Sandi didn’t have any trouble making big decisions. She’d sold her house without a qualm, moved out of her grandmother’s house without looking back and even filled out papers to adopt a baby with only a few butterflies in her stomach.
But when it came to matters of the heart, she remembered her awful track record and couldn’t decide something as simple as picking up the phone and calling to say thank-you for the puppies.
Would a note be better? Would he think she was chasing him? Would she get so excited talking to him, she’d forget how she was going to make a new life on her own and say something to make him think she was weak and needy?
“I’m being a silly goose,” she said, and both new puppies licked her feet in happy agreement. “Just pick up the phone and call. That’s the ticket.”
Sandi picked up the phone and dialed. Sweat rolled down her face and she picked up a brochure on digital cameras to fan herself. When she heard the phone pick up, she got so excited she completely forgot what she’d been going to say.
“Hello,” he said, but it turned out to be his recorded voice. After it clicked off, Sandi said, “The puppies are wonderful, Matt. Thank you.”
She sat on the edge of the bed biting her lower lip and trying to think of something clever to say. Finally she just hung up.
“Oh, well. I’ll write him a little note.”
Patsy and Pooh tugged at her shoestrings and she got down on the floor to play. They barked and pranced and wagged and Sandi laughed till she cried. It felt almost like having her own family.
Matt played Sandi’s message four times, just to hear the sound of her voice.
“She likes them.”
He was pleased with himself. He hadn’t spent years in a courtroom for nothing. It didn’t take him long to sum up a person’s character. Of course, Sandi had taken longer than most. She was a complex woman. Plus, he’d received confusing signals. Her bombshell body said one thing and her innocent eyes another.
Tomorrow he would send flowers, the next day candy and then he’d call her up and make a dinner date. Over a rare steak and some good wine he’d lay out his plan of action. It was a good sensible plan that would serve them both well.
Smiling, he picked up another of his mother’s books, but not Sinful. It was probably a big gun, and he’d save it for last.
Patsy and Pooh gamboled around Sandi’s feet, red roses delivered the day before scented the kitchen and a box of newly delivered chocolates lay unopened on the table. A letter from the adoption agency informing her that she’d been approved for motherhood was propped against the roses.
Still in her bathrobe and slippers, feeling slightly dazed, Sandi sat on a kitchen chair biting her bottom lip and waiting for C.J.
“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” she said, and Patsy Cline barked her waiting’s-a-lonesome-thing song.
The door banged open and C.J. bustled in. “Sorry it took so long, but I had to run by Bricks and Mortar, Etc. to check on toilet fixtures, then I stopped by Clint’s office and left a sandwich for his supper along with strict instructions to eat it. He’s so excited about owning his own newspaper that if I didn’t remind him, he never would eat.”
Usually Sandi wanted to hear all C.J.’s news, but today she had more pressing matters on her mind.
“Did you get it?”
“I got it.” C.J. plopped an early-pregnancy testing kit on the table. “Thank goodness you called me instead of going yourself. You’re in no condition to drive.”
C.J. was right. Sandi was so nervous and excited and scared, she couldn’t even open the box, let alone operate a car.
“Here, let me.” C.J. ripped it open, scanned the instructions and then had to repeat them to Sandi twice before she understood.
“I’ll be right back,” Sandi said.
She thought she knew what the results would be even before she took the test. Since she’d left O’Banyon Manor the first time, she’d been so busy she hadn’t noticed the missed periods.
When she woke up this morning feeling nauseated, she’d stayed in bed all day thinking she was coming down with a virus. By evening she was ravenous and feeling strong as a plow horse. While she ate everything in the kitchen except the sink, she’d noticed the heaviness in her breasts and she’d started counting backward.
Then she’d called C.J.
“Well?” C.J. asked when Sandi emerged from the bathroom.
Sandi ripped open the box of candy Matt had sent. “We need chocolate, and lots of it.”
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.” All of a sudden it hit Sandi. At long last she was going to have the thing she most wanted in the world—a family of her own. Not one child, but two. And two dogs to make the picture complete. “Yes! Oh, C.J., isn’t it wonderful?”
She caught C.J.’s hands and the two of them twirled around the kitchen until Patsy was in such a barking frenzy that Pooh hid under a chair.
Sandi and C.J. collapsed into a couple of chairs then reached for chocolate.
“So, how are you going to handle telling Matt?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know when I’ll see him, or if I will.”
“He’s sent gifts every day. I think that’s a pretty clear sign he wants to see you.”
“Seeing me and marrying me are two vastly different propositions. I don’t want him to feel trapped. I couldn’t bear it if I thought he married me only because of the baby.”
“I understand. I’d feel exactly the same way. With me it’s love or nothing at all.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.” Sandi dug into the chocolate. “This is the best I’ve ever tasted.”
“They say everything tastes great when you’re pregnant.”
“I guess I’ll get as big as a barn.” Sandi giggled. “I can’t wait.”
“If you get too big to move, Clint and I will fetch and carry.”
“I’ll want the two of you to be godparents. For both my children.”
“If you hadn’t said it, I was going to horn in and insist.”
Laughing, the two old friends ate chocolate until half the box was gone, then Sandi had a sobering thought.
“This little apartment won’t possibly be big enough for two big dogs and two children. I’ll have to find a house.”
“Too bad you just sold yours.”
“No. I don’t regret that. It was a cold house filled with bad memories. I want something filled with light and warmth…and an antique four-poster bed.”
“An antique four-poster bed?”
Sandi flushed. “Like the one in O’Banyon Manor. I want to give birth in a bed like that.”
“I’ll help you find one. I have another couple of weeks before I’m back in school. We’ll shop tomorrow.”
“Oh, gosh, I’ll have to get baby clothes and a crib and…” Suddenly Sandi felt overwhelmed. “C.J., how am I going to do this all by myself?”
“You’re not. I’m going to help you. Clint, too.”
Though Sandi had already told her the details, including that her pregnancy didn’t negate the adoption, C.J. picked up the letter from the agency and read it. The little girl Sandi would bring back from China was nearly two years old. She would be dealing with a language barrier, but at least she wouldn’t be dealing with two small babies.
“It will be another two months before you go to China. You can still travel safely, and that gives us plenty of time to get ready for your little girl.”
Sandi caught her hand. “What would I do without you?”
“You don’t ever have to find out.”
Matt checked his watch. He’d timed his arrival exactly right. He would be at Sandi’s apartment and they’d have an hour to talk before dinner.
He was proud of himself. His plan was working out exactly according to schedule. He’d called a week ago, the day after she’d received the chocolate, and she’d said, “Yes, I’ll be happy to have dinner with you.”
Just like that. The reserve in her had surprised him a little, especially after he’d softened her up with gifts, but then, what had he expected? His invitation was a complete turnaround from his earlier stance.
He parked his car and went up her sidewalk whistling and bearing a corsage of gardenias, the fragrance so redolent of Sandi herself that he was having a hard time not acting like a sixteen-year-old schoolboy.
He punched the doorbell and suddenly there she was, glorious and radiant.
“You take my breath away,” he said, then could have kicked himself.
Where was all the restraint he meant to use? The control? At the rate he was going he’d have her in the bed within the next ten minutes.
“Hello, Matt. Won’t you come in?”
She’d turned off all the lights, lit candles, spritzed her exotic fragrance around the room. Make that five minutes if he didn’t get hold of himself.
Suddenly two golden fur balls barreled into the room and launched themselves at his legs.
“I see the puppies are thriving.”
Sandi scooped them both up and cuddled them close. “Aren’t they adorable?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say, All three of you are, but he caught himself just in time.
“Yes,” he said, then took a seat across the room. No sense playing with fire. But even the small distance didn’t lessen her impact.
God, she was the most stunning woman he’d ever seen. She absolutely glowed.
“You’re looking good,” he said. “Starkville agrees with you.”
“Thank you.”
Why did that make her blush? She was acting downright shy around him. Was he that intimidating?
As eager as he was to present his plan, he didn’t want to plunge right in while she seemed so ill at ease.
“Sandi, we have a lot to talk about, but first I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with me. If there’s anything you want to tell me, please go right ahead.”
“What would I want to tell you?”
“To go to hell.”
She laughed. “Oh, no. I would never tell you that.”
“Okay. That’s a good start.”
“A good start for what, Matt?”
“An extension of our friendship.”
She leaned her cheek into one of the puppies, and his heart grew two sizes. God, how could such an artless pose completely undo him? His plan flew out the window and he forgot what he’d been going to say.
“Of course I’m your friend,” she said. “I hope we can always be friends.”
“Good.”
“Great.”
He stared at her with such naked longing he wondered she didn’t call bodyguards. Quickly he rethought his plan. Maybe three years was too long for a courtship. Maybe he could cut that down to two. Or one.
Matt took a deep breath. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I saw you last.” Okay. That was better. His libido was quieting down a little and his brain cells were beginning to kick back in. “I’d like us to spend more time together, get to know each other better.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Where is this leading, Matt?”
“To a courtship, I hope. You’re a kind and wonderful woman, Sandi. The most remarkable I’ve ever met.”
Visions of her in his bed sidetracked him, and he cleared his throat. Twice. God, how could he be so nervous? He was a trial lawyer, for Pete’s sake. He’d faced hostile juries and enraged witnesses without blinking an eye. And now in the face of one soft and appealing woman, he didn’t know his left foot from his right.
Maybe he should have read Sinful.
“Thank you” was all she said. Was that good or bad? Then, “Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Wine?”
“Wine, please.”
She left in a swirl of swingy skirts and a cloud of heady scent that rendered him weak-kneed. He played with the puppies while she was gone and thought he’d regained his composure till she handed him the wine.
Up close she rendered him speechless. He wanted to touch her, to run his tongue over her dewy skin, down into that enticing cleavage. No, more than that. He wanted to take those intoxicating breasts deep into his mouth and suckle till they were both mindless with pleasure.
He took the wine with a polite thank-you, but he didn’t breathe again till she was across the room and safely out of reach.
Slow down, old man, he told himself. The last thing he needed was a repeat of events at O’Banyon Manor. The last thing he needed was to fall into bed without thought of the consequences.
“This is good wine,” he said. He noticed that she was drinking a large glass of milk. “You’re not drinking?”
“No. I don’t have much head for wine, if you recall.”
“I do.” Vividly.
Actually that’s how it had all started, him putting her to bed. God, if he didn’t get the bedroom off his mind…
“So do I,” she said, beautifully flushed and looking more luscious than he’d ever seen. “How do you think people fall in love, Matt?”
“If you’re asking do I believe in the fairy-tale romance my mother writes, my answer is no.”
“Oh…”
“Not that I don’t believe in love, Sandi. I think it might be possible to grow to love a person if you spend a sufficient amount of time getting to know them really well.”
“How much time?”
“Two or three years.” Her crestfallen look pierced his heart. “Maybe one.”
“I think people who are meant for each other can fall in love at first sight. Maybe it’s pheromones or something, I don’t know. Pascal once said, ‘The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.’ I really believe that, Matt.”
“It’s romantic, I’ll grant you that.”
“What’s wrong with romance?”
“What’s wrong with careful planning and judicious decision making?”
“Nothing, really. It’s just that the excitement of the unknown and the unexpected is such fun.”
“You should be standing where I am when the excitement wears off. Divorce is not pretty, Sandi.”
She didn’t say anything. Just gave him this look. God, how had he gotten off onto divorce? If there was a less romantic topic, he didn’t know what it would be.
This conversation was not turning out at all the way he’d planned. Here he was offering her a reasonable courtship where, if there were no guarantees, at least they’d have a good shot at developing a bond that would last. And what did she do? Talk about romance and pheromones and excitement.
He’d forgotten just how unreasonable she was. Maybe three years would be better, after all.
She stood up and smoothed down her skirt. The gesture was artless, feminine and absolutely enchanting. How could that be? There wasn’t a single thing reasonable about such a reaction.
“Can I get you more wine?”
“No. We should leave now if we’re going to make our reservation on time. I hope you like steak.”
“I love it.” She smiled. “And I’m starving.”
So was he. For Sandi Wentworth.
Matt felt vindicated. See. If he’d rushed things and let his passion get the upper hand he might not have learned whether she liked beef. It was a small thing, but success often depended on knowing the small details.
Sandi ordered a sixteen-ounce rib eye and ate the whole thing. Then she chose Mississippi black-bottom pie for dessert.
Matt watched her, amused, and she said, “Who can resist chocolate?”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
Funny how she could hang her hope on such a small remark. Chocolate plus Matt equals fun under the covers, which leads to love and marriage.
She’d been doing that kind of wishful thinking all evening, ever since he’d walked in the door. Oh, he was delicious and she had a hard time keeping her hands off him.
But she must. She’d made up her mind not to do anything that would create an artificial closeness that wouldn’t last. She knew Matt too well. If she seduced him tonight, he’d crawl into his cave, mull it over and decide he’d made some huge mistake that required an apology or even a complete withdrawal from her life.
And she certainly couldn’t tell him about her pregnancy. She didn’t want nobility from Matt. She wanted love. All or nothing at all, that was the way it had to be.
It only seemed fair, though, to tell him about her Chinese daughter. At least that way she’d know if he liked children. She’d tell him over chocolate.
When the waitress brought her pie, Sandi fortified herself with a bite or two then put down her fork and told him, “I’m going to adopt a little Chinese girl.”
“You’re what?”
Oh, dear. That was certainly not the reaction she’d wanted.
“I applied some time ago. I’ve been approved and I’ll be leaving for China in the next couple of months to pick her up.”
When he finally said, “Congratulations,” she couldn’t read between the lines at all. And no wonder. After all, he was a successful trial lawyer, trained to hide behind a mask of professionalism.
“Don’t you like children?”
“We’ve had this conversation before.”
She flushed, remembering how she’d awakened in his bed after a night of making love. She vividly remembered that. But what had they said about babies? She vaguely recalled prattling on about wanting a big family. Didn’t she always? But what had he said?
She took a calming bit of chocolate before saying, “Refresh my memory.”
“The conversation about children is premature, that’s what I said.”
“Well, of course, it’s not so premature now, considering. Is it?”
“No, it isn’t. I’m very happy for you, Sandi, and I hope I can get to know your little girl as well as you.”
Now what? She’d asked for the moon again and received a pat on the head. Lord, was she ever going to quit wishing for things she couldn’t have.
She picked up her fork and discovered there was no more pie. She’d have to muddle through without chocolate, that was all.
“Sandi?”
“Yes?” She gave him a bright, brave smile.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she told him, then suddenly she wasn’t. She felt turned inside out. “Excuse me.”
In the bathroom she grabbed a wad of paper towels, turned on the tap, held them under the water then swabbed her pale face with one hand while she clung to the sink with the other. God, she was going to faint. Wouldn’t that be awful?
Somebody would find her in here passed out and then somebody would tell Matt and he’d ask her why and she’d probably tell the truth. Maybe that’s what she ought to do anyhow. Tell him she was carrying his baby and simply put an end to all this suspense.
But, oh, she didn’t want him to feel financially responsible for her unforeseen developments. Wasn’t that what he’d once said? She didn’t need financial help. She needed love.
Taking a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders and marched back to the table.
“Will you please take me home?” she said.
“Certainly. Are you okay?”
“I’m great.”
“You’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
The silence between them grew enormous, and he turned on the radio, some dreadful rap that gave her a headache.
“Do you like that kind of music?” she said.
“What kind?”
“Rap.”
“Can’t stand it.” He switched stations and found one playing Pachelbel’s Canon. “Is that better?”
“Much.”
For a while there were no sounds in the car except the soothing magic of Pachelbel and the swish of tires on pavement.
“What are you going to name your little girl?”
“I don’t know. Why?”
“I was just wondering.”
Sandi wadded her hands in her lap to keep from reaching over and touching him. She wasn’t about to build a whole new fantasy on something that small.
But when Matt parked the car and walked her to the door then stood there looking expectant and hopeful and not at all sure of himself, Sandi stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the lips.
“Good night, Matt. Thanks for dinner.”
“Good night, Sandi.”
She didn’t invite him in. She didn’t have the kind of moral courage it took to offer him a cup of coffee then send him on his way. Oh, no. In spite of his cool logic and safe plans, she’d have offered him everything.
Inside she leaned against the door and whispered, “Goodbye, Matt, my love.”
Matt stood on Sandi’s stoop like a man shell-shocked. That she’d escaped being ravaged on her doorstep was a testament to his willpower.
Feeling like a man made of iron, he got in his car and sat there with the engine idling.
In spite of the fact that she loved the puppies and had enjoyed dinner, he had the uneasy feeling that something was amiss. He couldn’t say that the evening hadn’t gone well. But there was an undercurrent that had tugged at him all night.
He was in no condition to solve the problem now. Funny, how Sandi always threw him off kilter.
He would sleep on it, that’s what. Give her time to mull over his proposition, then call her next week and suggest the ballet.
The International Ballet competition was going on in Jackson. Next Friday they were performing A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which seemed to Matt altogether appropriate for his recent state of mind. That piece was romantic, too.
His plan was moving along right on schedule.