Chapter 41
“Oh, God! Father, give me strength.”
—Lawson Kerry Banks
Lawson had always considered herself a strong woman, but nothing weakened and humbled her more than watching her marriage fall apart. Garrett was spending more time away from the house and hadn’t slept there in two weeks. He basically came only to see Namon and pack up more belongings.
Lawson met Garrett at the door after he’d called to say that he was coming over. “Did you come to get more stuff?” she exhaled and shook her head in frustration. “Do you have any idea how much it kills me to see you carting more stuff out of here every day? Each time, it’s like losing you all over again. Either get all of it and be through or do it when I’m not here.”
He set his keys down on the counter. “I came to get one last thing.”
“What’s that?”
Garrett held his breath and came humbly before her. “Your forgiveness.”
It was the last thing Lawson expected to hear. “What?”
“I never should’ve left, Lawson. I vowed for better or worse, and I vowed to be with you until I took my last breath. I don’t take my promises lightly.”
Lawson moved away from him. “I don’t want you here out of a sense of obligation.”
“It’s not just that. I’m here because I love you, and I don’t think I can go another day without waking up and not seeing you lying next to me.”
She melted inside. “Really?”
“Yes, babe. I miss you and Namon and our life together. I finally wised up and came to the conclusion that I’d rather have my wife than my pride.”
“I’ll never lie to you again, I promise, Garrett,” she vowed.
Garrett shook his head. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“I don’t want us to make promises we can’t keep. You’re probably going to lie to me again. You may even hurt me more than you did this time. I may do the same to you. But, baby, I promise I’ll never walk out that door again, not unless I have you and Namon with me.”
“Thank you, God.” She kissed him. “I love so much. If it means I have to quit school for a while—”
Garrett stopped her. “I’m not going to let you do that, Lawson. I want you to be everything God created you to be. What kind of husband would I be to ask you to live beneath your potential? I refuse to be threatened by your ambition and success. I want you to get that degree and go as far as the Lord will take you. Just make sure you bring us along for the ride.”
“I’ll take you wherever you want to go, just as long as we’re together.”
He folded her into his arms. “I love you, baby. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too. Please don’t ever leave me again.”
Garrett kissed her forehead. “I won’t. You and Namon mean everything to me, you hear me?”
She smiled. “I hear you.”
Garrett slowly released her. “But, sweetheart, there’s something I need to tell you. We can’t start over with secrets still between us.”
“There aren’t any more secrets, Garrett. I told you everything—I swear!”
“I’m not talking about you. I meant me.”
Lawson felt the air go out of her body. Something in the way he looked at her told her to brace for the worst. “What about you?” she asked in a low voice.
Garrett seized her hands. “First off, I want to say that I take full responsibility for what I’m about to tell you. Yes, after I found out about the pills, I was hurt and felt betrayed. I also admit that I was insecure about your relationship with Mark.”
Lawson swallowed. “Okay . . . Garrett, you’re scaring me. Just say what it is you have to say.”
His eyes welled with tears as he squeezed her hands. “I made a mistake. I was reckless and stupid. I fouled up big time.” He paused. “I cheated on you, Lawson.”
“Cheated? I mean, what is that? Did you go out with another woman? Did you kiss another woman?”
“I slept with someone else,” he admitted. Lawson crumpled into the chair. “Baby, I’m so sorry. If I could take it back—”
“You can’t!” she screeched. “You can’t take this back!” She doubled over, holding herself. “Oh, God! Father, give me strength.”
Garrett kneeled down in front of her. “Lawson, I know this is a lot to take in. Baby, I’m begging you to please forgive me. I love you, and you’re the only woman I want. I was hurt and made the worst decision of my life by being unfaithful to you. But, baby, if I could forgive you, I pray that you could find it in your heart to—”
She pushed away from him. “Don’t do that! Don’t you dare try to act like it’s the same!”
“I know it’s not. I’m just asking that you take it into consideration.”
Lawson crossed her arms in front of her. “Who is she? Is she someone I know?”
“No, she’s a designer I was working with on a project.”
Lawson rolled her eyes. “Is it still going on?”
“No, baby, I swear! I told her I could never see her again. It was one time. We both know it was wrong. She had the project reassigned to someone else. It’s over. It was only once.”
“Just so you know, telling me that you only made love to another woman one time really doesn’t help.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Please tell me what I need to do to fix this,” pleaded Garrett.
“Fix it?” Lawson was livid. “How do you propose to do that? My God, Garrett, how could you do this to me? To us?”
“I wasn’t thinking. I believed our marriage was over.” He tried to touch her.
Lawson shirked away. “Is that the hand you used to touch her, Garrett? Is that how you did it, the same way you’re touching me?” She closed her eyes as the tears streamed from her eyelids. “I’ve been with you my whole adult life. We’ve never been unfaithful to each, Garrett, never. That’s what kept us connected despite everything else that was going on. I had a level of trust with you that I’ve never had with any man. Now, it’s gone.”
“We can get that back,” maintained Garrett.
Lawson thought for moment. “You know, Garrett, between this, the birth controls pills, and all the fighting, I’m not so sure I want to anymore.” She looked up at him. “Maybe this time it really needs to be over.”