Chapter Nine

Calista could not hear the band playing over the roar of her heart in her ears. She hoped she appeared calmer than the way her insides shook. When Gage asked her to dance, the world tipped on its side. She should have said no, run from the place, but her emotions poured out of her mouth with a resounding yes. Yes. Hold me. Yes. Dance with me. Yes. Still have feelings for me.

She could not read more into this moment than it was. He asked her to dance because he’d taken pity on her. She probably did have a sour look on her face while she took her frustrations out on that beer bottle. And she hadn’t been all that nice to him when he sat down next to her.

She glanced up to find him looking at her. The intensity in his brown-eyed stare sent shivers over her skin. She wanted to run her fingers through his thick, full, wavy hair. Instead, she gripped his broad shoulder tighter as he moved her around their little space on the dance floor.

His earthy, masculine scent drifted toward her and rendered her hotter than she already was. She could blame the crowded dance floor for the extra heat, or she could be honest and say that no man had ever made her light up like a brush fire the way Gage Ryker did.

When she was with him, her shoulders straightened a little more. Gage was the fabric of this town. He’d garnered respect taking care of his family’s ranch until he graduated from college and went to the police academy. Which only gave him more admiration from the people of Backwater. He was handsome and funny and protective of his loved ones. He could have had any woman, and he had wanted her. Until she dumped him.

The band started up an old Phil Collins song. She expected Gage to step away from her, but he tugged her closer to him, only not so close that they touched. She tried to ignore the disappointment taking up residence in her belly. She wanted to feel his hard chest against her. She’d have to settle for the touch of his strong hand on hers.

“How are the renovations coming?” His words tore her away from her errant thoughts.

“Okay.” Terrible.

Her father would not allow her to take Ava’s bedroom apart. They had fought about it after Gage had left earlier. Dad had even poured out two cans of paint before she could stop him. She didn’t want to tell Gage that. He might encourage her to fire Justin. She believed in her heart that Justin needed this job as much as she needed to give him the job to help her heal from losing Fox. Or because she needed to mend her heart some way, and nothing had worked before now.

“Do you have enough help?”

“I’ll manage. I might need a contractor for the plumbing issues. And I found rot on the deck and the dock.”

He turned her on the dance floor. She tripped over his feet and fell against him. He pressed his hand on the small of her back to keep her in place. Her heart lodged in her throat. She would do something stupid if she stayed pressed against him. Her body was remembering what it was like to be beneath him.

“I can make some calls for you if that would help. I know a few guys looking for work.”

How was he staying so calm through all this touching? He made it look so easy, as if he didn’t miss her at all.

“No, thank you. I’m sure you’re busy enough with your own job.” Plus, she had Justin, which he seemed to have conveniently forgotten.

He shrugged. “Do you want to get some air?”

“Air?” What did he mean by that? Did he mean go outside? With him? Alone?

He laughed a thick, juicy laugh. “Let’s go for a walk.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He gripped her hand and led her back through the crowd. He shoved the glass door open.

The sticky warm air wrapped around her like a wet towel. “Where are we going? Kennedy is expecting me to help her.” She needed to stop him, but her treacherous feet disobeyed the orders her mind yelled.

“Let’s walk down to the lake. We won’t be long.”

She skidded to a stop. “I think that’s a bad idea. I mean, the last time we went down there…the lake…people will see us from the bar. Do you really want to walk with me? I mean, I don’t mind the idea of a walk, but it’s late and it’s us and it’s…oh, I’m rambling.” Heat flushed her already hot face.

He released her hand. She wanted to grab ahold of him to steady her racing nerves, but she kept her hands at her sides, empty and longing for his touch.

“It’s just a walk, not a marriage proposal.”

A small laugh escaped her lips. “I’m being ridiculous. Let’s go. For five minutes. Then I have to get back to work.” She was playing with fire and couldn’t seem to stop herself.

The second-story bar gave access to a staircase and the path to the lake, but they went out the front. From the parking lot they followed a cobblestone path and a short set of stone steps.

The crowd had moved out onto the deck. No one paid attention to two people walking on the boards toward the dock. She had allowed her nerves to get the better of her, but being with Gage always kept her on the edge of excitement. Sometimes she missed that breathlessness only he could cause. She was tired of the sadness always fighting for a place in her existence. He had been the part of her life before there had been so much hurt and loss. Was it wrong to have just a little of that even for a few minutes tonight?

The sound of laughter and clinking glasses mixed with the deep thump of a bass drum became the soundtrack for their walk. She wanted to take a chance and touch him again, but she didn’t. The touch would burn, and she would remember how good that burn was.

He smiled down at her. “This isn’t so bad, right?”

“Right.” Her voice caught in her throat. “Thanks for this. I needed the peace and serenity of the lake.”

What would it be like to just grab him and kiss him? She wanted to feel his soft lips against hers. He might want her too. The dance had to mean something.

“Are you enjoying your visit to town? Besides the robbery, I mean.” He sat down on the edge of the dock. His long legs dangled over the side.

She sat beside him and stole a glance at his jean-clad muscular thighs. She tried not to picture the scar that ran down the side of his left leg from the time he fell off Silver Bell. That scar was as sexy as his smile. “Things are different this time. I’m making changes to the B and B, and my dad doesn’t like it.”

“You’re just trying to help him.”

“He doesn’t see it that way. He thinks I’m making him forget about Ava. I just want him to have guests again so I can go back to my home in the city and know he’s okay without me.” She didn’t think she could go back to that apartment. She could tend bar anywhere. Maybe it was time to drive out to the West Coast and start over in Oregon or something.

“When are you leaving?” He traced his thumb over the top of her hand.

His touch drove her mad. She couldn’t sit here with him as if nothing had ever happened between them. Her thoughts of wanting him and wanting to avoid him waged war in her head. She pulled her hand away. “It’s hard to be here with you like this. It reminds me of what we had, and we don’t have that anymore.”

“I never wanted things to end between us.”

“We couldn’t stay together.” She turned her gaze away, afraid the look in his eyes would have her leaving all sense behind. Her feelings for him were a betrayal to Ava.

“We might have been able to help each other back then. No one else understood what I was going through. Even my brothers didn’t completely understand how I felt. You knew me like no one else did.”

“I had my own hurt and anger to deal with. I couldn’t help you. I should get back.” She pushed up to stand. They were coming dangerously close to the ugly wound of their past.

He stood too. “Don’t go. Please let me say this. I should have been able to stop Ajay from getting involved with those guys. If I had, they would both be here now. That shoot-out was my fault.”

“Why, Gage? Why didn’t you listen to him? Why didn’t you help him when he asked you?” Tears choked her. She sucked in deep breaths to keep from breaking down. He had had the power to make it all right. He had always been her protector, and when she needed him the most, he hadn’t come through.

Tears filled his eyes too. “If I could go back.” He stopped. That was all he would give her. He was never good at sharing his emotions. He hadn’t been raised that way.

She didn’t know what to say or how to go on. Her heart had been broken in so many pieces for so long she didn’t even know how to put it back together. Her fingers sought out the bracelets on her wrist. The lake rippled beneath them like a black satin sheet moving over two lovers. She needed to get her mind away from those kinds of thoughts.

“I can walk you back to the bar.” His voice held a note of defeat.

“Wait.” She was about to do something she might regret, but she had to end the tug-of-war between her head and her heart.

He looked up at the sky, then back at her. “Let’s not pretend we’re friends or even okay with each other.”

“Gage, you don’t understand.” How did she make him see her confusion?

“Here’s what I know. If the bullet had only been an inch in the other direction… Ava was gone by the time I got to her. My feet moved, but the distance between me and her only grew longer. It seemed like forever before I was on the ground beside her. When I couldn’t feel her pulse, I knew in that second I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I let everyone down in a way I could never make right. I can’t forgive myself. How can I ask you to forgive me?”

“I don’t remember you going to her.” Her mind clicked through the reflections as if they were photographs in a filing cabinet. She begged her memory to give her a small inkling of that moment, but she came up empty.

“Well, I did.”

“I remember the gunshots shattering the sounds of people having fun. I remember you racing to Ajay. I went to Ava. She wasn’t breathing. I held her head in my lap and smoothed her hair away from her face. Ava had always hated when her hair tickled her nose.”

He stared off toward the lake. “I scrambled over the ground to stay out of the line of fire. I reached for her. I wanted to move her behind the spinning wheel game where she’d be safe, but she was already gone. Maybe if I had moved faster…I don’t know. Maybe nothing would have mattered.”

“Gage, I…” She had been wrong this whole time. She’d believed he ran to Ajay first and left Ava alone lying on the ground. She had selfishly wanted him to save Ava, which would have meant he had saved their relationship. Fear, anger, and hurt had trembled inside her like an earthquake that night. It still did.

When the gunshots had broken open, she had ducked and covered her ears. She thought Ava was at the cotton candy machine, but she had been right there. During the seconds it took to open her eyes and realize what was playing out in front of her, Ava was on the ground and Gage was with Ajay.

She hadn’t closed her eyes for seconds.

It had been minutes.

Shame on her.

“We can’t change the past, and that means we can’t be together. You’re right about that. You’ve always been right. Whatever feelings I have for you are tangled up in who we were. I’ll keep my distance.” He turned to go.

“Gage, wait.”

“What?” He turned back and threw a hand up.

Instead of talking, maybe she could show him she hadn’t understood until this moment. There had been too much talking. She stepped closer and placed a hand behind his head to pull him close. She pressed her lips against his and prayed he wouldn’t pull away and embarrass her. His lips were soft, and his kiss unsure at first. But then he clung to her with an urgency. His arms wrapped around her back and crushed her against him. A kiss wasn’t a complete betrayal to Ava. Ava would understand a kiss.

She held on to him for dear life as her tongue found delectable passion. She brought her hands back to his neck and pulled him closer. White-hot light of pleasure exploded behind her eyes while she traced his teeth and his lips with her tongue. Without more from him, she might become delirious with desire. She let out a small moan.

He tangled his fingers in her hair and tugged her head back. The gesture made the heat run between her legs like lava. Her hands sought the lines and angles of his chest through the fabric of his shirt. If they didn’t slow down, she might tear his clothes off right there on the dock.

She had hidden her emotions so far down and for so long her life played on automatic. Fox’s death had been the final nail. She couldn’t remember the last time her insides came alive. Every nerve was on overdrive, and she loved it. She wanted more of life again.

He broke the kiss and pulled away. She stumbled in the space between them. Her heart pounded in time to her heavy breathing.

“What’s happening here?” He arched a brow.

“I think we’re kissing.”

“Why now?”

“Do we have to talk about it?” She didn’t want to talk. She wanted to feel him against her. Preferably without clothes on. That thought got caught in her breath. Sex was more than a kiss, but in his arms the person she was before the tragedy seemed real again.

“Is that a pity kiss?” Anger brimmed in his glare.

“What? Of course not.” She did want to take the pain off his face, if only for a few minutes, but she would never pity him.

The heat between them cooled with the breeze from the lake. Her skin tingled with goose bumps, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

“Don’t kiss me again unless you mean it.” He marched away without another word. He didn’t turn back to see if she followed or if she was okay.

Which she would never be again.