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CARLISLE
Carlisle went home, confused why he was sent home early. Had he done something to disappointment her or something? He could’ve spent the day with her. He didn’t have to be sent away like a trouble child. For lack of anything better to do, he grabbed his laundry and spent the next few hours of the afternoon at the downstairs Laundromat. After he’d done the unthinkable of not only washing, drying, and taking his clean clothes home, he folded them and put them away.
Pacing from the kitchen to the bathroom door just a few strides away left him feeling more unsettled and even more confused. Shandie sent a text to him with nothing personal in it and the finalized feeling to the project struck him. He didn’t want to be done with Shandie. He liked seeing her. He wished he knew if she felt the same way. Judging by her text, that was a resounding no.
“Here is your code. Try it. IDONOW, all caps.”
Just because she was ready to move on from their relationship, didn’t mean Carlisle was. Obviously she was, or she wouldn’t push him into the matching platform to be paired to someone for marriage.
He’d agreed because Colin had asked him to. That was it. And agreeing to it didn’t mean Carlisle was ready to take the quiz or the steps that were required afterward.
He had to decide on his mindset. What way did he want to approach the program? Did he celebrate, if he was matched? Did he actually go through with the pairing and marry whoever he got matched to?
Maybe he wouldn't accept. If he was matched, and if he treated the program like his answers didn't matter, then maybe he could just delete his profile after he was matched. But that wouldn’t be fair to the person he was matched to. She would see he had been matched to her and then he would reject her. She would think it was her. He didn't want to do that to anyone. Especially when they were supposed to be 96% compatible or higher. They had to be pretty made for each other to be paired and then he would reject her? That wasn’t right.
He had to make up his mind if he was going to go through with it with purposeful intent before he created a profile and went through the extensive process.
A real-life test was something he wasn't extremely fond of. A small part of him was a little frustrated with Colin for suggesting it. They were playing with real people who were hoping for a match. A small pit formed deep in his chest. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.
He made a TV dinner and ate it while watching a basketball game on the couch. Finally, when he’d done everything he could to procrastinate, he finally pulled out his laptop. He muttered to himself, “Okay. I'll do the test, and whoever I get matched to I’ll marry. I'll do this for real.” A slight thrill of excitement shot up along his back.
The questions he had to answer he already knew. He knew how to answer them to weight the results. But he didn’t want any particular person. What he wanted was his true match. So he answered each question for himself, with complete honestly, so he wouldn’t skew the match.
Even though he consciously made the effort to answer for him, it was still weird on this side of the questions. He’d helped develop the questions. He could see how a person had to take their time and really think about each question, carefully.
He couldn’t stop wondering what if he was matched?
Or worse... What if he wasn't?
A question came up, asking if he would be willing to move to where his match lived or if he wanted the match to come to him. Did Carlisle want to leave Sandpoint? He’d grown to love the area even more than his home town of Coeur d’Alene.
What would Shandie put down? She’d never leave. She wouldn't leave her home. It was her safe spot. But could Carlisle see Shandie at work and know she was living so close when he was married to someone else?
The thought of being matched to anyone else filled his stomach with dread. He hadn't considered it. The simplicity of being around Shandie and enjoying a quiet life working with her had kind of spoiled him. He took it for granted and now that the direct working relationship was over, he didn’t know if he could go back to the way things had been before.
There was no way he could work in the same area while knowing Shandie wasn’t too far away. He selected the option to leave and go to them. Colin would have to understand and write him a glowing recommendation. There was no other way around it.
He wasn't sure what he was doing. He answered every question exactly. Making sure he took the time to fill it out completely. He had to know if someone was out there for him. He had to try for real.
After he finished the quiz, and did everything he was asked to do, he put in the promo code she’d sent him.
He waited.
His computer dinged with the confirmation email. He waited another ten minutes, refreshing his computer and looking for a match. But nothing came in.
Carlisle was deflated and discouraged, but he was also validated. As if he was right. There was no one out there for him. Maybe he didn't do it right.
No, he had no matches for him.
