Great Expectations: The Toddler Years

Sleep is really important for overall health and well-being, and children need more sleep than grown-ups do. However, as long as there’s something interesting going on (and there always is!), your toddler is going to resist getting his Z’s.

This chapter is all about toddler sleep and the ways you can get around a battle of wills and get some space and privacy for yourself at night, too.

As you found out during your child’s infancy (if not sooner), being sleep-deprived makes people clumsy and cranky, and lack of sleep can cause long-term harm to learning and memory. Studies have found sleeplessness can weaken the body’s immune system, making sleep-deprived people more susceptible to viruses. Overtiredness can even contribute to obesity.

But figuring out how much sleep your toddler requires is far from an exact science. There’s no clear agreement among child development experts about exactly how much sleep is optimal for toddlers. Not only do sleep needs appear to vary genetically, sleep requirements gradually change over time. Newborns need approximately twice as much sleep as adults do, while 1-year-olds need 3 hours more than 3-year-olds do.

There’s another reason there is no “magic number” for the amount of sleep hours that individuals need: People, including toddlers, can accumulate sleep “debts,” needing more or less sleep on a given day depending on how much they’ve gotten in preceding days. This doesn’t mean that you can “make up” sleep hours you’ve lost, but it does mean that sleep deprivation can, over time, affect sleepiness during waking hours, and how readily your toddler (or you) can fall asleep, and also it can cause accumulated negative effects.

So, figuring out exactly how much sleep your toddler needs requires a little intuition plus a pinch of trial and error. If he has frequent episodes of being cranky or clumsy, a too-late bedtime is probably to blame. If he’s simply refusing to settle down for a morning nap and is chipper without it, he could simply have outgrown that particular naptime.

The undeniable truth is that you can’t force anyone, including your toddler, to fall asleep or stay asleep. You can, however, set the stage for healthy sleep by establishing consistent routines that include regular, predictable bedtimes and naptimes.

Whether it’s eating, exercising, or sleeping, predictable routines are key to your toddler’s sense of well-being. They help him anticipate what’s going to happen next. And consistency can help ease your toddler’s anxiety, too, whether it’s daily separations, such as bidding good-bye at day care or the nightly separation of saying good night when it’s bedtime. Eating and sleeping by the clock can also help to reduce meltdowns.

Keeping things regular offers psychological benefits; having rhythmical, predictable days and nights are hardwired into the genes of all living creatures. During the first year of life, a baby’s hormones naturally will synchronize with the light and dark cycles of his environment. Light exposure and darkness cue the 24-hour hormonal cycles of wakefulness to tiredness, and without regular light exposure the sleep cycles of humans (and animals) become erratic. So when you think of your child’s sleep routines, think beyond the hour before bedtime or when naptimes happen. Instead, try to keep in mind his whole 24-hour cycle.

Sometime between 9 months and 18 months, most toddlers will transition from two naps a day to one after-lunch siesta. Typically, the morning nap will be dropped first, while the afternoon nap will continue. Most children phase out of napping completely at around age 5, but sometimes highly active toddlers stop sooner.

Again, how much sleep your particular child needs may be different, or vary according to his sleep debts or other things going on in his life, such as illness. Here’s a general guide:

Quality sleep, quality awake time, exposure to sunlight, times of activity, and sleep cycles are all intertwined. Nutrition quality is also connected to sleep: Eating higher fiber and quick-digesting foods, such as fruits, berries, and cereals in the morning or afternoon, and saving slower-digesting, higher-fat foods, such as meats and cheeses, for dinnertime may help your child stay full overnight and encourage soiled diapers in the morning or afternoon, instead of the middle of the night.

If you’ve been winging it with your child’s schedule and want to make the move toward more consistent days and nights, the best way to start is by planning his schedule around his natural wake-up time. Most toddlers are pretty consistent about waking up early, no matter what time they go to bed the night before. Other than having blackout shades and hoping your toddler won’t notice the sun has come up, there’s not much that can be done to alter those early-morning wake-ups.

Even though you could try inching bedtime later by 15-minute increments each night to see if that entices him to sleep later in the morning, most parents discover that postponing bedtime doesn’t help. Their toddlers continue to wake up at the same early hour, but then they’re tired and cranky until they get a nap the next day.

To figure out a good go-to-bed hour, use this formula: On average, a 1-year-old needs about 12 ½ hours of sleep per day, with around 10 or 11 hours of sleep at night and the remainder as one or two naps during the day.

Even though you have little control over when your child wakes up from a nap or what time he wakes up in the morning, you can set his bedtime according to how much sleep he will need in a 24-hour cycle. If your 1-year-old wakes up at 6:30 every morning and takes an hour-long nap every day, you’ll want to start your bedtime ritual at about 6:15 and plan to have lights out by 7:00.

Sunlight is also known to play a powerful role in harmonizing wake-sleep patterns. Plan for ample outdoor time each day, and sunlight can help regulate your toddler’s sleep hormones. You can also encourage stronger night-and-day patterns by dimming lights and turning off any television sets in your home in the hours that precede bedtime. It doesn’t matter who is watching it—the flashing-light stimulation that television sets emit stimulate the human brain into thinking it’s daytime, which could be affecting your sleep, too.

Research shows that toddlers who go to bed earlier—between 7:00 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.—actually sleep more and have better-quality sleep than toddlers who are put down later.

Don’t be fooled if it’s close to bedtime but your toddler doesn’t seem tired. Get the bedtime routine rolling anyway. Toddlers often become more and more hyper when they’re tired, and that wide-awake hyperactivity could be masking overtiredness. What sounds like a happy laugh can quickly turn into mania and meltdown if your toddler starts clumsily bumping into things, falling down, and dissolving into tears. The irritation of extreme tiredness could be winding your toddler tighter and tighter until he becomes frantic, high-pitched, and on the brink of breaking down.

The trick is to start your toddler’s rituals earlier—a drink, a snack, a chance to go potty, saying good night to everybody. He doesn’t need any extra opportunities for energy release, such as roughhousing, running, jumping, climbing, or blowing off steam. He just needs signals and your help in turning his system off so he can relax. Once you slow him down, you can see the sleepiness taking over.

When your toddler moves into the “pretend” phase as he nears age 3, then practicing “pretend bedtime” may help him feel more agreeable about going to sleep when bedtime rolls around. Make a nest or use a toy baby bed so that dolls or toy baby birds can pretend to go to sleep, too. As your child gets older he’ll be better able to talk about what getting tired feels like.

Repeating the same rituals each night before bed will help your child mentally prepare for encroaching bedtime. You can create pre-bedtime rituals that feel comfortable for the two of you. The only essential elements are bathing, getting into jammies, and brushing teeth.

One important note of caution, though: Control how long the ritual lasts—30 to 60 minutes from bath to bed is a reasonable time frame to aim for.

As your toddler approaches 3, he will get better at trying to delay the inevitable. One solution can be to shorten other parts of the routine so that you’re still meeting the 30- to 60-minute total. For instance: “You can keep playing in the tub, but we will only have time to read one book tonight.”

Once all the formalities have been done and it’s time to dim the lights, consider doing something restful that you both enjoy. Here are some ideas:

After dark, toddler imaginations can run wild. Cartoon characters, child-sized dolls, and those classic horror-movie standbys, clowns, puppets, and decorative masks, can all morph into terrifying figures once the lights go out. A simple, functionally designed room is not only cheaper, but it could be more restful to your toddler, too.

Sleep training is any kind of behavioral intervention used by parents to alter their children’s sleep habits. It has two goals: to help children fall asleep by themselves at nap- and bedtime, and to put children back to sleep without parental help if they wake up. Parents ideally begin this training in their children’s infancy.

Research suggests that consistency is the only effective tool in sleep training. Researchers at the journal Sleep reviewed dozens of sleep studies (for infants aged 2 months to 11 months, from 1970 to 2005) and divided the strategies into these five categories:

1. Extinction. Also known as “crying it out,” parents put the infant to bed at night, for instance, and didn’t respond again until morning, unless the child was ill or in danger, though in some cases parents stayed in the room with the baby.

2. Graduated extinction. Sometimes called Ferberizing, named after Dr. Richard Ferber, this method is similar to extinction. The difference: Parents went in to soothe the child on a fixed schedule of progressively longer intervals, for instance every 3 minutes, then every 5 minutes, then every 10 minutes.

3. Positive routines and a faded bedtime. Set nighttime routine, wake-up time, and naptimes were established; then, the baby was taken out of the crib for a certain amount of time if he had problems sleeping. Then the parents put the child to bed at a later-than-usual bedtime while maintaining the consistent wake-up time, with the bedtime being moved up earlier in 15-minute increments until it becomes early enough for the baby to get a good night’s sleep.

4. Scheduled awakenings. Parents recorded the baby’s nighttime wake schedule for a while (for example, one complete night), followed by waking the baby 10 to 15 minutes before he would predictably wake up (for example, on the next night). Parents gradually increased the time between scheduled awakenings to nudge the child toward longer and longer sleep periods.

5. Parent education. For this strategy, parents were simply taught about the importance of sleep, consistency in routine, and to put the child down to sleep in a “drowsy but awake” state to encourage independent sleeping.

Research showed that any one of the above strategies could be effective in altering babies’ sleep patterns. It wasn’t just the specific strategy that got results, but the fact that parents applied it consistently.

And parents using a strategy—any strategy—reported increased confidence in their parenting skills, decreased stress, and higher marital satisfaction. One study found a 45 percent decrease in maternal depression.

So what’s your sleep strategy? (For more information on sleep, see the companion guide Great Expectations: Baby Sleep Guide by Marcie Jones and Sandy Jones.)

There’s getting your toddler down to sleep…and then there’s convincing him to stay asleep long enough for him (and everyone else in the house) to get enough rest.

It’s not unusual for toddlers to wake up during the night, even if they used to be world-class sleepers. And until your child is articulate enough to explain himself, you won’t always be able to figure out why he’s waking up. He may have had a vivid dream or been woken up by a stomachache, or a headache from emerging molars. Then again, he could simply be having a hard time putting himself back to sleep once he wakes up, which usually happens when sleeping cycles shift between light and deep sleep.

You want to comfort and help him if he needs you. But you also want to be mindful about it and not arouse him even more, or reward him for nighttime wakeups by being oversolicitous with hours of rocking, soothing, or feeding as ways of encouraging him to fall back to sleep.

Pause first: When you hear that all-too-familiar, middle-of-the-night shriek, take a look at the clock and give him at least 3 minutes to settle down on his own. Sometimes babies and toddlers cry, whine, or shriek in their sleep. Avoid rushing in only to find he’s lying down and probably would have gone back to sleep if you hadn’t opened the door and aroused him.

Then act: If tired cries continue, and he’s clearly becoming more and more awake, or his cries are unusually shrill and prolonged or it sounds like he’s in pain, then of course you want to respond and see if you can figure out what the problem is.

Does he have a soiled diaper? (That one should be obvious.) Is something making him uncomfortable? If the answer is yes, fix the problem as quickly and unobtrusively as possible, then go. Keep the room as dim as you can. Don’t talk, just stay calm. Change his diaper, or if he feels warm or you suspect he’s in pain, take his temperature and give your doctor’s recommended dose for discomfort and leave.

If you can’t find a problem, but the sight of him is breaking your heart and you simply can’t leave the room, try hugging him while he’s standing up, then gently easing him back into a lying-down position.

Again, unless there’s a dirty diaper, vomit, or another problem that can’t be solved by any other means, avoid making your intervention a stimulating or rewarding experience by turning on the lights, talking to him, picking him up, or taking him out of the crib, which will only increase the chances that he’ll repeat his wake-ups later.

Never use a crib tent to confine a roving toddler. His head could become trapped between the frame of the tent and the railing.

Just when you’ve gotten your child to sleep, another new kink in the hose comes along: Potty training. Your toddler will soon figure out that “I gotta go potty” is his “Get out of jail free” card! During the day, the minute your child says he has to go to the potty, of course you rush him there.

You don’t want to undo all of that progress. Take your child to the bathroom, but don’t let potty time turn into the late show. Put a night-light in the bathroom so you don’t have to turn on the lights completely. Don’t say more to your child than you have to. Give him a minute or two to get the job done, then escort him back to bed with no fanfare.

If he’s out of bed multiple times, without actually putting anything in the potty, don’t be afraid to put your foot down and declare the potty card null and void.

Some toddlers begin to have problems going to sleep due to separation anxiety issues, as early as 6 months and up to 15 months. Separation anxiety should abate by age 2, when toddlers are able to understand that you will come back after you go. If severe upsets and separation anxiety persist, the problem could be something else—an anxiety disorder, problems with transitions.

Parents can help young toddlers through a separation anxiety phase by providing consistency. Again, routines will help your child anticipate what comes next. When it’s time to separate, it helps to not get too emotionally worked up—even if you’re torn up inside with guilt about leaving your child at day care, or in his crib or toddler bed. Good-byes and good nights should be short and sweet, with reassurance that everything is okay through your facial expressions, body language, and demeanor. (Read more about separation issues in Chapter 3.)

Night terrors are a sleep disorder that happens during a phase of nondreaming sleep, when a toddler or child seems to be startled awake by fear. Your toddler may suddenly sit bolt upright, shrieking, gasping, and thrashing, or he may wake up in a sweat. Children ages 2 to 6 are most prone to night terrors, and they affect about 15 percent of all children.

The terrors usually happen during the first hour of sleep. While some episodes may be triggered by stress, fever, or overtiredness, it is also thought that there may be a genetic predisposition to them. Note: Night terrors are not the same as nightmares. Nightmares usually happen at a different stage of sleep, and children and adults who have them don’t remember them.

Thankfully the night terrors usually last only a few minutes, though some hours-long episodes aren’t unheard of.

Experts suggest not attempting to wake a child from a night-terror episode. Being woken up may actually be more frightening and disorienting than the episode itself. Simply stay close by, grit your teeth, and keep him from falling out of bed or hurting himself until the episode subsides. Most likely, he won’t completely wake up, but will instead fall back into a deep, gentle sleep. If you’re still concerned, discuss these wake-ups with your toddler’s pediatrician.

Usually, nighttime nursing is the last to go in the weaning process. If you’re nursing your toddler off to sleep and you enjoy it, then that can be a cherished moment that the two of you share together. But if you feel it’s time to stop nursing, then the easiest solution is to have someone else put your child to bed for a while. (It’s good for your child to get used to the idea that other people can put him to bed, too.)

If you’re the only one available for bedtime duty, though, then you have no other option but to kindly, gently, and lovingly draw the line. Wear something he can’t get into, such as a turtleneck.

When he cries, fusses, complains, and beats your chest as if it’s a broken vending machine, say “no” firmly, then rock and cuddle him while he expresses his feelings. It may take him longer than usual to settle down for the first few nights, but eventually it will happen.

Though he may protest, again be sure to put him down before he is completely asleep. You’re not giving him any less love or closeness, and after you’ve put in a year (or more) of breastfeeding, nor do you need to feel guilty about deciding that you don’t want to continue any longer. The positive thing is that you’re helping him learn how to soothe himself to sleep without a crutch. (For more information on weaning, see the companion guide Great Expectations: The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding by Marianne Neifert.)

Unless you’re expecting another baby and will need to recycle your toddler’s crib, there’s really no need to rush him out of his familiar sleeping quarters. Cribs have the great advantage of being fully protected on all sides, and, let’s face it, its cagelike properties prevent nighttime and pre-dawn roaming.

Your toddler is ready for a bed with no bars once he becomes agile and big enough to climb out of the crib, which is usually around age 3. As soon as he has figured out he can shift his body weight to get up and over things, and he’s tall enough to get a leg over the top of the crib rail, it’s just a matter of time before he makes his first successful crib escape.

To ensure your child is safe inside his crib, it’s important to lower the mattress to the very lowest level and take out any crib bumpers, pillows, or other items that could be used as stepping stones—everything, that is, but the one small stuffed animal or blanket that your child is especially attached to when he pulls up to stand at the bars.

After your child has successfully climbed out once, you can be sure that he’ll try again, even if he got hurt the first time. Unfortunately, unless you happen to catch him in the act of actually throwing a leg over, you may not know your child is big enough to climb out until the fateful day when you hear a thud, followed by a scream, or your stealthy toddler inexplicably appears in your bedroom in the middle of the night.

Once you notice your child starting to get that escape-artist urge, put some padding under his crib—an extra layer of rug padding, or interlocking foam floor panels—and go toddler bed shopping. A nice perk of some toddler beds is that a crib mattress will fit into them. They also come in some adorable shapes, like little racecars, castles, and so on. It doesn’t matter what style of bed you get, but remember that toddlers are too young for bunk beds or lofts because of the risk of falls or head entrapment on the ladders or sidebars.

Another option is to skip the toddler-bed stage altogether and move your child right into a regular twin bed—just be sure to have bed rails on both sides to prevent falls.

A downside to toddler beds is that keeping the child in the bed is more of a challenge now that it’s a lot easier for him to get out, and it’s not safe to have your toddler roaming the house at night.

Hundreds of baby sleep books and articles essentially say the same thing: Stay nearby—either in the room or outside the door—and gently yet firmly put your toddler back in bed again and again while avoiding interaction that might stimulate him more or risk turning the whole thing into a game. This back-to-bed ushering may actually take hours for the first few nights, but consistency is key. Ultimately, your child will get the message.

If your toddler turns into a midnight wanderer, you may need to figure out a way to stop him from exiting his room. Re-employ the baby monitor and install a baby gate across his bedroom exit. Make sure the room is kid-proofed, with bookcases bolted to the walls, drapery cords safely secured, and accessible windows fitted with window guards. If you’re not going to use a gate, put a dimmer switch on your hall light (or use a night-light in the hallway) and keep a latched gate on the stairs so there’s no danger in turning the wrong direction on the way to your room.

If he makes it to your room, resist the urge to let him into bed. Without speaking, walk him back to his room and replace him in his own bed. When your child is old enough to understand, if he’s still fixated on being in your bed, you can make an exception and let him in your bed when it’s light outside, as long as he stays quiet and still. This may earn you a few valuable minutes before you have to get out of bed on weekends.

A calming CD of lullabies or soothing music played when your toddler is extra-tired and falling off to sleep may help him associate the music with being relaxed and drifting off to pleasant dreamland.

As a parent, you need to take charge of your toddler’s routines. It’s your job to set limits and teach your child to sleep independently. A sleep schedule can help. Here’s how the nightly routine might look:

It isn’t. Not only do toddlers have trouble with their nighttime, go-to-bed skills, but a lot of adults do, too. About 60 percent of American adults report frequent problems with falling asleep. According to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, 20 percent of 1-year-olds wake up regularly overnight, while 76 percent of parents wish they could change their child’s sleep habits.

It helps to approach independent sleeping like any other skill that your toddler learns, whether it’s drinking from a cup or mastering self-toileting. You’ll need to figure out some strategies and have realistic expectations about success and backsliding.

Testing limits is what toddlers do. The same drive that prods your toddler to inch his finger closer to whatever you tell him not to touch while simultaneously watching for your reaction will also drive him to test your limits at night.

The trick is figuring out when your child really needs you versus when he’s simply using the situation to get your attention in the night. If he asks for one more story or song, will you comply? Exactly how many times can he ask to get up to use the potty before you draw the line? If he throws something out of his bed and cries to get it back, will you go in to fetch it? And just when you’ve figured out that you’re being played and you’re not going to fall for a certain trick again, your toddler could well come up with a new strategy.

It’s not always easy to tell when a toddler is tired. Sometimes he may rub his eyes, get whiny, or flop around. Other times he may be exhausted but still seem wide-awake. Though we can use general guidelines suggested by experts, it can still be hard to judge exactly how much sleep your child needs.

Throughout human history, children and families all bundled up and slept together for warmth and protection. There were no electric lights or central heating, nor separate bedrooms for everyone. All shared the same room (or the same cave), and monsters weren’t something toddlers imagined, but truly frightening things lurking in the dark that were life-threatening.

Children are hardwired to not want to sleep alone, and it makes sense since humans are mammals, and therefore, pack animals. Besides, grown-ups’ beds are a lot more comforting than cribs with bars. They’re snug and warm, smell like Mommy, and probably have better-quality sheets and blankets, too.

Despite how appealing it is to your toddler to stay up as long as possible or jump into bed with you, there are some very good reasons why your toddler should be trundled off to bed at a decent hour and sleep in his own bed.

First, there are your own needs to think about. After a long day of working, tending to the household, and chasing after a toddler, you deserve the peace and quiet of your own bed and a restful night so that you can do it all again tomorrow. And letting your child into your bed could potentially undermine his confidence. Instead of consistently helping him to see his bedroom and bed as a cozy retreat for relaxing and resting at the end of the day, you might inadvertently be reinforcing the notion that there really is something scary about his own bedroom and sleeping alone.

Still, some parents share a bed because the whole family enjoys it. As long as everyone is getting enough sleep and no one minds, there’s nothing wrong with it. But if you’re bed sharing just because you brought your child into your bed one night and now don’t know how to get him out, or if your child is sneaking into your room, that’s a different story.

Moving a child from the family bed to a room and crib of his own is never easy, and it gets progressively more challenging the older the child gets (at least until middle-school peer pressure sets in).

If your child has been sleeping in your bed and has never slept alone, start with him napping in his own room and bed. Make getting to the crib in time for naps a priority—don’t let morning errands run long and risk having him fall asleep in a car seat or stroller for that dreaded mini-nap that fuels him up for the rest of the day.

When naptime arrives, rock or snuggle with your toddler until he’s almost asleep and then put him down, giving him a few reassuring pats if you want. Then leave the room to give him a chance to settle.

As tempting as it may be to rock him into a limp sleep, then put him down and sneak off, he’ll be even more upset when he wakes up to find that you’re gone and he doesn’t know where he is or how he got there.

If he cries a tired, complaining cry, give him a reassuring pat, say night-night, and give him a chance—at least 15 minutes—to settle. The point is for him to learn to go asleep on his own, and staying in his room sends the message that you don’t have confidence that he can do it, and also that somehow it’s your job to usher him off to sleep.

When you close the door, your toddler may surprise you by just fussing a little while before dropping off to sleep. If he becomes wide-awake, his cries don’t abate, and he’s standing up in his crib, you have a choice to make: either staying out of the room and letting him cry himself to sleep, or going in and intervening.

Here are some sleep reminders for when you’re transitioning your toddler from your bed into his:

• You are not hurting your child or your relationship with him by insisting that he sleep in a crib.

• Sleeping alone is something that everyone has to learn sometime, and it becomes progressively harder to learn the older a child gets.

Sleep may be more difficult for your toddler if he has already transitioned from a crib to a toddler bed but there has been a change in the family—a new baby sister or brother, for instance. In that case, stay in his room. Sit in a nearby chair, and when he gets out of bed, gently but firmly reposition him back in his bed again.

The first time he gets out, give him a verbal reminder: “Sleepy time.” After that, don’t look at him, talk, or interact. Sometimes it takes more than an hour of putting him back into bed, but don’t give up prematurely. If you do, it signals that he can win the bedtime battle if he just keeps at it. Remember: You make the rules, and you know what’s best. Consistency is key.

Going to sleep with a bottle of formula can cause milk to pool around your child’s teeth, leading to decay. If your child must have a nighttime bottle, use water.

Q: My son has always been a GREAT sleeper. He usually goes down around 7:30–8:00 p.m. and he’ll sleep until around 7:00 a.m. Lately, however, he’s been waking up in the middle of the night and refusing to go back to sleep. He will scream at the top of his lungs, and when I go in there, he asks to eat. I’ll take him downstairs, and he cries to watch one of his favorite shows. This has happened on and off now for a week. I’m pregnant with our second and am exhausted all the time. Any advice?

A: Your son is manipulating you and you need to draw the line—fast. Toddlers are all about trial and error as they try out different options to figure out what works to get what they want, which is admirable for them but may not be so great for you. While you may be okay with late-night snacks and TV the first or second time, weeks or months of this is not going to be good for anyone, especially not with a new baby on the way.

Your toddler needs his rest, and you need yours. He needs to eat the healthy food you serve him, not hold out for a better offer. (For more on picky eaters, see Chapter 8.) And eating after he’s brushed isn’t good for his teeth, either.

If he’s going to bed at 7:30, that’s really not very long after dinnertime. If he wakes up at night, give him a chance to calm himself down. If he doesn’t, go in once, make sure he’s not in danger, give a hug, then say goodnight. Don’t turn on lights, pick him up, talk to him, or let him get up, and don’t offer him more than a sip of water.

The screaming may seem horrible to you, but it’s not “I’m-in-danger” screaming. It’s screaming from not getting something that he wants that, incidentally, happens to be bad for him. If he was screaming to have candy for dinner you wouldn’t give in, and you wouldn’t feel guilty about it. This is the same deal.

And note that the screaming may get worse before it gets better, because he will try to replicate whatever it was he did that got him treats and TV in the past. Stay consistent, and don’t fall for it!

Also, if you’re worried about how your new baby is going to affect your close relationship with your child, rest assured that he will adapt as children have for millennia, and there’s no need to try to “make up” for the separation that’s coming in advance by coddling him in the night. You both need your rest, and it’s your job to make sure that happens.

Q: I know that children wake up early, but how early is too early? My son was waking up at 6:30, which was bad enough, but lately he’s been getting up even sooner than that—on 5 a.m. some days. Then he’ll be cranky and takes a two-hour nap at 8 a.m. What can I do?

A: If your child is waking up at 6 a.m. and is chipper and raring to go, and goes on to have an upbeat and active day, that’s one thing. You may not have a choice but to adjust your own sleep schedule accordingly. But if he’s waking up when it’s still dark and before he’s had a chance to get a good night’s sleep, that’s another story.

Your child can’t read the clock, of course, so you can help differentiate night and day with your routine. Decide what a “decent hour” would be—say, 6 a.m. If it’s earlier, though, treat this wake-up as if it was the middle of the night. Wait and see if he can put himself back to sleep.

Blackout curtains or light-blocking shades may help to trick him into thinking it’s nighttime. For older toddlers who are able to grasp simple rules, an alternate rule is that it’s not time to get up until it’s light outside, and if he gets up before that, then he needs to play quietly in his room.

As we’ve suggested earlier, you can also try working with his bedtime. Sometimes being overtired can result in broken sleep, and an earlier bedtime can help. But with some toddlers, that can backfire, making your 5 a.m. riser a 4 a.m. riser. Or you can experiment, making his bedtime 15 minutes later on successive nights, until it’s about an hour later than usual.

Both the earlier and later bedtimes are worth a try, but don’t be shocked if neither makes a difference in your child’s wake-up time. Early wake-up times are often an unchangeable reality of life with toddlers. If that’s the case, then the most workable solution is to turn off the television at night and go to bed an hour or two earlier yourself.

The lavender fragrance is thought to promote relaxation. Try putting a small drop of pure lavender oil (available at health food stores) at the foot of your toddler’s crib sheet.

Time	Activity
6:30 a.m.	Wake up, change diaper
6:45	Breakfast
8:00	Morning activity (preferably outside)
9:30	Morning nap, if your child still needs one
10:30	Snack, then activity
12:30 p.m.	Lunch
1:00	Nap, followed by snack
2:30	Afternoon activity (preferably outside)
5:30	Dinner
6:45	Bath
7:00	Tooth brushing, pajamas
7:10	Settle-down time: dim the lights and enjoy your before-bed quiet time routine
7:15	Lights out, parents out of the room