Ending Your Fear of Flying
I have to say SOAR has done a lot for me and has gotten me on planes, reduced my anticipatory anxiety, and improved my life—thank you! I now look to plan vacations all over the place regardless of flight time, etc. Looking back, I realize that one of the things that keeps me flying is the pride I get from making that choice to go to the airport and get on that plane. At first it was for others—my family or those I was traveling with—but I notice lately it is now primarily for me. I know that this upcoming trip will just be another success for which I can be proud. I have found the SOAR program helpful in other areas of my life. My therapist thinks the program is brilliant.
Overall, there are two things you need. One is intellectual and one is emotional. Intellectually, you need to be satisfied that flying—though not absolutely safe—is safe enough to do. Airline pilots do their job day in and day out. They are neither foolish nor fearless. You never see pilots leaving the job due to concerns about safety. To become as confident as pilots are about safety, you need to become a mini-expert in how flying works. You will learn about the various systems needed for flight, and how they are checked and rechecked. You will know that if a system fails during the flight, the plane switches automatically to a second system. If the second system doesn’t work properly, the pilots switch to one of the backup systems. And, if that backup system doesn’t solve the problem, they can switch to another backup system, or if necessary, to an emergency backup system. Pilots know the score. They feel more secure in the air than on the ground. Why? Because, in the air, they have more control than on the ground. The greater the control, the greater the safety. The greater your knowledge of the “ins and outs,” the greater your feeling of safety.
When driving, you feel secure because your most basic system of emotional control—the Mobilization System—seems available as a backup. If you crash your car, you can imagine stepping out of it onto the ground. Though everyone knows some crashes are more serious, being able to imagine stepping out of the car is helpful in controlling anxiety. On the other hand, whether it is an elevator or a plane, the thought of one’s exit being blocked causes distress. Though there is no physical exit during flight, there is an engineering exit. For every device needed for flight, there is a backup device. These backup devices are just as physical as the earth is. Though you can’t step out onto these devices like you can step out onto the earth, pilots know they can “step” from the device they have been using to a duplicate device that has been just sitting there waiting to be used. The idea of stepping from an incapacitated device to a second, or a third, or a fourth one needs to become as real to your Mobilization System as stepping from an incapacitated car onto the earth. As you come to appreciate the control the pilots have, you will be satisfied intellectually about your safety.
But, what about emotional safety? Fear, anxiety, claustrophobia, and panic are caused by excessive stress hormones released by two small clusters of brain cells. Each is the size and shape of an almond. Thus they are called, after the Greek word for almond, the amygdalae. The amygdalae have an important job to do. I think of them as having a job similar to that of the smoke alarm in your house. When your smoke alarm detects particles in the air, it attracts your attention by making a loud noise. When the amygdalae sense anything non-routine, they attract your attention by releasing stress hormones.
If you were a flight crew member, your amygdalae would regard the noises and motions of flight as routine. But as a passenger, your amygdalae regard them as non-routine; they respond with a release of stress hormones. During takeoff and turbulence, a series of noises and motions can cause one release of stress hormones after another. Stress hormones can build up. When they do, they cause high anxiety or panic. To control these feelings, we will train the amygdalae to limit the release of stress hormones when flying. Later, I will teach you, step-by-step, how to train the amygdalae. The procedure you will use to train the amygdalae is called the Strengthening Exercise. In two or three sessions, each lasting twenty to thirty minutes, the Strengthening Exercise will establish links to automatically regulate the release of stress hormones so you are protected from high anxiety and panic when you fly. The Strengthening Exercise is mentioned in the following e-mail, one that illustrates what you can look forward to. The e-mail also mentions an exercise I will teach you in the next chapter, the 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise:
I did it. I flew by myself without anxiety. It is unbelievable to me and I am still in shock. I have been terrified of flying for many years. I have flown before, but not without terror and I have avoided flying whenever possible. I have tried everything—hypnosis, alcohol, and tranquilizers. Nothing worked to alleviate the terror.
I was skeptical of the SOAR program. How could this possibly work? But, I took a leap of faith. I dutifully did the Strengthening Exercises over and over. That’s where SOAR separates itself from the rest of the programs out there. The Strengthening Exercises are the key.
On the day of the flight, I had some anxiety, very little compared to my usual. The plane was late and then they announced we would have to wait for a while because there were mechanical issues with the plane. I began to go into my old way of thinking, that this was an omen that I shouldn’t get on the plane, that the mechanical issues were going to make the plane crash. Then I thought, the mechanical issues could be something as simple as a burned-out lightbulb or a toilet that had overflowed. I did the 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise and stopped the “fake” movie in my head. I separated reality from fiction and, miracle of miracles, my stomach stopped hurting and I was able to immediately calm myself.
During the flight, I was calm. When the pilot said we were cleared for landing, I was calm. When I felt the plane not land, but head up again, I was calm. When the captain came on and said the winds had changed and he had to come around at another angle, I was calm. I can’t even believe I am writing these words. I was calm.
When I bought the SOAR program, I only wanted to be able to get on the plane and fly without terror. But, it has given me so much more than I could have ever expected. I actually look forward to my next flight and when I look up at the sky and see a plane flying, I get excited that the whole world is now open to me.
Twin Fears
Two fears are likely to arise. One is that you will fail. To try one’s best and still fail is devastating. The other fear is that you will succeed. That may seem strange, but if fear keeps you from flying, you may think fear is protecting you, keeping you from doing something you shouldn’t do.
Life assigns us certain jobs. It might appear that our task is to avoid all risk. If that seems reasonable, take another look. It is not life, but an overprotective parent that assigned such an impossible task. Life cannot be lived without risk. Everything we do—and everything we don’t do—involves risk. If we exercise, we risk injury. If we don’t exercise, we risk heart disease. The task life assigns us is not to avoid all risk but to balance risk and reward. Travel can be rewarding. Flying is one of the safest things you can do. As you become a mini-expert in how flying works, you will know why.
If You Have Never Flown, or Haven’t Flown in Years
I just wanted to say “Thank you!” This past weekend I flew for the first time in thirty-nine years. I was somewhat nervous on my first flight from New York to St. Louis, mostly with anticipatory anxiety. But, you’re right. Once I was on the plane I was really fine. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t think about the trip back even once while I was away.
Since stress hormones are released by what is non-routine, it should be no surprise that stress hormones are released when facing the unknown. In medieval times, it was common practice for cartographers to draw sea serpents on maps in areas that had not been explored. Stepping into the unknown can make your first post-SOAR flight difficult. Subsequent flights are a breeze. The e-mail quoted above continues:
Getting on the plane to come back to New York was no problem at all. I actually thought I was beyond help and would never be able to get on a plane, but now I can’t wait to make plans for another trip. Unbelievable! Thank you again.
The Schedule for Ending Your Fear of Flying
The process of ending your fear of flying needs to be under your control. My recommendation is that you complete the project in a week to ten days, enough time to finish this book and to do the exercise that establishes automatic control. If you complete the process quickly, you reduce the risk that you will set it aside thinking, “Maybe I should wait until I have to fly.” Not a good idea. Finish as far ahead of flying as possible, so as to minimize anticipatory anxiety.
Preparation is everything. What you do ahead of the flight protects you automatically during the flight. There is nothing you need to do on the flight itself. Preparation will train your amygdalae—the part of the brain responsible for releasing stress hormones—to disregard the noises and movements of the plane. Once the amygdalae have been trained, you will be able to fly as others do.
There are only two things you need to do: Finish the book to take care of the intellectual part of the process, and complete the Strengthening Exercise to take care of the emotional part of the process. Though some readers might like to have every step of this process spelled out, detailed instructions can feed a person’s perfectionism. In this endeavor, it’s not necessary to do things perfectly to reach success. As to the Strengthening Exercise, two or three times is enough. If you want to do it more, that’s fine. If several weeks pass between your Strengthening Exercise practice and a flight, do the exercise once or twice shortly before your flight as a refresher.
You will feel anxiety as you prepare. Anxiety does not mean you are not doing the exercise correctly. You will feel some anxiety when you have completed your preparation. Anxiety does not mean you are not adequately prepared. In both cases, anxiety is the result of the amygdalae doing their job. They produce stress hormones whenever you do something non-routine, or even imagine doing something non-routine. Preparation is a process. It is important for you to be in control; do not allow anxiety during the process to control you. Do not let anxiety prevent you from completing the preparation.
Everyone seems to think that SOAR might work for others, but it won’t work for them. Expect to think that. Expect anxiety as you think forward to taking a flight. Doubts may persist until you have completed a few flights, enough to be convinced that the automatic control will work every time.
We can control stress hormones during flight once we have trained the amygdalae. But we can’t control anxiety on the ground while you are training your amygdalae. As you do your training, if you feel anxiety, immediately use the 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise in the next chapter. Why? Once stress hormones are released, they force you to focus on whatever triggered their release. That focus causes . . . guess what? More stress hormones. It’s a vicious cycle. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 to break the cycle. As the stress hormones burn off, you will regain the ability to focus your mind as you wish. Use this window of opportunity wisely. Don’t return to the thoughts that caused anxiety in the first place. As you finish the 5-4-3-2-1, plan ahead. Find something better to occupy your mind.