Little Emily was in Sunday school with many other kids her age. The décor was similar to a preschool classroom, cubbies on one side of the room, toys on shelves, and art on the walls, but there were no desks. Instead, everybody sat on the rough, grey-blue carpeting.
The teacher in the room finished reading a piece of scripture that was attuned to mold the young minds, “Amen.” Her sentiment was then repeated by the children. “I hope you liked that story. Do any of you have questions at all?” But none did. So, they moved quickly to the next activity, “Alright, well, now it’s time for some coloring. Let’s get into pairs.”
As the kids ran around grouping up with their closest friends or those that they at least did not dislike, Emily was ignored by them all. By the end, she was left alone without a partner which was not uncommon.
“Emily,” the teacher called as she walked over with another young girl that had no partner. “Why don’t you be with Marcy? Her family is new to the church, and she could use a friend.”
“Okay,” Emily sheepishly agreed.
“Wonderful. Are you okay with that, Marcy?”
Marcy did not say anything. She did not even dare to meet anyone’s eyes.
“She’s quiet, so please be nice,” the teacher instructed Emily.
“Huh, sure.”
“Okay.” The teacher then turned away. As she walked back to the front of the room, she spoke loudly so that all could hear, “I’ve left out plenty of colorful paper and markers, so let’s draw some pictures of whatever makes you happy. Maybe your family. Or maybe your pets.”
Marcy just stood there always looking away. Squeezed tightly in her arms was a stuffed animal called Spookals. She also wore a purple shirt with the mascot on it. The surprisingly cute little creature was like a bat mixed with a butterfly. He had pointed ears popping up from the top of his head as well as big, ball eyes with slightly skewed irises. The inflated features were then contrasted by a small swoop for a smile. His cylindrical body had two short legs that ended in points. In place of arms were wings. The color palette was purple and violet.
“Hello,” Emily said.
Marcy did not respond, but instead, seemed to shrink a little.
“You just moved here?”
The question made Marcy retreat even more. Her face started to scrunch as if she was holding back tears.
“Who’s that?”
Marcy’s demeanor flipped all of a sudden. Her rising worry vanished, and she became very talkative, even if the words she was trying to convey stumbled over each other, “Spookals is … uh … my friend. And Spookals is … uh … butterbat. Some of the other Holly Dolks are scared of him but then they aren’t because he’s nice. He seems scary but that is so he can scare the real monsters away and keep the others safe. He likes sleeping in flowers. And … and …” she became very quiet again and sad as she realized she had been rambling on.
“It’s okay,” Emily comforted in confusion. “How about we just draw some pictures?”
Marcy nodded her head in agreement.
For the most part, they sat and worked without talking. Marcy drew a picture of Spookals as to be expected. Emily ended up not drawing anything. She only stared at the piece of blank paper and wondered what was it that made her happy. But she did not know.
Eventually, parents began picking up their kids as Sunday mass was coming to an end. Emily’s father and mother, Matthew and Rebecca Adams, were soon through the door looking stern. They took their daughter and quickly made their leave.
Marcy waved goodbye to Emily.
Emily attempted to wave back but her mother grabbed her hand aggressively, saying as they walked away, “Stay away from that retard girl.”
The next day at grade school, an escort walked the special-needs children through the cafeteria to their table to eat lunch.
Among them was Marcy carrying her precious stuffed animal. Eye contact was avoided as usual but that did not stop her from noticing the familiar outline of someone she recognized from yesterday. Emily was among the kids also having lunch at this time, though she was sitting alone. Marcy glanced just the slightest before having to stare back at the ground. Even so, she waved in the direction of the other girl. The greeting was ignored. Marcy squeezed Spookals tighter and sat sadly.
Another kid that was sitting at a nearby table saw the interaction and felt the need to involve herself, the redheaded girl wondering, “Why did you ignore her? She looks so sad now. That was mean.”
“My mom said not to because she’s retarded,” Emily justified.
“You can’t say that about somebody.” Rachael had the most upset look.
“But she is,” Emily stood her ground.
“That’s why nobody likes you,” Mark, who was sitting at the table with Rachael and his best friend Andy, vilified Emily.
“I don’t need you to like me,” Emily said with her childish anger. “You’re just a bunch of … of … retards, too.”
Mark stood up like he was ready to fight and shouted, “Stop using that word you … you’re a … you B word!”
That shocked all those that heard him declare it, and adults quickly became involved to figure out what was going on. In the end, the two main culprits, Emily and Mark, were given detention slips along with their parents being called.
When the day came to an end and Rachael and Andy were being picked up by their mother, Moreen, Mark was not with them as he usually would be. Instead, the two kids carried a sense of despair over their heads.
“What’s the matter?” Their mother asked. “Where’s Mark?”
“He got detention for calling a girl the B word,” Rachael explained with the tone of a sigh.
“Are you serious?” Their mother stared into the review mirror with concern about the news, though it was not too surprising.
“It was that Emily girl,” Andy defended his friend. “And she is. She called one of the special-needs girls the R-word. And she called us the R-word also.”
Moreen suddenly took on a more compassionate front as she exhaled her held breath. “Well, I bet she was acting like a B word then. But that doesn’t give Mark the right to call her such a thing.”
“She started it,” Andy blamed.
“She’s still a kid like you,” Moreen excused. “She’s just acting like the people around her act.”
“But she doesn’t have any friends,” he told.
“That … yeah,” that was sad but believable. “She’s got parents, though. And they’re not as cool as your mom. They’re very ‘devout’ Christians. Honestly, I worry for that girl. She’s definitely going to end up like them then.”
“Why?” Rachael wondered.
“Because she’s got nobody to show her another way to live.”
The next day of school came, and it was now recess time. Rachael was with Andy and a few other kids playing on the playground equipment, casting imaginary magic. They were acting like superheroes and making up fantasy adventures in the most joyous display. But Rachael stopped playing for a moment when she recognized someone.
Marcy, dressed up in a big, fluffy, purple coat, and carrying her precious toy as always, was being escorted from one building to another. Because of yesterday’s incident, she had not gone to lunch this day. The anxiety of the situation made her afraid to eat around others, and she had to have an isolated time to eat which was what she was coming back from.
Rachael did not think too much about what proper action to take and just hurried over before she lost this chance.
Seeing the redheaded girl approach in such a hasty manner, Marcy became very fearful. She held Spookals over her face and backed away to be behind the adult that was with her.
“Woah,” the guardian uttered which brought Rachael to a halt. “You’ve got to approach more delicately than that. You’re going to scare her.”
“Oh,” Rachael realized too late. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was just wondering if she wanted to play with us?”
The guardian’s brow furrowed at the question that seemed to be an obvious no. But Marcy peeked around just the slightest when the question was asked. That was a sign of interest. The guardian looked at the situation and saw that this could be a good opportunity for Marcy to develop. To test the waters, instead of throwing her into the deep end, the question was posed, “Well, maybe you can try asking her?”
“Uh, okay,” Rachael accepted the chance and looked intently, yet kindly at the other girl. “You’re Marcy?”
Marcy did not say anything.
“I like your Spookals,” Rachael complimented.
“Is Spookals your friend, too?” Marcy held him out to both be presented and also as a shield she could hide behind.
“Sure, he is,” Rachael answered. “How about we also be friends, too? Do you want to come and play with me?”
Even as Marcy was staring at the ground, she nodded her head with a smile.
The guardian clasped their own hands proudly and assured, “You go play, Marcy. I’ll be right by watching from the bench. Come to me if you get tired or just want to head in, alright?”
Marcy acknowledged that she understood by nodding again.
The two girls slowly made their way back to the playground and joined the others. A few introductions were given but not much more was said than that. For the most part, Marcy sat by herself a bit out of the way so as not to get trampled on as the other kids ran around. Rachael and Andy made sure to sit by Marcy now and then to play with her and Spookals. Even had they not, just being near the other kids made Marcy feel accepted in some way.
After a few days of suspension, Emily eventually returned to school. However, being back seemed more like a punishment. All the other kids had already ignored her before, but now many of them would give her the stink eye. She used to not be liked. Now she was hated.
At least during recess time, she could get away from the judgment. There was this spot where she always sat that was isolated. Just around the corner of the building hid her just out of view and away from the playground.
She did pretty much nothing while she was at her spot other than wait. That was because she was not allowed to do much outside of school either, so she really did not know how to do things. Books were prohibited in her house and the rule followed her to school, if not a textbook. She would not graffiti on the pavement with chalk like a criminal. And, obviously, she had nobody to play with. That left her to think mindlessly over the ideas drilled into her head.
However, today was not the same for Emily. Instead of being completely ignored, there was a kid that decided to approach her. It was the redheaded girl who appeared from around the corner.
“What do you want?” Emily questioned, not sure if she was annoyed or scared at this interaction.
“Come play with us,” Rachael thoughtfully offered.
Emily was so very surprised that she was left speechless for a moment. After the incident in the lunchroom, the last thing she believed would happen was her inclusion in anything. But the very person who she had called a retard was the one showing this kindness. There was no knowing what to say other than “I don’t want to.”
“Why?” Rachael sincerely wondered.
“Because you’re playing with the retard.” Emily scowled. “And that jerk,” meaning Mark who had also returned from his suspension.
“You really should stop saying that,” Rachael said as advice instead of a lecture or a disconcerted remark. “You’ll get in trouble again.”
“I don’t care,” Emily continued to reject whatever compassion came her way.
“And it’s also why nobody likes you,” Rachael felt the need to explain.
“I already said I don’t need anybody to like me,” Emily reminded.
“Well,” Rachael pondered on how true that was, “let’s change that. You’re a B word and I want to hang out with you, so you can hang out with Marcy and Mark even if you don’t like them.”
“I said no.”
“If that’s what you really want,” Rachael accepted for the time being. “Enjoy sitting here. We’ll be waiting if you ever don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Then Rachael left the situation alone for the day and returned to play with her friends. Emily had not been convinced in any way and swore that she would never join. And that would have been the case if that had been the only effort. But Rachael came back the next day with the same offer. And then the next. And again, no matter how many times she was told to go away. Her persistence showed she was not giving up. That was when the day came that those efforts broke through.
Emily stood on the perimeter of the playground as all the kids stared at her, judgingly. But none of them sneered or told her to leave. The thing was, though Rachael was the only one actively offering peace, her attempts were noticed by the others. So, when Emily finally did come to join, she was tolerated instead of being outright outcast
Eventually, tolerance turned to acceptance. Those times on the playground, in the lunchroom, and during class changed much with the girl who used to have nobody.
Years went by and Emily grew up to be more independent, as independent as a fourteen-year-old could be with overbearing parents. Their ideals were no longer hers. She did not care about the religious mysticism that had once filled her life, and instead, sought to discover the true fantasies of the world itself outside of a structured system that said one type of magic was real when others were false. All magic was real; that which her parents believed, but also that of Buddhism, Paganism, stories told by a nation’s first people, and the heroic legends known throughout the world.
Far more adult than most, Emily made her own choices in life and accepted the burden of her parent’s retribution. They screamed and yelled, even smacked her, and locked her in her room when she acted against their demands such as leaving the house without their approval. Though, she never would have been able to leave had she ever tried to get their permission.
“Let me leave,” Emily demanded as her mother and father stood in the way of the front door.
“When did you become such an ungrateful child?” Emily’s mother, Rebecca, labeled.
Emily fell back into her mind to consider the time when she changed and knew exactly when, “Back when you told me to not hang out with Marcy, because” quote, “she’s retarded,” unquote. “But Marcy is great and it’s you two that are just …” oh, how badly she wanted to call them assholes. “You’re not good people. That’s why nobody likes you in this town. And you wanted everybody to hate me, too.”
“And look what that retard did to you,” Rebecca accused. “She turned our own daughter against us. Now, you disobey everything we say. And you’ve been worshipping the Devil with her and that other sinful girl.”
“They’re my friends,” Emily defended. “Even after being raised by you to hate everybody, they looked passed my shitty behavior and showed me what it’s like to be kind to others, unlike you. Your stupid religion just lets you pretend you’re good because you think you’re better than everybody. But really, you’re selfish, judgmental … assholes—”
Rebecca slapped Emily across the face as she commanded, “Go to your room!”
“No!” Emily refused as she pushed her mom back.
Mathew rushed over, grabbed Emily by the wrist, and aggressively started dragging her down the hallway.
“You’re hurting me!” Emily screamed as she thrashed to break free.
“Can’t you see how you’re hurting your mother!?” He blamed.
“I said,” Emily’s flailing hand grabbed a picture off the wall, “You’re hurting me!” She then swung the object, the glass crashing and shattering over his head.
He stumbled from the hit and let her go as he felt the back of his head. Anger rose. He shoved Emily hard, and her head struck the wall with a loud crack leaving her bleeding.
“What’s wrong with you, you worthless girl!?” He tore her down.
Rebecca was the one to rush up this time and grabbed Emily by the hair, tearing strands and screaming, “Get out of this house! Get out! Don’t you dare come back unless you’ve corrected yourself!”
Emily stormed out the front door and stumbled down the footpath with absolutely nothing as she gritted her teeth angrily while her eyes filled with tears.
Hours passed as the night grew darker and colder. Emily had wandered around the west side of Darkess until she wound up in Heirloom Park. She sat on a bench and looked up at the bleak sky that rarely revealed any stars.
She wondered if this was for the best. To be away from them meant to no longer be poisoned by their self-righteous values. She was free to serve the world how she wanted, to place hope into the chaos rather than add more to it.
And yet, there was no denying that she had been abandoned by those that had brought her into this world, those who chose to have her and thereby chose to take on the responsibility of nurturing a life. To have a child is the most selfless decision to make because a parent must then sacrifice their happiness, and their life in place of their child’s happiness and life. But her parents chose to be selfish yet again.
Emily began to cry.
From the shadows materialized two, Rachael and Marcy.
Emily hushed and hid her expressions of sadness before quickly asking, “What are you doing here?”
“When you didn’t show up, we came looking,” Rachael answered.
“Why?” Emily thought that was a ridiculous choice. “You know my parents are assholes. If I didn’t show up, then that’s because they wouldn’t let me.”
“Then why are you here and not at home?” Rachael pointed out.
“I was kicked out,” Emily admitted easily to these two girls whom she had come to trust far more than anyone else in her life.
Both gave concerned looks as they took a seat on the bench beside their friend.
“You can stay with me,” Marcy offered even though her kindness was out of place at this moment.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Rachael went backward in the conversation. “How about you tell us what happened . . ?”
Back in the Olden Woods, in the same location where the group had left, they reappeared. Not much time passed, but while they were gone, the candles had burned out and the smoke dispersed. The ritual sight had become dark and hollow.
As Mark leaned against a tree to take a breath, while Emily did more or less the same, with Ligaya drifting around the area, and Marcy dispelling the door, Rachael worked quickly to relight some of the candles as she was aware The Midnight Man would still be around.
“For a moment,” Mark exhaustedly huffed, “I actually thought you were going to sell me to that demon.”
“Excuse me?” What Emily heard gave rise to her aggression. After a long, judging stare that stabbed across the still air, she quickly stepped to Marcy. Standing imposingly for a prolonged moment felt crushing. Then a swift slap struck Marcy across the cheek. After another pause, Emily swung her hand again, backhanding Marcy on the other cheek. Not asked out of anger or frustration, just from a truly deep place of distress, “What’s wrong with you?”
“I did what needed to be done,” Marcy stated without guilt as she rubbed her pink cheek. “Now we know where Olivia is.”
“You used Mark like a tool—”
“Never with the intention to actually hand him over,” Marcy justified.
“But he could have been taken anyway because of the situation that you put him in,” Emily stressed. “Whatever you intended, whatever the result, you used him.”
“What would you have suggested then?” Marcy challenged to hear another option.
“I don’t know,” Emily admitted. “But we would have figured something out.”
“Something that takes too long,” Marcy disputed. “Something that might go against your morality.”
“How is using Mark not against your morality?” Emily confoundedly questioned.
“Because I never would have let anything bad happen,” Marcy assured.
“But you can’t guarantee that,” Emily stressed the point. “The only way would have been not to put him in that situation in the first place.”
“What then?” Marcy said almost like a demand.
“I don’t know,” Emily repeated her uncertainty. “But not this.”
“I did what I had to.” Marcy made no mistake.
“You really don’t care,” Emily accused.
“I do care,” Marcy said with absolute certainty.
“I don’t see it,” Emily refuted.
“I care,” Marcy echoed. “I love you. I love you all. And I will do what needs to be done to protect what we have, even if that means having to put some of us in danger sometimes. This life as a Witch is not without risk. And now that we’ve been dragged into the consequences of my actions, the only way to fix this is by taking more risks. There is no other option.”
“Are you even listening to yourself?” Emily tried to draw out a sense of understanding.
That was unnecessary because Marcy was aware. “I know that I did many wrong things that got us to this point. I never wanted this, and I am sorry. I was being selfish and irresponsible because I didn’t think my choices would affect any of you as they have. I thought they would only affect me. I was wrong. Now I’m doing what I must to ensure we get through this.” She turned away as she solemnly spoke, “Even if my actions make you hate me, I’m okay with that. Not like you could hate me more than you already do.”
“Why do you want me to hate you?” Emily had to ask.
“I don’t,” Marcy professed. “But if you will, I accept that, because I won’t stop making the difficult choices no matter how much you hate me. I’m sorry.” A thought from the past slowly returned. “I’m sorry.” She took a slow breath that was exhaled out of her nose. “I’m sorry. It was not my place for what I did those years ago—”
“Let’s not—” Emily slowly shook her head, wanting to avoid the painful memories.
“I took that choice away from you,” Marcy continued because this was where their conflict truly resided. They would never be able to understand each other like they once had until this issue, this painful action, this permanent spot in their history was acknowledged. “But it was a dumb choice, and I know me saying that probably just made you scowl, but it was dumb. And I don’t regret what I did.”
“Just stop talking,” Emily stressed as calmly as she could.
“Then what?” Marcy presented the unresolved reality. “You forget about it? Of course not. You’ve been holding this pain forever now. I’ve been quiet, been patient, been locked up this whole time hoping that was what you wanted and what might help you come to terms. But you don’t want closure—”
“Shut up!” Emily finally broke her tolerance.
“You want to be sad and alone—” Marcy accused.
“You’re the reason I am alone!” Emily cast her own blame.
“So that is how you really feel?” Marcy slowly nodded her head with humble contentment for having drawn out the truth. “What about Mark? What about Rachael? Do they mean nothing?”
“They do,” Emily defended.
“But they’re not enough?”
“They are.”
“You just wanted more?” Marcy defined.
“I didn’t ‘just’ want more,” Emily apposed the thought. “I wanted to bring a child into this world who deserved to be here. But you took that away.”
“I did what I did because I didn’t want to lose my sister,” Marcy admitted. “Sure, that is selfish. But you were being selfish, too. You would leave a child motherless, a man brokenhearted, and your sisters behind.”
“What I decided had nothing to do with any of you—”
“I know that.” However, Marcy also recognized, “But it wasn’t about the child either. The child was just your need to validate your life. You had a shitty upbringing and wanted to prove that you were better than your parents. I guess sacrificing yourself would certainly prove something—”
“It wasn’t about them either!” Emily denied.
“Don’t lie!” Marcy broke her calm demeanor for that split second as her frustrations were getting the better of her and her true feelings slipped. Calmly, she reiterated, “Don’t lie to me. Don’t keep lying to yourself.”
“I’m not lying,” Emily stressed. “Mark and I always wanted a family. A child to love. This was our only chance.”
“Mark?” Marcy turned to him for an opinion.
Mark was caught off guard and instinctively drew his arms up in surrender as he took a step back. He did not want to be a part of this terrifying conversation. Unfortunately, his actions said everything. From the very beginning and even now, he abstained from the issue.
“Mark?” Emily was finally realizing something.
“You never asked him how he felt,” Marcy criticized. “And he never said anything. It was your decision, but that’s because it was only for yourself, not about him or the child. You needed to prove that your parents were pieces of shit and that you were better than them. And you would of, even at the cost of your life. But I couldn’t lose you to your pride.”
“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! It! … it … they? … they.”
“On that bench all those years ago …” Marcy remembered, slowly telling every detail, every tear shed that night until there was nothing more to be said. Oh, how Emily had declared that she would be better, how she would do anything to make her parents recognize how wrong they were. Maybe those words were forgotten, but the feelings were still held in some subconscious place. She was still bound to them, to their will because her decisions were based around them even if acting in opposition. When all was said and done, Marcy turned away to hide her sorrowful expression as she accepted, “Hate me all you want. I’m used to it. But I’ll still love you. And I’ll protect you, even from yourself.”
Arms suddenly dragged Marcy into an embrace as Emily said while she wept, “I do hate you so fucking much.”
Marcy patted Emily on the arm as she cautiously understood, “It’s still too soon for this issue to be resolved but—”
“Just shut up,” Emily ordered.
“Okay,” Marcy agreed.
That was when Rachael joined the embrace by taking the other two women in her arms. Then Mark joined, able to hug all three women. Ligaya joined in in her own way, placing a hand on Marcy’s shoulder while standing a bit away and looking off into the distance.
“This is good,” Marcy remarked before turning toward the important matter, “But we need to save Olivia.”