Leo looked at his mother and tried to tell her what was on his mind, but she smiled up at him, so trustingly he found it hard. How could he tell her he wanted to go away, stay in Cwm Derw for a week or two to keep an eye on the distressed Meriel? He had never left his mother before, not since his father and brother had died during the war. His three sisters had all left and were busy with their own lives and he had kept to the silent promise he’d made to stay and look after her, make sure she was never so lonely the memories would slide back and torment her.
She had never been in the house alone overnight and he knew the prospect frightened her. The time for her to cope with it had been immediately after his father’s death while she was coping with so much more but his concern was too great and now it was too late and he felt committed to being there for her.
To stay with her hadn’t been a difficult decision to make at the time. He hadn’t imagined how things would change. Now his feelings for Meriel made his chosen responsibility less easy to accept. Now he wanted to share his love and caring with Meriel. At present Meriel needed him more than his mother. How could he explain that?
‘Is something worrying you, Leo?’ she asked when he moved away from her and sat near the fire, his hand smoothing the lower part of his face, which she recognized as a symptom of anxiety.
‘Mam, how would you feel about my going away for a few days? You could invite Mabel Lyddiat to stay.’
There was a sharp intake of breath before she replied. ‘A holiday with friends?’
‘No, it’s Meriel. You know she’s found out she was adopted? It’s upset her quite a bit and she needs someone to talk to, someone whom she knows and trusts. I think I’m the right person.’
‘That’s a kind thought, Leo. She’d appreciate that, you could stay in Cwm Derw and take over while she has a break? Perhaps I could come with you? There’s bound to be a guest house near the office. You know the business and she would trust you to look after it. There’s nothing better than a few days away from routine when there’s a problem to sort.’
‘No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. Better to stay and face things.’
‘Yes, dear, you go and help her, stay a while.’
‘You wouldn’t mind?’ Her voice had risen slightly and he stared at her, seeing the fear she was trying to hide, knowing she was unable to face the silence of the empty house with its memories and ghosts. ‘No, Mam, on second thoughts I needn’t stay. Perhaps I’ll just go down each day and give her a chance to rest and think.’
‘Whatever you think best, Leo.’ He noticed the slight change as her voice slid back down to normal. ‘Whatever happens you must remind her of how much Lynne and Walter love her. That’s what makes or breaks a family. Love is the heart of a home, we all know that.’
‘I – I’m fond of Meriel. Very fond,’ he said, glancing at her.
She met his gaze and smiled. ‘Nothing would make me happier than knowing you had someone to love and care for. Meriel would be a perfect choice.’
‘Oh, there’s nothing like that, I just want to look after her while she copes with all this. She and I have never been more than friends.’
‘The best possible start, Leo. The perfect basis for love to grow.’ She hesitated a moment then said brightly, ‘I’ll be all right if you want to stay with her, she’s the one who’s important at the moment, I can understand that.’
He left the room, filled with embarrassment, and regret for saying too much. How could he even think Meriel would consider him as anything other than her father’s employee? There was the age difference for one thing, and the fact that familiarity had certainly bred indifference. The recent affection and closeness was nothing more than her appreciation of his help. If she thought of him at all it was as a kindly older brother.
The garden was looking good, he thought as he cut off the heads of a few dead pansies and pulled up the sad remnants of forgotten wallflowers, grown tall, hidden behind the rainwater butt. He wondered whether he could persuade Meriel to come and see the newly planted geraniums and petunias and admire the blossom-filled rowan, that gave height to the small plot. If he invited Lucy as well, perhaps he could talk to them, manage to persuade them to call and see Lynne and Walter, begin to ease away the pain. What a pity he had spoken of her to his mother, now she would be smiling at them in that special way and making everyone feel ill at ease.
When he reached the office he found Walter in a terrible state, walking up and down, making phone calls and slamming the receiver back into its rest with more and more fury. Leo said nothing for a while but as the calls came to an end he asked, ‘What’s happened, is Mrs Evans all right?’
‘How would I know‘? She went off yesterday and I’ve no idea where she’s gone.’ The man sank into a chair and hid his face with his hands.
Leo made tea and handed him a cup. ‘Tell me who you’ve tried and we’ll try to add to the list. Later I’ll try them. Perhaps she’ll speak to me.’
‘Why you and not me?’ Walter sounded belligerent but Leo was unperturbed.
‘Because for some reason you know and I don’t, it’s probably you she’s running away from, not me. Right?’
‘She blames herself for this trouble with Meriel.’
‘Look, Mr Evans, I don’t want to know the ins and outs of it, but let me help. Give me a list of the places you think she might be – all of them, including those you have tried. Think back on old friends, there are sure to be some you’ve missed.’ He had a thought. ‘Have you told Meriel her mother’s gone away?’
‘No, I don’t think she’ll care at the moment.’
‘Then I’ll call her.’ He looked at Walter for permission and, accepting the nod as agreement, dialled the office of Evans and Calloway.
Lucy answered.
‘Meriel isn’t here at the moment. I’ll tell her you’ve called but I can’t promise she’ll ring back,’ she said doubtfully.
‘Tell her I’m on my way. No, tell her I’ll meet you both for lunch. Tell her I insist, will you?’ he asked, crossing his fingers with the optimism of a child. ‘Tell her it’s very important.’
For the next couple of hours he and Walter dealt methodically with the business calls, and going through the list of plans for that day regarding on-going purchases and sales. The few calls in the search for Lynne had resulted in no news. With a heavy heart Walter closed the office an hour after Leo left to meet Meriel, wishing he had gone with him.
Leo’s heart was racing as he parked the car near Meriel and Lucy’s office and he was afraid to look through the window to see whether both girls were there. Why had he dared to insist on Meriel being there?
He opened the door and saw a couple sitting on the customer side of the desk being attended by Lucy. Meriel was rearranging notices in the window and he was relieved when she smiled, put down what she was doing and came over to greet him.
He waited until the clients had gone then said simply, ‘Meriel, your mother has left home and your father is frantic. He has no idea where she can be. Can you offer any suggestions as to where she might be?’
‘Gone, without telling him where? Mam wouldn’t do that. Something awful must have happened.’
‘No, she packed her case and left. There’s been no accident or anything like that.’
‘But why has she gone?’
With a grim smile to take the sting out of his words he said, ‘You aren’t the only one affected by George’s announcement, remember. Your parents are devastated. You are their life and they’re terrified they’re going to lose you.’
‘They shouldn’t have lied.’ Meriel tried to revive her anger but the thought of her mother disappearing from her life softened the words into a whisper.
‘Let’s go and find some food,’ Leo said, putting an arm around her shoulders. ‘You and Lucy. Perhaps we’ll come up with the solution. She has to be with someone you know. I can’t imagine she’d go to strangers, can you?’
Lucy was reluctant to join them, but they both insisted and they went to the Ship and Compass and ordered sandwiches, none of them wanting anything more. Leo took out the list he had made of the people Walter had tried and who denied having seen Lynne. ‘It doesn’t mean she isn’t in any of these places, mind. It’s likely she has asked them to say nothing. But,’ he stated at Meriel, ‘if you tried, I don’t think she’d refuse to speak to you. So let’s go through the list and I’d like you to go back to the office and phone the most likely.’
Meriel smiled then, amused at the way Leo had taken charge. Impulsively she hugged him.
‘Yes, Boss,’ she said, taking up a sandwich and biting enthusiastically. With difficulty she added, ‘When I’ve finished this though. I’ve just realized I’m starving.’
Leo smiled, enjoying his new role as adviser. To Lucy, he said, ‘Will you manage if I take Meriel off while we find out where her mother is staying?’
‘Of course I will. Gosh, this is like living through a mystery film. Meriel is Celia Johnson, you are a very handsome Trevor Howard and me, well, I’m the retired nanny who follows you around and makes sure you eat regular meals, all your greens, and drink lots of milk.’
They all laughed and soon afterwards left to return to the office. The official lunch hour was not over, so while it was unlikely they’d be disturbed, Meriel started making calls. After four failures, she found her mother. Auntie Gladys didn’t have a telephone but her neighbour did and when Meriel rang she went at once to fetch her. Without any warning, Meriel found herself talking to her mother.
Both women were crying too much to make sense at first and Leo put a pencil in Meriel’s hand and urged her to write down the name and address. While they were still talking he went outside and from the red call box, phoned Walter to tell him where Lynne had been found.
Stubbornly, the anger still present, Meriel refused to close the office before five thirty as she had two appointments to keep and a message to this effect was sent to Walter. So it was after seven o’clock when the car carrying Meriel and Leo, followed by another driven by Walter, arrived at Auntie Gladys’s house.
It was Lynne who opened the door and ran to Meriel. She was clearly not expecting Walter and hesitated like a animal about to take flight. He held out his arms and said, ‘Lynne, my love, come home.’
In the moment that followed, Meriel felt superfluous but once the couple had hugged, arms came out to envelope her in the love that bound them.
Guessing he might be needed, but staying back almost out of sight, Leo waited until they separated and began to enter the house, then he stepped forward and offered to drive Meriel back to Cwm Derw later that evening. In her euphoric state, wildly happy to be reunited with her parents, Meriel hugged him and thanked him for what he had done to help. He held her for longer than the moment justified and knew the incident would remain with him for ever. A reminder of the love that could never be.
It wasn’t as easy as Meriel expected to persuade Lynne to return. Leaving her parents to talk, Meriel walked in the garden and talked to the lady she called Auntie Gladys, convinced a solution would be reached. When she went back inside it was clear that this was not the case. Lynne was adamantly refusing to go back home. She couldn’t understand why Lynne had left nor why it was so difficult for her father to persuade her to return. Gladys was tight-lipped, insisting the disagreement was between Lynne and Walter and concerned no one else.
Meriel wasn’t convinced. ‘All this must be a result of George Dexter telling me they’re not my real parents, so it has to be my concern. But I don’t understand why Mam insists the blame lies with her?’
Gladys smiled, patted her hand and said nothing.
Leo drove home after promising to return for Meriel at ten o’clock. His mother had prepared a meal of fish, chips and tomatoes and he ate without tasting any of it.
‘Is Meriel all right?’ his mother asked as she cleared the dishes. ‘Will you still need to go down to Cwm Derw?’
‘I think she’s forgiven her parents for not telling her, but she still needs some help.’ This wasn’t really true but he couldn’t give up the possibility of spending a little time with her. ‘I’ll go tomorrow, just for a few days.’
‘I’ll pack your case. Just a day or so, is it?’
‘Probably.’ He didn’t think he could justify staying for more than a couple of days. Meriel didn’t need him and Walter did. After such a distressing time, Meriel wasn’t the only one who needed a break. He guessed that if Walter had persuaded Lynne to go back with him, they would go away for the weekend to reassure each other everything was back to normal. ‘I have to be back for the weekend,’ he told his mother, and saw the smile of satisfaction she couldn’t hide. ‘I’ll arrange to telephone the corner shop with any news, they won’t mind passing on a message.’
‘Stop fussing, dear, just go.’ She laughed. ‘I’m not a child.’
‘Will you ask your friend Mabel Lyddiat to come and stay with you?’
‘She’ll be busy,’ she replied, waving the idea aside. ‘But talking about breaks, have you thought about where we’ll go this summer? I know we’ve been there quite a few times but I do like West Wales. Aberaeron, or perhaps Aberdovey, we can drive up into the mountains, it’s so beautiful.’
‘Wouldn’t you like to go with one of your friends for a change? A coach trip maybe? I’ll treat you both, how’s that? You’ll enjoy meeting new people. Tell you what,’ he went on when there was no reply, ‘tomorrow I’ll see what I can find out and you talk to Mrs Lyddiat and see what she thinks.’
‘I don’t think so, dear. I couldn’t share a bedroom with Mabel.’
‘That isn’t a problem, we’ll book two singles the same as when you and I go.’ Avoiding looking at her, he hummed cheerfully and went to deal with some household accounts on the pretext of being busy, until it was time to go and meet Meriel.
The euphoria Meriel felt at finding her mother swiftly faded; the urgency of her parents’ discussion, huddled together excluding her, was a reminder of how she had been deceived and reinforced her belief that there were other secrets untold, and she sat as far away from her parents as possible in the small room in the cottage where her ‘Auntie’ Gladys lived. A friend of her parents since before she had been born, Gladys had been an unofficial auntie to Meriel all of her life. Now she felt distrustful towards her as well as her parents. Their conversation made it clear she had also known and said nothing. Somehow the secret was worse than the knowledge.
She felt let down by those she loved and wondered if she would ever feel confident again. Those who knew about her adoption would have discussed it while she was blissfully ignorant, as a baby, a child and as a grown woman. The thought made her feel naked and exposed.
The revelation about her adoption had been a shock but she had the feeling there was more to come. Why was her mother finding it so difficult to go back with her father? What was she blaming herself for? Her mind was tumbling with possibilities, all of which she discarded as being too fantastic. It was a relief when Leo arrived and she could leave. She was more demonstrative than usual, thankful for his reassuring presence, grateful for having him as a loving, trusted friend. She hugged him some more when he spoke to her parents and reminded them that home was the place where they could spend time and talk things through and finally persuaded Lynne to go back with Walter.
She didn’t say much on the way back to Badgers Brook, the confusion of relief and the remnants of hurt and anger bubbling up into a stew of restlessness.
‘Are you all right?’ Leo asked, as he pulled up in the lane.
‘I don’t know how I feel,’ she said and moved towards him as he put an arm around her and held her close.
After a few blissful moments he opened the car door. ‘Come on, let’s get you inside.’ He jumped out and went around to open her door. Offering a hand to help her out he continued to hold hers until the narrowness of the path made it impossible. The door opened as soon as Meriel handed Leo the key and Lucy asked at once, ‘Your mam, is she all right?’
‘Yes, she was staying with Auntie Gladys. And, thanks to Leo, she and Dadda have gone home.’
‘Thank goodness for that. What’s the matter with everyone? Teifion leaving home then going back almost straight away, now your mum doing the same thing. Come on, the kettle’s on for a hot drink. You too, Leo?’
They went inside and Meriel threw her coat on a chair. The sadness was back in her eyes. She and Leo sat very close together. ‘I can’t understand why no one told me, and the thought of them discussing me and at the same time lying to me, makes me unable to talk to them or Auntie Gladys. How many other people knew and didn’t tell me?’
‘I knew,’ Leo said. ‘Not telling you was a way of protecting you.’
‘I’m talking about people who have known all these years, you found out at the same time as I did.’
‘No, your father told me years ago.’
She stared at him in disbelief, the new disappointment more painful than she could bear. She jumped up and stared at him, her eyes filled with tears. ‘You knew and said nothing? Leo, I thought you were my friend. The one person I could really trust. How could you deceive me like the others?’
‘I didn’t look on it as deceit. It wasn’t my secret to tell, was it?’ He stood up and tried to hold her hands but she pushed him away. The happiness their strengthening love had brought was now draining away. He caught hold of her as she tried to run from the room and she hit him, hard.
‘Stop it, Meriel, you’re behaving like a crazy woman,’ Lucy protested, holding her friend round the waist.
Meriel fought to hold back tears. She felt so let down. Looking at Leo’s distraught face she knew she was throwing away something special but she couldn’t stop. ‘Go away,’ she told them. ‘Leave me alone. Alone is what I am and what I’m likely to stay. I haven’t a family and now I haven’t a friend in the world that I can trust. Even you, Lucy. You’re siding with him.’
‘You are being a bit unfair,’ Leo said anxiously. ‘Hear my side and you’ll understand.’
‘He’s right, Meriel, you’re being unreasonable. Sit down, Leo, and have another cup of tea.’ Lucy struggled to keep Meriel from starting an argument. ‘Some toast?’
‘I don’t know, perhaps I should go and leave you two to talk.’
To his disappointment, Meriel agreed. ‘Yes, you should!’
‘I’ll come back tomorrow,’ he said, gathering his jacket. ‘Give you a chance to take some time off. I can stay till Friday.’
‘Stay? There isn’t room here, we’ve no beds and—’
He forced a laugh. ‘No, I wouldn’t expect to stay here. I phoned the bed and breakfast and booked a room.’
‘Thanks for telling me.’ Meriel was sarcastic. ‘You obviously like secrets! When was this decided?’
‘This evening, but it can easily be undecided,’ he said lightly. He watched for her response but she turned away.
‘Come here for breakfast then,’ Lucy invited swiftly. ‘We’ve got some real eggs.’
He glanced at Meriel who seemed quite indifferent to his decision. ‘Irresistible,’ he replied before setting off home. Meriel watched from the door as he walked towards the car and ignored his wave before he disappeared from sight.
‘Come on, Meriel, don’t let’s have any more dramatics. Leo was told in confidence, so don’t blame him or accuse him of lying. Don’t risk losing him. You need all your friends.’
‘I feel so let down.’
‘Why? You can’t blame your parents for being afraid. They love you and the fear of losing you must have been a daily dread.’
‘Perhaps when I was young, but I’m twenty-two!’
‘The longer they waited the harder it would have been. When d’you think would have been the right age? How could they suddenly say, oh, by the way, Meriel, we aren’t your real parents, they didn’t want you, they gave you up when you were a tiny baby. There’s no easy way of announcing that to a daughter you love.’
‘I want to go for a walk. Coming?’
‘At this time of night? Where shall we go?’
Meriel shrugged. ‘Through the wood? There’s enough moonlight to find the path.’
‘All right. Come on, Rascal.’
The evening was chilly but they sat on a fallen tree for a long time, and listened to the mysterious sounds of the countryside at night; squeaks as small creatures communicated with each other, rustling searches for food, almost inaudible snuffling and chomping as food was found. Rascal was held firmly on her lead to avoid too much disturbance although they guessed that most creatures were wise enough to give them a wide berth. Rascal pulled and half choked herself trying to escape the hated restriction. ‘Frightening every creature for a radius of five miles,’ Lucy said with a sigh. Snapping off the lead when they reached the edge of the wood, and with the excited dog darting about, nose to the ground, they left the dense trees behind them, at a point where the ground fell over steep fields, and looked at the faintly lit scene below. A ewe nearby gave a laboured cough, which sounded like a man, and they clung to each other in silence until realization came. An owl glided silently across the field as they stood looking down at abandoned farm buildings, where soon, Treweather’s farm would be no more, replaced by modern housing. Only the farmhouse was still inhabited, with a few buildings occupied by chickens and ducks. Nearby, the pond glowed like a giant silver coin. They sat and the dog sat beside them, her head turning to every new sound. After a while she curled up and relaxed into sleep. The girls stayed on, enthralled by the magic of the other world; the mysterious hours of darkness.
As they walked back, Meriel told Lucy about how her feelings for Leo had changed. ‘It happened so gradually that at first I couldn’t believe it, but he’s become more than a friend. Much, much more. I began to imagine what it would be like if he left, found someone else and knew I couldn’t bear life without him. I knew he was important to me, then, when I was beginning to see a future for us, he tells me he’s been lying.’
‘Not deliberate lies. Even in your present belligerent mood you have to admit there is more than one type of lie. He was told something in confidence and, honest man that he is, he kept the secret that wasn’t his to share.’
Just a few miles away, Leo stood leaning over a farm gate, listening to the quiet night, wishing Meriel was there to share it but doubting she ever would. The phrase ‘the love that would never be’ whispered on his lips and echoed around his head and he wondered if there was anything he could do to change the prospect of a lonely future.
Mrs Hopkins was sitting waiting for him when he finally reached home. She offered him a sandwich, then said sadly, ‘It’s no use, Leo, dear. I don’t want to go away with anyone else. If you can’t manage a proper holiday we’ll have a few days out, and try next year, shall we?’
‘If you’re sure, but I’ll get the information anyway,’ he said, with unaccustomed firmness. Somehow he had to continue to consider his mother’s wishes, make sure she wasn’t in the slightest bit unhappy, but still find time for a life of his own before it was too late. Although, whether that life included Meriel, as he had dared to hope, seemed less and less likely.
Lucy prepared breakfast for three but Leo didn’t appear. Meriel was both outwardly glad and secretly disappointed. When they opened the office they were both sleepy. The night hours sitting in the wood and watching the new day dawn had taken its toll. The breakfast of cereal and toast had been pushed aside and eventually put out for the birds, the effort of chewing seemed too much for them. Rascal had been offered her usual walk but she had refused to leave her basket. She too had been awake for much of the night.
Leo arrived at the office of Evans and Calloway at ten o’clock to find an irate client there, insisting on knowing why his enquiry had not been answered. Meriel looked at him as Leo entered but didn’t speak, concentrating on the complainant.
‘We need to know why the date we agreed has been changed,’ the man was saying. ‘We’ve booked the removals and people have taken days of their holidays to help us. You can’t just tell us there’s been a mistake! You promised to let us know yesterday and you didn’t.’
Leo sat on the desk and listened but didn’t speak. Better to wait until he heard the facts or he might make things worse. For no apparent reason the man began to address him and it was soon clear that, as a man, he was presumed to be better at dealing with problems. Expressions like, ‘these chits of girls’, ‘how can a woman expect to deal with something as complicated as buying a house?’ and ‘should be home looking after their families’ were shouted, while Meriel looked ready to explode. When he could manage to speak, Leo put the facts before him.
‘Mr… er—’ He glanced at the details on the paper. ‘Mr James. I know nothing about this purchase, the business belongs to Miss Evans and Miss Calloway, both of whom are fully experienced. Please calm down and explain exactly what has gone wrong and they will put it right. I’ll make the tea,’ he added with a wink at Lucy.
The voices slowly lowered as he went into the kitchen and made a pretence at rattling tea cups. The office door opened and closed and he peeped out to see the girls were alone. ‘What happened?’ he asked.
‘The wrong date had been typed on one of the forms,’ Lucy explained. ‘There isn’t a problem. Everything is exactly as we’d agreed.’
‘And I bet he didn’t apologize for his rudeness!’
‘Did he heck! He reminded us again that some things are better left to men.’
‘Where’s the tea?’ Meriel asked.
‘Sorry, miss, but as a mere man, I couldn’t find the teapot and if I had, I wouldn’t have known how much tea was needed.’
Momentarily forgetting her quarrel with him, Meriel laughed, and looked for something to throw at him as he disappeared again to return with a tray of tea and biscuits.
Meriel didn’t stay in the office. She made an excuse of visiting someone who telephoned searching for a property. ‘I’ll drive them around to see what we’ve got on the books.’
‘None of them are suitable,’ Lucy reminded her when she was given the details to note.
‘I know. I just need to get out of this place,’ she replied, and Leo guessed sadly that it was his presence that was the trouble. She had hardly spoken a word to him since he arrived.
‘Why don’t you both go?’ he said. ‘Your father is happy for me to stay for a day or so and you might as well make use of me now I’m here.’
‘You can tell my father that I don’t need help. Neither his nor yours! Lucy and I can manage perfectly well.’
There was no alternative but to pick up his briefcase and leave.
‘You were unkind,’ Lucy said when the car had driven away.
‘Not as unkind as keeping the truth from me for all these years.’
‘Come on, how many years? He isn’t much older than us and can’t have worked for your father for that long. He’d have done what his boss told him anyway.’
‘He was fourteen when he started in the office and I was six. A long lanky boy who was what I had always dreamed of – a big brother who spoilt me rotten. I was always running to him when something good had happened and seeking his help when I met a problem. After a while it seemed as though he’d always been there. Even before he had come to work for my father he had often helped out at the office, and had often sat with me while I chatted to him about the inconsequential events in my sheltered and safe days.’
‘Lucky old you,’ Lucy said softly. Although she doubted whether Meriel heard.
‘So how has everything changed? Why was he no longer the older man, Dadda’s assistant, my big brother designate? Why has his keeping the secret of my adoption hurt me so badly?’
‘That stuff that’s the heart of a home, probably,’ Lucy said. ‘And I don’t mean the kitchen!’
Lucy went out with Gerald that evening and Meriel sat alone, no visitors for a change, relishing the calm quiet of the house and trying to understand her feelings. She prepared a snack for when Lucy returned and looked forward to listening to her news. She wondered if her friend was wise to meet Gerald after the disappointment of their previous engagement but knew the only way to help was to say nothing and hope that if it fell apart again, Lucy would be able to turn to her for comfort. Interfering now, offering an opinion, might harm their friendship and that was something she didn’t want to risk.
It was almost eleven o’clock when Lucy burst through the door, her eyes sparkling, her face aglow.
‘No need to ask if you‘ve had a good evening,’ Meriel said jumping up to attend to the kettle simmering at the side of the fire. ‘Cocoa all right or is this a night for champagne?’
‘Never tasted the stuff and never likely to, but I do think cocoa is a bit tame for how I feel.’
Meriel waited for her friend to expand and found herself filled with anxiety at the thought of Lucy giving herself to a man who had let her down before. She knew the house was partly the reason for her concern. It was such a restful place but there was always an air of tension apparent during the few moments Gerald came in and waited for Lucy to grab coat and bag and dash out. She would never admit her fanciful thoughts to a soul but she somehow knew the house didn’t like him.
Lucy ran upstairs to put her coat away and when she came down again, Meriel had made their hot drinks and brought out a tray of biscuits and small cakes. Rascal, who had been sleeping, came to life and stared at the tray in the hope of joining in the late snack.
‘I think we’re returning to how we used to be before he joined the RAF. He explained how leaving like that, and facing all sorts of dangers, made him lose confidence in the future and how he is only now beginning to sort out his life.’
Meriel cynically wondered how a couple of years in the service clothing store just a few miles from home had been so traumatic, but she kept quiet and waited for Lucy to go on.
‘He says he still loves me, and always will.’
‘And you? How do you feel? Can you trust him?’ Warning signals were riding up and down her spine and she knew she had to tread very carefully not to alienate her friend. ‘Perhaps it’s a bit soon to forget what happened before. Give yourself a bit more time. Play hard to get, make him work for your love.’
‘No need, he’s assured me that this time it will end in church with wedding bells and choirs and “happy ever after”.’
‘I hope so, Lucy. I do hope so.’
‘You don’t sound convinced.’
‘Well, I’m concerned whether you both have the same feelings. I don’t blame him for loving you. Besides being lovely, and gentle, you’re also a woman with prospects of a good career. Who wouldn’t respond if you smiled in their direction?’
‘It’s nothing to do with my share in our business.’ The words were sharply spoken.
‘Of course not. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s clearly smitten. No, Lucy, it’s you who has to be sure. Now you no longer hide your talents behind a hairdresser’s overall, there will be plenty of others on the scene if you’ll give it a chance. So wait, give yourself a choice.’
Lucy patted her friend on the shoulder. ‘It’s too late, I’ve chosen Gerald.’
Was it her imagination, or did Meriel hear a sudden angry gust of wind rattle the windows?
Petrol rationing ended, as summer sneaked in masking its promise with chill winds and dull days. As the days lengthened, the clouds relinquished their hold and the air grew warm and was filled with the special scent of blossom. Flowers that had seemed hesitant to bloom exploded into full splendour and the second half of the month of May amazed everyone with its glory. The days continued to be long and sunny.
Teifion called at the office several times each week and gradually wore down their displeasure. He would sometimes appear about ten o’clock with a few cakes still warm from the bakery, and stay a few minutes and share their mid-morning cup of tea. On other occasions he walked with them to the café or the Ship and talked to them through their lunch break.
They saw nothing of Leo, which Meriel regretted. Still avoiding her parents she was lonely, convinced that was how she would stay. She did accept phone calls from her parents but refused to see them, insisting she needed time to think, but knowing in reality she was punishing them, although she was no longer sure why.
‘I know you don’t understand,’ she said, when an exasperated Lucy asked when she was going to stop playing the prima donna. ‘I don’t feel I belong, not like I used to. I can’t help thinking that the bedroom I’d always thought of as mine was only a temporary shelter, that I was one of the waifs and strays who are taken in until their proper home can be found.’
One day, thinking it would break the deadlock, Lucy said ‘Why don’t we have a party here, invite some of the neighbours, and if it’s a Sunday, we can ask Betty Connors from the pub, as well as Stella and Colin, Kitty and Bob. Leo too, and Gerald of course. Then you’d be able to relax and talk to them without firing questions and accusations at the poor couple.’
‘Not Leo.’
‘Oh don’t be so pathetic! Of course Leo! And his mother and Uncle Tom Cobley an’ all!’
‘Oh, all right! If only to stop you nagging!’ She was laughing, and at once they began to make lists of the things they would need.
So it was arranged for the following Sunday. ‘Before Meriel can change her mind,’ Lucy confided by phone to Lynne and Walter.
As usual guests came with plates of food to add to the spread. Kitty and Bob were the first to arrive and they helped take chairs and small tables out into the garden. The day wasn’t perfect – May can be a moody month – but it was warm enough to sit outside in reasonable comfort.
Walter and Lynne arrived early and Leo and his excited mother were with them. Leo guided his mother to a seat at the edge of the group. He was clearly uneasy and said very little and silently hoped his mother would say even less. He badly wanted Meriel to forgive him for his unintended offence. He’d been told the truth about her adoption in confidence and still believed he’d been right not to tell her.
Connie and Geoff joined them. They sat inside for a while, talking to Meriel’s parents, then, having opened up the food they had brought, they went into the garden. There seemed to Connie’s sharp eye a definite division, with neighbours on one side of an invisible line and Lynne, Walter, Leo and his mother on the other. Connie insisted they stood up and moved their chairs so the group sat closer together and the two parties mixed. People stayed long after dark, the thought of work the following day forgotten. The blending of the disparate factions had eased the way to more relaxed conversations.
Lucy took out her wind-up gramophone and she and Gerald danced. Kitty and Stella dragged their unwilling husbands up to join in, but there was something in Meriel’s expression that prevented Leo asking her to partner him.
In the lane, Teifion listened to the murmur of conversation and the occasional burst of laughter and felt utterly lonely. Since his father had learned of Frieda’s double life he had felt even less welcome in the house where he’d lived most of his life. The strain was palpable, an awareness of invisible anger that bounced from wall to wall.
He knew he should leave home but didn’t know how. He’d been used to going in and having meals put in front of him, opening a drawer to find the clothes he needed; crisp and ready to wear. How would he achieve all that if he left? Would he find a landlady willing to do everything for him as his mother, then Frieda, had done? How much would it cost? Where would he earn the money if he left his father’s business?
He moved into the shadow of the trees when he heard someone coming out of Badgers Brook, chattering loudly. From the excited way they were talking it was clear they had enjoyed their evening. Envy churned his stomach. When had it all gone so wrong for him? He turned before they reached the lane and walked swiftly away.
‘Wasn’t that Teifion Dexter?’ Bob asked, staring after the hurrying figure.
‘I think it was. I wonder what he’s been doing around here?’ Kitty hurried towards their house, she wasn’t particularly interested in the man.
‘I’ve seen him standing looking into the window of Meriel and Lucy’s office a few times. Got a crush on one of them, d’you think?’
‘Poor dab if he has. There’s no love lost between George Dexter and Meriel’s family.’
Bob took Kitty in his arms. ‘Love has a way, my dear.’ He waltzed them the rest of the way home.
Leo tried several times to talk to Meriel, but every time he got close she moved away, seeing someone needing an offer of food or another drink. She wasn’t going to forgive him easily. On one occasion he stepped outside and walked up the lane, to where the sound of voices and music had faded. He was angry with George Dexter for revealing the truth and wondered if there was any hope of things going back to how they were. There was a car parked beyond Walter’s Hillman and he looked at the number curiously. He wasn’t certain, but thought it belonged to Teifion Dexter. What was he doing around here? He waited a while, but no one came and he returned to the party. The clock told him he’d been out in the lane for more than an hour. Not even his mother had noticed his absence, he thought gloomily.
Betty Connors was enjoying the evening. Running a public house meant she had little time for socializing, and few friends thought to arrange such things on a Sunday, the only day she was free. She had a few part-timers to help in the bar but no one on whom to rely if she wanted more than a few hours off. Once she’d had her brother Ed to help, but he had married Elsie Clements and they were busy running their small guest house near the post office.
‘Can’t you find someone to take Ed’s place?’ Lucy asked her when she explained.
‘A girl called Daphne Boyd stayed for a while but she went back home and she’s now planning to leave for France with one of the twins from Treweather’s farm. Finding someone suitable isn’t easy. Besides the long hours and heavy work, they’d have to forgo many of their other interests. The Ship and Compass opens at the same time as most other activities.’
‘D’you ever think of selling up and doing something else?’
‘No, it’s all I know.’
‘I once thought I’d never do anything but hairdressing but look at me now, working as an estate agent, having a share of the business. Who’d have believed that?’
‘I’m thrilled for you, Lucy, you’ve found your niche, haven’t you? I found mine years ago, when I was still in my pram. Ed and I were brought up in the pub run by our parents, it’s all we’ve ever known. I’m content there but sometimes I wish I could find a reliable assistant. Not for exotic holidays, but so I can have the occasional day off.’
Lucy looked around the garden at their assorted friends. ‘Meriel and I will keep an eye open for possibilities as we go about our business. We meet a lot of people.’
‘Someone as bright and capable as you would suit me perfectly,’ Betty said with a laugh. ‘With outsized muscles of course!’
People began to move inside as nightfall brought a chill to the air and one or two more prepared to leave. Lynne and Walter wanted to stay until the last, but it was late and there was no sign of a general exodus so they collected their coats and gathered up their now empty plates and said their goodbyes. Walter went to kiss Meriel, but she managed to put someone in the way and they both left with a continued sense of isolation. The moment of relief when he had found Lynne safe and brought her home had been short-lived. Since then they had hardly spoken to their daughter, who had refused every attempt to meet them. Even this invitation had come from Lucy and not Meriel.
At the door Leo reminded Meriel that if she or Lucy needed anything she had only to let him know.
‘There’s really no need. The business is fine. We know what we’re doing. You don’t have to come and comfort me any more either. I’m over the shock of your dishonesty,’ she said firmly. ‘I was never likely to collapse like some Victorian lady with vapours because of your deceit. Thank you for helping, even if we didn’t need it.’
‘Dishonesty and deceit? Is that how you see it? Isn’t that distorting the facts? I gave your father a promise not to mention it. Dishonesty would be reneging on that, surely?’
‘I don’t want to argue and spoil a pleasant evening. You’d better go, your mother is by Dadda’s car waiting patiently for you, she’ll be getting cold. Thanks for helping, but we don’t need anyone, we’re fine, just Lucy and me.’
He didn’t try to persuade her. How could he tell her the visits were the high spot of his days?
They said little as Walter drove home. Leo’s mother, relaxed by several port wines, was fast asleep before they had driven a mile, and Leo was slouched in a corner of the back seat enveloped in gloom. They had set off with hope of at least a softening of the edges of their problems but nothing had been achieved except a reminder of how badly Meriel had been hurt.
The following day Leo did go to Cwm Derw. Walter had given him some magazines as an excuse to call. If she wouldn’t see Lynne or himself, sending Leo was the next best thing.
The car he had seen the night before was parked outside George Dexter’s office and Teifion was just getting out. He called to him and Teifion approached.
‘What were you doing outside Meriel’s house last night?’
From Teifion’s expression he was about to deny it but he changed his mind and instead said. ‘I went for a walk. I often do. I heard the sound of voices and wondered who was there. That’s all.‘
‘You weren’t there to cause trouble?’
‘Come on, what d’you think I am? A kid who’d smash windows or kick milk bottles over?’
‘I’ve felt like that myself, at times,’ Leo admitted and Teifion stared at him, a half grin on his face.
‘You have? What have you got in your life that would make you think such childish thoughts?’
‘Just don’t do anything to hurt Meriel or Lucy, that’s all.’ A sudden turn and he was striding away. What was the matter with him that he could even hint at his unhappiness to a man like Teifion Dexter?
Teifion stared after him, his mouth slightly agape. When things aren’t going well, it’s always a surprise to learn of others in similar straits. Lucy walked past a few minutes later and he was still standing staring across the road.
‘Frightened of the traffic, are you? Waiting for someone to help you across?’
‘Oh – hello, Lucy. No, I’ve had a surprise, that’s all.’ He turned to walk with her and said, ‘D’you know, I don’t want to cross the road because I don’t want to go through the door of that office. I hate it. I’ve always hated it. And if you tell my father I’ll kill you.’ He was smiling at her and at the same time wondering why he had suddenly spoken his most private thoughts aloud, and to Lucy Calloway.
‘Tell him yourself and find work you do enjoy.’
‘If only I could.’ He straightened up as though shaking himself out of the mood.
‘You can and you should. Look at the long years ahead of you stuck in a job you hate. Can you face that?’
‘Ignore me, I’m talking nonsense. Forget what I said, I’ve had a bad start to the day, that’s all it is.’
‘Betty Connors wants an assistant at the Ship and Compass,’ she said cheekily.
‘Me, work in a pub? You must think I’m crazy, give up a place in my father’s business to be a pot man? Good morning, Miss Calloway.’
She laughed out loud as he scuttled away as though in fear of his life.