedged it under Paulo’s chin. ‘That will help him keep his mouth closed. There, look – in death, his youth and his time free of pain are coming back to him. That soothes me heart.’
Yes. Ella could see what Rowena was seeing. Without the lines of pain, Paulo did look younger and, more importantly, at peace. A feeling came over her that even if she could do so, she would not wake him to suffer again. ‘Go, my darling. Fly high and find our little Christophe and take care of each other. You will always live in my heart.’
With this, some comfort came to her.
How Ella got through the next few days, she didn’t know. Nor could she remember most of them.
Paulo was laid to rest next to Christophe. Ella used the last of the fifty pounds she’d borrowed from Shamus to pay for the burial, and Rowena had catered for the wake. Not that there were many people there, but all of Rowena’s family attended and, to her surprise, turned the later part of the afternoon into a Jamaican send-off, with music and singing and plenty of rum. But even more surprising to Ella was the fact that she joined in and enjoyed herself. She knew Paulo would have loved it, and would want her to give him such a send-off.
Now she sat in her empty room back in Cricklewood, with Paulo’s empty chair and a deep loneliness as her only companion.
Rowena had begged her to stay longer, but Ella had known that she had to try and make sense of her life, and to sort out what she could do to keep herself going and make a life for her child.
Paulo’s pension would now stop. There had been three cheques waiting for her that had taken her up to his death, and another had come since, which she had returned, with a letter giving them the details of his demise. The money from the cheques that had not been cashed while she was away was keeping her going, and would for another two weeks, as she had no medicines to buy now. But after that, she did not know. Pictures of the workhouse loomed large in her mind. Always when she thought of that prospect, her body trembled with fear. But she knew it might be the only way of surviving.
A knock on the door startled her. She’d heard the front door open, but had thought it was one of the other tenants coming in.
Getting up from the chair, Ella felt the extra weight of her body, which was so noticeable now. It was as if in the last month her baby had doubled in size, leaving her feeling drained of energy.
When she opened the door to find Shamus standing there, her heart dropped.
‘I heard of your plight, Ella, me darling. I wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you and am ready for you whenever you feel the time is right.’
‘Ready?’
‘Have you forgotten your promise to me? Or was it that you were stringing me along to get your hands on me money?’
‘N – no, I – I . . . Look Shamus, I cannot think of our arrangement yet. I’m racked with grief for Paulo. Please give me time.’
‘If it’s time as you are wanting, then I am willing to give you that, but it is that you made a promise to me, and I want to know you intend to keep it.’
Ella just looked at him. She could find no words. That he should come demanding that she keep her word, mere days after her darling Paulo had died, beggared belief.
‘Cat got your tongue, eh? Well, what happened in Poland? Did your father die? I don’t see that he gave you any money, as you’re not being forthcoming in paying me back, like you said you would. So, with your man gone now, I see only a future of hardship for you. Well, I can be changing that, as I promised.’
‘Shamus, don’t you see the pain I am in? Can’t you understand that I haven’t the heart or the stomach to discuss this yet? I’m only three months off having a child. My beloved husband is gone. My father is dead and left nothing to me.’ It was a truth that she could hold up her head and tell. ‘And I have no income. I’m cold and very worried. The last thing I want to think about is giving myself to another man. I have no feeling in me – only a deep, empty void. Please, just leave me alone, at least until my child is born.’
Shamus coughed and his cheeks reddened. It seemed she could always reason with him, if she took him to task.
‘Aye, well, it is as you say: it is early days for you. But I don’t see that giving me hope, by confirming that it was that you meant your words, can hurt you. Because to hear you say so would settle me.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Well, you’d better be thinking on. I’m not a man to be messed with. You promised. And on that promise, I haven’t come to ask for me back-rent that you’ve missed while you went gallivanting; nor is it that I am asking for repayment of the loan I made you. But if you are going back on your promise, then I’m here demanding both, or you will face the consequences.’
‘And what consequences are those? Because there is little that you could do to me that will top what I am going through.’
‘Eviction. Your arse would find itself on the street this night. And confiscation of everything you have, to pay me debt back. Is it that you think you can stand a night on the street, in your condition, then?’
‘I have friends that I can go to.’
‘Is it that black lot you’re talking of? Go to them, and they will think they are back in their own country, as they will feel the heat of the burning of their house.’
This shocked Ella more than any threat Shamus had ever made. And, worse, she knew him capable of carrying it out. Oh, why did I ever get him to take me there and expose them to his wrath?
‘N – no, it isn’t them; they have no room for me, or I would be there now.’
‘Well, I don’t see you going to any other friends for help, this long while that you’ve needed it. Ella, I can be your friend. I can be taking care of you. All I need is for you to say that your promise was meant and, one day soon, you will be me wife.’
Defeated, Ella nodded. ‘But I want nothing to happen until after my child is born. Nothing.’
‘You have me word. But I’m thinking that we can discuss things further. I have some conditions of me own, which I want you to know about.’
‘Not now.’
‘Yes, now.’ With this, Shamus pushed by her, sending her reeling backwards. He jumped forward and caught her from falling. Holding her unbalanced, with a strength she had never known any man to possess, his lips came down on hers.
Ella struggled, managing to twist her head away from him, but his grip tightened as he straightened her and pulled her in close to his body, at the same time closing the door with a backward kick of his foot.
Having no time to think of her situation, Ella fought wildly, but he was too strong for her. He crushed her swollen belly against him. Now, as she felt the hardness of him pressing against her, terror engulfed her. ‘No . . . I p – promise, when I am ready, I promise, but not yet. Not like this.’
If there was any respect she could ever give to this man, it was at this moment, as Shamus released her and turned from her. In this action she saw an ounce of decency in him. He could have taken her and she wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. But he hadn’t. Instead he was fighting for control.
‘Thank you. Thank . . . you.’ Her second time of saying it came out on a huge sob. She sank down onto the chair behind her. Paulo’s chair. Holding the arms of it, she tried to imagine that he was holding her and protecting her. Oh, Paulo, my Paulo.
Shamus stood for a while with his back to her, his shoulders hunched. ‘Whisht your crying, woman. No harm has come to you.’
Ella wiped her face on her sleeve and swallowed hard.
‘If it is that you mean what you say about being me wife, why is it that you refuse me a kiss? You drive me wild, woman.’
‘I can’t, not yet. You once said that what you liked about me was my loyalty. Well, I still have that for Paulo.’
‘He’s gone. He’s not for feeling your loyalty, or anything else about you.’ Shamus sat down on the chair opposite hers. A thought came to her that she was glad she was in Paulo’s favourite chair, as she would hate Shamus to sit in it. ‘You have your conditions; well, it is that I have mine, too. I’m not for bringing up another man’s child. You’re to get it adopted.’
‘What? Are you mad? Leave my house at once. How dare you make such demands of me! I wouldn’t even entertain your proposal, but for your threats, which I’m powerless against. What kind of man are you? You threaten my friends, you even threatened to do things to my dying husband while he was alive; and now you threaten that I must part with my child. You’re disgusting!’
Shamus’s face turned purple with rage, as he held his breath and clamped his mouth into a hard line. But Ella no longer felt fear. She didn’t care. The worst he could do to her was kill her, and she would welcome that.
But Shamus stood and turned from her. Striding across the room, he didn’t stop until he opened the door, and then he looked back at her. ‘Think on. That’s all I’m saying. Everything I’ve said has been said in truth, so it has. I’m not for making idle threats. The decisions are yours.’
With this, he slammed the door behind him, leaving Ella trembling from head to foot.
Oh God, what possessed me to get in this deep? I thought I had all the answers. That I would come home from Poland with enough money, and take my Paulo to Switzerland, where Shamus would never find us. Now I’m destitute, and oh, so alone . . .