Chapter 48
“I can’t build a future trying to recapture the past.”
—Angel King
“It’s about time you got here!” said Angel to Sullivan, letting her into the house. “I called you two hours ago.”
“The baby forces me to move slower,” replied Sullivan, waddling unnecessarily for a woman barely four months pregnant. She stopped when she spotted Kina. “Why do you keep inviting me when you invite her?”
“You’re both my friends, and I need everyone to put their differences aside to help me. We’ve got a wedding to plan!”
They joined Lawson, Kina, and Reginell in the living room.
Lawson made room for Sullivan next to her. “Angel, I have to ask again, are you sure want to do this? What about Channing?”
“I’ve cut off all communication with him. He knows we can never be together in this world or the virtual one. That’s a done deal.”
“Okay, I just want you to be sure about going through with this wedding because it’s not too late to change your mind,” cautioned Lawson.
“I’m more than sure. I’m absolutely positive that this is what I want to do,” swore Angel. “We never should’ve gotten divorced in the first place.”
Lawson mustered up some excitement. “Well, the gang’s all here, so where do you want to start?”
“Are you kidding?” Angel dragged out a box and dumped the contents in the center of the floor. “I’ve got to send out these invitations, I haven’t picked a dress or secured a venue for the reception. We’ve literally done nothing to prepare for a wedding that’s supposed to be happening in exactly seventy-eight days!”
“All right, calm down,” coaxed Sullivan. “We’ve all done this before. With four weddings between us, we should be able to set this whole thing up within two boxes of cookies and one bottle of wine.” She pressed her hand against her growing belly. “Better count me out on that bottle of wine, though.”
Angel’s house was soon transformed into wedding central. Lawson was making phone calls, Reginell was stamping envelopes, Kina made out the menu for the reception, and Sullivan helped Angel peruse catalogues for dress ideas.
“What about this one?” Sullivan held up a picture. “You could go with this sort of Grecian goddess look.”
“I’m no Grecian goddess, Sully,” joked Angel. “I just want something simple and elegant, like me.”
“Why settle for simple and elegant when you can have fabulous and awe-inspiring like this one?” Sullivan folded the page back and passed the book to Angel.
Angel looked at the suggested retail price. “Sully, I’m not spending this kind of money on a dress I only intend to wear once.”
“Here . . .” Sullivan dumped a pile of bridal magazines into Angel’s lap. “I earmarked all of the good ones.”
Lawson muted the television. “Angel, how many are we expecting at the reception? The reception hall needs a head count before I can book it—and a deposit!”
“Your printer is running low on ink, Angel,” observed Reginell. “You got any extra?”
Kina brought her notepad over to Angel. “What were you thinking for the dinner? Buffet or a sit-down?”
“Just stop it with all the questions, okay?” cried Angel and flung the wedding catalogue across the room and buried her face in her hands. “I can’t do this,” she whispered.
“You’re the one who wanted to go with an unknown designer and some nameless prairie gown,” Sullivan pointed out.
Lawson cradled Angel. “I don’t think that’s what she meant, Sullivan. Angel, what’s wrong?”
“Everything! I have no business planning this wedding when I know in my heart I’m making a huge mistake.”
“Is this about Channing?”
“No, this is about Duke and the fact that we don’t belong together.”
“That’s nonsense,” scoffed Kina. “You two are like the perfect couple.”
“We all know there’s no such thing,” said Lawson.
“You have such a beautiful family and a bright future ahead of you. I bet this is just cold feet, Angel. You’re on happiness overload,” Kina reasoned. “You’re letting this thing with Channing confuse you.”
“I don’t think so. I haven’t felt right about this engagement for a long time. Besides, if things were so great between Duke and me, Channing wouldn’t have been a factor.”
“Not necessarily,” argued Sullivan. “I didn’t cheat because I didn’t love my husband. I cheated because I was bored in my marriage.”
Angel touched Sullivan’s hand. “No offense, Sully, but I’m not like that. I wouldn’t have been to drawn to Chan unless something was truly lacking in my relationship with Duke.”
“Do you trust Duke?” asked Lawson. “Are you worried about him stepping out again?”
Angel nodded. “I can honestly say I trust Duke. I don’t think he’d cheat on me again. Neither one of us is the same person we were ten years ago.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” inferred Sullivan. “Which Duke are you in love with—the one that he was or the man that he is today?”
“The one he is today, of course!” affirmed Angel.
“That Duke is still very much attached to Reese,” noted Sullivan. “Which Angel does Duke think he’s marrying? Is it the wide-eyed schoolgirl who worshipped the ground he walked on or the woman you’ve become, who’s strong, independent, and has needs of her own?”
Angel was quiet.
Lawson eyed Angel’s ring. “Angel, you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to.”
Kina didn’t give her a chance to answer. “Of course she wants to! Angel, you and Duke are amazing together. Don’t start to second-guess yourself.”
“I think you need to step back and pray on it,” suggested Lawson.
“There’s no need to pray,” said Angel and sighed. “God has already given me the answer.”
“Hey, babe, I got here as fast as I could,” began Duke as he unlocked the door and walked into the house. His words trailed off as he spotted Angel’s packed suitcases near the front door. “What’s up with the bags? You going somewhere?”
“Yes,” Angel sighed. “Sit down, honey. There’s something I need to say to you.”
Duke sat down on the sofa and made some room for her next to him. “What’s going on here?”
“I’m moving. I’m going back to my place across town.”
“Wait a minute—what? Moving? Why?”
“It’s the right thing to do.”
Duke nodded, understanding. “I get it. The whole shacking up thing is too much for you, and you want to wait until we’re married to live together.”
“Not exactly.” Angel looked down at her ring one last time and slipped it off her hand. “I can’t marry you, Duke.”
“What?” he exclaimed. “Angel, where is this coming from?”
“It’s been brewing for a while, baby. We just didn’t want to see it.” She presented the ring to him.
Duke refused to take it. “There’s no way I’m taking that back! Angel, if I did something to upset you, I’m sorry. Tell me what it is so we can talk about it and move on.”
“Yes, Duke, that’s exactly what we need to do, we need to move on.”
“I don’t know why you’re doing this. We’ve been planning our life together for months. This is the time we’ve been waiting for.”
Angel stood up. “It’s hard to give up on a dream sometimes, but it’s even harder to accept having to settle for less than God’s best. I think somewhere along the way, I was willing to forgo too much to make you happy.”
“Baby, you make me happy without even trying. Just being here and being able to wake up and see your face every morning makes me happy. Don’t take that away.”
“That’s not what I’m doing, but Duke, I have to be true to myself and to you. I’ve got to come to terms with the fact that this isn’t what I want anymore.”
Duke looked down at the ring. “We were supposed to get it right this time.”
“I know,” she whispered. “For years, I ached for you. I cried for that college girl whose husband walked out on her and their baby for another woman and her baby. I wanted to make things right. I never stopped loving you, and I wanted to go back to the time when we were so happy—before the divorce, before you met Theresa, before I lost our baby.” She shook her head. “But you can’t go back. You can forgive, but you can’t really pick up like nothing’s happened.”
“I’m not trying to pretend like the last ten years never happened. That would be like wishing I didn’t have Miley and Morgan. It would be a dishonor to my wife.”
“Which wife?” Angel asked bitterly and threw up her hands. “I can’t do this, Duke. I can’t build a future trying to recapture the past.”
“I don’t think that’s what we’re doing.”
“It’s what I’ve been doing. For the longest, it felt like marrying you and loving you were such a huge waste of time, especially when I factor in all of those years of bitterness and unforgiveness I went through. Reuniting with you made it seem like maybe it wasn’t such a waste after all, like maybe it was all a part of God’s divine plan for my life. Believing that was a lot easier than accepting that I got married too young or that I chose the wrong mate.”
Duke was hurt. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Because it’s true, Duke. I’m not the love of your life. Theresa is. Just look around here—her pictures are everywhere, her stuff is still the same way she left it. You haven’t even stopped referring to her as your wife. You’re still in love with her, you probably always will be.”
“Angel, I’m not going to deny that my wife—that Reese —has a very special place in my heart, but I love you. I want to marry you!”
Angel shook her head. “You don’t want to marry me. You’re lonely, and I’m good with the kids. Most important, you remarrying me and the two of us raising the girls together was Theresa’s final wish. Even now, you’re still trying to make her happy.”
“Why can’t you see how much I love you? You’re my heart, Angel. I love you, the girls love you. You can’t walk out of our lives this way.”
“I love this family too, and I’ll always be here for those girls. I’ll always be your friend, Duke, but if we make the mistake of getting married, we’re only going to end up back in divorce court. My heart couldn’t take that again.”
Duke sighed heavily. “What am I supposed to do now? I’ve spent the last year preparing for a life with you.”
“You check in with God to see what His plans are for you. You take the time to really grieve losing Theresa. You be there for Miley and Morgan and trust God to send you the woman He wants you to have. In the meantime, you work on your relationship with Him like I’m doing.”
“I’d rather work on my relationship with you.”
“Duke, I know you don’t like to deal with things. Your way of avoiding the problems in our marriage was getting involved with Theresa. Your way of dealing with her death was getting involved with me, but the only way you’re going to get through it is to go through it. There are no shortcuts this time. God is using this as an opportunity for your development. Don’t run away from it.”
“You mean the way you’re running away from us?”
“I’m not running away. I’m setting us both free. There’s a difference.” She sat down next to him again. “It would’ve been nice, though. I saw our wedding in my head more times than I can count. I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to share with the rest of the world how much I loved you.”
“You don’t have to move out, Angel. Take one of the spare bedrooms or the pool house. I’ll give you all the space you need, just don’t leave. Don’t say it’s over between us. I don’t think God would’ve brought us together again if He didn’t want us to stay together.”
“I know there’s a reason and purpose for everything. The Bible tells us that. For the past two years, I thought the purpose of meeting Theresa was God’s way of setting the groundwork for us to meet again, fall in love, and have the family and the life we wanted. I hope not—that would mean we really screwed up His plan! Maybe the point was for me to give Theresa the peace she needed, to give you and the girls the support you needed to get through this last year without her, and to give me the closure I needed to be able to move on.” She touched his face. “You were my first love, my only love, Duke. How could it ever be truly over between us? But it’s time to move on for both our sakes.”
A few more hugs and a lot more tears, Angel found herself back home again. When she walked into the door this time, it didn’t feel quite as lonely as it did before. It was full of light and peace. One day soon, it would be full of love as well.