20

Dolly

Micah jumped out of bed as if he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I grabbed the covers and pulled them up to my neck as he began to take off the condom.

“Give me a minute,” he called out to Pepper.

Why was she here? And what was she going to do when she found me in here with him? I watched, unsure of what to do, and waited for Micah to tell me something. He reached for his jeans and pulled them on.

“Dolly? Are you in there! Micah, I am going to kill you!” Pepper yelled.

I was verging on panicking when Micah looked at me and then glared at the door.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He grabbed one of his T-shirts and tossed it to me. “Put this on and…go on into the bathroom. Get a shower. I will deal with her psychotic ass.”

More banging. “MICAH, OPEN NOW!”

I scrambled to get the shirt on, then hurried off the bed and into the bathroom. Micah’s gaze followed me, but I was afraid to look him in the eye. Was he mad at me? Surely not. But then what if Pepper was mad at me and him and that made him mad at me?

Closing the door, I locked it, then leaned back against it and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Did I look different? I felt different. At least my body did. There was an ache between my legs and a slight sting. I lifted the shirt to see how bloody it looked down there, but jumped, dropping it at the sound of Pepper shouting at Micah.

“WHERE IS SHE?! YOU! YOU! I can’t believe you did this! It didn’t even take a week! Did you stick her in the bathroom? Seriously?”

“Pep, calm the fuck down,” Micah told her.

“Don’t Pep me and do not tell me to calm down. That is my best friend you’re hiding in the bathroom after you…” She stopped, and I heard footsteps followed by a, “DAMMIT, MICAH!”

“It isn’t what you think,” he said.

“That’s blood on your sheets, and MY best friend is in your bathroom. Yeah, Micah, it is what I think.”

“No, it’s not. At least not exactly. Could you just go downstairs and get something to drink or eat? We will be down shortly.”

“And leave her up here with you?” she shot back at him.

“Why not? What else is there for me to do to her?”

I tensed at his words, and a sick knot formed in my stomach.

“You are a bastard—you know that? She deserved more than…than you.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Then, why did you do it?” Pepper hissed angrily.

“Because…fuck. I don’t know. I just did.”

Closing my eyes, I inhaled slowly, willing myself not to cry. I had basically begged him to. It wasn’t like having sex with me was going to make him fall in love with me. We barely knew each other. He was my best friend’s older brother I had once been obsessed with, and I was…I was me. I was not going to get emotional and weepy because I didn’t have some magic vagina to make him want me for something more.

“I will never, never forgive you for this. Just…let her get cleaned up, and I’ll take her home. The roads are cleared enough,” Pepper said.

I listened to her footsteps fade away and the sound of the door closing behind her. I waited for Micah to come this way, but I heard nothing.

With a heaviness in my chest, I walked over and turned on the shower, waited for it to get warm, and stepped under the spray of the water. Washing off every place he had kissed me, touched me. The pink tint to the water as it went down the drain caused my vision to blur, and for a moment, I allowed myself a few tears.

Not because I had lost my virginity. Good riddance.

I cried because I had thought that it meant more to Micah…that I meant something to him. But I had just been another girl in his bed. I was as interchangeable as the others. It was my own stupidity. I should have enjoyed the experience and not opened my heart up to him.

My fingers brushed over the bandage on my leg he’d put there, and I let the memory of how gentle he’d been seep in before I could stop it. Taking the edge of the Band-Aid, I ripped it off. The red marks were scabbed over. I bunched up the bandage in my fist and tilted my head back as the water washed away my tears.

Finishing my shower, I got out and dried off. My eyes weren’t puffy, and it didn’t look as if I had been crying. Satisfied with that, I wrapped the towel around me and opened the bathroom door, ready to face Micah. Only he wasn’t there. His sheets were also gone. On his mattress, my clothes were spread out neatly, and my heels sat beside them. It was just one more slap in the face. I wasn’t even worthy of him sticking around to talk to me before I left.

I dressed, ran my fingers through my damp hair, found my phone, and headed out the door. I was ready to go home. Even if that meant facing Pepper.

Just as I made it to the stairs, a blonde blocked my way. She sneered at me as if I was something distasteful. I hadn’t met her before, but it seemed like she knew who I was.

“So, you’re the boring little virgin who didn’t meet up to Micah’s expectations,” she said, then smirked. “I’ll make sure to meet his needs for him. I always do.”

“Dylan, shut your trap and leave the girl alone,” Tex called out from the now-open library door.

She glanced down the hall at him, then back at me. “Bye-bye,” she replied, then brushed past me.

I watched as she walked in the direction of the library. The cutoff jeans she was wearing left part of her bottom hanging out. I hated her.

Needing to get away from this place, I hurried down the stairs. Pepper was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. When she saw me, I could see the concern in her eyes, and when she opened her arms to me, I rushed into them.

“Let’s go,” she said. “I called your landlord, and the electricity is on there.”

I nodded, but I didn’t trust myself to talk.

Pepper threaded her fingers through mine and held my hand all the way down the dark hallway and into the parking lot. She opened the passenger side of her Mustang and waited for me to climb in, then closed the door behind me before making her way to the other side.

When she was inside the car, she buckled, then looked at me. “He’s my brother, and I love him, but it will be a long time before I can look at him again. He’s a bastard, and I am so sorry. I should have come here last night. I trusted him, and I shouldn’t have.”

I reached over and took her hand. “Stop. He didn’t rape me. I asked for it. He did what I’d asked. And…and it was good. Better than good. It was amazing.”

The pain in her eyes made her thoughts on the matter clear. “You understand that sex is just sex to Micah? Nothing more. It holds no meaning or emotion to him.”

I nodded. I knew that. Now.

She sighed heavily. “One day, the right guy will come along. With him, it will be everything you deserve.”

I looked out the window as she drove off The Judgment’s property. “Or maybe I’m better off alone.”

“Don’t say that.”

I turned my attention to her. “Why? You seem fine alone. You haven’t dated in two years. Do you think the right guy is going to come along for you one day?”

She laughed and shook her head. “I am not like you. I don’t want a man. You…you’re softer. Kinder. You crave that connection. Even if you don’t want to admit it. You are the perfect female. I am the exact opposite.”

I frowned. She always said I didn’t see myself clearly, but she didn’t see herself the way the rest of the world did. Men paused to watch her walk by. When she walked into a room, it began to revolve around her without her realizing it. I’d tried to tell her that in the past, but she never listened.

Pepper reached across and grabbed my hand. “Talk to me about last night. Why did you hurt yourself?” Her eyes dropped to the marks on my leg before she looked back at the road.

“I don’t know,” I lied, not wanting to talk about it.

“Dolly, if you need to see a psychologist again, then I’m sure—”

“No. I’m fine. It was nothing. Just drop it.”

“I can’t drop it if you are hurting. We both know what happens if you try and internalize. I am your friend. You can trust me. You know that.”

I nodded and hated that my eyes were burning. “It is over. It won’t happen again. I swear.”