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CARLISLE
Moving back home with Mom and Dad hadn’t even set in. The last month or so had passed in a blur and Carlisle couldn’t believe he’d given up his apartment and routine for what he’d thought was a real chance.
Well, it was definitely a learning opportunity. Next time he got married based on the matchings of a computer program, he would have to be upfront from the beginning – Convict with no chance at rehabilitation.
Wasn’t that what she’d accused him of? She’d even painted him worse than he was, worse than the court system had labeled him.
As long as he lived, he’d never do another matching program, dating or otherwise. He wouldn’t even take one of those quizzes that matched you to the type of food you would like or which actor you were most like. Nothing. Nada. Nothing good came from being matched following someone else’s parameters.
Colin texted him daily, checking to see how he was doing and then always a follow-up email asking if he’d heard from Shandie.
His answer was always the same. No.
That single word carried so much in its two letters. No, she hadn’t contacted him. No, he hadn’t seen her. No, nothing had changed and he couldn’t go back to Sandpoint. Not when once a month Shandie came into the office. He’d never look at Panhandle Coffee and Cones again. He didn’t even want to stay with his parents for long because his dad continually asked him to go up in the plane for an afternoon. Dad assured him it would take his mind off things, but he didn’t realize it would only torture Carlisle more.
He hadn’t had a chance to talk to his parents about what had happened. Actually, he had to face the fact that he hadn’t been upfront about anything. He’d just asked to stay with them while he took some expiring vacation time.
His mom hadn’t shirked the idea once. She’d welcomed him into his old room and made him baklava – a new recipe. She always started new foods until she mastered them. The baklava needed work.
His mother’s voice broke through his reverie. “Johnny, there's a box here for you. Do you want me to bring it up?” Carlisle’s mother had never taken to calling him by his last name. Not when her last name was Carlisle and she’d spent a considerable amount of time arguing with his father on naming him Jonathan.
Carlisle swung his legs to the side to dangle over the edge of his childhood bed and sat up slowly. The depression had begun to set in and he didn’t want to open his eyes much less move. He was glad he hadn't told his mom he had gotten married. He wasn't sure he could handle her disappointment on top of his own.
Another long pause and he forced himself to answer so she wouldn’t yell again or come up to check on him. “I'll come down. Thank you.” He didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to sleep.
Carlisle hadn't really heard from Colin since he called to tell her about the failed relationship. He was sure he had disappointed her, too. Well, not as much as he’d disappointed himself.
In retrospect, he hadn't realized his history would make that big of a difference. He hoped Shandie would bat her eyes and be fine with it.
That was a lie. Well, not the be fine with it part. He knew dang good and well that having a history of going to jail wasn't something many women were excited about finding in a man. But he really had hoped she wouldn’t mind as much as she had.
After a couple failed attempts to push himself off the mattress, he finally stood and sluggishly hauled himself to the doorway. He stopped, leaning against the frame while he debated going downstairs or going back to bed.
Before he could convince himself to go back in his room, his mother called out again, “Johnny, maybe you could try these cookies for me, too?” She wouldn’t stop until she saw him downstairs. He suddenly doubted the presence of a box. Unless, of course, Shandie had started to send him his things.
The possibility that she had sent him something, made some kind of contact, burned away his sluggishness and he ambled down the stairs. Of course, it was most likely just his things she’d sent over, but he would even take that.
Once he got downstairs, he joined his mom in the kitchen. One of the most comforting rooms in the world, the kitchen of his parents’ home never changed with its light blue curtains, white-with-blue speckled granite counters, and all-white appliances. The room was spotless. If Carlisle didn’t know better, he’d think she lived to clean the kitchen.
He leaned against the counter and studied the only two items in sight. A plate of cookies he couldn’t help taking a cookie from and a slim box stamped with a courier sticker.
His mom slid the box across to him, her eyes wide. “It came by courier. I didn’t think that was even done these days.” She aged too gracefully and didn’t have to dye her hair, much to the chagrin of her friends. Even her makeup was simple and very light. His mom was a friendly, bubbly woman and she would’ve loved Shandie as a daughter-in-law.
His mom’s surprise at the courier use brought a smile to Carlisle’s face. The only person he knew who used those services was his ex-wife. Well, she wasn't his ex yet, but it was just a matter of time.
The box could’ve been a spider for all the excitement he had to reach out and grab it. The long oblong box was shallow and could have passed as a jewelry box. Had she sent him jewelry? That didn’t make sense.
Carlisle opened the lid, unsure what to expect. He didn't know if he wanted to expect anything. He didn't really want anything from her other than an opportunity to explain himself. What good that would do was beyond him, but he still wanted a chance. The last time she'd given him something it had been tickets to a motocross event and he discovered more about her than she probably wanted him to know. Look at how that turned out, he hadn't judged her.
Instead, she had judged him.
“Well, what is it?” His mom angled around the counter and nudged her shoulder against his. She watched as he opened the top of the box to reveal one ticket to the cruise on the Coeur d’Alene Lake.
“Oh, those are getting harder and harder to come by right now. The tourists are coming in droves and those cruises are packed. Look, that's for tonight.” His mom took the ticket from his hands and inspected the information closely. “You're on the Kootenai. That's a good one. It’s small but that keeps it fast.” How his mom even knew that random fact surprised Carlisle.
Was the Kootenai a good one? Was he lucky? He didn't know how interested in going he really was because he wasn't sure what Shandie could say or why she would possibly want to get him on a boat. She wouldn’t be able to be there, she couldn’t leave the house. So the one ticket was putting him on a boat all by himself amongst a lot of people? What was her point in doing this? What was she trying to accomplish? It had to be some kind of a prank or something mean in retaliation for hurting her. What could she possibly do to him from Sandpoint when she expected him to be on a boat in Coeur d’Alene?
All day he tossed about the idea of going. He didn't want to go because there was no way he would see her. And yet, he wanted to go just for the possibility that he might see her. The odds she would be there were low. But for the chance to apologize and explain? He just might take those odds.
Carlisle couldn’t help but hope that if she knew what had really happened, she wouldn't be so quick to judge him and maybe give him another chance. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he really wanted another chance.
Five minutes before he had to leave, he decided to go. His mom waved him off and pushed another cranberry and white chocolate cookie in his hand.
He drove down and got a parking spot by McEuen Park. Walking on the boardwalk toward the boarding area to the cruise ships, he was surprised to find all the other cruise ships well-lit with people milling around on the decks and around the entrances.
As he approached the Kootenai, the smaller boat, he looked around, wondering why everything was empty. There was no one around. He peered through the windows of the bottom level. The boat was empty.
Only one light shone over the lower deck. Carlisle didn’t see anyone else on the deck. Was the boat closed?
A captain walked down the dock towards him. Carlisle motioned towards the Kootenai, confused. “Are you with this one?”
The captain stopped and looked Carlisle up and down. “Do you have a ticket?” His hat tilted back as he looked up to study Carlisle’s face who was a few inches taller than the compact ship driver.
Carlisle held up the ticket he'd been sent. “I do. The date and time are set for right now, but no one else is here.” He was embarrassed and more than a little frustrated. He'd hoped and now he was entrenched in the stupidity of that feeling.
The captain handed the ticket back to Carlisle, smiling as he motioned toward the entrance. “No, it's just two of you tonight. Go ahead and board. We’re getting ready to pull away.” The captain's words startled Carlisle. He hadn't seen anyone on the boat, but the captain had said two.
Walking on, Carlisle glanced around. Everything was dark except for a dim light on the far end.
Shandie stood at the railing, gripping the metal fencing with her shoulders tense.
He glanced behind him and then back at her softly moving hair over her thick winter jacket. The bottom deck offered them the option of being enclosed or being exposed to the air. For some reason, Shandie had opted for the exposed portion.
How had they gotten the ship all to themselves?
A few moments later, the engine started with a deep guttural chug. It warmed to a purr and a hum. After another minute, the boat pulled smoothly away from the dock.
It was just the two of them.
She still hadn’t turned to see him. Carlisle wasn’t sure how she’d gotten to the boat, or how much Xanax she was on, but he didn’t want to waste another second. He quietly made his way to Shandie.
She sighed, shaking her head as she hunched over and leaned against the railing. Another moment passed before she turned. When she spied him, she placed a hand over her chest and her defeat shifted to hope – an emotion he was vastly familiar with. “You made it. I didn’t think you’d come.”
Carlisle stepped closer, narrowing his eyes. “How did you do this? How could you possibly have gotten the boat set up like this, for just us?” The feat fell under the impossible category and he had to know how she did it. She couldn’t say her uncle owned the Resort like Carlisle had been able to borrow his dad’s plane.
She half-shrugged keeping her gaze trained on him. She motioned toward the table that he'd missed. Set with dinner, the circle table had been tucked into the shadows of the corner of the deck, creating a more intimate setting. Shandie drew his attention again when she spoke. “I contacted the scheduler and asked for a test run of the ship. I've done a lot of computer work for the company and they said they were happy to do so. It wasn't a big deal.”
“No, how did you do this?” He didn't care about the boat. Everybody could pull strings. What he cared about was the fact that she had made her way to Coeur d’Alene and then she met him on a boat. She was there, out of her house.
Her sheer strength of will to overcome that fear was astounding and he had to know how she’d done it.
She held up her hands, pleading deep in her gaze. “I'm here, because I was stupid. I didn't mean to jump to conclusions about you. I didn't mean to suggest you were anything other than who you are. You’re a kind generous man. You’re patient with me. You help me and you don't say anything bad about the fact that I am too weak to leave my house. You’re there for me and I’ve fallen for you, so hard, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you.”
Fallen for him... Had she just admitted she loved him? Could his heart pound any harder or faster? He didn’t want to focus on the apology or wrong doing. He wanted to hear her say what he already doubted he’d heard.
He rushed forward, claiming her hands in his. “I should've told you. I just, I hoped that maybe you would grow to have feelings for me and my past wouldn't matter. And also, I just...” He stared at her, disbelieving that she was there with him. He’d lost all hope that he would have another chance with her.
“No, I know you. I know you're not the type of man to do that. I didn't give you a chance to defend yourself, even though I know who you really are. That's my fault. All of this is my fault. I don't even think I believed it when I found out. I just... I’m not sure what happened. I'm so sorry.” Her constant apologies wore on him and he placed a finger over her lips.
Staring down in her eyes, he tried not to smile too big and take away from the reverence of the situation. “We have our whole lives to find out more about each other. I promise I won’t keep anything from you. I’ll even write out a list to make sure I leave nothing out.” He moved his finger from her mouth to rest along her cheek.
The promise widened her eyes. “Are you sure?” She tilted her head into his hand and watched him.
“Unless you only want the next six months... can we at least have that?” Carlisle’s stomach sank. He had hoped for more. He’d hoped for forever. But he would take whatever he could get. Maybe he could convince her to stay with him after that.
She shook her head, causing a pain to tighten in his chest. “No. I want all of it. Way past six months.”
His grin spread and he didn’t fight it. “Really? You came out here, into the world for me. I can't believe it. You’re so much more than I deserve.”
She took a deep breath and her own smile matched his in brilliance. “You give me strength. I love you.”
Carlisle had never felt so strong or capable. He’d give his entire being to the woman before him. She’d become everything to him in too short of time but he would never look back and wonder. He cradled her face in both of his hands and tilted her head up. He lowered his mouth and seconds before their lips met, he whispered, “I love you, too, Shandie.”
