When the phone rang at eleven the next morning, I ran for it.
“Lainy!” I yelled into it.
“How ya doin’, sugar? All set for the big day?”
“You bet. Except I don’t have a car right now.” I explained the previous day’s fiasco, including the unexpected bullet-holes incident.
“Wow, hon. You do lead an exciting life.”
This, coming from a country and western star who was mobbed wherever she traveled. But that was the great thing about Lainy. She never judged you. Of course, we wouldn’t have lasted long as friends otherwise. Not with my history.
“I’m flying in Friday, landing in Toronto around three,” she said. “I’ll rent a car at the airport and be there in plenty of time for the rehearsal. Sorry I can’t stay longer. We were lucky to get this Vegas gig, and I just gotta be back for the band on Sunday night.”
“You’re a doll to make the trip,” I said. “Can’t thank you enough.”
“Seriously, I wouldn’t miss it, Gina. You still sure this is the fella you want?”
“I’m sure.”
“Good stuff. Then it’s time to rope ’im, brand ’im and bring ’im on home.”
I clicked off with a big smile on my face.
***
It was almost noon when I got to Pete’s apartment. He was sitting at the kitchen table in his underwear, counting a bunch of twenties. He didn’t look too worse for wear. In fact, he looked positively spry.
“Watcha got there?” I said, kissing the top of his light-brown head.
“My winnings from the bachelor party,” he said proudly. A big grin split his face. “Seven hundred bucks!”
I frowned down at the twenty-dollar bills. They looked suspiciously newish. “Em…you might want to check those to make sure they’re real. I mean, you did win them off my family.” I moved to the kitchen in search of coffee.
“Good point. I’ll take them to the bank this afternoon,” Pete said. “They have those counterfeit-catcher machines there.”
I stopped abruptly with my hand reaching for the coffeepot. “Oh, right,” I said feebly. “Counterfeit catchers. That should work.”
Somehow I was going to have to make sure those bills only got used in The Hammer.
“How did the lunch go with Uncle Vince?” I said, pouring coffee into a mug.
“It went great,” said Pete. “He just wanted to welcome me to the family. And make sure I was going to treat you right. Which, of course, I am. I’m not a fool.”
I flinched. The dreaded speech. Just as I had feared.
“Better yet, look what he gave me.” Pete rose from the table and disappeared into the bedroom. Seconds later he came back gripping an item in his right hand.
I nearly dropped the mug. “Holy crap! A handgun?”
Pete grinned. “Glock nine millimeter. All the men in the family have one,” he said proudly.
“I guess they’ve accepted you completely then.”
“Good to know.” Pete turned the gun over in his hands, admiring it. “This beats the hell out of my old revolver.”
I was relieved in an ambivalent sort of way. Relieved that Uncle Vince had made this gesture. Not so relieved that Pete had a new, somewhat illegal handgun in the house. Also not so thrilled that Pete seemed to be quite fond of and familiar with guns in general.
Of course, he was from Buffalo. One had to make allowances.
But guns. I wasn’t so keen on guns at the moment. Which reminded me. I had to get my car to my cousin Tony’s body shop before Pete noticed the bullet holes.
I made him put the gun away. Then we had a small argument about what to have for breakfast. I suggested bacon and eggs. Pete put forth a whole lot of other ideas. As usual, he won. Which means I also won, because Pete is a generous guy.
An hour later, I extricated my various body parts from his.
“What are you doing today?” he murmured from the bed.
“I have to meet Nico and the girls at the reception hall later to fill out name cards for the tables,” I said. Where were my undies? Oh yeah. I could see a trail of clothes on the floor leading down the hall.
“So this is really the last time I see you before the wedding?”
“Yup,” I said, picking up items of clothing as I found them. “I’m going to be really busy today and tomorrow. But I’ll call you.”
“Mmmph,” he said.
He was asleep when I left the condo.
I was just getting into my car when Nico called.
“Jimmy’s still with us. I talked to Magda.”
“What a relief!” I said, truly happy to hear it. “Can we go to the hospital and visit him?”
“That’s why I’m calling. Magda wants to talk to us, and she won’t leave his bedside. Frankly, this makes me nervous, Gina.”
I was more philosophical. “Well, we won’t know more until we visit. Wait a minute. Does she know about the shootout with the truck?”
“That’s one of the reasons I’m nervous.”
Now I was nervous. “I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
I had just clicked off the phone when it rang again. This time it was Sammy.
“Gina, I think it’s important you come to the chicken coop. Now. Bring your dippy cousin.”
He clicked off. I stood staring at the phone in my hand.
Wow. That was weird. Sammy was hardly ever short with me.
I called Nico back and told him I’d pick him up in fifteen minutes instead.
***
When we got to the chicken coop, Sammy was pacing. This was never a good sign.
“What were you thinking, Gina? Stealing the truck back when they’re armed and you’re not?” His whole body was stiff with anger. “You know better. Leave it to the family, like you were trained.”
I put up both hands like stop signs. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I was just so freaking mad. First the skinny dude mugged me. Then these scumbags took off with my truck. I was sick and tired of people taking advantage of me, and I just reacted.” Okay, overreacted. “Besides, I didn’t know they were carrying. I’m not stupid.”
“It’s true, Sammy,” said Nico. “We had no idea they were carrying until we heard the gunshots.”
Sammy came over and gave me a big hug. “I was all shook up when I heard. Don’t ever do that again, you hear me? You’ll give me a heart attack. ” He kissed me on the cheek, then pushed back.
“Oh god, that reminds me. I should call Magda,” said Nico. “We’re a little later than I said we’d be.” Nico worked his speed dial.
Probably that should have been a clue. Things might have worked out differently if I had been thinking straight. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with weddings and black birds, maybe I would have been sharper and stopped to consider why Nico had Jimmy the Cat and Mad Magda on speed dial.
“Hey, Magda, Jimmy still good?…That’s even better news…Yeah…Yeah…Okay… You really think so?…But I mean, Bertoni? And Lou?…All right, if you say so…Yup, we’ll be by later. Ciao ciao.” He clicked off.
“Jimmy’s going to pull through,” he said. “The doctors are optimistic for a good recovery.”
“Great!” I said, truly relieved. “What was all that about Bertoni and Lou?”
Nico shifted uncomfortably. “Magda wanted us to do something for her and Jimmy, but it was time sensitive. So she got Bertoni and Lou to do it instead.”
I snorted. “Those losers? Why would she ever choose them?”
“Joey and Mario are busy with the bank project,” Nico said.
Bank project? What bank project? Were we pulling a bank job? Holy crap, and then I remembered. The counterfeit-catcher-exchange plan.
Phew.
“What did she need done, Nico?” Sammy looked up from the table.
“Er…” Nico was hedging. I could see it. “You know that project they have going in the basement of the, um, building.”
“Fly By Night Funerals?” I said.
“No, doll,” said Sammy. “The funeral-home business is shutting down.”
“That’s a relief,” I said. It was pretty hard to hide an illegal funeral home. Too many dead bodies going in and out. People were liable to become suspicious. Though I had to admit, the branding had been superb. You plug ’em, we plant ’em had a certain ring to it, besides being the truth.
“So what’s the new business about?” I said. They both squirmed.
“Thought you would have figured that out by now, Gina,” Sammy said.
Okay, that made me feel crummy. Was I losing my touch? I looked over at Nico. He wasn’t connecting.
Sammy said, “Nico, I’m thinking you should get over there anyway. It is Bertoni and Lou we’re talking about, after all.”
Sammy appeared to be worried. The lines were etched deeper than usual on his face.
“You’re right,” said Nico, snapping to attention. “Come on, Gina. We need to get moving.”
Oh great, I thought to myself. More involvement. Yippee.