My last day at Deer’s Leap. Early tomorrow, I would be leaving; back at Greenleas in time for ten o’clock coffee, I had decided.
We had shopped at the village store, then called in on Lizzie to say goodbye. We refused coffee – or rather I did. I didn’t want to dawdle. I’d planned to the minute when the Mini would be passing The Place; at the same time, exactly, as when first I met Jack Hunter. A little before eleven, it had been, and me going to Jeannie’s sister’s place to a fancy-dress party. On a Saturday too.
I hadn’t come under the spell of Deer’s Leap then; hadn’t fallen in love with an old house, nor a view that stretched into forever. Nor had I, on that first Saturday morning at almost eleven o’clock, met Jack Hunter, given him a lift to the little creaking gate, nor decided he would be good to dance with – very closely.
‘Are you sure I shouldn’t sit in the back?’ Susan asked as I clicked in her seat belt. ‘We agreed we’d leave this seat empty.’
‘No bother. We’ll worry about who is sitting where if it happens.’
I had come to the conclusion that manoeuvring over the tipped-forward front seat of a Mini and squeezing into the back isn’t a lot of good for an elderly lady – no matter how young and agile she may look. Indeed, my cuddly, middle-aged mother had tried it only once and said never again!
‘If, Cassandra? This might be our last chance, until you visit again.’
‘Then I’ll have a better than ever excuse to come back often, won’t I?’
‘You don’t need an excuse.’ She laid her handbag at her feet, then relaxed, hands on her lap as if we both knew that Jack wouldn’t show, so why get het up about it?
When we got to the bend before six oaks I dropped a gear, not only because the road is narrow there, but because I wanted an excuse to slow down without it seeming obvious.
Call it sixth sense or wishful thinking – whatever it was it worked! He was there again, at the side of the road, and Susan’s hand on my knee told me she had seen him too!
‘Right!’ My mouth had gone dry and I was already pumping the footbrake. ‘I’m going to stop. Just sit there. I’ll get out first!’
‘Then what?’
‘I don’t know.’ I was staring ahead, pulling on the handbrake, afraid to take my eyes off him, willing him to see me, and stay right there. I slid out carefully, then let the door swing shut behind me.
‘Sergeant Hunter!’ Please, please, don’t vanish. ‘Want a lift? Deer’s Leap?’
‘Er – yes.’ He smiled, and it did things to my heart. ‘Good of you …’
I walked round to the nearside door, and he followed me. Trying not to meet Susan’s eyes I opened it, offering her my hand, helping her out. She did it with absolute grace, swinging her legs elegantly. I was proud of her.
‘There’s someone I want you to meet,’ I said softly.
She took a step towards him, her eyes pleading, then held out her hand.
I wanted to yell, ‘No! Don’t touch him!’ but he didn’t take her hand and she let it fall to her side.
‘You’re on your way to meet Suzie, aren’t you, Jack?’ I said. It wasn’t meant to be a whisper. I’d intended to be completely in control like that first time – because I hadn’t known then that he was a ghost. ‘Susan Smith,’ I prompted.
‘Yes, I am.’
He smiled again, as if just to hear her name caused it, and this time it lit up the whole of his face and ended in a crinkling at the corners of his eyes. If I’d had my wits about me, I’d have wondered how it took Susan so long to get pregnant.
‘Susan is here. This is Susan.’
Her eyes were still on his, so she couldn’t miss his look of puzzlement.
‘It is Susan,’ I urged. ‘She’s been waiting a long time, Jack. You’re both going to Deer’s Leap, aren’t you, to tell them about the baby?’
‘Yes. But how did –’
‘Jack. It’s me, Suzie …’ She had found her voice, though her words were so soft, so anxious, that I wondered if he had heard them. ‘It’s been such a long time that I’ve grown away from you, grown old …’
‘No.’ He smiled politely, hesitantly. ‘Suzie is nineteen; not old enough to get married.’
‘She never did get married, Jack.’ I was homing in on the vibes between them, but I didn’t care. ‘She’s got something to show you, so you’ll remember …’
I nodded to her, but she was already taking the photographs from her pocket.
‘Look – do you know her?’ She passed one to him, smiling tremulously.
‘Suzie! It’s Suzie, at Fellfoot!’ he laughed.
‘It’s the one Lizzie took – I never gave it to you. And do you know who this is?’
‘Of course I know!’ He took the second photograph. ‘That’s Aunt Lottie, with a baby.’
‘Your baby, Jack. That’s Kathryn – Kate. She was born in your bed at Primrose Cottage. And I am Suzie, her mother.’
‘Jack?’ I said softly, and he turned to look at me. ‘Try to concentrate? And stay with us? Please don’t go?’
‘All right. I’ll try. But explain, will you? This lady is …?’
‘Is Susan Smith. She lived at Deer’s Leap when the aerodrome was there, and the Lancasters. But they’ve been gone a long time – more than fifty years!’
‘No! That isn’t possible. It’s now – June 1944. I’ve done my tour of ops. The baby! Suzie and I want to be married!’
‘Sweetheart.’ Susan’s eyes were gentle, and full of love. If she had felt fear, there was no sign of it now. ‘Can’t you recognize me at all? Is there nothing about me you remember?’
I took a couple of steps backwards. They needed to be alone, yet I was afraid of taking my vibes too far away.
‘Your smile – it’s like Suzie’s, and your eyes.’ He frowned, looking at her throat. ‘That cross. It was Suzie’s. She gave it to me.’
‘And Aunt Lottie wanted me to have it, Jack. It was sent to her with the rest of your – your things. After –’
‘After the thirty-eighth.’ He said it flatly as if reluctant to remember it, to admit it had happened, even.
‘Yes. I saw you take off, from the steel fence. Mick gave me a salute like always. I couldn’t believe it. I’d been waiting for you at Deer’s Leap. We were going to tell them about the baby.’
‘And I didn’t show?’
‘No. At ten o’clock, when we should have been telling them, you were flying over Deer’s Leap. You shouldn’t have been sent on any more ops, but –’
‘The daylight one. It was a bit dicey. Once we were over France, we had to hedge-hop most of the way. Don’t remember a lot.’
‘You don’t remember getting back to Acton Carey?’
‘No. Only thinking, Hell! Only just missed the church! Two engines gone, you see …’
‘Then what, Jack?’
I wanted to weep. I must remember this happening, keep every word, every look of it in my mind. This was a love scene at its best, with Susan’s eyes so tender, and every now and again, her lips trembling into a small smile. And she was young again, and beautiful. This was 1944 and I could feel – see, almost – the love that sparked between them like electricity.
‘Fellfoot? We went there together, didn’t we?’
‘I found a key that fitted the padlock on the back door.’
‘It was good – our loving.’ She was his Suzie again.
‘And then Sprog happened!’
‘Is that her with Aunt Lottie?’ He looked at the photograph again.
‘That’s Sprog. I left home. I had to. My mother didn’t want me to keep Kate. That’s why I went to Aunt Lottie.’
‘Kate …’
‘Yes, Jack. She’s very beautiful. Would you like to keep the photographs?’
‘Please.’ He unbuttoned the top, left-hand pocket of his tunic, taking out his paybook, letting it fan open at the middle. Then he laid the pictures inside it, and put it carefully back. ‘But something is wrong. Why did I miss Kate? Where have I been? What time is it, Suzie? Am I late?’
‘It’s ten past eleven. It’s a Saturday. And I am seventy-four. We lost each other, darling.’
‘Is that why they sent my things to Aunt Lottie?’
‘Yes. To your next of kin, like they always did. I’ve got Matilda. You forgot to take her on that last op. Remember Matty Mint?’
‘I remembered her when it was too late. We were cheesed off, having to fly again. All of us had thick heads …’
‘You’d been at the Red Rose, celebrating.’
‘Yes. Celebrating the tour. Got a bit tight, the lot of us. Where is Sprog now?’
He asked it so suddenly that Susan pulled in her breath, all at once off guard. Then she looked into his eyes again.
‘She’s at home. Home is Primrose Cottage. When Aunt Lottie died, she left it to Kate.’
‘Aunt Lottie is dead? When?’
‘A long time ago – ’85, it was.’
‘Nineteen eighty-five? Then where are we now? Tell me, Suzie? There are too many blank spaces. Can’t seem to …’ His voice trailed off and he sounded sad and bewildered. I wondered how much it was costing her not to wrap her arms around him, hold him close.
‘Kate – Sprog – is fifty-four. She’s married and has a son – your grandson. Joshua John Marlow. We call him Josh.’
‘So this is …?’
‘We’re almost at the Millennium.’
‘The what?’
‘The year 2,000, Jack. You’ve been lost a long, long time.’
Tears filled her eyes. She was going to break down, I knew it, and he would take her in his arms, kiss away her tears. And if he did, if they touched …
‘Am I dead, Suzie? After I missed the church – when I was trying to land – did I …?’
‘They gave you a medal for it. Posthumously.’
‘Medals for dead heroes.’
‘Kate has it now – your DFM. She’s very proud of it.’
‘I can’t understand any of this. You are so like my Suzie, yet you aren’t Suzie, are you?’
‘No. There have been a lot of years between. But I still love you. There hasn’t been anyone else.’
‘Then where am I? And why have you changed into –’
‘Into an elderly lady?’ She smiled as she said it. ‘Because I am a grandmother, now.’
‘But this Millennium – such a long way away …’
‘No, Jack. Very near.’
I took my sleeve across my eyes. I wanted to touch them both, hold them, tell them it would be all right, but I just stood there, hurting all over. Because people like Jack Hunter didn’t – couldn’t – think of the year 2,000, not in 1944, when young men lived each day as it came and with gratitude. Tomorrow never came, so you weren’t so crazy as to think of millenniums that were a million tomorrows away.
‘So tell me – where am I – really, I mean?’
‘In the little churchyard near Primrose Cottage, Jack. And Aunt Lottie is beside you, and when it is time for me, I’ll be there, too.’
‘So we’ll have to believe, won’t we, Suzie?’
‘In reincarnation? Yes. Hope for another time around, another chance. But till then, darling, why don’t you go back – to Aunt Lottie, I mean? Wait for me there?’
‘You are my Suzie. You really are! And I – I’m dead.’
‘Yes. After the thirty-eighth. But now I’ve found you I don’t want you to leave me. I want to meet you every night at the kissing gate like we used to. But I’m an old woman, and you are young, still, and you can’t stay. You’ve got to sleep away the years, sweetheart, not wait here for me. Don’t you want to sleep?’
‘Sometimes – most times – yes, I do. But then I think that I’m meeting my girl, at ten …’
‘Well, you’ve met her. Just a little bit late. So what have you got to say to her?’ Her voice was full of love and longing. And sadness.
‘That I love you, loved you – will always love you.’ He whispered it huskily, despairingly. ‘I suppose this has got to be goodbye …?’
‘For just a little while, Jack.’
‘I’ll wait, Suzie …’
‘Then goodbye it is, Sergeant Hunter. I love you. I never stopped. Next time around we’ll be luckier, I know it. And can you make it easier for me, darling? Will you hold me, just once more, then go? And don’t turn round?’
‘Not goodbye, Suzie. So long. See you.’ His eyes were sad, but his lips tilted into a smile. ‘Second time around, uh …’
He held out his arms and she went into them, her face so beautiful that I could hardly bear to see her joy. Then she turned, bewildered, eyes wide.
‘Cassandra! Where is he? Why did he go so – so completely?’
‘I don’t know. I think his time finally ran out. But he understood, Susan. He’ll rest now.’
‘And he won’t come back? Not ever?’
‘Not to Deer’s Leap.’ I nodded to the grass at her feet, and the two photographs that lay there.
‘But I wanted him to have them!’ She picked them up, her hand shaking.
‘He couldn’t take them with him, Susan. You gave them to him too late.’
‘Oh, what a waste of time! I could have said so much more! There’s been so much need and love and longing inside me. I didn’t even thank him for the letter – his last one!’
‘No, but it will keep – for the next time around.’
I gave way to the tears, then; couldn’t take any more. I reached out and held her close and I don’t know how long we stood there. It was she who finally pulled away, head high.
‘That’s the second time I’ve been through it, Cassandra,’ she whispered huskily. ‘The first time, it was just down the road and I cried myself sick in Lizzie’s mother’s arms. This time, you were there for me and I’m truly grateful to you. But did I really let him go? What if we don’t meet again?’
‘You won’t – not at Deer’s Leap, nor at Fellfoot, nor at the little iron gate. But there’ll be another chance. Next time around, you’ll both know – just as you did at the dance in the Nissen hut.’
‘Yes. We’ll know …’ She walked unsteadily to the Mini, then slid into the front seat. ‘They say that when you’re miserable and really want – need – to get drunk, you can’t. They say you’ve got to be in the mood.’
‘You don’t want to get drunk, Susan. It’s just that you’ve had the saddest, the most unbelievable experience – the most wonderful one, too – and it’s going to take time to get over it.’
‘But I don’t want to get over it, Cassandra!’
‘Get over the shock, I mean.’ I started up the car. ‘I’ll tell you something – I won’t ever forget it! Are you going to be able to cope alone? Shall I stay a couple more days …?’
‘It’s kind of you, but no. Kate arrives on Monday, don’t forget, and who knows – the wayward Josh might take up residence any day now. I won’t tell Kate, though; nor Lizzie. What happened will have to be between you and me – and Jack. And I think that when we get home I’ll have a cup of tea, then sit on the terrace, if you don’t mind. Just for a while; look at the hills, go over it again, then put it all away. I suppose I’ll have to look forward to the Millennium – let 1944 go. It was a good thing, mind, that I was wearing the little cross. I think that in the end, it was the cross convinced him. I’ve never taken it off, Cassandra, except to have the links and the clasp checked …’
We didn’t speak until we were at the white gate.
‘You are a very remarkable lady,’ I said as I helped her out. ‘And I’d still like to have given you a run for your money, though you’d have won. Hands down!’
We spent the remainder of Saturday quietly. I packed my case, then put a casserole in the oven – just in case Susan felt like eating.
Then I went to sit beside her and was glad when she smiled and said, ‘Will you be a love and bring the sherry and a couple of glasses? It’s still quite warm – let’s stay here a few more minutes?’
‘I envy you this view,’ I said as I placed a glass at her side. ‘A million pounds wouldn’t buy it. And you’ve got all the lovely summer evenings ahead of you to sit out here and gloat.’
‘Yes – and to tell myself that I’ve finally come home. And said goodbye to Jack. I’m glad I wasn’t alone, Cassandra. Thanks for helping me through it. Promise you’ll visit as often as you can? I really don’t want to lose you. Already you are a part of my past; I’d like to think we could share what’s left to me of the present.’
I reached for her hand and held it to my cheek. I didn’t say anything, but she understood, and smiled and said, ‘Suddenly I’m feeling a little cold. Would you mind if we went inside?’
‘Not a bit. Shall I light the fire?’
‘Please.’ She settled herself beside the hearth. ‘This is so cosy, isn’t it, and peaceful?’
‘Mm. Yet tomorrow I’ll be back at Greenleas, and you’ll be busy getting ready for Kate. Does she like Deer’s Leap?’
‘She hasn’t seen it yet, would you believe? I bought it without telling her; was afraid she would say I couldn’t possibly live here alone. Daughters can be quite bossy, you know. But when I eventually told her, and that Josh was going to live with me and start a tree business, she said it mightn’t be such a bad idea, if that was what I really wanted. Pity you’ll miss her.’
‘What is she like?’
‘Tall, slim, fair. Her hair is wavy and she’s always complaining that she can’t do anything with it. And she’s got a lovely smile. She’s –’
‘Jack’s daughter,’ I finished for her.
‘She is. And as for Josh – oh, no! Talk of the devil! Did I say peaceful?’ From outside came the sustained blaring of a horn, then the banging of a door. ‘It’s him! It’s Josh!’
She hurried outside, cheeks flushed. I followed, to see a very old truck piled high with what could only be Joshua John Marlow’s worldly goods.
‘Hi, Gran!’ He held wide his arms, hugging her tightly and I thought – as far as I was capable of thinking, that was – that the top of her head reached the wings above his tunic pocket – if he’d had wings, which he should have.
‘Cassandra Johns, this is Josh Marlow.’
She was smiling, her eyes bright and teasing. She had known, dammit, how uncannily like Jack he was and had deliberately not shown me a photograph of him!
I stood quite still. I know my mouth was open and that I was gawping like an oik. I felt giddy, too, and my cheeks were burning.
‘Cassandra?’ he smiled. ‘Cassie suits you much better.’
He looked me over very slowly from top to toe, and I hoped he didn’t know how much I was shaking.
I tried to focus on his smile, his face, the fair hair that fell untidily over his forehead. And when he lifted his hand – his left hand – and brushed it aside, I was ready to fall in a faint at his feet; would have, if I’d known how.
‘Hullo, Josh.’ I should have said it softly, seductively, but it came out in a strangled croak. ‘You are so – so like your grandfather!’
‘Think I’m just a bit taller than he was, otherwise the resemblance is uncanny. Gran’s been showing you her photographs, I suppose?’
He was still holding my hand – or was it me clinging on like I was afraid to let go? All I was certain of was that at half-past seven on an April evening in what was once the farmyard of long-ago Deer’s Leap, I was ready and willing to fall desperately in love.
Then the bright bubble of my wondrous disbelief burst into a million pieces when he said, ‘I’m starving, Gran. Haven’t eaten since this morning. Any chance of a quick fry-up?’
‘Fry-ups give you spots!’ Susan said severely, but he grinned, gave her bottom a smack, and told her he was past the spotty age.
‘I’ll just get my bag – won’t bother unloading the truck till the morning.’
‘Then drive it into the big stable, Josh, in case it rains in the night. I take it you are stopping, this time?’
Susan was purring like a cat that had got at a dish of cream, in charge of her life again. And besides, she had Josh now, if ever she needed reminding.
‘So what do you think to my grandson, Cassandra?’ she asked when the truck had lurched off in a belch of fumes.
‘Do you really need to ask? But you’re enjoying this, aren’t you? You knew all along what a shock it would be when I met him!’
‘Yes, I did! And serve you right, too, for coveting my man!’ she grinned. ‘Well, Miss Cassandra Johns, Jack Hunter Mark One belongs to me, never forget, but the Mark Two model is up for grabs – so the best of British!’
She turned, whisking off like an eighteen-year-old to cook a fry-up, leaving me to stand there in a daze of disbelief, wondering how anyone could get so lucky.
I got up early next morning, but Susan was already in the kitchen. A percolator blurped on the stove top; the table was set for breakfast.
‘Eggs, bacon, or your usual?’ she smiled.
‘Just toast, thanks. I’m all ready for the off. This week has been marvellous.’
‘It has,’ she sighed tremulously. ‘Unforgettable.’
‘Did you sleep, Susan?’
‘Amazingly, I did. But I awoke early and decided to get up. You’ll say goodbye to Josh before you go? He’s in the yard, unloading. So tell me – having slept on it – have you got over the shock of Josh yet?’
‘No. Have you – of seeing Jack, I mean?’
‘No. And I hope I never will.’
‘Mm. I know exactly what you mean. It’s as if Josh was meant to turn up – right on cue, sort of.’
‘To remind me always to be thankful, no matter how lonely and difficult it has sometimes been, that I lived my full three score years and ten; that Jack had to settle for a lot less? Fate plays funny tricks from time to time …’
‘Yesterday was nothing to do with fate. It belonged to you and Jack. It was meant to be.’
‘Like you and Josh, I suppose …’
‘I’d like to think so, Susan. But I still can’t get over it. I mean, which woman falls in love with a ghost, then meets his flesh and blood doppelganger? There’s got to be a catch in it somewhere along the line. Is there anyone – er – special?’
‘Not that I know of. One or two young ladies seem to have flitted into and out of his life, but that’s par for the course with young men these days, I suppose. Playing the field is part of growing up.’
‘It wasn’t for Jack,’ I defended.
‘Jack had a war to fight; Josh hasn’t, thank God. And why did you go to bed so early, last night?’
‘Thought I’d better. Reckoned you’d have lots to talk about.’
‘Nothing that wouldn’t have waited. Actually, Josh seemed quite interested in you. He’s got a penchant for redheads, but you knew that, didn’t you? I told him you didn’t have a steady boyfriend.’
‘Susan!’
‘Ssssh! He’s here, now; must have smelled the coffee. All finished, Josh?’
‘All done. I don’t suppose I could use that barn for my clobber, Gran?’
‘Be my guest. Full breakfast then? Cassandra is just about to leave – why don’t you give her a hand with her luggage?’ She put a large plate in the warming oven. ‘On the table in ten minutes …’
‘It’s all right. I can manage. There’s only an overnight case. Most of my stuff is already in the boot,’ I protested.
‘No problem!’ He smiled, and I forgave him at once for interfering. I looked at my watch. If I left now, right this minute, I could be on the M6 before the morning rush, though really I wanted to be away from Josh Marlow before I made a complete fool of myself!
‘It’s been wonderful.’ I hugged Susan, and kissed her. ‘And I’m going to take you up on your offer to visit.’
‘Any time at all – truly. And thanks for – for everything, Cassandra.’
‘In the boot or in the back?’ It was Josh with my case, and I followed him to the car.
‘In the back, please,’ I said, blowing a kiss to Susan, who stood on the doorstep.
‘Got everything, Cassie?’ Josh was standing beside the Mini, making it look very small.
‘I have, thanks. Nice meeting you, Josh. I hope things go well for you at Deer’s Leap. See you – sometime …’
‘Didn’t Gran tell you about the tree planting?’
‘The five beeches? Yes, she did.’
‘Then I hope you’ll be here for that – make an occasion of it. You could give me a hand.’
‘I’m well qualified,’ I said primly, wondering what had happened to last night’s smouldering glances.
‘Right, then – take care. Safe journey, Cassie.’
‘Thanks. Nice meeting you, Josh.’
Such sparkling conversation! Hell! He wasn’t even going to kiss me goodbye! I banged the door then wound down the window, allowing myself one last despairing look, smiling sweetly, though it took a lot of doing.
He smiled back, drat him, and held up his hand.
‘So much for Mark Two,’ I hissed as I passed six oaks. I felt hurt. Really hurt. There had been such throb between us last night, such promise. And the way he’d smiled into my eyes and looked me up and down was so blatant that any girl could be forgiven for thinking she was in with a chance.
Yet maybe he smiled that way at all his women; maybe it was trees that really turned him on!
I got back to Greenleas in time for coffee. Dad was already in the kitchen. I knew because his wellies were at the back door.
‘Now then, our lass! Had a good time then?’
‘Fabulous, Dad. Deer’s Leap was better than ever.’
‘And did you do all you wanted to?’ Mum was slicing parkin. ‘The notes …?’
‘And photographs. And I got to know Lizzie Frobisher quite well. If you’ve started reading Dragonfly Morning, Lizzie is Bessie Drake in the book.’
‘Well, now! Want it black or white, love?’
‘Leave it, can you, Mum? I’ve got to ring Deer’s Leap. You wouldn’t believe it – I forgot my handbag; left it in my bedroom.’
‘You’re getting like our Jane,’ Dad said. ‘Daffy as they come.’
I went upstairs and dialled from the extension on my desk.
‘Cassandra! You’re home all right!’ Susan answered almost at once. ‘And before you say any more – you left your handbag behind! I thought only old ladies did things like that! I found it not long after you’d gone. Said I’d pack it up, send it registered post, but Josh said I’d better not; that it would be safer if he were to bring it. No problem, he said.’
‘But it’s a hundred miles, there and back!’ could feel my cheeks burning, I was so ashamed. ‘Look, Susan – tell him not to bother. I can manage without it for a few days. I think it’s up to me to collect it.’
‘If you’re sure …?’
‘Absolutely. My own fault, anyway.’
‘Then if you really can manage without it, why not come up Saturday, stay the night, then have Sunday dinner with us – meet Kate? Say you’ll come? Saturday – supper at six?’
I unpacked, wondering why, when he had been so laid back when I left, Josh Marlow was willing to make the round trip with my handbag. Bored already with Deer’s Leap? Surely not! And surely I’d got it right – the instant attraction, I mean – because there had been something between us; a kind of surprised recognition with a touch of the what-took-you-so-longs?
Or had it all been in my mind; my over-active author’s mind? Had I seen a man so like Jack Hunter that I’d wanted, there and then, to fall in love with him? Jack Hunter Mark Two, and up for grabs, hadn’t Susan said?
Yet there was nothing I could do about it until Saturday. Come Saturday, though, I would get to the bottom of it if it was the last thing I did! Would it be a feet-in-first attack or would I play it cool – bored, even?
I decided to forget all about it – to try to forget about it – until Saturday, and went downstairs to ask Mum if she wanted anything doing. But as usual she had everything in hand so I said I thought I’d pop along to see Aunt Jane.
‘She’s all right, Cassie. I took flowers yesterday.’
‘I’d like to go, Mum,’ I said stubbornly, so she shot me one of her no-communing warnings, then reminded me that Sunday dinner was at one sharp, and she didn’t want the Yorkshire puddings going flat, if I didn’t mind! Dear, lovely Mum. If she really knew what had happened at Deer’s Leap she would have me locked up! It was why I was going to see Aunt Jane, who understood such things.
‘Hi! It’s me.’ I stooped to rearrange the flowers in the marble vase. ‘I’m back.’
‘And …?’
‘And it all turned out just fine for Jack and Susan,’ I said with my thoughts.
‘That’s good …’ She didn’t seem to be very forthcoming this morning.
‘I – I left my handbag behind, would you believe?’
‘Good grief, Cassie! Was that the best you could do?’
‘It seemed like a good idea at the time. I couldn’t think of anything else.’
‘There’s a man in it, isn’t there? My word, he must have been quite something!’
‘He was. Is. Name of Joshua and the spitting image of Jack Hunter! What am I to do, Aunt Jane?’
I was really upset. I never thought that falling in love could be so hurtful.
‘Do? You’ll get yourself up there on Saturday, then play it by ear! You’ll think of something. Maybe the handbag scam wasn’t such a bad idea …’
I heard her chuckle and I knew she had gone, so I let go a big sigh and thought how awful it was going to be, waiting for Saturday.
I was restless all week. Saturday seemed years away and I couldn’t concentrate on First of the Deer’s Leaps, my own fault entirely for letting Josh Marlow put me off my stroke. I’d thought I could handle it, but how wrong can you be?
OK! So falling in love with a ghost was fine, and the agony of knowing I couldn’t have him quite delicious, but to meet that ghost again, and him up for grabs with his grandmother’s blessing, is altogether another thing. It was putting me off my work and off my food. I had been to the churchyard for a bit of comfort from Aunt Jane, but I couldn’t get a word out of her.
Now I knew exactly how Susan felt the night she and Jack met, except that she had got to dance with him. Closely! Mind, I knew that Josh would dance well – really well – so I closed my eyes, and let it happen. Me, in the clingy green lily-of-the-field frock, arms round his neck. Josh gorgeous in jeans and shirt and dance music from the forties, soft and sensuous. And me not caring that his hands cupped my bottom as we danced and …
‘Aaaagh!’ This would not do! I had a book to write and a contract that said it would be delivered to the publisher by the end of January!
By Tuesday I knew I’d got it bad, so bad it was making a nervous wreck of me! Oh, there had been the moment of our meeting; that first eye-to-eye contact that knocked me sideways. And when he looked me up and down with a smile tilting a corner of his mouth, I went to pieces. I had blushed, gawped and squirmed under the impact of that gaze; made a complete fool of myself, though why Josh hadn’t seen through the handbag scam, I’ll never know!
The door opened slowly and quietly and Mum’s face appeared round it with a have-you-got-a-head-full-of-words-or-can-I-interrupt look on it.
‘Hi,’ I said.
‘Coffee time. Shall I bring one up?’
‘No thanks, Mum. I’ll come down for it.’
‘Anything wrong, Cassie? Got word block, or something?’
‘Nothing that a mug of coffee and a slice of parkin won’t put right.’ Like a lot of Yorkshire mums, mine thinks that food is the cure for most of the world’s ills. She cut an extra-large slice which I fell on with great greedy bites.
‘There is no wonder, Mrs Johns,’ I sniffed, ‘that your daughter is too fat!’
‘Nah then, lass!’ Dad crept into the kitchen on stockinged feet. ‘Is summat up?’
(That’s Yorkshire for, ‘Hullo, Cassandra. Is something worrying you?’)
‘There is,’ Mum said comfortably. ‘She’s got word block and she’s too fat!’
‘Oh, is that all?’ He slurped two sugars into his mug.
‘It’s far worse than word block,’ I said, when Dad had gone back to the big glasshouse. ‘And I’ve got to tell someone!’
‘Deer’s Leap, is it?’ She settled herself comfortably on the chair opposite. You can’t fool Mum!
‘Sort of. Susan’s grandson arrived on Saturday night, and he’s drop-dead gorgeous!’
‘Oooooh!’ Mum went pink, but didn’t say anything because I was sure as I could be she was composing a piece for the engagements column in the Yorkshire Post.
‘Mother! You aren’t listening!’
‘Yes, I am. You seem quite taken with Susanna Lancaster’s grandson, you said. Tall, dark and handsome, is he?’
‘Very tall, fair and handsome. He’s just like Jon Hunt, in Dragonfly Morning.’
‘Is he now? And how would you know that?’
‘Because I – I’ve seen photographs of him,’ I floundered.
‘I’m enjoying that book,’ Mum smiled dreamily. ‘Just got to the sad bit. Does it end happily, Cassie?’
‘Wait and see. But you appreciate what I’m up against, don’t you? Men like Josh Marlow shouldn’t be allowed!’
‘He must be really something if he’s put you off your stroke!’ Mum clucked. ‘I suppose you wouldn’t like to come to York with me this afternoon – if you aren’t going to be able to write, that is? I’d intended getting the two o’clock bus, but if you’re driving …’
‘Might as well,’ I said ungraciously. This wasn’t going to be a flow day, nor tomorrow. I felt so jumpy, in fact, that there would be little done in the way of words till I got back from Deer’s Leap, on Sunday night. By which time everything would be sorted; came wonderfully right. Or gone abysmally wrong!
By the time Saturday came, I was well behind schedule on First of the Deer’s Leaps. I’d made an effort, mind, and chapter three was finished, though it would have to be severely edited before I could be anywhere near satisfied with it.
‘You’re ready early,’ Mum remarked. ‘I thought you weren’t expected till supper.’
‘It’ll be all right. Besides, I’m keeping off the M6; thought I’d go A59 all the way – take my time, get there about four.’
That pleased Mum, because she doesn’t rate motorways very highly. Boring, she says, and people drive far too fast for her liking!
‘Where do you want this?’ Dad arrived with a pot of bright yellow ranunculus for Susan. ‘Look lovely on her kitchen window ledge. When they’ve finished flowering, tell her to plant them in the garden, don’t forget.’
I said I would, and wedged the plant pot carefully in the boot. Then I gave Dad a hug, and kissed Mum, who winked and said, ‘Mind how you go!’
Yet for all that, I was driving through Acton Carey at two o’clock and hoped Susan would forgive me for arriving too early.
I took the left fork out of the village, then dawdled past six oaks. There were dark green bluebell leaves beneath them, spread out in a carpet. Not long before they flowered, I thought. Bluebells look so lovely in spring. Everything looks lovely, come to think of it, when you are in love. And I was in love!
Jack Hunter wasn’t at six oaks, so I stopped a little further on, at the spot where only a week ago, he and his Suzie said hullo, and goodbye. It had been so beautiful, but not the kind of thing you could put in a book, because who would believe it, anyway? Which reader would have any sympathy for a heroine who fell in love with a ghost, and him in love with someone else?
I got out of the car, leaned on the bonnet and relaxed, probing for vibes, wondering if he would appear just one last time. But the air around was sweet with birdsong and I accepted it as a requiem for a lost soul who had gone to sleep at last.
‘Bye, Jack Hunter,’ I said softly. ‘It was terrific meeting you.’ I almost added that I liked his grandson, too, but decided it wasn’t appropriate, in the circumstances. I drove slowly to the crossroads, then turned into the dirt road, anticipation and anxiety churning inside me.
‘Hi, Cassie!’ Josh was leaning on the white gate. ‘Was at the top of the paddock – spotted the Mini as you passed six oaks. You’re early. Gran doesn’t expect you till about four.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’ Nothing had changed since our first meeting. He was still disturbingly, disgracefully attractive and I wanted desperately to pull my fingers through the hair that fell over his right eyebrow. And I wanted – needed – to ask him why all of a sudden we were being so polite and friendly when it had seemed so very promising.
‘Sorry? Don’t be. Gran is out – gone shopping with Mum and Mrs Taylor. I volunteered to look after you if you arrived before they’d got back.’
‘Then in that case,’ I was concentrating hard on unlocking the boot, ‘perhaps you could take my case?’ I swallowed hard. Not for anything dare I look him in the face.
‘Your handbag is locked in Gran’s desk, by the way. Are all redheads forgetful?’
‘Not usually.’ Carefully I removed the ranunculus which had travelled very well, then still not looking at him I said, ‘And since you ask, Josh, I had a good journey, I’m very well and really pleased to be here – even if only to collect a handbag!’
‘I’ve bought a new hand-plough,’ he said, cheerfully, ignoring my acid aside. ‘It was a toss-up between that and changing the truck, and the plough won. I’m planting the paddock with potatoes. Potatoes clean the soil, did you know?’
I told him I did know; that I’d known about such things since I was old enough to lift a spade, and would he mind if I put the kettle on as I was desperate for a mug of tea!
‘Not at all. I’ll have one with you, Cassie. I’ll just take your stuff upstairs. Gran said you are in the same room as before.’
‘So you’re turning the paddock into a nursery?’ I’d got myself pulled together by the time he came downstairs.
‘Not until it’s been ploughed and cleaned. Best make a good job of it.’
‘Couldn’t agree more.’ And why had we got on to such a subject, when all I wanted was for him to say, ‘Hi, Cassie. Glad you’ve come,’ or maybe even, ‘Hullo, darling. I’ve missed you,’ and then kiss me, because I was still sure, just as Susan had been, that he was the man I wanted.
I covered the teapot with the cosy and allowed myself a clear, dispassionate look at him. And he was every bit as good to look at, every bit as attractive, and I was every bit as smitten – so what had gone wrong? Because since that first head-to-toe appraisal when we met, that first breathtaking recognition, nothing seemed to have gone right!
‘How is the book coming along, Cassie?’ He spooned sugar into his mug, then stirred it noisily.
Everyone asks how The Book is coming along so I said, like I always do, that it was coming along just fine!
I plopped saccharins, then asked him what kind of seed potatoes he intended planting in the paddock, because I know about seed potatoes, too, and he said he hadn’t decided yet. It was real heart-stopping stuff and I was beginning to think it had been a waste of time coming when he said, completely without warning,
‘Look – I’d like us to talk before Mum and Gran get back. Shall we stay here or would you rather walk?’
‘Walk,’ I shrugged. After all, did it matter where he told me he wasn’t the faithful type? Because that was surely what it was all about. I’d blushed and stammered and gawped at him doe-eyed, hadn’t I, when we met; sent out all the signals? The wrong signals as far as Josh Marlow was concerned!
‘I’m going to like living here,’ he said as we made for the paddock. ‘It’s so peaceful. Do you like peace and quiet, Cassie?’
‘Yes, I do. And I think Deer’s Leap is very special.’
‘Gran said you’d fallen in love with the place.’
‘I have. Stupid of me. Once, I even had ideas of buying it – one or two novels on, of course – but your gran beat me to it. I’m glad she has come home, for all that. Have you read Dragonfly Morning, Josh?’
‘Actually – no. Seed catalogues and trade magazines are about my level. Ought I to read it?’
‘I think you should. You’d understand, then, how much she loved Jack, and how much it means to her to come back to where they were once so happy together. It was a brave thing to do.’
‘She talks a lot about my grandfather. Everyone says I’m like him and when you compare photographs of us both, the resemblance is quite uncanny. But I wouldn’t have coped very well with his war. It must have been hell, flying those old bombers.’
‘Those old bombers,’ I said sharply, ‘were very remarkable planes. Jack flew thirty-eight ops – missions, they call them now.’
‘Look at the view, Cassie.’ He held open the paddock gate, closing it carefully behind him, like a real countryman. Then he turned to lean his elbows on it. ‘Just looking at all that makes me glad I’m alive, and don’t have to fly a bomber.’
I went to stand beside him. Quite close, in fact. Just one more step to my right and our shoulders would have touched.
‘So what do you want to talk about?’ I stared ahead.
‘Handbags,’ he finally offered. ‘Yours.’
‘Aaaaah …’
‘Last Sunday morning, actually. When I went upstairs for your case your handbag was at the bottom of the bed, so I left it there. And I didn’t remind you you were leaving without it.’
‘Josh! Why?’ Any minute now he was going to ask me why I had done such a damn’ fool thing, and what had I expected to achieve by it. I might have known he’d see through it.
‘You were leaving and I hadn’t had a chance to get to know you better. I had no idea at the time that you’d be a regular visitor. Thought I could offer to bring it to your place …’
‘I see.’ I didn’t see, actually; didn’t feel anything but relief. I felt my cheeks go red.
‘OK, Cassie! So I shouldn’t have! But it was all I could think of at the time!’
‘But, Josh! This is 1999, for heaven’s sake!’ I was shaking, and my mouth had gone suddenly dry. ‘Couldn’t you have asked me for my phone number? Couldn’t you even have gone completely mad, and kissed me goodbye? Did you really have to pull a stunt like that?’
‘Oooh, Cassie Johns! If that doesn’t take the plate of biscuits!’ Aunt Jane, pushing her nose in!
‘So it was stupid of me, and now I’m in the doghouse because you’ve had to come all this way to get it! Reckon I’d be annoyed, too!’
‘But I’m not annoyed! Didn’t I just say that I like being at Deer’s Leap? There’s no problem, Josh – honest!’
‘You’re sure? Then can we start again, Cassie?’
‘From where, exactly?’
All at once, my conscience was beginning to bother me and I was on the point of blurting out that it was six of one and half a dozen of the other when Aunt Jane hissed, ‘Don’t dare tell him, idiot!’
So I said nothing and looked down at my shoes and offered up a thousand thanks for my undeserved good fortune.
‘So how about from the beginning, Cassie – it’s as good a place as any.’
‘When your gran introduced us, you mean? From when you looked me over and undressed me – blatantly, if I might say so!’
I tried to say it flippantly, but the shaking was still there inside me.
‘From there would do very nicely,’ he said, turning to face me. ‘Did you mind being blatantly undressed?’
‘In front of your gran? You might have waited till we were alone!’
‘Like now, Cassie?’
I took a step away from him because he was much, much too close and because any minute now I was going to panic and run!
‘Look, Josh! Before we go any further, there is something I’ve got to tell you!’ It came out in a rush, because I was playing for time to pull myself together before I blew everything! ‘This is cards-on-the-table time, and if you don’t like what I’m going to tell you, then it’s up to you to say thanks – but no thanks! You see, when we first met, that was it for me! I found you attractive, disturbingly attractive, and I didn’t mind one bit being metaphorically undressed! But even though this is 1999, you’ve got to know that I’m really old-fashioned at heart. I’m a romantic. I want to be married and have children, and stay married! I’d even, if I haven’t frightened you off completely, that is, like nothing better than to be plain, old-fashioned courted! Now what have you to say to that?’
‘Couldn’t agree more!’ He reached for my hand, lacing his fingers in mine. Then he tucked my arm in his, which rather pleased me, because running is out when a man has got you in a half-nelson – or as near as makes no matter! And come to think of it, running with knees turned to jelly is equally impossible!
‘That’s all you’ve got to say!’ I squeaked. ‘I’ve just set out the rules, and you agree! Why? Do you think I’m a pushover, or something?’
‘Well, are you, Miss Johns?’
He was smiling at me, very tenderly and possessively; just as Jack smiled at Suzie, and I could have hit him for being so gorgeous! But the fight had gone out of me and anyway, it was time to give in.
So I just smiled back and whispered, ‘A pushover? Oh, no! But if you were to kiss me, perhaps I could make an exception in your case.’
So we kissed long and urgently, as if we had both been waiting ages for that very moment and there were years and years of kissing and touching and holding to catch up on. And it was so dizzy-making it left me breathless.
‘This is crazy!’ he laughed. ‘We are so right together, yet I don’t know the first thing about you except that you are very beautiful and kiss like no girl has kissed me before! And that Gran,’ he said, all at once serious, ‘adores you!’
‘Does it have to make sense? Can’t we just agree to fall in love like there’s no tomorrow, and take it from there?’
He gathered me close, and laid a cheek on my hair, and I felt myself relax because it seemed so absolutely right to stand there in his arms, and wonder at the amazing peace of it.
‘So we’re in love,’ he said eventually, soberly, pushing me a little way from him, looking into my eyes. ‘When did it happen, Cassie?’
‘I don’t know.’ I smiled, almost certain it had its beginnings in Acton Carey – or was it Laceby Green, in the blackout? – and that more than half a century on, it was happening again. Yet how could I tell him I had been in love with him since the day I gave a lift to a pilot who wanted to get to Deer’s Leap, when Jack and Suzie’s secret wasn’t mine to tell? Not even to Josh. ‘Perhaps another kiss might help?’
We kissed, more gently this time; a kiss of commitment, as if we both knew that all our tomorrows stretched safely ahead of us, and out and away beyond the hilltops into forever.
‘That was the car. They’re back. What do we tell them, Cassie?’
‘Nothing, just yet. Let’s keep it secret for a little while longer – wallow in it?’
He took my hand and we walked, unspeaking, towards the house, to where Lizzie and Susan were unloading shopping bags. I knew Kate at once by the fair, wavy hair so like that of her father. It even flopped over one eye and I half expected her to brush it away with an impatient left hand.
‘Hullo, Cassandra!’ Susan called, mouthing a kiss because her hands were taken up with plastic bags. ‘And what have you two been up to?’
‘Don’t ask!’ Kate tutted, pushing a tissue at Josh. ‘Wipe your mouth, for goodness’ sake! It’s all over lipstick!’ Then she smiled at me with Jack’s smile and held out her hand. ‘Hullo, Cassandra. Lovely to meet you!’
She said it as if she really meant it, and I stood there, so crazily happy it just wasn’t true.
It was then I thought I heard Aunt Jane’s chuckle, but my head was so full of wedding bells I couldn’t be sure. Come to think of it, I didn’t think I would ever be sure of anything ever again.
When Kate and I had cleared away the supper things, I went in search of Josh but found Susan instead, leaning arms folded on the big white gate. I went to stand beside her and whispered, ‘Penny …?’
‘Hullo, dear. I was thinking about the beech trees. They’ll be delivered next week in tubs. We can’t put them back where they once were –’
‘At the point where the runways cross – crossed?’
‘Mm. Josh thinks we should make a feature of the dirt road – put a decent drive down and plant the trees either side. That way, they would be near, yet not too close to the house for their roots to become a nuisance – we-e-ll, that’s what the expert says,’ she grinned.
‘I like the idea. Three one side, and two the other? And had you thought of planting a rowan tree – keep witches away?’ I teased.
‘I just might do that, Cassandra! This gate will be moved to the bottom, near the road, where the standing for the milk churns used to be. About time there was a decent approach to the house. This bit of dirt road can be very tricky if it rains a lot, or if it freezes hard in winter. I speak from experience!’
‘I think it would look really good – given a couple of years to get things established. The hedges will have to be thinned and cut back, and spring bulbs planted, maybe, and –’
‘I’d forgotten you were brought up to gardening, Cassandra! You’ll have to help Josh with it; give him a hand with the beech trees, too. I’d like that. Full circle, sort of. The young ones putting back what the old ones allowed to be destroyed.’
‘No fault of yours, Susan. There was a war on.’
‘Yes. A war. And at least I shall replace the trees. Would you like to walk with me across the cow pasture?’
‘Please. Are you going to show me the steel-mesh fence?’
‘How did you know? Anyway, there is no sign, now, of it ever being there, but I know exactly where it was. And I’m not being an interfering old busybody – I really care, you see – so will you tell me something, Cassandra?’
‘About who? Or what? And is it all right for us to be here?’ I shut the gate behind us as Susan must have done so often in her young years.
‘Yes. I know the farmer who rents this land. And we aren’t walking through growing crops.’ Around us, ewes grazed with their lambs. They looked at us curiously as we walked, then went on cropping grass. ‘And you don’t have to tell me about you and Josh, but I would so like to think you could get fond of each other. Might you, perhaps?’
‘No,’ I said gravely and firmly, looking down at the grass.
‘Oh! And I was so sure there was something there. It seemed to me you’ve hardly taken your eyes off each other since you got here. You like him a little, though?’
‘Like? Listen – I’m besotted with the man! I’m in love with him, too! And please don’t tell him this, will you, but I left my handbag behind on purpose. Josh doesn’t know. Devious of me, I know, but you did say the Mark Two version was up for grabs!’
‘And Josh …?’
‘The feeling, I am very glad to say, is mutual.’ Then all at once I felt a shiver and stood stock-still in the middle of the field. ‘Susan! It’s just hit me – how everything has fallen into place! I was meant to come to Deer’s Leap and to fall in love with the place. And I was meant to meet Jack, and read Dragonfly Morning! It must have been preordained, sort of. It’s spooky, if you think too much about it.’
‘No, dear. Just written down for us all at the moment of our birth – in our Book of Life,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘I was meant to meet Jack and conceive Kate. And it was written in Jack’s Book of Life that he would never live to see her.
‘But I shall love Jack again in another life, I know it, and till then I have Kate and Josh, and you. I have come home, to Deer’s Leap and met Jack again, and told him I love him still. And had you thought, Cassandra, that if ever you and Josh decide to tie the knot, you’ll get Deer’s Leap, one day – though not as you had planned.’
‘Josh and I will make a go of it. I told him I’m really old-fashioned underneath, and that I want to be married and have children. And he said it was fine by him! I had to get things straight between us, you see, before we jumped in with both feet!’
‘Then I won’t ask another word about it, but I shall expect to be the first to know, Cassandra, when you name the day! And you’ll be so good for Deer’s Leap. You’ve got what it takes to put paid to Margaret Dacre – let her know just where she stands!’
‘Oh, I will! There’ll be children at Deer’s Leap, I promise you! And Susan – can I please call you Gran, like Josh does? It would make me feel I really belonged, if you wouldn’t mind?’
‘I’d like that.’ She kissed my cheek gently, then said, ‘This is the place, Cassandra; this is where They put the steel-mesh fence. And about ten yards to the other side of it was the perimeter track and the hard-standings for the bombers. They’re gone, now, but Lizzie told me that when there’s a dry summer, you can make out where it all was all those years ago.’
‘Beth told me. The grass yellows where the track was, she said. Beth saw Jack, too.’
‘Then perhaps one hot dry summer you and I will come here, Cassandra, and see the outline of it. And I shall imagine I am young, and that J-Johnnie is going to taxi past to takeoff, and that Mick will rotate his guns and say –’
‘“Rear gunner to Skipper! Just passed your milkmaid!”’ I finished for her.
She dabbed her eyes and sniffed away a tear. ‘It was written in your Book of Life that you would read Dragonfly Morning. And there is that grandson of mine, come looking for us!’
Josh was standing at the gate of what was once the cow pasture, a hand held high.
‘Why is it that my stomach turns over every time I look at him?’ I gasped. ‘What’s with the man, drat him!’
‘He gets it from his grandfather, I shouldn’t wonder. Looking at Jack did things like that to me, too – right from the minute we met. Seems it runs in the family!’
‘Shall we go, Gran?’ I pulled her arm through mine and we walked away from where a steel-mesh fence once kept lovers apart, to where Josh waited.
And I was so very thankful that he won’t be flying ops, tonight. Nor any night.