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The crisp morning air bites against my damp skin as I run through my morning yoga routine. My tight muscles release as I shift into downward dog, then walk the dog. My skin tingles from an undercurrent of energy, a sensation so exhilarating that I pull myself out of the pose and search the park perimeter. I stand in tree pose, a solid straight statue, and rotate my head. Joggers pass on the nearby sidewalk. A businessman in a trench overcoat hustles by near the park entrance. A dog walker passes by with four dogs of varying sizes leading the way. I continue to twist, then freeze. I blink and strain to better see the man standing almost directly behind me.
A man with grizzly black stubble, dark hair, and an uncanny resemblance to Mason stands nearby, maybe ten feet away. I rotate slowly to face him. On this dreary early morning, we are the only two sharing the grassy lawn. I rub my eyes, fighting disbelief.
“Mason? What? How?” My mind reels, and my mouth drops open because Mason in London makes absolutely no sense.
He chuckles and raises his eyebrows. “Surprise.”
“Holy cannoli. What are you doing here?”
He takes my hands. An electric current churns through me. His long fingers twist through mine, his touch cool. He dips his head, uncertain. “Do you not want me here?”
I blink. This is all like a dream. The last thing I want is for him to suspect I don’t want to see him, so I spring up and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him close. He lifts me higher as I tell him, “I’m thrilled you’re here. Shocked. Blown away.” He squeezes me then lets my feet fall to the ground. We stand there, my arms round his neck, his around my waist.
With a timid smile, he explains. “Your dad called me. Told me where you’d be.”
“How did he know I’d be in the park?”
“He told me you’d be in London. Find My Friends led me to you.”
I run my fingers over the stubbly growth along his jaw. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”
“You weren’t at the Savoy, so I left my bags there and came searching for you.”
“Is everything okay? Is Kara okay?” My pulse quickens as reasons he might show up here in person fly through my mind.
“Yeah. She’s fine. She misses you. Your FaceTime sessions mean the world to her.” His hold on me tightens. “Have you been avoiding me? Is that why you time your calls when I’m at work?”
“No.” He tilts my chin up to meet his questioning gaze. I nod slightly and admit, “Yes. I’m sorry. I’ve been so confused.” And I’ve needed space because my heart has been crushed, and I need to find a way to be happy back home.
“Well, that’s why I’m here. Your dad said you came here to think. He suggested I put all my cards on the table.”
“He did? My dad called you?”
“Yeah. He doesn’t believe you’ve been happy at home. Something about he believes you’ve outgrown your hometown.”
“It’s not the same as in high school, that’s for sure.”
His head dips, and his lips press against mine. Then he pulls back and asks, “Is that the only reason you haven’t been happy?”
That’s a loaded question if I ever heard one. My ass is parked in London because I’m trying to sift through it all. Weighing what I should do and trying to figure out why doing what I should do is so damn hard. But one thing I’m not confused about at all. “I’ve missed you. So much.”
His lips brush over mine, and I open, a tentative kiss at first, then our connection deepens. When we break apart, my heart races erratically.
He nuzzles my neck. “I’ve missed you too. Your energy.” He toys with my hair and lifts it away from my face. “Your quirky sayings. Your non-stop hand motions. How you make me feel. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed us making plans each day. Deciding on meals. Cooking together. Spending evenings with you and Kara. Silly, right? We didn’t do that for long.”
I rest my head against the crook of his neck as the reverberations of his heartbeat penetrates my core. My heart cracks all over again, because there’s no way around us being apart. He kisses my forehead and drops to one knee. The world oscillates, a dizzying sensation circling me.
“Delilah Daniels, will you consider spending your life with me? Will you marry me?”
“I. I. I. Can’t.” He’s lost his mind.
He falls forward onto both knees. I remember his story of Amber, and how she backed up, and I leap forward and grasp his shoulders, forcing him to lift his head as I explain.
“It’s too soon. Mason, marriage is huge. Ginormous. Marriage is forever. We’re still at the getting-to-know-you stage. And things haven’t changed. Have they? You can’t move to New Orleans, can you?”
A red hue rises across his cheekbones. I reach out for his hand. It’s clammy and cold. I drop onto my knees to face him. The uneven ground grinds into my knees, and I shift off of a painful protruding rock. I inch forward until my thighs press against his, punched by the deep hurt I see. I caress his jaw. He has to see it’s too soon. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead and sits back onto his feet, creating space between us.
Eyes cast downward, dejected, he says, “You’re right. Nothing has changed. I’m not any closer to being able to leave New York. With Kara, with my Mom, with the business. I guess I hoped if I put it out there, if I showed you how strong my feelings are for you, and I’m willing to commit, then you would come back. Your dad had me convinced.” He stares off over my shoulder, avoiding my gaze. “But why would you? What was I thinking? You’re so young and full of life. I have a daughter. You’d be a stepmom. That’s not fair to you. That’s not what you deserve. You deserve the ideal family. Your children. In New Orleans, like you planned—”
“Stop.” My cold fingers wrap around his wrist and tug. “I love Kara. She’s not the issue. I mean, at times I feel like a kid myself, so I’m not gonna lie, the whole parenting responsibility thing does freak me out. I’m fairly certain I’d suck at it, but it would be the honor of a lifetime. But you gotta believe me. I honestly want nothing more than to move back to New York to find out where our relationship grows. I’ve been telling myself there’s no way these strong feelings could last. I’ve never...” I press my lips softly to his. “Ever. But none of this changes my reality. Yes, my mom went about this completely wrong. Ridiculously wrong. But I’m all she has. I get it. And I’ve tried to explain it, but this has always been the plan.”
Then I slap my palm across Mason’s chest, and his eyes widen in surprise.
“And marriage? Mason? Really? That’s mega huge.” He stares off across the park. I tug on his wet coat. “We need time. Time to see if these emotions are fleeting or real. And time is one thing we don’t have. I mean, I’ve already moved. As planned.”
His jaw flexes as he swallows. I hate this. But this has always been the plan. I’m simply following the plan. “On the bright side, I’ll be a partner, making the big bucks. I can participate in your next friends and family investment round.”
He closes his eyes, tilts his head back, and softly chuckles. “God, I have been such a moron.”
“Don’t say that.”
He strokes his thumb across my cheek. His lips fall to mine. Our tongues mingle, and the tender kiss deepens. The pain in my chest throbs and tears flow. We hold each other for a painful moment before he rises. When we stand, dirt stains our lowers legs. We’re both soaked and cold.
We don’t speak on the walk back to the hotel. He stops at the concierge and collects his suitcase and heads back out onto the curb. I ask him to stay, but he doesn’t respond. It’s like he no longer sees me. I suppose there are no words left to say.