Chapter 17
“Ladies, I’m in crisis! This is not the time to abandon me.”
—Kina Battle
Thanksgiving was two days away. Sullivan, Reginell, and Angel crowded into Lawson’s small kitchen to help her prepare Thanksgiving dinner, expecting to feed no less than twenty people over the next couple of days.
“Can you believe in a month it’ll be Christmas?” posed Lawson, mixing batter for her famous six-tier coconut cake.
“Oh, I can believe it!” exclaimed Angel, chopping onions. “I’m in the house with two kids who’ve been counting down to Christmas since Labor Day.”
“I hope this year will be easier on them. It was hard for any of us to be in the Christmas spirit so soon after Theresa’s and E’Bell’s deaths last year,” noted Lawson.
“Speaking of E’Bell, where’s Kina?” asked Reginell, who had been assigned to “corn bread duty” for her sake and everyone else’s.
Lawson peered out into the driveway. “She’s pulling up now.”
“Look . . . if it isn’t the lesbian du jour,” joked Sullivan as Kina joined them in the kitchen.
“I never said I was a lesbian, Sully.”
Sullivan tapped the side of her face. “Yet your girlfriend is, so you’ll understand if I jump to conclusions.”
“Joan is not my girlfriend,” upheld Kina.
“Right, I believe the politically correct term is life partner,” teased Lawson.
Kina rolled her eyes and turned around. “I’m leaving.”
“No, you’re not,” insisted Angel, dragging Kina back into the fold. “Ladies, give her a break. Kina, I know I speak for everyone when I say that we love you even if we don’t agree with some of the choices you’re making.”
“Forget all that,” spat Reginell, wiggling in her seat with excitement. “I wanna know what happened with Joan the other night!”
“Yeah, I kinda wanna know that too,” admitted Angel.
Kina sighed and sat down at Lawson’s kitchen table. “It was nice. We had a good time.”
“A good time or a gooood time?” fished Sullivan, sitting down next to her.
Kina hesitated. “She kissed me.”
Sullivan slapped her hand across her forehead. “Oh my God! Kina’s officially crossed over!”
Lawson shushed Sullivan. “Let her finish, Sully. It’s not as serious as all that . . . is it, Kina?”
Kina looked around at all of them. “I don’t know.”
Angel narrowed her eyes as if trying to process this new information. “What does that mean? Exactly what is it that you don’t know?”
“We’re probably going to go to hell just for listening to this foolishness!” ribbed Sullivan.
“If you’re going to hell, it won’t be for this. You started paving that road a long time ago!” fired Kina.
Angel wiped her hands and joined them at the table. “So, are the two of you, like, a couple now? Are you dating?”
Kina shrugged her shoulders. “It’s like I said, I don’t know.”
Reginell leaned in. “You admitted kissing her, but did you . . . you know . . .” She raised her eyebrows up and down.
Kina’s eyes bulged. “No, nothing like that, but . . .”
“But what?” pumped Reginell.
Kina swallowed. “I thought about it. She got to second base. I really think I’m attracted to her. I can’t promise that she won’t get all the way home next time.”
The ladies let out a collective “Eww!”
“Ladies, I’m in crisis!” cried Kina. She stood up to wash her hands and pitch in. “Maybe I should let you guys meet her. We can all meet up for dinner or something. That way, you can feel her out and tell me what you think.”
“Feeling her up and out is your job, Kina,” said Sullivan. “Honey, I love you, but there’s nothing in the best friends’ handbook about this. The last thing I need is for the church to catch Pastor Webb’s wife walking in or out of one of Joan’s gay establishments. I can see the headlines now: PASTOR’S WIFE NOW SEEKS LESBIAN LOVER! I don’t think so.”
Kina frowned. “Why do you always make everything about you, Sullivan?”
“Because everything always is!”
“Well, this isn’t!” declared Kina and faced her friends. “This is not the time to abandon me. What do you think I should do?”
Sullivan gave her a hard look. “Seek therapy!”
Kina stomped her foot. “I’m serious!”
“So am I!” replied Sullivan. Lawson and Angel laughed.
“No, really, I mean . . .” stammered Kina.
“What?” asked Lawson, still laughing.
Kina turned somber. “I mean, it’s been over a year.”
“Since E’Bell died?” Angel inferred.
Kina wrung her hands together nervously. “Since . . . the last time.”
“The last time what?” asked Reginell.
“You know . . .” Kina seemed embarrassed. “Since the last time I’ve been with a man.”
“What?” squawked Sullivan. “You haven’t had sex in over a year?”
“Don’t say it like that, Sully,” jeered Lawson. “You make it sound so depressing.”
“That’s because it is!” blabbed Sullivan. “My goodness, no wonder you’ve turned to women. At this point, you’ll turn to anything with a pulse!”
“It almost feels like it,” admitted Kina. “How am I supposed to handle these urges? I’ve been active for the past fourteen years. I’m used to being intimate on a regular basis. I’m ashamed to say it, but my hormones have been out of control.”
“It sounds like you’re dealing with a lustful spirit,” concluded Lawson.
“No, it sounds like she’s horny!” exclaimed Reginell.
“I agree. It definitely sounds like a job for good ol’ Bob,” resolved Sullivan.
Angel looked up. “Who’s Bob?”
Sullivan reeled back. “Are you serious? Considering how long you were celibate, I thought you and Bob would’ve been joined at the hip.”
Kina was confused. “I’m with Angel on this one. Who’s Bob?”
“B-O-B . . . Battery-operated boyfriend,” supplied Reginell.
Angel giggled. “Really, Sullivan? Toys?”
Sullivan narrowed her eyes. “Don’t act like you’ve never—”
“I didn’t say that, okay?” inserted Angel. “I just don’t advocate it.”
“Why not?” asked Reginell. “It’s safe sex in its highest form.”
Kina filled a pot with water for boiling. “Don’t you guys think it’s a sin?”
“The Bible says anything you know is wrong is a sin,” Lawson reminded them.
“It’s not sin, it’s sex with someone I love,” challenged Sullivan.
Angel laughed. “Maybe it’s a necessary evil, like carbs and calories.”
Kina set the pot on the stove. “Yeah, but why is it wrong, especially if you’re thinking about your husband in the process?”
Lawson poured her batter into a floured pan. “At the very least, I think it’s an impossible standard for any man to live up to. I mean, all those multiple speeds and settings. No human being can compete with that.”
“Sounds like we’re speaking from experience,” muttered Sullivan.
Lawson grinned. “Well, I was celibate for those three years before getting married!”
“So it is wrong?” Kina asked again.
Angel cleared her throat. “Right or wrong, no battery-operated device can replace having your own husband in your own bed. Bob, as you so eloquently call it, can’t hold or kiss you—”
“You haven’t seen the new stuff they’re coming out with,” threw in Sullivan.
Angel went on. “No toy or vibrator can take the place of a real man. It’s not a part of God’s plan for sex and marriage, so I don’t think it should be a part of ours. You can dress it up however you want; it’s still lust and thinking about sex. Biblically speaking, the sinful act starts in the mind. The physical act is just a manifestation of that.” Angel took a breath and continued. “That said, sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!”
They all hooted.
“Maybe I should bring this up in Bible Study,” suggested Kina.
“Um, maybe you shouldn’t!” cautioned Lawson. “I don’t know how to work your vibrator questions into the pastor’s series on grace and mercy.”
“Grace and mercy aside, if a sex-toy box is going to keep Joan out of your box, I’m all for it, Kina,” said Sullivan.
Reginell laughed. “While we’re on the subject of odd couples, guess who I had lunch with the other day.”
“Whose husband or boyfriend was it this time?” asked Sullivan. Reginell gestured a finger from her free hand in Sullivan’s direction.
Lawson checked on the food she had in the oven. “Who, honey?”
“Mark.”
Sullivan looked up with a confused expression on her face. “Mark who?”
“Mark Vinson—who else?”
Angel shuddered and shook her head. Kina looked away.
Reginell noticed the looks on everyone’s face. “What?”
“Reggie, I know you’re not the brightest bulb on the chandelier, but even you should know not to go after your nephew’s father. Are the pickings getting that slim at the strip club?”
“Sullivan, chill out. They only went to lunch,” reiterated Lawson. “No need for you to get your panties in a bunch.”
“As if she doesn’t go commando,” threw in Reginell.
Angel’s eyes widened. “Lawson, you’re okay with this?”
Lawson shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
A scowl registered on Sullivan’s face. “Well, it’s icky to say the least! I mean, I’ve heard of hand-me-down-clothes, but hand-me-down—”
“Don’t even say it!” butt in Angel, sensing where Sullivan was about to go.
Lawson calmed the fray. “Ladies, you’re acting like Reggie and Mark are ready to jump the broom. Besides, Mark and I were never in a real relationship. He can date whoever he wants.”
“Thank you!” said Reginell. “If I said you all couldn’t date anyone I ever slept with—”
“There would be no one left to date,” piped Sullivan.
Reginell ignored her and addressed her sister. “So you’re really okay with me hanging out with Mark?”
“Girl, don’t listen to Sullivan. I said yes, didn’t I? It was only lunch. Don’t make such a big deal out of it.”
“What if it was more than lunch?” pressed Reginell.
Lawson was a little unnerved. “Did something happen between the two of you afterward?”
“No, nothing like that. I just meant, like, if we were to go out again.”
“Reggie, you’re a grown woman. You can do whatever you want.” Lawson paused a moment. “I just hope Mark is different now.”
Reginell went on alert. “What do you mean?”
“Honey, Mark wasn’t as interested in getting to know me personally as he was getting to know me biblically, if you catch my drift.”
Angel brushed it off. “That was fifteen years ago, Lawson, he was just a kid. What teenage boy isn’t interested in sex?”
“I agree, and we all know that sex is a man’s first need. It just so happens that you work in an establishment where sexing it up is a part of your job description, Reggie. For some guys, hooking up with a stripper is a fantasy. Mark might be one of those guys.”
“So you think all he wants from me is sex?”
“I’m not saying that definitively. I have no idea what Mark wants from you, but Mark and I talk a lot. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard him express having an interest in you.”
Reginell was crushed. “Oh . . .”
Lawson put her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Sweetie, I’m not saying that a man wouldn’t be genuinely interested in you. I’m saying you shouldn’t take anything Mark does or says too seriously. He’s a natural flirt, and I’d hate for you to misread his signals and think there’s something there that doesn’t exist. You’re my baby sister, and I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“You’re probably right,” resolved Reginell, shattered by the revelation. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Don’t worry, sis.” Lawson hugged her. “The right man will come along. Just don’t expect him to be Mark Vinson.”
“Lawson, can you come open this?” Sullivan held up a jar of relish for the potato salad. “You know you’re all manly and strong.”
Lawson strolled over to her. “Insults are not the quickest way to get me to do you any favors.”
Sullivan pulled Lawson off to the side. “The relish was just an excuse to get you away from Reggie. What was that about?”
“What was what about?”
“All that blocking you were doing,” charged Sullivan. “Don’t you think that was a little harsh?”
“Excuse me for trying to protect my sister from getting hurt.”
Sullivan stood akimbo. “Maybe you really were trying to protect Reggie . . . Maybe you were really trying to protect you.”
Lawson drew back. “Protect me? From what?”
“From being jealous of the fact that your ex-boyfriend might actually be falling for your baby sister.”
“Mark doesn’t want Reggie, not for anything outside of the bedroom, at least.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know Mark,” insisted Lawson.
“Did you know he was going to ask her out?” Lawson shook her head. “Then maybe you don’t know Mark as well as you think you do.”