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SHANDIE
Having Carlisle over to work at my house wasn’t a good idea. In fact, I had absolutely no problem saying it was one of the worst ideas I'd ever heard of. He was distracting and smelled good, which was even more distracting than I would have thought possible.
After Carlisle left that evening I texted Colin, jabbing my finger onto the touch screen with frustration and no small amount of trepidation. “This is not a good idea. I prefer working alone.”
Didn't Colin understand I didn't want to interrupt my life? I couldn't fall for a man I didn’t want to be attracted to. Well, my attraction to him wasn’t up for discussion. That didn’t matter. Pushing that to the side, I focused on the fact that he’d said he didn’t want anything like that from me which stung. Why was I semi-worried if I was attracted to him or not?
In my own home it was easier to see the guy as the attractive man he was. When I was out and about, I couldn't focus on anything but trying to keep my breathing under control and my heart rate normal.
Having him in my office, even though it was a large space, definitely made me more aware of how I held myself and how I might appear. I regretted my decision to wear worn khakis and a button-down short-sleeve blouse. I definitely could’ve looked better had I known I was expecting a guest like Carlisle. Thanks for the heads up, Colin.
My phone buzzed in my hand as I paced the floor of my office. “I need a group effort on this. If you can’t do it, let me know.”
What was she saying? Was she insinuating she’d replace me, if I couldn’t work with Carlisle? My thumbs flew dangerously fast over the screen. “I can do the job. I can do all of it. Carlisle can do something that's more important.”
Her responses took a few minutes in between and I remembered she had something personal going on right then that I really didn’t need to interfere with. “I know you can, that's not the question. Carlisle comes at it from a guy’s point of view and he's more social.”
My social anxiety was constantly going to plague me. If it didn't keep me from being social, keep me from being around my family, keep me from doing anything active, it was also going to plague me on how I did my job. My anxiety was going to haunt me for the rest of my life in every aspect it could.
I blinked back tears at just how unfair it was that I was locked in this demonic turmoil and the times I tried to assuage it I just ended up getting more anxious, more locked in.
Another text came through and it was like I could see her frustration and sadness with the day in the few words she had sent. “If you can't, that's okay.”
That final text sounded more dismissive than I liked.
I needed the job. The job with Colin allowed me to stay home so I didn't have to go out and I didn't have to try to be around people. I shook my head as I texted her back, mouthing the words as I punched them in. “I'll do it. I'll work with Carlisle. He's going to have to come here.”
Her answer came faster. “Sounds good. I'll be back the day after tomorrow. Play nice.”
I slumped onto the couch tucked in the corner of my office. Okay, if I had to get used to Carlisle being around, he was going to have to get used to coming in and working around me.
Grabbing his number from the employee files I had access to, I texted him. “It's Shandie. Be at my house at 9 tomorrow for work. I have a list of things you can do.”
What I would have to do is make sure to keep him at arms’ length and assert the professional attitude between us. I would have to ignore the butterflies in my belly when I was around him. All of those things I could do. It wasn’t like I had men breaking down my door to date the agoraphobe who couldn’t leave her home. For all the attention I got, I could be the Beast in Beauty and the Beast – locked in the tower, waiting for someone to break through my isolation and save me from myself.
~~~
I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH my run on the treadmill when the doorbell rang. I hadn’t ordered anything and everybody in my life – which was nobody – knew that they couldn’t just show up until after nine-o-clock. Even the UPS guy, Todd, knew this.
I climbed from the treadmill, already irritated I had fifteen minutes left and I wouldn’t be able to finish them. Part of soothing my anxiety involved sticking to a routine and a comfortable schedule. By nine-o-clock I would be finished with my shower, sitting at the counter waiting for Carlisle.
At the front door, I grimaced at the friendly smile on Carlisle’s face. He wasn't supposed to be here until nine. Had I written eight-fifteen on my text? I doubted it. I didn't make mistakes like that. I opened the door and didn't try hiding my glare. “I said nine. What are you doing?”
His grin widened. “Yeah, but I finished my run early. I brought coffee and donuts.” Holding up his offerings, he pushed past me.
The man had been able to get a run in? He’d had the audacity to interrupt mine because he’d already gotten his in? What a pile of cow dung, if he thought I would cut what I was doing short because he chose to show up early. I narrowed my eyes. “I'm going to finish my own run. You're welcome to stay or you can leave, but I will be ready to work at nine.” I turned to head up to my workout room, then turned back. “I'll take the coffee and donut though. Thank you.” I added the last because... manners and I didn’t want my mother to find out I was being rude to a guest in my home. I shuddered at that possibility.
I tried ignoring the smirk he tried holding back as he handed me the items I wanted to sniff and appreciate. I just realized I had never used polite manners with him before since I was usually trying to either hold it together or trying to gather my wits about me. The man was distracting. But that didn’t excuse my rudeness. I hoped to have the grace to be more polite in the future and I resolved to do just that.
Finishing my run passed more quickly as I thought about my promise to myself to treat him better. He was in my home and I would treat him with kindness. After getting ready and finding myself walking down the stairs, I was grateful he’d been able to entertain himself while I was busy. I didn't like babysitting a grown man. He was proving to be more appealing than I’d originally deduced.
I could already feel us falling into a boring routine as I joined Carlisle in the office. He had the newspaper out. He sipped his coffee and read the pages as he also worked on his donut.
The parameters had been left alone on the desk where I’d left them the day before. But Carlisle had stocked my pencils and rearranged my desk which I actually found to be more ergonomically pleasing than the way I had it. I glanced up at him, remembering my promise to myself. “Thank you.”
He grinned, the whites of his teeth enhancing the masculine tinge of tan of his face. He really was a good-looking man. How annoying that I had to notice while he was in my home and my guard was down.
“My pleasure. I guess I'm turning into that kind of assistant.” He flipped the newspaper corner back out from where it had fallen in and studied the articles.
“Actually I have a list of things for you to do today. They should be enough to take your time over the rest of this week and into next week, if you want something different to do.” I picked up a legal pad and handed it across to him. There were multiple jobs listed on the paper that I knew he could do from looking over his dossier. His resume had identified him as more than capable, but judging from his task file, Colin didn’t utilize his skills the way she should.
He took the list and studied it. His eyes sparkled with interest. “Really? You can use my help doing all this?”
“I noticed your resume listed that you had these types of skills, and I just wanted to make sure that you’re not bored while you're working with me. If you do these, I'll work on my stuff and then we’ll be able to mesh them together.” I smiled, trying to tamp my happiness that he was excited about the list I’d given him. I didn’t want to be known for being hard to work with.
He glanced at his watch. “I have a standing schedule with Colin. I can only work until four today. I have volunteer work I do at the soup kitchen three nights a week but I teach basketball for underprivileged youth at the gym on those same nights.”
I cocked my head to the side. If he had called me the most beautiful woman in the world, I don't think he could have been more endearing. “Really? You serve others? That’s amazing.” It was unexpected, honestly, and I realized he had more to him than just great teeth and shoulders that ached to be touched.
He nodded with a humble shrug that looked good on him. “Yeah, there's a lot of people out there who don't have enough. Just my way of connecting with others. Beats being alone in my apartment all day.” He shifted to the side. “Plus, you could say I’m scoping for up-and-coming millionaires who just might want to use ClickandWed.com.” He grinned and took a pencil from my desk.
I couldn't help glancing at him with a different perspective as we both claimed our seats. He served people. I was jealous. Someone like me, who couldn’t leave to serve others, was constantly trying to find ways to serve people but from the safety of my home. There he was, modest about his continuous service.
The different facets of Carlisle were turning out to be more fascinating than the website work and anything else I could think of doing.
That realization was more dangerous than I wanted to accept.
