You are not alone. According to research, one person in three has difficulty flying. And, you are in good company. A lot of very accomplished people, some of them well-known, feel the same way you do about flying: prolific author Isaac Asimov, actress Whoopi Goldberg, comedian Jackie Gleason, former President of the United States Ronald Reagan, film director Stanley Kubrick, hockey star Wayne Gretzky, sportscaster John Madden—the list is long.
Some tried psychotherapy in an effort to overcome this phobia. And while the therapy may have been helpful in many areas of their lives, they found, to their great disappointment, it did not help them conquer their fear of flying. You may have tried this route yourself. Others have attended workshops for fear of flying led by pilots with vast experience in the air. They explain the mechanics of flight. They point out how safe flying is. Though the statistics show the chance of being on a doomed flight is incredibly low, this rarely works. I know, because that approach was tried in the original fear-of-flying course at Pan Am led by my colleague Captain Truman “Slim” Cummings. I worked as a volunteer with his course.
I had joined Pan Am after seven years of flying the first supersonic jet fighter, the F-100, and the F-105 at a United States Air Force base in Germany. I flew DC-8s, 707s, and 747s at Pan Am, and later I flew 727s, 747s, 757s, and 767s at United Airlines. In all, airlines and Air Force together, I spent thirty-eight years in the air.
Recognizing the limitations of the Pan Am course, in 1982 I founded SOAR, Seminars On Aeroanxiety Relief, to find a more effective way to help people overcome the fear of flying. The addition of techniques based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was a huge step forward. Though no other program could match our level of success, there were still some clients we could not help. Continuing the search for a way to help everyone fly comfortably and confidently, I earned a master’s degree at Fordham University, became licensed as a therapist, and then went on for several years of postgraduate study at the Gestalt Center of Long Island, the New York Training Institute for Neurolinguistic Programming, The Masterson Institute, and seminars on neurological research.
Coupled with years as an airline pilot, this advanced training in psychology gave me a unique perspective on how to help people overcome their fear of flying. Since feelings of anxiety, claustrophobia, and panic develop unconsciously and automatically, any effective solution would also have to work unconsciously and automatically. This took years to find. But, as brain scan technology began to reveal the inner workings of the mind, I was able to find a way to control feelings automatically when flying. Now, almost ten thousand people who were afraid to fly have the whole world open to them! It is a great satisfaction to receive their e-mails and share their joy. Here is an example:
I just wanted to write to thank you for the tremendous resource you provide, and to let you know that SOAR helped change my life. I used to cry from anxiety every time I boarded a plane and have nightmares every night for a week before flying. Today I fly 3 to 4 times a week (!!) for business and am an international speaker flying more than I ever thought possible. I would never have had the courage to pursue these opportunities without your course. I want to especially thank you for the free materials you provide online, as I first took your course when I was a starving graduate student making only $1,000 a month. I was not able to afford more expensive counseling, and you really changed my life. Ten years later, I still recommend your content to anxious fliers I meet, and I think of your lessons often when I fly. I just wanted you to know how grateful I am for your service to all of us anxious fliers, and you show so much compassion, wisdom, and kindness in sharing this help with us.
People all over the world have completed SOAR. There are clients in Australia, New Zealand, Japan, China, Thailand, India, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Poland, Greece, Italy, Germany, Switzerland, France, Brazil, the UK, Canada, and, of course, the United States. Available also in Spanish, SOAR has reached anxious fliers in Spain, Mexico, Argentina, Chile, Peru, and Ecuador, to mention a few countries. And now, for the first time, I am able to offer it to you in book form.
But why is flying such a problem? With the earth firmly beneath our feet, we can approach what attracts us, and withdraw from what unnerves us. If there is real danger, we can run. Mobility means security, both physically and emotionally. Flying takes away our most basic way of regulating feelings.
On the other hand, flight expands our mobility one-hundred fold! Rather than five mph on foot, we can cover five hundred mph when aloft. That’s marvelous. But, expanded mobility requires commitment. It necessitates placing our destiny in someone else’s hands. It things go wrong, there is no escape. How could we possibly not have concern?
Anxiety begins when faced with making reservations. It increases as the flight approaches. Claustrophobia—the feeling of being trapped—may set in once the plane door closes. Takeoff gives rise to doubts. Is the plane struggling? Will it get off the ground only to fall back? Amazingly, the plane finds its way upward, suspended by some invisible means. As the initial crisis passes, a bigger challenge awaits. Here is how one client expressed it:
I could manage the takeoff mostly because it doesn’t last that long and I loved the landing because the flight was almost over. It was the time in the air and the turbulence that struck fear and terror in my heart. Even when there was no turbulence, I was afraid that there would be, and that kept me in a high state of terror for the duration of the flight.
Physically, the safest part of the flight is cruise. Emotionally, it is the riskiest. Being high above the earth defies all reason. A car sits solidly on the road. If there is an accident, it is easy to imagine stepping out and walking away. But flying is different. First, there is no escape. Second, nothing seems to be holding up the plane. It only seems right that with nothing holding it up—nothing that can be seen—the plane should fall. Accidents prove they can; or so the anxious flier thinks while waiting for turbulence to make the plunge happen.
“So many things could go wrong. If anything breaks, the plane will fall like a rock. I have no control. There is no way out.” Anxious fliers try to shut out these thoughts by staying occupied. But it also means praying for their only salvation—smooth air—for if turbulence strikes, dreadful thoughts will rush in. “What if the pilot loses control? What if the plane falls out of the sky?” Thoughts of disaster loom larger with each jolt, until finally, all is lost and sheer terror sets in.
Landing accounts for the majority of accidents. But, since the ordeal is almost over, there is little if any distress as the plane nears the ground. This paradox illuminates the psychological nature of this fear. Fear of flying is not just about crashing. It is not just about not being alive. It is about feelings. The anxious flier fears that feelings—far worse than he or she can endure—will arise. And, unable to escape, there will be nothing he or she can do about it. As one client said, “Yes, I know. Flying is a hundred times safer than driving. But if my car crashes, it doesn’t fall thirty-thousand feet first!”
Those who suffer from this fear wonder how others fly with so little trouble. What is the difference? For an answer, we need to understand the systems that regulate emotion and how their operation differs in the anxious or fearful flier.
The Urge to Escape
Anxiety, fear, claustrophobia, or panic? Take your pick. All of these feelings are caused by high levels of stress hormones. Stress hormones are released when tiny parts of the brain, the amygdalae, sense anything unfamiliar. The hormones activate systems that determine what we feel, and how intensely we feel it. One of the systems, the Mobilization System, responds to stress hormones by producing an urge to escape. However, at the same time, a high-level thinking and decision-making system called Executive Function is activated. If this system is well-developed, it overrides the urge to run, assesses the situation, and, if called for, develops a plan of action. When Executive Function deals with the matter, by dismissing it as irrelevant or by committing to a plan of action, it signals the amygdalae to end the release of stress hormones. The urge to escape disappears.
If it were not for Executive Function, we, like some creatures, would bolt if a stranger were to appear, or if anything unexpected were to happen. Worse, imagination would rule us. Mere imagination that a stranger might appear would cause us to hide. We would speed away from any place where something unexpected could happen.
Indeed, there are individuals whose Executive Function is so poorly developed that their regulation is based primarily on mobilization. When a stranger appears or something non-routine takes place, the urge to escape overpowers them. If they cannot escape quickly enough, stress hormones build up and cause panic. In some cases, the very idea that escape might not be instantly available triggers panic. If so, these people may remain home where, by ruling out all possibility of encounters with strangers and situations they do not control, they hope to avoid imagination-based panic. This condition is called agoraphobia.
How Relationships Affect Emotional Regulation
If the release of stress hormones is due to encountering an unfamiliar person, yet another sophisticated system, the Social Engagement System (SES), is activated. According to researcher Stephen Porges, Ph.D., this system unconsciously reads the person’s facial expression, voice, and body language. If the reading indicates the person is trustworthy, this system produces a calming effect.
The Internal Replica System (IRS) serves as a database for the Social Engagement System. It records a person’s relationships with others and with the environment, particularly those that took place early in life. When facing a challenge, replicas that represent supportive relationships stabilize the person emotionally. On the other hand, replicas of unsatisfactory relationships destabilize the person. Thus, the Social Engagement System stabilizes or destabilizes a person emotionally based on his or her personal history stored in the Internal Replica System.
For some individuals, this sophisticated system regulates stress hormones automatically, unconsciously, and reliably. At 30,000 feet, fully aware that others are in control and that mobilization is not an option, the person remains regulated and comfortable.
In other persons, automatic unconscious regulation is not well-developed. They rely on Executive Function to consciously control every situation. If unable to control the situation, they may become unable to control their emotions. Knowing control can be lost, they feel secure only when, the Mobilization System, with its immediate escape, is available as a backup.
When flying, Executive Function faces its most daunting challenges during takeoff and in turbulence. Every unfamiliar movement—and every unexpected noise—triggers a release of stress hormones. Each release demands Executive Function’s full and undivided attention. With one stress hormone release after another, Executive Function is hard-pressed to keep up. If it is unable to promptly certify that each and every movement and noise is of no concern, stress hormone levels rise. If hormone levels rise too high, Executive Function collapses. It relinquishes control to the Mobilization System; its answer—escape—can’t be acted upon. When neither the sophisticated Executive Function nor the primitive Mobilization System can end the release of stress hormones, claustrophobia, high anxiety, and panic result. How can this be changed? How can emotion be controlled in flight?
The Pivotal Difference—Psychological Development
When flight attendants close the cabin door, the Mobilization System—our inborn way of regulating emotion—is blocked. Can sophisticated systems take over and regulate our emotions when stress hormones are released? Sophisticated systems are not innate. They require development. If their development is not adequate, when the door closes, the passenger feels—and indeed is—out of control. The difference between an anxious flier and a non-anxious flier is the neurological and the psychological development of systems that, if well-developed, regulate emotion automatically and unconsciously.
For the most part, development of these systems takes place—or fails to take place—within the first two years of life when the brain is growing rapidly. A child’s neurological wiring is organized not only by its genetics but by its experiences. Full development of the child’s emotional regulation systems depends upon interactions that take place between the child and its principal caregivers during that all-important period. In general, the more emotionally available, the more empathic, and the more attuned the caregiver, the more sophisticated the child’s emotional regulation systems become. This is a serious matter; the most important studies a child will ever engage in take place during the two-year period of rapid brain growth.
The Internal Replica System
The mental replica of a steady relationship can steady a person emotionally. As the child’s brain is developing, the Internal Replica System needs to establish the most important replica it will ever possess; it records the essence of the child’s relationship with its primary caregiver. If properly established, when the caregiver is not physically present, the replica keeps the caregiver psychologically present in the child’s mind. In an emotionally secure relationship, the child senses there is a place exclusively reserved for a replica of itself in the caregiver’s heart and mind. If so, it is never a case of “out of sight, out of mind.” Profoundly valued, the child trusts the caregiver to return.
With adequate development, when facing a challenge, replicas provide emotional stability. Just as a replica of the primary caregiver—usually the mother—keeps her real psychologically when she is absent physically, a replica of Mother Earth keeps the earth real to us when flight removes us from it physically. For the fortunate child, when he or she becomes an adult, there are emotionally stabilizing replicas within. The child who intuitively used replicas of others to maintain psychological contact with them when they were away intuitively uses his replica of the earth for psychological security when in flight as an adult.
If the Internal Replica System is not well-developed, the person must rely on physical connections. When physically disconnected from the earth, it is—emotionally speaking—as if the earth has ceased to exist. This loss of physical connection profoundly undermines the person’s ability to regulate his or her feelings in flight.
The Social Engagement System
If well-developed, the Social Engagement System automatically and unconsciously overrides the effect of stress hormones. This system senses the facial expression, body language, and voice quality of a person physically present. If the person is sensed as trustworthy, the Social Engagement System constrains heart rate and provides calming. Integrated with the Internal Replica System, the Social Engagement System can override the influence of stress hormones based not only on a person’s physical presence but also on a person’s psychological presence as a replica.
Replicas include characteristic facial expression, body language, and voice quality—the kind of data the Social Engagement System uses when determining how much calming to apply. Depending upon the quality of the relationship it represents, a replica can be a source of emotional stability or of emotional instability. Replicas of emotionally secure relationships can provide the Social Engagement System all it needs to counteract the effect of stress hormones, override the Mobilization System, control the urge to escape, and provide a sense of calm.
The Executive Function System
Well-developed Executive Function has integrated pathways of communication between the conscious mind and the unconscious processes that regulate the release of stress hormones. Integrated development takes place in the first few years of the child’s life if its relationship with caregivers is adequately supportive (discussed later in this book).
If not well integrated, Executive Function can regulate anxiety only when the person is in control of the situation. For example, highly competent people—doctors, lawyers, and CEOs—may thrive in stressful occupations. They regulate anxiety exquisitely when they are calling the shots. Yet, they become flooded with anxiety when control and escape become unavailable in the air.
Speaking of control, one of my clients was a New York City undercover cop whose career was so colorful that a television series was based on it. He said he had no fear on the streets, dealing with mobsters, or even in a gunfight, because he knew he was in control. Certainly, I would doubt that the level of control was as great as he felt it was. But, in any case, he could not fly. Without the idea—whether accurate or an illusion—that he was in control, he had no way to control anxiety. He was able to develop internal resources that allowed him to fly comfortably and confidently, as you will when you have completed the program prescribed in this book.
The Objective—Automatic Regulation of Flight Anxiety
If you are an anxious flier, or a non-flier, this book can provide the internal resources necessary to regulate anxiety by automatically regulating the release of stress hormones. The information and techniques offered here will help you to fly as others do. Feelings you have been unable to control consciously can be controlled unconsciously and automatically.
It will not take long. In fact, the shorter—and thus the more focused you are on this project—the better. A week to ten days is ideal. I’ll show you step-by-step what you need to do.
Skeptical? Of course. How could you not be if you’ve tried everything without any success? Most of the people I have worked with had tried other things and failed. They believed, at least in their case, that nothing would work. Fortunately, since this isn’t faith healing, it works whether you believe or not! So give it a whirl. Whether you want to help yourself, or you’re a therapist trying to help a client, you will find here the tools needed to effectively treat flight phobia.
Motivation? I wish I could offer you motivation like Fred Melamed, an announcer for CBS Sports, was given. For twenty-five years, he didn’t set foot on an airplane. But the opportunity to work at the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan, was too good to miss. “I had to do it,” he said. “It was like a million dollars in a bag—I just had to pick it up.” After SOAR, he made the thirteen-hour flight to Tokyo. He later flew to London and Paris. When the Wall Street Journal asked us to find someone to interview whose fear of flying had impacted their career, he bravely volunteered, and thus we can mention his name. As you continue, you will read quotes from other clients; their names, however, are withheld or changed to protect their privacy. Recently, I received this wonderful letter from Fred, who is not only doing well with flying, but has had great success as an actor.
I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I took the SOAR program in late 1997 in order to fly to Japan to work as the Voice of CBS’s coverage of the 1998 Olympic Winter Games. I was interviewed in an article in the Wall Street Journal about the effect the course had on me, which was profound. My fear was so daunting that I had avoided flying entirely for over twenty years at the time I took the course in preparation for the non-stop flight to Tokyo. Since that time, I have not only thrived as a voice actor, but I have also had a resurgence in my career as a regular actor as well, having appeared in several Oscar-nominated films and many television programs. Since I took the course, I must have flown over a hundred times, and I can honestly say that in the majority of cases, I actually enjoy the experience. My work requires fairly frequent travel to locations or California (last year I flew to the Canary Islands off the coast of Africa for a Sacha Baron Cohen film called The Dictator), and none of this would have been possible if I had not started flying again. I am writing just to let you know about what has happened to me, and to express my gratitude once again.
I could say that motivation is up to you. But since motivation can be suppressed by believing you cannot succeed, I need you to understand that, regardless of what has happened in the past and regardless of what you have tried, advances have been made that can allow you to fly comfortably and confidently. The problem is no longer how to successfully treat flight phobia. The problem is proving to those who doubt that the tools needed for success have been developed. They are here.